#itsmzhyde

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{PHARAOH TARGARYEN AND EMPRESS STARK. 

AKA: CARRIE AND MYSELF.}

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*Discussing this 'God Killer' business*

Me: SHE IS KINDA SCARY THOUGH, SERIOUSLY

Carrie: YOUR CHARACTERS USUALLY ARE.

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Pharaoh's reaction to Theo and his bullshit with Sharna

Carrie: THEO CALM YO'SELF

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Happy Birthday, Pharaoh!

Yes, I am aware there's only a couple of hours of your birthday left but I promised to write you a Shattered Glass AU for Sharna and Raziel since you ship them. So here it is! I hope you like it! 

The Archangel had been a constant presence in her life since her adolescence and he had no doubt being watching over her since infancy; she had resented him for it at first, found him stalker-like and irritating and nothing pleased her more than attempting to make his time on Earth a misery in any way she could; whether it be through continuously insulting him or unnecessarily getting into serious trouble and knowing he’d have no choice but to come to her aid.

And that single fact had begun the turning point in her opinion of him: Whenever she needed him, he was there. It had gotten to the point where she didn’t even have to pray to him, he just knew when to show up. It could be for a simple piece of information or to save her life when she’d underestimated the severity of the situation, it didn’t matter what he’d always show up. She’d put it down to simply being his duty at first, she was his charge after all. However, one incident changed that belief slowly but surely.  When Nicoleta the Witch had summoned the spirit of the mother Sharna had never known and left her something of an emotional wreck upon her departure back to whatever afterlife there was; Raziel had been there to (attempt) to pick up the pieces. Most Angels were not very good at providing comfort, despite the fact that so many prayed to them and their Father seeking just that, but he’d tried. He was aware when it came to talking about how she felt, the Vampiress was not very good at it and so he’d simply held her. It had been awkward for the pair of them but she couldn’t help but remember how warm he was.

Normally, Jago would have been with her and she’d remarked once he was like her own personal radiator but if the Skinwalker was a radiator than Raziel was like the sun in comparison; burning hot and brilliant. She’d been surprised, but she knew she shouldn’t have been, the grace of an Archangel was bound to burn with such intensity.

It was from this point on that Sharna had found herself unable to hate or resent Raziel, no matter how hard she tried. She couldn’t dislike him for being aloof when she herself could be, nor could she dislike him if he did terrible things for the greater good when she had a ‘the end justifies the means’ mentality when it came to most things required of her. She even found she began to like other things about him: his faith in his Father for one thing, even when He seemed absent; his fascination with ‘human’ things like the internet and cars and takeaway food; how sweet-natured he was with children (If ever there was a way into her good books, that was it.); how rather than grumble when she called him ‘Feathers’ as he used to, he gave the faintest hint of smile than seemed so vibrant on his face; how every now and then she’d manage to get a glimpse of part of the ‘real’ him through his human guise.

Oh, how she hated that. She should not like him; she should loathe him with every fibre of her body, mind and soul. He’d constantly rained on her parade as a teenager, stalked her to the point she was worried he’d pop up when she was taking a shower, and dragged her into Hell on Earth. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. And she knew exactly why, and admitting that fact to herself made her want to grab a machete and cut her own head off.

So here she was, sat on the patio of a lodge in Whinfell Forest lent for her by her boss, waiting for Raziel to show up after giving him a ‘Psychic phone call’ as Brinley had put it; watching the occasion squirrel scurry by whilst listening to the ever-present chorus of birds in the trees above. She was fed up of having to deal with the constant frustration the Archangel caused her and whilst she was not particularly good at this sort of thing, she could no longer handle it. He needed to know, regardless of his reaction.

The familiar sound of the fluttering of Angel wings rang out and Raziel appeared as Sharna blinked. His eyes seemed to bore into her soul as they always did, and likewise she was as transfixed as she always was by their shifting blue-green colouration that seemed to change like the colour of the sea depending on the sky that day. The Archangel was baffled by her silence, and he stared at her curiously before finally uttering “Yes?” in an attempt to gain some form conversation.  The Vampiress blinked and then blinked again, pulling herself to attention. “Feathers, I was beginning to think you had ignored my call. Sit.” The immortal gestured to the chair opposite her and the Archangel took a seat, still not having a clue as to why he had been summoned. “You know I always answer you as soon as I can, I would have been here sooner but I had other things to take care of first.” Sharna lent back in her chair, trying to act as normal as either, she gave a light ‘Hmm’ as Raziel spoke; her attention was pulled onto a rabbit darting through the undergrowth twenty metres away. She was starting to have second thoughts about this; the thought of telling him made her want to vomit. Literally. But that was a normal thing, wasn’t it? When people were trying to tell others how they felt it made them feel sick to their stomach.

