#itsay thoughts

[sapphorarelyreads]

so, i just casually watched 2-3 itsay and ipytm edits on YouTube and now my eyes are crying and my chest it feels achy, i miss them, i miss oh-aew, i wish someone would love me like oh-aew loved teh, that's the biggest gift i can ever get.

[skamamoroma]

I can’t quite get “Last Twilight in Phuket” out of my mind.

I’ve seen so many people say that ITSAY was a masterpiece and that it stayed with them in quite a fundamental way and I’d 100% agree. Everything from the scenery to the music to the way P’Boss shoots a scene to Teh & Oh’s relationship feels warm and familiar and moving.

Seeing them again and as a total surprise and getting to see them in their home, in Phuket (which was 100% a character in p1) and having an insight into their happiness and comfort in the place they belong is not only a gift for people who adore ITSAY but also necessary before we see them move on. The tone was so perfectly done, pitching between blissful happiness and melancholic worry it would all be taken away.

It moved me so much. I’m sure most of us know that feeling Oh felt when he was overwhelmed, standing by the sea in the place he calls home with the person he calls home knowing he loves both and feels content but also feeling frightened of the unknown, already feeling shut out a little from his own safe space by the closure of their private beach and all of the changes he started to see. It’s that feeling of being lost, up ended, having your comfort pulled away from you and I thought the whole 14 minutes perfectly encapsulates what it is to grow up and to be forced to keep moving forward even if you want time to stand still. It made me cry watching Oh’s tears run down Teh’s back... cry in a way I’ve realised ITSAY and that whole universe can cause so easily!

The score was so perfectly scattered through it too and I don’t know of anyone who watched ITSAY who didn’t fall head over heels with the music. It made the show what it is and to hear those familiar sounds was just instantly comforting and familiar and emotional!

But the overwhelming factor for me is, yet again, the attention to detail. The red and blue shirts that they’ve now owned as their colour pallet, the shadowy shots of the iconic locations, the way the bars of their tutor school fell over their faces showing how distant they are already starting to feel before they’ve even left, the significance of them riding in the side car together again and the way Old Town was cast in darkness as they rode away only for the fairy lights to gradually turn on and frame the moon - their next step!

P’Boss, Billkin and PP make magic together and I never ever needed a Part 2 or anything more than Part 1 because it was so perfect for me but I just know I will miss P’Boss’s stamp on things. I guess this is why this little surprise felt so special as it was his magic once more.

Not to mention BK and PP’s chemistry. UNMATCHED. Honestly, some of the most sweet and natural and endearing chemistry that there is truly barely a need for words often, so much of their dialogue is silent. They mastered that in ITSAY and they’ve just got better. The way they use movement as a story telling device will always impress me.

The dynamics between Teh and Oh are so beautifully developed from where we left them. Teh had stood at the sunset and cried because he felt at peace again, he had found some comfort in his own skin after struggling for so long and Oh had been given what he wanted so badly - reciprocation. We got to see Teh’s glorious development from not being able to articulate himself emotionally and being so wound up tight to seeming so chill and mesmerised in his happiness next to an Oh full of confidence and sweetness who just welcomes ever shred of Teh’s weirdness and the edges of his still existing struggle. Teh felt shy, couldn’t quite be tactile in that moment the way Oh wanted but he just smiled, told him if was ok and while still pushing a little (which is GOOD for some like Teh). He did what he always told Teh he’d do - he was attentive and observant. Teh doesn’t need Chines characters or tutoring or metaphor to explain himself anymore.

To see Teh saying “I love you” and speaking out his feelings was so moving and I am endlessly grateful for P’Boss and the writers for that. It had to be him. It shows how far he’s come and that he’s owning his own feelings. To see Oh so adored even while he’s struggling was the perfect mix of contentment and melancholy as they watched the sunset. It’s THEIR sunset. They owned it, made it their thing and found so much comfort in it. It represents so much for them and the fact the day was centred around sunrise to sunset, watching them cherish their final one together is just absolutely the most meaningful thing the writers could have done. They are now adopting the moon, trying to find a new thing that they can make theirs and isn’t that what Part 2 seems to be about? This idea of growing and changing and being forced to face what it is to grow up - it’s scary and you do change. Those struggles are hugely relateable and so human. Change, however, isn’t always bad and they have taken that first step towards it by accepting their sunset cannot be the same anymore but perhaps the moon can replace it?

