#jabber<3

[wilderuby]

i do think zanka being suicidal is super important, not like actively attempting but putting himself in increasingly dangerous situations knowing there’s a genuine chance he might not make it out, but if he doesn’t then that’s on him for not being strong enough.

in my mind there’s more private moments where these negative feelings come to a head, and that’s when we get the refusing to eat, working himself so hard in training that he gets close to passing out.

then he meets jabber and loses twice.

the spiral he goes down is destructive to the extreme, he can’t sleep, can’t eat, only trains. but when you’re on one hour of sleep because you passed out and only water the training only makes things worse.

then he has the idea to seek jabber out, and try for a rematch.

i think deep deep down zanka knows there’s a pretty high chance he doesn’t survive, considering the last time they fought he would have been killed were it not for riyo.

when they come face to face, jabber takes one look at him, then turns and walks away. when zanka tries to follow, demanding to fight, jabber just brushes him off, telling him to come back when he doesn’t look like a ghost.

zanka finally starts eating again.

[wilderuby]

zanka gets tired of this game jabber keeps playing, the constant egging him on just so he gets pissed, making fun of him whenever he tries to do something more intimate. zanka needs more, needs stability.

so he tells him

he tells jabber he can’t do this anymore, needs to take his life more seriously, can’t show up to his job or to see his friends with a busted lip and bites all over his neck after jabber gets into one of his moods.

jabber reacts just about how he thought he would, pouts, calls him and his life boring, says that if he can’t fight or leave marks then it’s probably for the best that this ends, what’s the point if he can’t go all out?

it’s not until later that jabber and zanka both feel that emptiness.

they both crave the hurt, of course, the adrenaline of the constant fighting and fucking, but what scares both of them is that that’s not all they miss.

jabber is especially terrified, not knowing how to grasp these feelings. he’s constantly reaching for his phone, trying to call his favorite grouch, but then remembering that he can’t anymore. it leaves a hole in his chest that he plugs up in any way he can, picking random fights on the street just to feel something, but it doesn’t help.

he wants to reach out, but he doesn’t know where to start, not ready to address the weakness he feels.

[wilderuby]

i agree with the idea that jabber was experimented on 100%, but i need need 1. for zanka to find out and 2. for him to confront him with this information

like i’m just imagining the cleaners dealing with some sort of trafficking ring maybe, then finding out that they also sold children to some research team/maybe ran the experiments themselves. zanka just looking through the files at all the different children subjected to this torture, when he sees a name he recognizes.

the details are horrific, he finds out jabber was either stolen or sold (the file only says “acquired”) into this group at 6 years old, a picture attached that zanka can’t bare to look at for long, jabber as a young boy with tears in his eyes, a face that zanka had never imagined he would ever see from him.

he looks at the data without reading, not caring about the numbers of whatever the hell they were trying to measure by torturing this child, he only ends up reading the notes left behind by the researchers, things like subject lost consciousness after 5.32 minutes, subject refuses to remove personal item (rings) becomes violent if it is attempted to remove them, sedation necessary, subject has begun to laugh after drug is administered.

the most recent report he is able to find is when jabber is nine, and since there are no notes on further experiments, he can only assume he escaped. the only clue is a big stamp at the bottom that reads “EXPERIMENT TERMINATED, SUBJECT LOST” he wonders if this was when mankira awakened for him.

after finding out all of this information, he isn’t sure how to move forward with jabber. whenever he thinks of him now he doesn’t feel that rage at losing, he just thinks of the crying boy, of all of the people who failed him.

jabber can feel the difference the next time he runs into zanka. the way he looks at him makes him want to hurl, that disgusting useless pity.

he goes in on zanka harder than he ever has, but with that ferocity comes sloppiness, and jabber finds himself pinned down by lovely, waiting for the finishing blow. it doesn’t come.

he looks up at zanka and almost laughs, he looked so defeated, like he didn’t know what to do with jabber anymore.

“what’s wrong zan-zan? too scared to do me in?” jabber was running his hands over lovely, feeling the smooth metal and sharp points that he loved slashing against with mankira.

“i don’t know, just doesn’t feel right.” jabber was definitely not expecting such an honest answer, his smile finally dropping at the conflicted look on his face. “i know what they did to you, y’know.”

jabbers blood turned to ice, he had never told a single soul, not even zodyl, what he had been through. he recovered quickly enough, shooting back with, “so what? you feel all bad for me now? gonna spare me so you can fix me? good luck with that.”

zanka sagged at that, removing lovely from jabber’s throat, with him still being too shocked to re-activate mankira. “nah, just don’t want to take you out without letting you get back at them.” with that, zanka pulled a piece of paper from his pocket, a list of names, and dropped it on the ground. “let me know if you want some back up.”

