Summary: You had nurtured a crush on Brian Kang since high school. So, when he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a family gathering, you jump at the chance and your fantasies start to come to life. However, instead of how you imagined your feelings to bloom, your new neighbour Jae shows you another path to love.
Pairing: Jae Park / Brian Kang x female reader
Genre: romance / fluff / angst / fake dating + fwb au / neighbours to lovers au
Warnings: friends with benefits mentioning, angsty moments, there’s a bit of a love-triangle..
Word count: 1588
Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Epilogue
“Let’s have a talk, shall we?” you mentioned exhaustedly, opening the front door to your apartment and inviting Brian in.
He seemed out of his depth, and for a moment, the old you wished to reach out and reassure Brian. However, you maintained your distance, offering him a seat at your small dining table whilst you took the one adjacent.
“I mean what I said,” Brian stated, turning to face you.
“I’m sure you did.”
“I don’t know when it happened but--”
“I’m not in love with you, though,” you announced calmly, Brian’s eyebrows furrowing together.
“No, that’s not right. You’ve loved me for years. That’s why it worked so well for us to be partners.”
You stared at the man across from you silently, watching as he realised his slip up. Brian sighed heavily. “Wait. Don’t think of me as a bad person for--”
“I won’t think of you as a bad person, Brian. You’re right. I’ve loved you for ten years. I spent my high school, university and even some of my career years looking only at you. Like a fool. And when you offered the fake dating opportunity my way, the part of me that wanted to be noticed by you was overjoyed. I was convinced because we worked so well together that eventually you would catch up with your feelings and see this as more than just an agreement.”
“I do. What you hoped for, I’m starting to genuinely feel.”
“Ironic, isn’t it?” you murmured, and Brian’s gaze narrowed slightly. You smiled sadly. “What I felt for you all these years turns out wasn’t real at all. I was in love with the Brian Kang I had conjured in my head. I thought I knew all about you, but you’re more of a mystery now to me than when I started this game with you three months ago.”
“What do you want to know? I’ll let you know it all,” he offered, but you shook your head. “We’ve made love together.”
“No, we’ve just shared the same bed and our bodies one too many times than we should have.”
Brian laughed once, and then another time, shaking his head. “I honestly thought you would be embracing me right now. Instead, it hasn’t gone how I expected this to.”
“The same for me. I was convinced meeting your family wouldn’t end in me hurting them. That their dreams of us walking down the aisle together would come true. My dreams with you too. But now I’ve come to realise they aren’t the type of dreams that give me what I want in this world.”
“What do you want?” Brian asked, tilting his head to the side. “Or is it a who?”
“It’s not you. I’m sorry.”
Brian nodded softly before getting up and heading for the door silently. And when it closed, you dropped your head onto your table, unable to cry, unable to process the feelings within you. Whilst you knew telling Brian once and for all you were no longer interested and wanted to close the ten-year long chapter in your heart with him, it didn’t bring you relief. It didn’t make you feel better or even provide you with the clarity you needed to make your next move.
You simply remained there, feeling numb.
A week passed without once seeing Jae, and your hopes dashed the longer he avoided you. Eventually, you came across him in the mailroom, darting forward towards him.
“Jae, can we talk?”
“Nope,” he answered curtly, swinging around you and heading out the door.
Rushing after him, you stopped the elevator from closing and hopped inside, peering at the man looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t like him.”
“Good for you.”
“Can’t I at least explain myself? Don’t you owe me that much?”
“As your neighbour-”
“As someone who likes you, a lot.”
Jae’s jaw tightened, but he didn’t say anything else. The doors sprang open then to your floor, and Jae departed immediately, your steps much shorter than his and causing you to hurry along again. He had already reached his front door and stepped inside when you got there, the door beginning to shut.
And much like with the elevator doors, you stuck your hand in the way again, but this time the door came into contact with you. “Ow!”
“Why the hell did you do that for?!” Jae exclaimed, yanking the door back open and taking your injured hand gently into his. “Y/N, your fingers are swelling!”
“Will you just let me talk to you?”
“You need to go to a doctor! Honestly, why do something this stupid?”
“Because you’re avoiding me over something that looked more than it was!” you answered exasperatedly, and Jae stopped fussing over your hand, his dark eyes connecting with yours.
“Really?”
“It’s a long story, but I hope you’ll let me explain.”
“Not right now,” he answered, and you whined immediately. Jae stepped out of his apartment and shut the door with one hand, still holding your injured one. “Because you need to get this looked at first.”
