I wrote this for my therapist….
Ok. I think I’m feeling sad tonight? And I’m actually going to just sit with it for once!!
Heard from a friend tonight that she told her, that she was using me. Not that, that was any different news than what I lowkey already knew before. I guess, I kind of feel better for what I did to her(not really but at least that’s what I’m telling myself…) I’ll never admit it but deep down inside, I always knew she was using me.
But, what’s worst is that, even still, knowing all I know today, I would do it all over again. I would still give her mercy. And love. Because I knew she needed it then. And I still hope she is doing okay. I still worry about her. I still hurt for her.
Maybe I’m the fool. But can you imagine the aching she must feel in her heart? Can you imagine that sitting on her conscious for forever? I honestly can not even fathom what she must live with. Because I would run away too….
