Not doing well today.
Or yesterday.
Pretty much all week to be honest with myself.
Don't get me wrong, I made it through another week. Yay me I guess 🙄 kinda wish I hadn't though.
I genuinely have no idea how I'm supposed to deal with feeling like this. Just going to work, coming home and sleeping isn't enough for me.
I miss (which is not a strong enough word for this feeling) the connection we had. Just seeing you and being able to talk to you without feeling like you don't give a shit anymore.
I used to just feel numb inside when I got really low but this time my heart aches, my body feels weak.
You are all I can think about.
I've tried to just "be friends" or whatever the fuck that is but I can't.
Now I'm trying to distance myself, and that's making it worse.
Might just sort the last box of your things out, get you to pick them up and then tell you I'm going away for awhile, don't know where or for how long but I'm not going to be around and then just end it all.
Truth be told just to know that you even remember I exist would be enough to keep me going but right now I don't know if I can.
All the things that I thought we were going to do and see just gone.
I don't want to be apart of this world without you.
Truth is I'm scared to be alone and you were all I had and I fucked it up because you couldn't settle your differences with someone else.
I'm lost.
I feel so alone.
Think I might be out of here.