At the moment they’re in “twilight” and I adore the fact that we get to see how they reach the next phase (pun entirely intended!). I just know that whatever Part 2 is, Part 1 and this little surprise today are so perfect to me and so moving that they are enough. Now I need to go cry again 😭

[skamamoroma]

IS P’BOSS TRYING TO KILL ME.

I just woke up and how I have Teh and Oh-aew being all stupidly cute and weird, the ITSAY score and a little homage to Part 1 but all full of that feeling of “everything is going to change”. That was so perfect I don’t even need Part 2. I heard the music and just cried...!

The fact they sat in the side car together and watched the god damn sunset is NOT LOST ON ME in terms of how meaningful. I wrote a whole post about their Royal Side Car and how it’s so meaningful and now it’s even more so!

Seeing them trying to make the day special and to remember their home as they are and Teh really pulling out all the stops to do all of “their” things but then that melancholy of knowing it may all be changing beyond what is recognisable and that you might not be able to get back what you had... ugh I know that feeling and seeing Oh cry was heartbreaking

But Tehhhhhhh. He was so lovely and even though he’s shy and a little slow to feel at ease with the world around him and even though he probably feels the same way, he’s just there trying to be good and to make it special. He was even trying to be all romantic and open with his feelings which... he ain’t good at normally. I am so proud of him it made me cry.

ALSO Oh being all patient and sweet in kind of a parallel to when Bas held his hand but knowing Teh is Teh and giving him the time to be ok with PDA. Oh just looked so charmed and smitten at Teh’s weirdness. He’s happy letting Teh does his weirdo thing and it made me so happy because that’s what I’d expect from them. He told Teh as much on that boat all that time ago.

But that montage of the special places in Part 1, the music (I can never handle the ITSAY score), all the red and blue, the shot of them eating Hokkien Mee in the place they started to be friends again and seeing them wake up together rather than calling each other from their beds - all transitioning into them deciding if they can’t watch a Phuket sunset then they’ll have to watch the moon instead.

And once again, this show was so clearly made by and with LGBT+ folk in focus, it just feels that way so overwhelmingly.

How dare P’Boss make me cry in bed this Thursday morning? 😭

[skamamoroma]

I am stacking up so many posts about this god damn show that I am going to be posting about for what feels like forever but on rewatches, I just can’t get over the physicality of the way BK plays Teh and how emotionally complex he is.

He’s a delightful, silly, tortured, intense, sensitive, kind, kinda arrogant, complex and emotionally stunted soul and I love him. But what I find so fascinating when I watch him is how his lack of ability to verbalise sometimes comes out in really specific ways that show just how difficult he finds expressing himself:

Sometimes he just rushes half a sentence out to have it said before he realises what he’s doing and then takes ages to finish it... he does it a lot early on with Oh when the stuff he wants to say is tough to explain but he still feels he can try aka “I don’t like when you place me on the same level as the rest of our friends” and “please don’t give my time to someone else”.

Then when it all starts being too much and he can’t verbalise, he sometimes chooses his signature “tutoring” or Chinese. I have a whole post on the use of Chinese and how it’s used in so many beautifully meaningful ways but i don’t think I’ll ever handle Teh using flash cards on the boat to say the words TRUST, CARE and SAD and the way his voice wobbles when he says that last one because he needs Oh to read into it and know he’s choosing those words for a reason

The way he handles himself sometimes when he’s struggling to verbalise or is in an emotional spiral is absolutely mesmerising. He rolls around on the floor, touches his neck, scratches things, smacks himself with his bag, drapes himself on stuff, leans on things and a whole load of other ways to just EXPRESS because he can’t work himself out and just doesn’t know where to put himself. The most perfect example is the entire boat scene... the long drawn out shot of him losing his god damn mind across the seats! So so good

Even when he’s with Oh he’s often much more focused in but their playfulness often comes out of his delightful weirdness. It’s like their blowing on each other and stuttery movement around each other or the way they just do spontaneous stuff just to catch the other off guard or to get a reaction

The thing that makes it ever so sweet though is that Oh-aew finds it charming... and he often just loves to play along. Like on the beach with the hibiscus flowers, Oh giggles and finds the weirdness endearing and on the beach the day after, Teh is so inside his own head and Oh lets him do his thing, let’s him wander around and run and follow and go through his stuff but then knows Teh we’ll enough to be able to briefly pull him out of his head: he tells him to just do what he wants to and gently dismisses Teh’s classic “lets go tutoring” defence.

