Sometimes I have bad days. Especially when I am about to produce some writing and I sit alone at my desk in my overpriced hotel apartment. It has a sunny balcony, but the warmth from the sun doesn’t enter the building. When it gets dark, I start getting cold feet and hands, although it is supposedly 16 degrees outside at night. Guess what, it is around the same temperature inside my apartment the whole evening. The A/C that is generally used for warming up the air only blows coldly in my face. I have to work from my bed under the sheets and drink tea all day long. Tea, really? I wake up in the morning and don’t want to put my arms outside the blanket. It will take until noon for the apartment to be in a human friendly temperature. How do people survive in the winter? It is supposed to snow in December, now it is November. I can’t wrap my head around how I have to make this situation work soon.
There are all these beautiful things that I have seen and will see, but they don’t count today. Today, I am halfway through my stay and most of my travels are over. Today, I face reality. Today, I have to start producing.
When I feel like taking a break and walk there is nowhere to walk. There is no sidewalk so instead of a calming stroll, every encounter with the street is a hazardous endeavor. People only get from A to B in cars. Those are considered poor who rely on the informal mini bus system. The yellow taxi will screw you over and not turn on the meter. Uber and Careem are apps to use if you want to get to a place. But what if I don’t want to? I want to get lost somewhere, discover something new, use the street, see people, be seen, sit in a café, be outside, execute my right to be here, to be seen, to “verweilen” is the beautiful German word. To rest for a bit, recharge. With no public spaces and no parks to go, where to rest?
On the street I get harassed. For being European, for being a woman. If I am having a really bad day, I frown at every man I see on the street (and who is most probably staring at me anyways) because they all are responsible for the fact that I can’t be outside. Yes, today I think these thoughts, irrational as they may be.
I would like to take a subway, a bus, walk. Just walk.
There is no walkability here. If you try it, it will freak you out. You will feel tired after having been outside to shop for bread for 10 minutes.
I want to go alone to places.
There are no women alone here.
They are always accompanied.
And this is why they stare even more. Mostly men on the streets. ‘Look away’, I want shout in their faces. What gives you the right to stare at me and I can’t even walk this street in peace?
Walkability of a city shows you how democratic an urban environment is. Of course, I know this. I know countries that have the same problems. But being a woman right now makes this even harder. Even as a researcher I can’t go to sites in the city alone and take photographs. A European male will either be left alone or, I guess, accepted as being part of the living street at this very moment.
I know I am being harsh today. I know tomorrow will be another day. But today, today stinks.