“You’ll come with me?”
“Do you think my anxiety will cope with letting you go to the doctors on your own? What if it’s broken?!”
You smiled and then winced with the pain. “Then you promise you’ll listen to me? Ow, this really hurts.”
“Injury first, Y/N,” Jae confirmed, leading you back down the hallway and out of the building. You hadn’t ever been in Jae’s car before, but it made you smile giddily when he leaned over for your seatbelt to secure you before he started the car up.
Glancing at your reaction, Jae rolled his eyes. “You’re already injured and couldn’t belt yourself. That’s all.”
“Allow me to enjoy the experience.”
“You’re driving me insane, Y/N.”
“You’ve been doing that to me all week by avoiding me.”
Jae let out a grunt and otherwise stayed silent for the rest of the trip to urgent care. After x-rays and a two-hour wait, you were relieved to be released with your hand in a splint, thankfully with no broken bones, just a severely bruised and swollen hand.
“I’m still mad at you for throwing your hand in my door.”
“Should I have used my foot instead?” you teased, noting the ghost of a smile haunting the corners of his lips. “Oh! You finally reacted.”
“Stop distracting me from the road, Y/N.”
“I’ve held my end of the deal. Now you have to follow through with yours.”
“You mean, I have to look after you because some idiot threw her dominant hand into my threshold right when my door was slamming shut.”
“Well, if you hadn’t of slammed it-”
“There it is,” Jae groaned, and you grinned. “Don’t smile. This isn’t funny. Do you know how upset I was-”
“When you were going to confess how you felt about me, but some guy stepped in and did it first? Yeah, I saw.”
“Don’t remind me.”
“I told Brian I didn’t feel the same way.”
“He has a name. Of course, he does,” Jae muttered and glanced at you when you didn’t continue. “So, it’s really over between you?”
“There was never anything that had really begun,” you announced, launching into the whole situation. You didn’t hold back, and thankfully Jae didn’t interrupt you either. You explained your crush, the fact that you had hoped for something before you met Jae, and then when you realised that having what you had wanted with Brian was what you’d rather have with Jae instead.
“Really? You don’t want to end up happily ever after with that guy? Sounds like his family adore you.”
“They do, well, they did. I’m sure he’s told them by now.”
“Still time to go back to him.”
You shook your head. “We’re not right for one another.”
“Even after sleeping together?”
“Jae, I didn’t tell you all this for no reason. I’m being honest with you in hopes you can see that I’m happier this way.”
“With a guy who lets your hand get slammed in a door because he’s being petulant?”
You smiled and nodded. “Who comes over to my house looking for sugar when I know full well you don’t even make coffee at home to need it. Or someone who grips onto me asking for ten more minutes in the morning after falling asleep on my couch with me again.”
Jae’s lips twitched. “Sometimes, you would fall asleep first.”
“I knew it!”
“Hey, who am I to wake you up from drooling on my shoulder when you’ve crashed out against me?”
“I don’t drool!”
“My sweatshirt stains say otherwise,” Jae remarked, and you gasped noisily, pouting as he started to chuckle.
You watched him for a moment before joining in, laughing at all the antics you had both been through together. As if he read your mind, Jae smirked. “Including a nearly broken hand.”
“If you wanted an excuse to come over and stay with me, all you had to do was ask,” you teased, and Jae shrugged.
“Would I have? It took me too long to admit I had feelings for you.”
“You still haven’t,” you replied, and Jae gaped at you as he pulled his car into the parking lot of your apartment complex.
“Really? You’re going to be like that? After everything tonight?!”
You nodded, lifting your arm away so he could undo your seatbelt for you. Instead, Jae inched closer, gauging your expression before he pressed his lips to yours.
Summary: You had nurtured a crush on Brian Kang since high school. So, when he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a family gathering, you jump at the chance and your fantasies start to come to life. However, instead of how you imagined your feelings to bloom, your new neighbour Jae shows you another path to love.
Pairing: Jae Park / Brian Kang x female reader
Genre: romance / fluff / angst / fake dating + fwb au / neighbours to lovers au
Warnings: friends with benefits mentioning, angsty moments, there’s a bit of a love-triangle.
Word count: 365
Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Epilogue
“And you said yes to this agreement?!” Lainey asked incredulously.
Staring at your best friend, you nodded easily. “I’m a big girl. I can handle this.”