And then you get a Teh who is calmer, more chilled, more confident and more in the moment for the entire afternoon (even if he does lean on his Chinese lyrics to speak for him on the cliff a little but we can let him off, he did good that day!)

And it’s just so beautiful because didn’t Oh say on the boat that if Teh can’t tell him things then he’ll just have to be more observant and... well, isn’t he? Oh studies him so often and gives him that time and chance to use so many methods to explain himself. The way Oh guides Teh’s hands after their swim/kiss is so gently helpful, guiding him and helping him make sense of what’s happening as Teh does his adorably weird things and resorts to just collapsing against him... it’s Oh who tries to read it all and find a way to ground him

It happens over and over and over in the show in that same way and it just solidifies that their relationship is not only one that means they each provide something the other hugely lacks and they benefit from each other but they’re so accepting of the other and willing to try to decode the other. By the end, Teh being about to “speak first” and being so much more visibly comfortable with himself is just breathtaking to watch. No wonder he cries at the sunset. The relief to not be as trapped inside himself.

And then I cry because of the song on the soundtrack “Can’t Translate” and I only found out the the Thai version of the name of the show: “Translate my love with your heart”. 😭 is there any part of this show that isn’t perfect and a gorgeous extended metaphor?

[skamamoroma]

“I Told Sunset About You” - How did this show make COCONUTS emotional?!

I know some people have already written about this and it has been talked about a lot but I promised @londongirl2001​ that I’d write a ‘little’ post on it - this one is for you, love!

I feel like this is a good place to start where coconuts are concerned because not only are they a metaphorical representation of Teh’s developing feelings but also as a characterisation of Oh-aew and a representation of something ‘good’ and full of fortune and luck. When all considered, it’s such a damn clever way to connect all of the above ideas and also to send Teh into such a significant tail spin over a scent, dude ends up almost smothering himself more than once!

Two facts relating to coconuts are established pretty clearly from the outset:

Oh finds the smell of coconuts calming/soothing as his signature scent 

Teh hates them, finds the smell gross 

The fact they established this ‘conflict’ so early made the progress all the more delightful and painful to watch.

Coconuts representing Oh-aew was a genius move. Many things are used to symbolise Oh in this show but coconuts being his chosen scent, something is decided for himself and is kinda proud of is just so lovely, right? It’s another Oh thing to have a signature scent and to own it so hard. He’s like, yeah, this is my ‘thing’, it’s calming and soothing and I have adopted it as part of who I am. It’s so perfectly HIM and so like him to be so bold in terms of who he is. It’s sweet too because I don’t know about anyone else but throughout the whole show, I felt like Oh would smell lovely… like, it affected me knowing he always smelled of coconuts and now adorable and endearing that must be to people around him. He’s a Phuket boy, always at the beach and the idea he smells of something so connected to that environment made him even more magical to me.

So you have Oh characterised by this soothing, sweet, natural scent and Teh being entirely not into it. Hoon offers him a coconut as a sign of fortune and luck and Teh’s like, nah, GROSS, DISGUSTING, NEVER WOULD I EVER. He physically recoils when he smells Oh’s scented pen and it’s this clear sense of boundary. It’s clever because it’s that boundary that exists in terms of Teh’s head and how he views their connection… he doesn’t really have a sense of romance or ‘feels’ at this point but he still NOTICES. The moment in the evening when he drops Oh off at the pier and Oh teases him with his ‘smell my hair’, it’s this lovely extended metaphor for Oh’s presence being so full on for Teh. We know he feels SOMETHING. He paced the entire restaurant with jitters until Oh arrived and then offered himself and all of his tutoring tools especially for Oh, feeling oh so happy he could be someone special to him… and Oh’s there at the end of the night like ‘remember I smell like coconuts, Teh?”

And I feel we need to take a moment to just bask in the sweetness of Oh’s coconut pen. It’s kind of iconic at this point, right? (Apparently they made it especially for the show and it wasn’t bought so they really did go all out to make Oh the loveliest, didn’t they?)

