#jacewa

[jacewa]

Road Map

If this sickness should take me.

To a place that is not defined.

Just know I didn’t go willingly.

I gave it a try.

A voice told me to go.

Planned it, until I cried.

Meticulous and lively.

Until I decide to die.

I told him no.

There’s no place like home.

Writhing and complacent.

I almost said good bye.

[jacewa]

HH

Half Hearted Souls

Can’t even control how much

love a person holds.

Not until we say goodbye entirely.

Not sure how much more i can supress

just to make sure i impress

There’s not much left 

inside this chest.

I’m afraid you’ll lose me entirely,

but that’s up to you.

A half-hearted soul.

[jacewa]

Noctem #7

Do you think they’d notice?

The empty keyboard.

26 letters

With endless combinations.

With no real way to express yourself.

Except with scribbles and a journal

Full of nightmares.

This is the final notice.

[jacewa]

Noctem #5

It never mattered what I felt.

I keep it in.

Even if I did show it, 

it got passed off.

Even when I try my hardest

no one ever recognized it.

Even when the girl liked me,

I was still second best.

It never mattered what I felt.

[jacewa]

Noctem #4

It’s one of my favorite

Embraces.

You were crying,

Faceless.

But you held on for dear life.

Fearless.

A hug so emotional, and filled with love.

Priceless

Should we both have tried a little harder?

[jacewa]

Vo-gue

We met at the happiest place on earth, Disneyland. I wasn’t expecting much that day, my sister just invited me to go to dapper day with her and some of her friends. That group was a very interesting one, most of us met that day. It was a really good day i really enjoyed getting to know you while at Disneyland and i talked about alot mainly because i believed i would never see you again. Then we met again, in Loma Linda of all the places. My sisters house. Of all of the places, that was the last place i’d imagine to see you. It took alot, i’m a shy dude. I think it took me a couple of hours to ask for your phone number. I was incredibly excited to see you again and after that day i believed in fate. We texted all day, and we made plans to see each other with our busy schedules. This was the summer i fell in love with beaches, that became our spot. I’ll never forget the day we met up at the beach to see each other but we ended up babysitting your baby cousins. I had a really good time that day. Then it slowly died out, or you lost interest. Our conversations became me asking you questions and nothing be reciprocated. I drove out to riverside 3 times to hangout with you. It became me trying so hard to be with you, and you didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. You were a one way street designed for motorcycles and i couldn’t keep up. You ghosted me out in about a month. I also stopped believing in fate, and started believing in effort. 

[jacewa]

Noctem #3

I’m a fool. 

An optimist,

with broken smiles.

A record on repeat,

Inscribed with my past mistakes.

That plays indefinitely.

A duality complex

with a singular need.

I can’t turn it off.

It keeps going.

A never ending cycle. 

[jacewa]

Sep. 26th 2017

I used to

Usually I use words.

I used to anyway.

Like me with words,

Using

Was just the way it worked.

I used you

And you used me.

I guess we were both

Used to getting used.

Usually we’d find uses

For a noose.

Until we used it

and it used you.