“Y/N, you’ve made some stupid decisions over the years, but this one sure tops the lot.”
“Don’t be so pessimistic. It’s a win-win all around.”
Lainey studied your carefree expression, your bright smile only making her brows knit together with concern.
You couldn’t understand her worry entirely. Sure, you weren’t the type to step into an arrangement like this with just anyone.
Then again, Brian Kang wasn’t just anyone.
“You’ve harboured the biggest crush on Brian for years,” Lainey announced, getting up from her seat and approaching you worriedly. Reaching for one of your hands, she gripped it tightly. “This doesn’t bode well. Don’t do this.”
“I’m don’t believe there will be a happily ever after for us, Nini. I accepted Brian’s offer with clarity.”
“Really? Because to me, it sounds like he’s going to use you like he always does.”
You nodded. “He will, and I’ll use him too. That’s the whole point to the agreement.”
“I can’t help but worry you think this will end like the movies do. Benefits like these…”
“I’m starting to regret you finding this,” you confessed, taking the handwritten contract off the coffee table that had started the interrogation twenty minutes ago. Standing up, you looked at Lainey will a confident smile. “We’re not kids anymore, Nini. We’re adults with needs. And if I can be that person for Brian right now, I’ll take it.”
Heading towards your bedroom, you shut the door behind you and sat down at your desk in the corner of your room. It still felt surreal, even if you held a physical piece of proof that Brian had approached you asking you to be his fake date for the next three months. The fact that Brian had come to you still stood out in your head, a smile gracing your lips as you replayed the way he ran an awkward hand through his hair.
“Hey, Y/N, could you do me a favour?”
You were more than ready to spend the next few months being Brian’s fake date.
Summary: You had nurtured a crush on Brian Kang since high school. So, when he asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a family gathering, you jump at the chance and your fantasies start to come to life. However, instead of how you imagined your feelings to bloom, your new neighbour Jae shows you another path to love.
Pairing: Jae Park / Brian Kang x female reader
Genre: romance / fluff / angst / fake dating + fwb au / neighbours to lovers au
Warnings: friends with benefits mentioning, angsty moments, there’s a bit of a love-triangle. In this part, there’s a light suggestive tone.
Word count: 793
Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | Epilogue
“We really need to stop falling asleep here,” you groaned when you woke up to find yourself sprawled out on the couch with Jae under you again. “Even after all this time, old habits die hard.”
Jae smiled lazily, not opening his eyes. “Maybe we should just move the couch into the bedroom and the bed out here. At least then you’ll stop complaining about waking up on the couch.”
“You’re a nuisance,” you griped, sitting up only for Jae to tug you back down against his chest. “No way, Jae! I’m not even giving you five more seconds of my time.”
“It took you longer than five seconds to say that sentence.”
“You’re the one who pesters me about your sore neck and back. It’s because we keep falling asleep here.”
“Don’t blame me. You’re the one who falls asleep first, remember.”
Grumbling at his comeback, and even more so the smug smile that featured on his face, you eventually grinned. Jae, having waited for more of your bickering, peered out of one eye. “You’re smiling too. You acknowledge you can’t help but fall into my warm embrace every time.”
“Maybe a teddy bear would be a better choice after all. For one, it’s softer than you-”
Jae’s expression turned sour. “How clever.”
“Sometimes, I can be. Choosing you, however, some might say was a poor choice on my behalf.”
“Still, you chose me,” he reminded as he sat up, moving closer and kissing you softly. You melted into the embrace, kissing Jae three more times before you patted his shoulder gently.
“Time to get up.”
“Do we have to?”
“We have a wedding to attend, so yes, we have to.”
“You’re putting on the ugliest dress in your wardrobe, okay?”
Rolling your eyes, you got up and headed into the bedroom towards your clothes. “How about the most revealing?”
“Like you own something that sinful,” Jae responded with a snort, stopping in his tracks when you held up a familiar black dress. He launched into action instantly, coming over and snatching the dress out of your hands.
“No way. You wore that the day I proposed. No one else gets to see you in that dress.”
“It’s just a dress. Besides, if it makes you happy, no one will see me out of it other than you.”
“Don’t do this to me,” Jae complained, rubbing a hand down his face. “That’s it. We’re not going.”
“We can’t not go! It’s Brian’s wedding.”
“Yeah, the man who held your heart for ten years, right? Even more reason for us to skip it.”
“He came to our wedding. We owe him the same. Besides, who knew he’d end up with Lainey after years of her telling me what a jerk he was. I’m on Maid of Honour duties today.”
