i realized a few days ago while chatting to my aunt, my dad's sister, Sandy how incredible time and experience changes us and how we react to situations and circumstance. in the beginning i was terrified, now i realise i had no idea what was coming. things are far worse now then when this all started. it was only through experiencing the ups and downs, the progression of the disease, the emotions, that i got a little more perspective. i now think back to that time and realise that i was so stressed out about all this, but that was only the start, i had no idea what was coming...
i suppose the point I'm trying to make is that you might think that you cannot deal, or cope, but this too shall pass. the one mantra i got from this is, there are worse things in life. don't sweat the small stuff, and gage your reactions. i felt much worse than i should have i suppose, in a weird kind of way, i thought it was the end, it was only the beginning. it is much easier to say and realise this now of course, so im not gonna be too harsh on myself or others. trust your instincts. it is better to feel than to keep your feelings bottled up. it is much better to react immediately, than to go through that horrible denial phase, but of course there is no judgement if you do experience it. its part of the process. it is better to share your emotions with your loved ones, that is how we support each other. that is how we learn to cope...