Just a pea...
After Kass and November had said their own goodbyes, Jackrel crept back down from the bunkhouse to sniff around the ground floor. "Lore?" he asked. "Everybody else is sleeping. But I didn't want to go to bed."
Lory looked up from the ledger she had spread across the table when Jackrel's voice filled the quiet again. "Oh? Nothing troubling you much I hope. Either way, come have a seat." With a smile he pat the chair beside her, welcoming the company again.
He shook his head, slumping down onto the chair beside her and laying his head on the desk to smile up at her beatifically. "Nope. Nothin' new, anyways. I think we were talkin' about eatin' charr when last I was down here; and I suppose there's always them, but nothin' hurts right now, and I'm with somebody I like, and I think I have some nuts with me. Would you like some?" he offered, digging in his pockets.
"I think the nuts that were with you went to sleep." She replied teasingly with a coy smirk before turning back to her book to finish the last couple notes. Her nose wrinkles at the thought of the topic they'd last been discussing. "I've only ever ate Charr once. Strictly for survival. Don't recommend it in the least."
Jackrel smiled at her joke, then sobered. "Me, too," he said, remembering. "Were you there in Ascalon when the walls were closed, and there was no gate, and there was so little food?"
She nodded slowly, a little somberly as well. "I was. That was when I was serving in the Vanguard I think. One of my early years. Before I came here." Her head shook gently and she set her quill down for the moment. "I hope dearly things don't return to that."
Jackrel nodded solemnly. "Well, we've got the gate now," he remarked, rubbing his chin. "... But I don't know if they'd just... work, if the asura stopped helping."
"I'm not sure to be honest. Guess I never really think about it because I fear the day it would happen. Or what would come of it." A frown shaped her lips and her head shook once more. "The whole city would be sitting ducks again..."
Jackrel took in a deep breath, covering his head with his hands. "... I'm scared of that," he said in a small voice. "I don't think we're as strong as last time. Not now all our people're fighting dragons."
"We're definitely not as strong as we should be. Our forces are spread too far and too thin right now. The dragons, the Mordrem, the Charr..." The frown deepened and instinctively a hand went to her stomach as if the thought was making her sick. "I'm afraid... More so than I really want to admit."
Jackrel swallowed, nodding. His eyes followed her hand. "You feel alright?" he asked. His hand automatically went over hers, the cold touch of his magic pressing through her flesh.
"Just tired... Ever since the night we helped Scarlett take control." She smiled a little, the magic oddly not phasing her as it normally would. Her fear of magic was seemingly out of mind as she thought of other things. "Probably just recovering still."
"Is it okay if I take a look?" Jackrel asked, looking up at her worriedly. "Sometimes little nothings is big somethings, when you look a bit closer. And it won't be but a little thing for me."
She blinked, her expression going slightly blank as her gaze shifted up toward his face. "I..." There was a pause and her brow furrowed then. Idly she chewed away at her bottom lip, silently letting a few things roll through her head. "Not ... Not too much magic... " she hesitated a moment before going on. "I know it's how you do things sometimes but please... No healing. I just can't. Is that.. Ok?"
"No healing," he shook his head, reassuring. "It's just a look, promise. Won't change a thing. ... Does it hurt you?" he asked, brows furrowing.
"Not my stomach. Just feel a little sick. But that could've been from worry over our conversation..." she tried to convince herself, that endless chewing on her lip still continuing. "My shoulder still hurts but that's what happens when a bullet finds your arm."
"No, I mean, does magic?" he asked, curious.
"Oh..." Her cheeks flushed a little as her head shook. "I don't know. I'm just... I don't like the healing stuff. Had an a mature try to fix me when I was nearly dead. Didn't do it right. It hurt then... All I remember is burning pain and screaming. They had to knock me out to finish so I'd live. Haven't let anyone try since." her voice trailed off and her gaze shifted again, back to the ledger, to try to occupy her mind.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, Lore," Jackrel said, brow furrowing. "That must've been awful. But I promise, I won't be doin' anything like that, and I been doin' this my whole life. Ain't no more dangerous than lookin' out the window," he assured her.
She nodded, slow and hesitant at first before giving him a small smile. "I trust you. You know that, Jackrel." Carefully her hand beneath his would move, pulling gently out from beneath the weight to give him what ever space he needed to work.
He smiled at her gently. "Thank you, Lore. I trust you, too." Then, carefully, he let his spectral hands sink inside her, feeling through the structures of her flesh.
Jackrel's brow furrowed as his hand swept in closer, closed in on the anomalies in anatomy that gave him pause - a strange tingle in the blood that suggested increased estrogen, a thickness in organic walls that suggested cycles interrupted - and then his fingers paused over her, feeling something very, very small. "That's funny," he murmured, passing through again, again.