“Is something wrong? Usually you’ve made your purpose of asking for me apparent by now; I’m at a loss for what you could want. You are on a break from your duties as far as I am aware.” The Archangel tilted his head a little, still peering at the Cold One curiously, Raziel knew her and knew her ways; of course he would know when something was out of place, moving her eyes back to him, Sharna gave a barely visible nod. “Yes, I am on a break, you haven’t missed anything there. That’s why I asked for you to come here.” The Vampiress shifted in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs whilst tugging on the ends of her hair. She usually did not fidget and Raziel was quick to notice it; and he could not tell if that grabbed his attention more than her most recent statement. “I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure I understand. You aren’t on duty and clearly nothing here is out of the ordinary or you’d have made that clear by now… I don’t see any reason for you needing me here.” The Vampiress sighed in frustration; she wanted to slap herself for forgetting they need most things spelt out for them. “Did it not occur to you that maybe I just wanted you here? I’d rather not be on my own, it’s not exactly fun.” Sharna almost laughed at how taken aback the Archangel looked at the notion of her wanting him around, he’d probably fall off his chair when she told him why she wanted him there. Now that would be priceless.

“I’m still not certain I understand… You want me here? Me? Why did you not ask Jago or Violet to accompany you if you didn’t want to be alone? I’m sure you’d prefer the company of your friends to myself.” The Archangel questioned, furrowing his brow. God, sometimes Sharna just wanted to smack the six-winged twit on the back of the head. She didn’t want to state everything. Why couldn’t he be a being who could ‘catch the drift’ as it were. “Jesus wept,” she muttered to herself, earning an irritated glance from Raziel. “No, as it goes, I wouldn’t. And believe when I say the fact I’d rather have you here than them infuriates me to no end and I want to hate you for it but I can’t.” the words came out through gritted teeth and Raziel’s confusion continued to grow; for a being with supreme knowledge he was awfully thick in Sharna’s eyes. “You’ve lost me again, I’m afraid. You’d rather have me, the person you dubbed your stalker when you were an adolescent here than the person you’ve been closest too since you were a child? Have you done something to upset each other?”

“No you great twit, of course we haven’t! When do I ever fall out with Jago? For the love of God, is it that hard to grasp the fact that I want you here. Not Jago, not Violet, not anybody else. You, Feathers.” She hadn’t meant to raise her voice, but she was irritated with herself, how she felt and him. He infuriated her so much and yet she still wanted to be around him. The Archangel looked at her as if she had just grown a second head. “Yes, actually. You cannot stand me so I find it odd that you would want me here when you are meant to be relaxing. I’d assume I would be one of the last people you wanted to see here.” “Well, you aren’t.” she replied sharply, she couldn’t do this, she couldn’t tell him. “Very well then. May I ask why you want a person you hate here or will asking you another question result in you quite literally biting my head off?” Great, now he was trying to make a joke, this couldn’t go on. “I don’t hate you.” The words were barely audible, her throat practically closed up; Sharna lifted her gaze to focus on Raziel, his eyes locking on her own. She bit her lip so hard she almost drew blood. Shit, she couldn’t do this. “You do not hate me? Then why do you act as if you do?” A sigh of defeat left Sharna’s lip at the question, and she pulled herself up from her seat with what appeared to be great effort. She took a couple of steps towards Raziel, and from that distance she could feel his grace burning so gloriously inside of him. She couldn’t do this, but she had to. “I act that way because maybe then I will actually grow to hate you. I act that way to try and make you dislike me. I want to distance myself from you because it’s better than feeling the way I do, it’s better than feeling a physical ache every damn time I look at you because of how intensely I really feel. That’s the trouble with my species. Every emotion we feel is intense; it’s why we try so hard to be so cold and distant.” Sharna wanted the Earth to swallow her up as the words tumbled out of her mouth; the paleness of her face was offset by the blood rushing to it. She was blushing, she never blushed.

 Raziel stared at her, not quite blankly but as if he weren’t fully looking at her, rather mulling her words over in his head. Moments later, everything seemed to click into place and the Archangel stare turned to that of disbelief. Well, he didn’t need everything said as bluntly as she had thought. He rose to his feet slowly, still not uttering a word and reaching out, placed his hands on her shoulders, he didn’t need to say anything because Sharna knew that meant she had to look at him, as much as she didn’t want to. Raziel had wanted to tell her to stop joking because it wasn’t funny, but the look on her face, the way she’d fidgeted and how seriously Vampires took any affection they felt told him she was not playing some form of twisted prank on him. Sharna wanted him to say something; anything was better than how deafening his silence was. What felt like eternity passed (In reality only a minute.), and finally the Archangel spoke, still keeping his grip on her shoulders. “You mean to say, that you do not hate me but in fact feel the complete opposite. You love me?” He could scarcely get the words out of his mouth, the concept just seemed to ridiculous; Raziel had always cared for her, first simply as his charge but as she had grown from a child to an adult he’d felt the shift in his emotions. He’d kept it hidden because he believed she hated him and because he shouldn’t have felt that way, he was assigned to watch over her; romantic attraction should not have occurred and yet it had. Hearing the word ‘love’ out loud terrified Sharna, but that was how she felt, she knew it was. She nodded her head at him. “Yes. Yes I do.”