I love that their tutoring sessions must have been coconut scented with Oh always using his pen and I kinda love that Teh must have got used to it over time as they spent more and more time together… but we get this huge shift in feelings where Teh’s all over the place trying to work out why he wants to be something other than ‘just another friend’ and then once he’s got to grips with that and tried to play matchmaker for Oh and Bas, why he goes a little insane at the idea that Bas is taking away ‘their thing’ and ‘their time’... his poor jumbled up brain can’t work stuff out and then we get the boat scene.

I’ve written about it before but this is my favourite scene in the entire show. I love it SO much for so so many reasons but I, personally, think this is the moment Teh fell in love. It’s the moment when Oh says everything above… and if Teh isn’t able to opem up then Oh reassures him that’s ok too and he’ll try to work him out. For someone like Teh who is just so very internal and confused and scared and knotted up, having someone say that is so precious, so special and you can see how much it affects Teh (his eyes in that gif above break me). I think quite a few things slotted into place in that moment as to why he was going out of his tiny mind a little… and IMMEDIATELY after that, when they’re playfighting we get the “why do you smell so good?” moment with Oh confirming it’s the same smell as always and Teh’s ‘oh shit’ moment right at the end of the episode because the thing that characterises Oh and the thing Teh really DOES NOT like have become something he finds yummy (I love that he uses that word!), stays up late to eat and smother himself with in the dark restaurant… hahahaha. I mean, it’s a sorry sight on one hand but, on the other, it’s so completely sweet. He’s really just smitten and still trying to sort his head out but if it reminds him of Oh, he wants all of it, right now, in any way he can get it. I laugh and smile and want to cuddle him at the end of that scene when you think he’s going to get up after he’s eaten the coconut and he just face plants back into it again. I LOVE HIM. The metaphor is so solidly established as… the distance has gone, Teh is fully in his feelings and poor guy is a mess because of it. It’s why all of his encounters with coconuts when Oh isn’t around are kinda weird and I love him for it…!

So thus begins Teh’s habit of smothering himself in coconut smelling items and after the hammock, after knowing Oh has feelings for him and kinda admitting his own, he’s doing his whole “I don’t know where to put myself or what is happening so I’m going to roll around on my beautiful rug and pace around my room and rub Oh’s Chinese notes all over my face because they smell like him and I want to see him and I’m going insane, help” thing. Which is totally another favourite scene for me…! BK kills those physical moments. Seeing Teh sit there with green ink all over his face like ‘FFS, I’m going mad’ before standing up and walking out of his room with the sole intention of having it in person rather than rubbing stuff all over himself as a replacement, hahahaha.

I love that when Teh has Oh close and don’t need to inhale actual coconut or smother himself with tutoring notes, they SHARE actual coconut juice. That shot of them riding the scooter with them both sharing the coconut juice, this two and fro. To me, it’s like this sense of when they come together, the confusion seems to always stop. By the end of moments where either one is confused or isn’t saying everything… they always manage to get to some conclusion by the end and so there’s no uncertainty, there’s this symbiotic sense of sharing and being together and kinda being a unit. So Teh happily drinking coconut juice and sharing it with Oh is so full of acceptance and closeness, it’s very lovely.

I ADORED that we got to see Oh washing his hair, clearly inhaling the shampoo smell and we got to see that he genuinely DOES find it calming. He clearly has this really soothing bath time and it’s this reminder that he’s actively sure of himself, kind of in control of who he is and how he conducts his life (which is why the red bra scene breaks my heart into pieces every time but that’s for another time)...

The final few moments for the delightful coconut metaphor are, for me, so emotionally laden with the themes of the show, it makes me a little misty eyed but DOESN’T MOST OF THIS SHOW. When we see Teh drive up to Oh as he’s starting his vow, Teh’s sidecar being loaded with a shit ton of coconuts is both beautiful and so symbolic of how he has genuinely changed. He’s no longer hating the smell, he’s not rubbing is all over his face to try to work out his feelings… he’s bringing the coconuts to Oh and doesn’t care at this point. Aside from the fact Teh fills Oh’s rucksack with coconuts - dude has to run far, Teh, what are you doing - there’s thing lovely sense of Teh knowing what they mean to Oh and how soothing and calming they are AND how Hoon told him they represent good fortune and luck. It’s so sweet of Teh, means a lot in the context of their story and is this emotive way for Teh to show how he understands himself so much more and how he can be so much more calm and focused on WHY he’s doing things. He seems so much more confident and in tune in those moments, almost CARING for Oh actively rather than in a chaotic OTT way or accidentally. It’s like he can work himself out now and is able to say ‘this is for you, I know what it means, I think you’ll need it”. AND THEN THEY DRINK IT TOGETHER, in sync and Teh of all people manages to almost flirt!! I know the in sync drinking was intentional from the documentary but I’d LOVE to know why P’Boss did that. For me, it’s this sense of them both being on the same page now… this sense of the fortune and health that the coconut symbolises being present for both of them in their personal growth to have them both together and both embodying this feeling of peace for a while.