Her eyes closed as she felt the tingles of the magic. Something she wasn't used to, at all, and something that made her stomach roll a little. Just breathe, she kept telling herself, trying to stay calm. "W-what?" her voice nearly croaked, eyes opening wide at Jackrel's words. "What's funny?" Her brow furrowed to match his own.
He took in a deep breath, his fingers continuing to roll over that one bit in her side. "Well," he said. "It's... it's a little early to say for sure," he admitted. "But I think... I'm pretty sure what I'm feelin' is..." he tilted his head back and forth. "I think you may, maybe, just be a little bit pregnant," he looked up at her, eyes wide.
"I..." Her voice cracked again and her eyes widened. "What? That's... But I was told..." The fractured sentences ceased as she just bit into her bottom lip hard, her head starting to shake slowly as she tried to digest the idea. "Y-you're sure?" Her narrowed gaze lifted to meet his widened one. "It's... I do trust you." She began then stopped again, unsure of how to put into words what raced through her mind.
He swallowed. "Well," he said in a slow, calm voice, "It's very small right now, only about as big as a pea or a bean. But it's got a little spine already, and I think I feel somethin' that could turn into a heart," he said.
"A little..." Her hand moved to the side of her stomach, leaving plenty of room for his still, as she felt. She reached mentally, trying to remember that feeling of carrying her first child. How long ago it had been. "A pea..."
Jackrel nodded. "Mm-hm. It's very small, so it's hard to be sure, but I... yeah, I, I really think it is," he said, voice soft, awestruck. He cleared his throat, brow furrowing. "Mind, it's not strictly a child yet - I mean, right now, it's just somethin' that, y'know, could be, if it grows up some." He took in a breath. "But it could be. It really could be."
The mention of a child is what finally broke what little bit of resolve she had been keeping stitched together. "Jackrel... Gods, how am I going to tell Edrick?" Her eyes went wide at just that thought. "The Charr killed his first... His little girl." Panic suddenly struck across her face and the rest just came rushing out. "Gods, the Charr.. The Mordrem, the dragons.. How am I supposed to bring a child into this world?! How am I going to protect them? I couldn't protect Vincent! I can barely keep myself safe!" Her breathes hitched, quickened, and tears began to well in her eyes.
Leaning in, Jackrel wrapped his arms around her, hugged her close. "It's alright. If they makes it, they won't be alone," he promised, rubbing her back. "It'll have you and me and Edrick and November and Kass and all of us to look after them. We'll all struggle together. And even if we can't be safe forever, we'll be happy for the while we have - and it'll be a good while," he promised.
Tears streamed down her face as he hugged her close and instinct made her face find a spot on his shoulder to hide and let it out. Muffled sniffles shook her shoulder and after a moment of his words sinking in she nodded. "Y-you're right." she hiccuped as the panic settled a fraction. "Still... Edrick. We haven't discussed this. It's never come up... A family?" She sniffles harder and shook her head, pulling away just enough to look at Jackrel. "Do you think..? Oh, there's no way to know how he'll take it." Worry pressed deeper and she paled a little, starting to feel sick over the sudden wash of emotions.
"Well, y'both had 'em once," Jackrel said, holding her quietly, resting his chin on her forehead. "Maybe you'll be better prepared this time. And you won't be alone, we'll be there to help you," he promised.
A slight laughter shook her shoulders and she couldn't help but smile a bit. "Edrick has to love it..." She tried to reassure herself. "His new little pea..." A smirk fit her lips then, a faint hint of her usual one. "All else fails there's always uncle Jackrel, right?"
Jackrel nodded solemnly, smiling at her. "Promise," he said.
One last sniffle and a nod then she reached out to hug him back, giving a gentle squeeze. "Thank you, Jackrel.."
He nodded, squeezing back. "It's worth the try," he said softly, but with conviction. "Living. It really is."
She could only nod in agreement as other things went waltzing through her head. "Hey, speaking of living... You tired yet?" She asked, that smirk of hers growing a little mischievous.
"Mmn," he tilted his head back and forth, eyes squinting. They opened wide again as he looked at her. "Why? You got something in mind?"
A single shoulder shrugged as she leaned back in the chair. "Oh there's just some Seraph on patrol near by. I've wanted to go peg them with snowballs but the Commander has been around. Until today..."
Jackrel's grin slowly widened as he listened. "You're the best Ministry Guard ever," he whispered.
"Ex Ministry Guard." she reminded him before standing up and reaching for his hand. "Come on, we'll go have some fun!" A grin spread her face wide as she'd make to drag him out the door.
