Anxiety: That frenemy you don't know whether to love or hate.
So you read the title of my post and probably said WTF.
I know what you might be thinking, what is there to love about anxiety? This crazy condition in which you are forever in a mental state of fear, apprehension and overall tension over past, present and future events, encounters, situations, responsibilities, relationships etc. How can you find an optimistic way to view anxiety?
Having suffered from anxiety all my life, I can definitely tell you that living with it can sometimes be the worst. You fret over what just happened, that look that so and so gave you two years ago, that time when you failed your math final, that paper you have to turn in in two days, getting into grad school, who you are going to marry, how you are going to get your kids through college... You get the idea.
I used to hate that when I finally felt relaxed or happy, something always had to come along to burst my bubble. I lived my life based on this unconscious premise that I do not deserve peace of mind or tranquility. There is always something to do, something to accomplish or something that might go wrong. You suddenly feel this tiny little voice in your head (more like a neural shock wave) that is perceived like a little reminder of the possible things that can go wrong, all that you have still not yet completed, and a list of all the possible ways you can fuck up and ruin your life in the near future.
Over the years I had to learn to live with it. I discovered nothing happened if I said something that someone did not agree with. The sky did not fall to pieces when I spoke my mind, failed to do my homework, lied to my parents or made an ass of myself trying to motivate my mediocre classmates into believing in a cause greater than getting shitfaced on a weekly basis.
By understanding and learning to live with anxiety, I have even come to appreciate its perks. I would describe myself as a type-A personality. I am a perfectionist. Nothing is ever good-enough for me. Sure, I might seem like a monster, but being this way has gotten me very far in life. I have high standards and don't settle for less. I have also developed an impressive pet-peeve for grammar mistakes and people whose arguments have logic holes the size of Kim K's bottom.
I might like it or not, but anxiety is a part of me. It has been my close companion from a young age and it has definitely shaped who I am today. Anxiety helps me be productive, stay on top of my game, think quick and manage many tasks at the same time. It has helped me to get used to demanding high quality work from myself. It has helped me become ambitious and successful thus far.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not undermining the terrible consequences of this "disease". Believe me, I should know it can be very crippling. I just also know that it has no cure, and embracing your shortcomings in life, especially if they are such a part of you is something I have learned is the only way to "beat" them. Sure, being worried all the time is not something to love (especially when it interferes with your daily life), but, at least for me, it is best to treat it as my friend. Who says friendships are perfect anyway?