And this is where I realise I’ve written an essay about coconuts… but ONCE AGAIN, this show makes everything meaningful and I love it so! 

[skamamoroma]

I need to take a moment to recognise how much Oh-aew loves how weird Teh is. So many moments to name and discuss at essay length but the way Oh smiles at Teh after his best friend was just like “by the way, I’m hitting on Oh... ahhh just a silly little joke, aren’t I so funny?”

Oh is thrilled. He smiles so wide at Teh’s utter ridiculousness. Teh is blessed because us weirdos need an Oh who doesn’t just understand you but delights in your weirdness.

Bas is an angel, an honest to god sweetheart, but something about Teh and his complexity and down right batshit ways alongside his intensity just fits with Oh’s sensibilities and I feel like, as a couple, they’d be absolutely fascinating. Give me it, Part 2. Give me Teh being all weird about stuff and Oh being completely giddy about it

[skamamoroma]

In Part 2, I can’t wait to watch Teh going through it again, whatever IT is. He’s the most fascinating.

That moment he sits with his old friends, telling them “everyone is my friend” while he’s openly telling them he’s a virgin and writing INTIMATE repeatedly in his book... desperate to rationalise whatever the hell jealousy and confusion he’s feeling.

And the fact it drives him to dress up in his old school uniform just to be able to rush out a half explanation to Oh.

And standing in the archway he even has the AUDACITY to suggest he was chill all along when it’s Oh who works him out gradually and helps ease his mind (for now). He’s the weirdest and most complicated and I LOVE HIM.

Oh is an angel of patience 😂

[skamamoroma]

BECAUSE I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT THIS SHOW UNTIL I WRITE ALL THIS DOWN: “I Told Sunset About You” - each other’s flaws, rivals and how the ending is so god damn hopeful and full circle it keeps making me cry etc.

Ever since I finished ITSAY, I’ve wanted to write a post about the theme of rivalry verses the fact that, in the end, Oh and Teh teach the other and give the other things they miss from their lives and how this story is quite possibly top of the list when it comes to the most romantic, most meaningful, most stunning example of that. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it or able to summarise how much emotion and lingering thought it leaves you with because it’s just humanity at its most lovely. The entire last sequence was something I rewatched the other night and it had me sobbing. I’m still just so stunned at how all of these little threads are tied together, how BOTH get what they need and have the most beautiful cyclical but developed stories and it ends in so much emotion for them both even outside of each other. AND THE GOD DAMN SCORE OVER THE END SCENE KEEPS POPPING UP ON MY PLAYLIST AND MAKING ME CRY WHEN I LEAST EXPECT IT.

So, I love that the show begins with the idea that Teh is chasing his dream. He’s in his audition making it happen and still, he thinks of Oh-aew and includes him as the reason he wants to succeed. We get their backstory and the idea that Teh’s passion for acting and especially playing Yongjian is wrapped up not only in his wish to pursue that career but also in proving a point to his mum and brother. He sees a chance to impress and be something because, as he said, he doesn’t see anything else in himself that could make them proud. Teh’s dream, triggered by Yongjian - the role - is kind of all encompassing with THAT Uni and THAT dream. It’s all wrapped up in one. It’s clearly part of the reason that Chinese is something he has this focus for and he comes back to it, even uses it to learn.

The fact that, as kids, they part on such bad terms because both effectively realised they wanted the same dream, both felt they each couldn’t have it at the same time, they were stubborn and selfish and gate keeping. Teh felt threatened and as if his unique selling point and passion was being stolen and Oh felt impassioned for once but then betrayed by a friend he thought would support him but didn’t stop to consider how effectively stepping into the one role Teh dreamed of as a kid could be a sore spot. It was all so childish and petty but when we see them as young men, they’re still those same people. They haven’t changed all too much and so we get to see their growth side by side, for good or bad.