At her confirmation Raziel hesitantly pulled her closer to him; her coldness a great contrast to the heat that radiated from him. Sharna was caught completely by surprise by the gesture, but welcome it as she wove her own arms around his back and grasped his dark shirt lightly. Once again, she could feel the intensity of his grace and it was wonderful, being this close to him and having the unsaid confirmation that he returned her feelings was wonderful; as if some kindly rambler had stumbled upon the remains of a long since burnt-out fire and happily rekindled the embers until the blazed fiercely. She made no move than do anything but hold him; He was an Archangel after all and if ever ‘Taking it slow’ applied to any relationship it was this one. “Will you at least refer to me by my name now?” The Archangel mumbled against her hair and the Vampiress found herself laughing, wanting to slap him for ruining the moments with his attempts at humour. “I’ll call you whatever you want now, Feathers,” She replied, moving back slightly so he could see the grin on her face. “As long as you agree to stay with me, here. You still haven’t given me an answer.” For what Sharna believed to be the first time in his life, a genuine smile crossed Raziel first, and if she’d thought his attempts to smile made him vibrant, his actual smile was positively glowing. “Of course I’ll stay and not just for your break, for as long as you need. We do both have eternity, after all.” And for once, Sharna didn’t want to hit him for being down-right cheesy; she merely continued to grin, because however cheesy it was, it was completely true. They did have eternity and right now, it had never looked so good.  

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After what had happened with Rick, Sharna had promised herself she wouldn’t get so attached to another person in such a way; certainly not a human and most definitely a human who up until two years ago had had no experience in the realm of the supernatural.

So why did her stomach flip in that sickening way every time she looked at him? Why did she smile at him simply because he smiled first? Why could he get away with referring to her as ‘Hika’? She knew the answer to all these things, of course. She simply did not want to admit it to herself, she pondered it often enough, as she was doing now. She’d just ended a video-call with him about ten minutes ago, and she’d been sat contemplating how she felt about him since then.

He was scared of her, and he never tried to pretend otherwise as some humans did; he was well aware that she had the ability to kill him. And yet, it didn’t push him away. He still wanted to talk to her, wanted to be around her; he had been pulled into the world of the supernatural and confronted by a woman who was of the same race as the monster than nearly killed him and yet… he enjoyed being around her. It was baffling, but the very notion of such a thing made her happy.

For all he was a soldier, he was incredibly gentle; on top of having strong devotion like many soldiers had. She could see in his eyes he had seen things that no person should be exposed to; and as much as it haunted him he did not let go of who he was. His duty was the most important thing to him because his duty was protecting others, especially those he cared about.  Looking into his eyes was like see elements of herself reflected back at her; and it was beautifully tragic to her.

He made her laugh without even trying too; he had a passion for baseball and yet he was absolutely terrible at it, he’d always miss the ball when it was thrown at him, he was a good catch, she’d give him that but not a good batter. She couldn’t help but study him whenever he bit his lip in frustration when the ball flew passed him. Or he’d run a hand through his dirty-blonde hair, heaving a sigh of frustration; toned chest shifting up and down.

Sharna cleared her throat at that thought, mentally slapping herself across the face for thinking that.  She hardly did it out of prudishness, she’d slept with more men and women than she cared to think about, she was no stranger to the naked form. However, they were different; she’d felt nothing other than lust with those people, they had been no deep attraction. Not like with Liam. She couldn’t stop thinking about him; even when she kept her mind and body occupied with other things, like reading or training her thoughts would always wander to the Montanan. She felt like a love-sick teenager and the worst part of that was she liked that feeling.

Liam was one of the few people she could relax around; she didn’t need to put on any pretences and around a human that was a rare thing, normally she had to act as if she had no desire to feed off of them, Liam knew full well the scent of his blood made her hungry, and he allowed her to feed off of him. The allowance wasn’t like some humans, who threw themselves at Vampires like fools. No, it was so she didn’t hurt herself by starving herself and so she didn’t hurt anyone else. It was a touching, if reckless gesture and one that only made her compassion for him grow. Then again, continuously feeding from the same human increased the bond a Vampire had with a human, but it wasn’t as simple as that, she could distinguish between the two things.

Liam made her feel giddy; and she struggled to focus on the words that left his mouth when they conversed, rather she found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss him, to hold him. He made her uncontrollably happy, when he’d called earlier a grin the Cheshire Cat would have been proud of found its way onto her face, and it had left her cheek sore afterwards. He terrified her because she didn’t want to feel for a person this way again, she didn’t want to be so attached to another being in such a way; the effect he had on her was astronomical. She was scared of losing him now, scared he’d die or someone would hurt him. And most of all, she was scared he didn’t feel the same way, that she’d gone and been idiot. She’d been told plenty of times he was attracted to her, and she’d catch the looks he’d give her; the one’s where he’d look away the second she caught him. But, she couldn’t help but doubt it, couldn’t help but think she imagined it all, and that’s how she knew how she felt about him; all the turmoil he caused her heart and mind.

“You love him,” She sighed to herself. “You’ve gone and fallen in love with him, Sharna Hikari.” The immortal repeated, this time, a smile coming to her face. It was the first time she’d truly admitted it. And it felt good.