[wilderuby]

janka freak thoughts

i like thinking abt how their different styles of “love” or intimacy mix together, while zanka does like seeing jabber in pain, he definitely needs that aftercare moment just to really make sure jabber is ok, but jabber hates this!!! thinks it means zanka thinks hes weak, makes him call zanka boring multiple times.

to jabber, the thing that makes him feel the most loved and appreciated (even if he refuses to understand that’s what he’s feeling) is when zanka is doing something that makes him feel “claimed” in some way if that makes sense, bite marks and scratches, he’s trying sooooo hard to convince zanka to cut something into him (he’s just gonna do it himself if zanka keeps saying no, and he’s only saying no bc he’s ashamed of how much he gets hard at the idea.)

but to zanka, those moments are when he loses control, so the aftermath is filled with guilt. so what brings one comfort is what makes the other one feel disgusting. good luck finding that balance guys!

[wilderuby]

i think once zankas family cracks down and tells him he can’t see jabber anymore (which is insane since they’re both adults, zanka isnt even living at home anymore, they only found out he was seeing someone because zanka decided to be the bigger man and extend some sort of olive branch.) that’s the moment zanka completely writes off ever connecting with anyone in his family again.

does he know jabber is crazy, impulsive, and the exact opposite of who his family expected him to end up with? yes, absolutely. but in every other part of his life he did everything he could to conform to what his family said was right, go to the school they wanted, study what they wanted so he could join the business like they wanted, and thy couldn’t give him this one thing that actually made him happy for once in his life?

once he (finally) separates himself from them completely, he immediately makes 3 big changes: he changes his major (thankfully he had mostly only done gen ed’s at that point), he lets riyo do his hair for the first time, and he becomes so obnoxiously touchy with jabber.

it was like a weight was lifted from his shoulders, he felt like he could finally love this freak with everything he had. no more worrying about what would happen if his family found out.

jabber of course loves it. he wasn’t going to say it, but the fear zanka clearly felt at being seen with him pissed him off to no end. but he would be patient, waiting for him to wake up and see what they could be. thank god for both of them it worked out.

[wilderuby]

modern au zanka is soooooo uncomfortable with femininity at first. he came from a home where any feminine behaviors were seen as a weakness, so even his mom and kyouka did the bare minimum, kyouka especially needing to prove that she could be as strong as any man in the family.

once he’s out of the house, it takes a lot of time and help from riyo to be comfortable with being even slightly less masculine, with it taking about an hour to calm him down after getting his ears pierced, terrified of what his family will say when they see him next.

then he meets jabber, who has painted nails, a ring on each finger, and hair that goes down past his waist, and he looks at him with a childlike wonder he’s never felt before. he’s so carefree, dressing and looking the way he does just because he wants to.

zanka starts to grow his hair out after they meet.

[wilderuby]

ok updating this post: zanka and jabber are both water benders but very very different (thanks so some insight from @ghost-kings-court-jester in the comments)

zankas bending is frankly very weak, it was basically ignored by his family, who were proud of having no benders in their family, seeing them as the cause of all of the trouble in the world. so when zanka first realized his abilities he hid them for as long as possible, training only with weapons to become as strong as possible. in time he’s able to take on pretty strong bender with just his physical abilities.

enter jabber, also a water bender, but incredibly skilled with his bending. he’s been fighting his entire life, constantly searching for new opponents across every style of bending to challenge himself, his main method of attacking is by creating claws made of ice on his hands. despite his natural resistance to the cold i imagine keeping them active for too long causes extreme pain in his hands (that he loves, obviously).

idk how their paths cross, but one day they fight, jabber is mystified that this (seemingly) non bender is not only able to keep up with him, but is really standing his ground.

the fight gets more and more desperate, and right when jabber is about to finally deliver the final blow, zanka in a last ditch effort to stay alive uses his bending to hold jabbers attack still for just long enough to take a swing at him and knock him off his feet, jabber looks up at him and feels an excitement he hasn’t felt for years

he can’t wait to fight him under a full moon.

part 2!

[wilderuby]

i feel like i see mostly jabber being avoidant of sweet/gentle moments (call is coming from inside the house btw i have talked abt this so often) BUT i feel like zanka would also be super avoidant of stuff like that!!

he was taught that emotions were a sign of weakness, there’s no way that didn’t transfer into his romantic views as well.

ESPECIALLY bc it’s jabber like im supposed to hate this guy what do you mean deep deep down i just wanna hold him im just gonna hit him instead, full boys will be boys kinda toxic masculinity vibez