The use of RIVALS as the first Chinese word, the word Teh writes on his test paper and the foundation of what they think they are to each other becomes so meaningful as they grow and we only see the growth through their flaws from that point onwards. 

Teh’s flaws being in terms of his emotional growth and ability to be comfortable in his own skin and express himself and Oh’s in his finding drive, passion, focus and learning to believe in and apply himself. The other excels in the area that the other has flaws. Oh is so in tune with him emotions; he’s sure, confident, expressive, honest, open and affectionate. Teh is so driven and able to apply himself and never gives up, knowing he can do it that he’s a force to be reckoned with and even a little arrogant with it. 

For me, THE most beautiful thing about this story is how both of them learn that lesson from the other and how the process is so detailed and wrapped up in so many other facets of the show. It’s so god damn stunning to watch each of them help the other and then learn/grow so that when they both stand at the sunset, they are different people.

Teh’s impact on Oh is significant. It’s all wrapped up in Ke Yi… he teaches Oh that he CAN DO IT. He encourages by providing his books, he tutors, he teaches so that Oh can understand, he pushes him to focus, he gives advice on how he can improve, he wakes up at 4am to encourage Oh to study… he makes him the idioms book, he never stops offering guidance and when he feels that he’s the reason all of Oh’s hard work has been for nothing, he gives up his spot to Oh. The fact that Oh goes very serious when they first have a tutoring session and asks Teh seriously - help me - has such a profound impact on Teh and his self worth, you can see how him being able to help makes him feel good. They are no longer rivals - Teh is helping him in every way he knows how and will not let Oh fail. 

On the cliff, the conversation they have is so unique. I love the way that Oh says ‘never stop competing with me’. He knows the impact Teh has had on him and how good Teh’s influence is on him. He knows that his friendship with Teh has helped him see he CAN do it and has given him a boost. The fact that after RIVALS, Oh recognises that that might not be such a bad thing if competition can help you find your focus and can help you develop!

The fact that Oh makes his vow always makes me a bit misty eyed because he’s not being lazy anymore, he’s not sitting back. He’s being so active in his dreams and the belief in himself and he tells himself that he WILL succeed and be able to tell the sunset he did it. Him asking Teh to run alongside him is just… EMOTIONS… because Teh is the one he knows he needs by him.

And we see why. Because half way up the hill during their rehearsal, Oh stops and has a moment of wanting to give up and Teh doesn’t let him. He tells him they can sit for a while but they mustn’t give up… and you can see Oh thinking about it, looking at Teh and then deciding he has to carry on. Teh even helps to push him up the hill, always the encouragement.

And in the end, Teh is there by his side, doesn’t need to push Oh because he has learned and towards the end, Oh even overtakes Teh as they run. I remember in the documentary, Boss the director even telling BK and PP to run in a specific order too so I’m sure this was intentional. Again, THIS SHOW. 

The fact that Oh gets to the cliff and realises the sunset isn’t visible and it’s TEH who tells him that a Uni student wouldn’t give up, that they’re not done yet and it’s that last little gentle push with the words (cue me crying on the floor) “That’s right. Still a long way”. THE MEANING BEHIND THOSE WORDS. You can see that Oh feels heartbroken for Teh not getting his dream but the fact that Teh has come so far that he can encourage in that way, can recognise his own happiness for Oh’s achievements because he loves him so much. He is able to swallow his own disappointment and pain of not quite getting his dream because he’s proud of his friend and Oh’s feelings come before any of that RIVALRY. Talk about full circle.

