imperfection
You didn't know that other people's beauty could give you goosebumps, but it looks like it really can, because it's happening to you right now.
Beautiful. Insanely.
“Kotoha-chan, Kotoha-chan!” you say loudly from the doorway instead of greeting, trying to catch your breath. The door behind you slams shut with a clang as you pull on it with all your might.
As you run up to the counter, you grip the edge of it with slim fingers and lean forward. Kotoha doesn't look impressed; she raises an eyebrow and looks at your mussed appearance — the messy hair streaming down your shoulders and back, the white apron pushed to the side, the loose bow in your hair, ready to fall off any minute.
“What is it?” she asks, wiping the glass in her hand.
Your eyes sparkle, you lick your lips excitedly, and ask her:
“Do you have that lemon syrup? Mine ran out, and the desserts need to be out in two hours... Could you borrow some?”
“And seriously? Why are you here?”
Your eyes narrow in surprise, but the next moment you're grinning broadly.
“Ah, you caught me!” you laugh and rub your neck.
“Spill it already...” Tachibana sighs. “I have a bunch of customers today.”
“Oh?” you gasp and hurry to look around. You can barely keep yourself from shrinking back as several pairs of attentive eyes stare at you. You were so caught up in the conversation that you didn't even notice the other people here.
Oh, you didn't even check your appearance before you came here! You worked at the pastry shop across from Pothos, so you'd often stop by Tachibana's place to chat when you were on break-or-bored-or-lonely. She was the only person your age who could handle your never-ending stream of words. In the past, you were often told you were too loud and disruptive, so you really tried not to be, but you couldn't help yourself sometimes. And yet Tachibana never said anything like that to you. She might sigh heavily, roll her eyes, or even hit you with a broom if you stayed too long, but she never said you were too much.
You sincerely thought of her as a friend. And you sincerely hoped she felt the same about you.
So you often didn't even bother to change out of your uniform into something else, and just ran to her to tell her the latest news about the beautiful brooch you'd seen on one of your customers, or how you were out of milk again and had to leave the store to its fate and run to the stall for a new one.
Your cheeks flush with embarrassment as you look around at the small group of boys sitting at the tables. They were dressed in black uniforms with green pieces, and you knew they were Furin students. Among them, you only knew Umemiya (because he was obviously a frequent visitor to Pothos like you), Tsubaki (who you'd met when you'd accidentally found a earring on the road, and then it turned out to be his, and you'd been talking to him ever since), Hiragi (who you'd jokingly called a shark for his teeth, and who'd jokingly threatened to shred you with them once), and a couple of others.
“Yo!”, Umemiya waves at you from his seat.
“Ah, hello, Umemiya-senpai!” you greet with a smile. Your gaze slides over to the others: the boy with the unusual hair color who wasn't looking at you, ducking into his plate of omurice, the sullen boy with long hair who was sitting with his back to you, and the Hiragi sitting across from him who nodded at you in greeting. Nodding back, you looked over to the third table, where a blond-haired, cute young man was sitting with a notebook in his hands. His honeyed eyes darted back and forth between you and the book in his hands every second, and you could hear his soft, confused mumbling.
“...hair, white apron, NN pastry shop uniform, cute bow in her hair... Pretty... seems to be very well acquainted with Kotoha-san, also knows Umemiya-san and Hiragi-san...”
Your cheeks blush even more as you realize the meaning of his words. Was he... recording information about you? Was there anything about you that would be interesting to know?
And did he... just call you... p-pretty?
Your hands automatically begin to nervously adjust your clothes and hair. You swallow the bubbling anxiety.
Suddenly, a soft, apologetic voice caresses your ears.
“Please forgive him. Nirei-kun wasn't doing it on purpose. He always acts like that when he meets someone interesting. Please don't be offended by him.”
Your breath catches as you shift your gaze to the speaker. Dark maroon hair, thin lips curved into a good-hearted smile, a black patch over his right eye. You didn't know that other people's beauty could give you goosebumps, but it looks like it really can, because it's happening to you right now.
Beautiful. Insanely.
You try your hardest not to stutter as you answer him:
“I-it's okay! I'm not offended, really! You don't need to say sorry. You're first-years, right? It's nice to meet you!”
