iwrotethisallforyou replied to your post: I guess Ill be up front then, I feel considerably...
No? I think youre a nice person, Ray. Im hard to talk to because I think /everyone/ is against me. But you should know that I like you :c Id thought for a long time you hated me, actually.
even if I was capable of hating anyone I don't think I'm in a position where it would mean anything to anyone anyway. I'm basically the lowest totem, you can all do better
even now I can imagine you've all got a new chat that's literally all the same people but me
iwrotethisallforyou replied to your post: there are a lot of things I think Im expected to...
no shhhh I dont expect anything of you. ever.
evidence that everybody is way too nice to me that I go through the same fear every year that someone will be upset I didn't do it but no one ever expresses it at least
iwrotethisallforyou replied to your post: I thought Id be over it by now but Im still...
I still want to be there, I just feel like everyone else doesnt? So Ive been just...pretending its not happening.
I know some got busy and I keep trying to convince myself it's fine even if some of us did genuinely just lose interest, because it is fine, it happens
aw hell I've said it to some people but I might as well just get out all my feelings about it that I've been afraid might just upset everyone
but none of you like me as much as you like each other it seems so that kind of plan was destined to fail from the start
it might not be as much a problem for me if I could still talk to everyone but I'm so terrible with small talk and so horribly boring a person that I can't keep anyone's attention without appealing to their fandom interests, which I can't do because it sure looks like everyone else has long since moved on to other things they like better. which is fine, again, it's not like I'm angry with anyone for doing it!! I'm just mad at myself for not being able to cope and not being able to be interesting enough
burds was one of the most fun things I can remember doing ever and everyone is so good and nice and why can't I keep anyone's attention
it just turns around into "I'm a piece of shit" and I remember all the fantastic people I've been friends with before that I stopped talking to because I couldn't think of anything to say once we didn't have a fandom in common and the friends that I thought were close who could just walk and