And then you have Oh’s influence on Teh and it’s monumental. Teh’s entire arc is his journey towards feeling comfortable in his own skin, to know himself, to like himself and to feel he knows who he is. Oh doesn’t need this. Oh is so endlessly sure of himself in the loveliest way and when he’s not, he’s not frightened to be honest and open and wears his heart on his sleeve. We saw how easily he loved Teh and showed it. As they get closer, the way Oh KNOWS Teh is stunning. He may not always be able to read his thoughts but he knows how to handle Teh when he’s struggling. The amount of moments when Teh is close to impossible to understand, Oh watches him, listens, is so attentive and then on so many occasions, tells Teh he can talk to him and that there will be no judgement. Oh is so gentle with him, so understanding and so encouraging to use Teh’s tells or his quirks to try to get him to open up. He’ll allow him the time and space to work himself out. The beach scene is so beautiful for that because there’s Oh being all lit up that Teh is there and Teh just has no idea where to put himself, how to behave or what to say but only knows he wants to be near Oh. The words Oh tells him, to just BE and do what he wants have such an impact because Teh changes in an instant to being more relaxed. AND I CANNOT EVEN WRITE ABOUT THE FACT THAT THESE TWO IDEAS COME TOGETHER IN THE ‘MALE PROTAGONIST’ SCENE… do not. Because that’s Oh trying to speak Teh’s language to try to help him with his feelings and trying to work out their emotions and it’s Teh leaning into the constant wish to help Oh (even if he uses it as an emotional crutch or a safe space when he’s all in his feelings!). The way that Oh is so affectionate and loving and ALWAYS first to speak is the kind of ‘all in’ someone like Teh needs. Oh KNOWS Teh has feelings for him and doesn’t ask DO YOU, he asks HOW LONG. He’s so patient on the boat allowing Teh the silence and then returning to sit down and give Teh the time to try to sort himself out and SAY SOMETHING. Teh is the kind of person who says I love you in weird ways and who expresses his affection through unusual means and Oh knows it - the “message me when you’re home”, “I’ll get up at 4am to tutor you”, “yeah boys whatever, I’m not taking the time to make you flashcards, who’d do that”, a handmade book of chinese idioms made pretty with pictures and flowers - the list goes on...

My favourite moment to show how in tune Oh is with Teh’s inability to tackle his own emotion is after their first kiss. That entire scene, Teh does his usual and collapses with his head on Oh’s shoulder. He can’t process his emotions but Oh lifts his head and pushes his hair back… then Teh distracts from his feelings by playing with the hole in Oh’s vest and Oh takes his hands and puts them on his own face...then Teh jokes by playing fighting and Oh takes Teh’s arms and puts them on his shoulders. It’s a scene ENTIRELY speaking in touch because they don’t speak at all for that whole moment but the words are all there and the subtext is overwhelming. He guides and is just so sweet with Teh in helping him work out how to express himself. The fact that he even resorts to using Chinese on instagram to try to get through to Teh when he’s going through it is so meaningful. 

It’s what makes the way Teh behaves in the end sequence SO meaningful. He’s so relaxed, comfortable and chill. His looks are sure, his eyes aren’t scared anymore and he’s there FOR Oh. He’s not wrapped up in his own head, he’s so attentive towards Oh - running with him, buying him a coconut, helping him pack his bag, encouraging him to the Cape when the sunset doesn’t quite appear… and he’s playful. His blowing Oh’s face and walking backwards with the coconut and making silly faces - they’re all Oh moves and Teh’s only able to be this way BECAUSE Oh has been so kind to him and has taught him how to be. 

The sunset shot will always make me cry. That moment Teh just stands and looks at the sunset and sighs and ends up crying is so unbelievably moving - I have no words, honestly. It’s his peace and comfort. He looks like he’s eventually able to breathe and the way he just allows himself to cry and FEEL. God, it’s blissful. I think that shot is what keeps haunting me in the best way because it’s so utterly gorgeous and emotional. The way Oh walks towards him and the way he LOOKS at Teh even though he can’t see. 

“You came, finally”

“Well, I had to take care of a new uni student”

THE FULL CIRCLE FEELING OF THOSE TWO STATEMENTS. Teh is speaking first, being forward and knowing what he wants to do and Oh has succeeded in his dream. Those two moments they touch the other’s arm to say ‘it’s ok’ because they just CARE. There is no semblance of rivalry left, just pride and/or emotion in where the other has ended up. 

The journey from rivals to finding value in that, finding friendship again and learning from the other and falling in love along the way is just made so overwhelmingly meaningful and powerful because of the way each step is framed, how HOPEFUL the ending is because even without the romantic element, it’s so beautiful. Oh being his typically brave self asks first about them but the fact that he says himself that he’s ok to not have anything more other than Teh in his life is so lovely but the fact Teh chooses to be the one to speak first and to be brave himself and shows how much he has learned by asking for more is just the most perfect ending. AND I AM STILL NOT OVER IT ALL, CAN YOU TELL.