The beautiful boy nods and smiles at you again. You find that smile murderously angelic and mesmerizing, and you can't bring yourself to take your eyes off him. Your heart flutters behind your ribs, and you don't even try to quiet its pounding.
“Likewise,” he replies to your surprise, still examining you with his curious gaze. You feel like steam is about to come out of your ears.
A shuddering, almost reverent breath comes out of your mouth, and you suddenly realize that you didn't seemed to be breathing at all before. The beautiful boy stares at you for a moment, then winks playfully and turns away.
Something hot explodes inside you. Maybe it's your skin that's overheated from his gaze and now there's a burn on your cheek, maybe it's your insides twisted into one big screaming lump, maybe it's your weak heart that's exploded inside and is now clumsily trying to put itself back together again.
You open your mouth to say something else, but close it almost immediately, realizing that your tongue isn't listening, and all the unspoken words are jumbled together. Suddenly your head is just a deafening void and a tangle of confused thoughts. The other boy's smile is still frozen in front of your eyes, and you force yourself to turn away and not stare at the back of his head.
Beautiful back of his head.
You bite your tongue, trying to sober up. What is wrong with you? You've always been a little distracted and you knew it, but not to this extent?
“Finished at last?”
You almost jump at Kotoha's calm voice. She's already done with the cleanup and is leaning on the counter, looking at you with a sly squint.
“Finished what?”
“Staring at him,” she grins, already predicting your reaction.
“N-no-nothing like that! Don't make things up, Kotoha-chan!”, you exclaim. Your just-cooled cheeks flush a soft pink color again. You tuck your hair behind your ears and adjust your apron again. You touch the back of your head and untie the loose bow. Jesus, all this time you've been like this while this beautiful boy has been looking at you?
It's such a shame. You won't be surprised if he never looks at you after this again.
Of course he won't. What makes you think you can be liked by such a beautiful boy?
What makes you think anyone can like you?
Your shoulders slump dejectedly. Your eyes settle on the scrubbed floor. You swallow again with an obscure, but now much more bitter anxiety.
“There was something you wanted to tell me, right?” asks Tachibana. You slowly lift your head. There's something soft in her voice. As if she somehow noticed that you were upset and now wants to cheer you up.
A shy smile blossoms on your lips. It's not as wide as before, but it's probably the most sincere you've smiled all day.
“Mhm,” you moo in agreement, remembering why you came here in the first place. “Will you come over to me for a sleepover tonight? My dad's on a business trip again, I don't want to sleep alone.”
At the beginning of your friendship, you didn't want to admit that you were lonely. Tachibana was your only true friend. At first you tried to lie to her that you just wanted to try cooking some new recipe with her and then casually ask her to stay over or do homework together, but eventually she realized something was wrong and figured you out. You had to confess that you hated being alone, that the walls of your cold house were weighing you down, and that you'd rather sit in a pastry shop all night than spend another night in that place.
You were prepared for her to be disgusted, to push you away, to call you weird for not even being able to sit quietly in your own home like so many others before her. And how genuinely surprised you were when she hugged you and told you it was okay. That she didn't know what you were going through and therefore had no right to judge you. That she would be happy to come to you and you could talk to her.
At that moment, you realized that you would probably never have a friend as wonderful as Tachibana ever again.
“Sure, what time?”
You jumped up happily and raked her palms into an armful. “After my shift, I'll come and pick you up!”
She nods and you let her go, stepping away from the counter. Unintentionally, your eyes slip to the table in the corner. With sweaty palms, you notice that the beautiful boy is already looking at you. You give him a weak nod and almost fly out the door. The ringing of the doorbell lingers in your eardrums. After taking a few steps, you gradually break into a sprint, stopping only as you close the door to the shop behind you.
You try to catch your breath, but it's no use. Your chest is still burning, and you put your hand over your heart, hoping it will at least calm down a little.
To distract yourself, you look around the glass windows.
Suddenly a thought hits you like an arrow.
“Oh, I never got her lemon syrup. I have to go back.”
***
That same night at a sleepover at your house, you hide under your blanket and shyly ask Kotoha what the name of that beautiful boy with the bandage and the enchanting gaze was.
Kotoha smiles slyly and tells you.
“Suo Hayato. Your future boyfriend, I hope.”