“Stranger things have happened.”
You smirked. “Like saying I Do to me?”
“Stop teasing,” Jae said, gathering you up in his arms and smiling down at you. “That was the second-best day of my life.”
“Second best? What was the first?”
“Managing to eat the entire menu at Taco Bell without puking.”
“It was not! Wait, you actually did that?”
Laughing, Jae shook his head and leaned down to nuzzle your nose with his. “The day you reached out for that box I was holding. That was the best day of my life.”
“Really?” He nodded. “Why?”
“Because when I saw you, I knew I was going to be ruined forever by you.”
“Hey! You said to stop teasing!”
Jae grinned. “I mean it. You ruined all my dreams and goals that didn’t have you in them.”
“Okay, maybe I like you more when you’re like this. Keep going.”
“If I keep talking, we’ll be late to Brian and Lainey’s wedding.”
Deliberating for a moment, you then grinned. “Not if we do everything together.”
“Just as we do now?”
“Just as we always will too.”
Kissing you softly, Jae then smirked at you. “Thanks for ruining my life, Y/N.”
“I couldn’t imagine anyone better to make new goals with.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“Are you up for it?”
“I bet you won’t be able to keep up,” Jae stated, and you laughed, pushing your husband towards the shower.
“It’s you I’m worried about more than my performance.”
“HEY!”
Life was strange. You still lived in the same apartment as before, you weren’t inclined to follow your marriage up with children just yet or move to suburbia like you had once dreamed of when it came to wedded bliss. Then again, that dream was with a different man than the one you now loved.
You didn’t need to dream anymore either. You preferred what you had with Jae every day.
congratulations on hitting this milestone! i'm so proud to know you and grateful to get to read the work you share with us. for my request, i would like to dare you to revisit the spiritual connection universe -- yes, with jae. but... while he was still alive. 😮have fun!!!!!
Pairing: Jae Park x OC
World: Spiritual Connection (read HERE)
Genre: period au / strangers to lovers / romance / fluff
Warnings: none
A/N: I’ve decided to keep the Spiritual Connection world to just one Y/N and so when I got this dare, I knew we needed to bring in an OC. I’m very happy that I’ve managed to connect this to another special story I’ve written in this world as well! I hope you all enjoy!
Word count: 4173
“You love that guitar a lot, huh?”
Jae glanced down at the instrument in his lap and he ran a hand over it fondly. Nodding once, he looked up and smiled. “It was given to me by the love of my life.”
Taking a gulp of the ale placed down before him, Jae looked in the retreating bartender’s direction before turning back to the men he sat with. “So, what’s the deal with her?”
“With who?” Sungjin, his new boss, asked and then glanced over Jae’s shoulder to one of the only females in the tavern. She shot him a polite smile before picking up a cloth to wipe down the bar counter. “Ah, you mean the tavern owner’s daughter.”
“Now you don’t go messing with her, you hear!” the young man on his right announced loudly, already feeling the effects of the alcohol he had half downed from his mug. Jae shot Wonpil a smirk, clapping a hand over his shoulders playfully.
“Looks like you’re a little too intoxicated to do anything about if I did.”
“But you won’t,” Brian concluded, catching Jae’s attention. The four others Jae sat with seemed rather protective of the girl which was why he was interested.
That and she the most stunning set of eyes he had ever seen before.
“I’m not about to be indecent with her!” Jae protested, raising his hands to defend himself. “I simply wanted to know what the deal with her was.”
“You mean the reason she didn’t greet you,” Dowoon mentioned and Jae nodded, furrowing his brows a little. At least the youngest had also noticed it. When Jae entered the tavern for dinner to celebrate his first full week at the estate with his new co-workers, he had seen her and greeted her warmly. She had merely nodded, turning away and darting off immediately as if he had frightened her. Jae couldn’t see how, he was just the average sort of type around here. Even if he was new to this village, nothing about him stood out other than his height. And he was certain being taller in life didn’t suddenly make him someone to be wary of.
“That’s B,” Sungjin told him, lifting his mug to his lips and gulping some of his ale down before continuing. “The tavern owner’s daughter. That’s all you need to know.”
“B? Is that a nickname?”
“She doesn’t talk,” Brian continued, shooting Sungjin a look when his friend placed a hand over his arm. The pair didn’t verbalise their thoughts, challenging one another with their gaze instead. It intrigued Jae; he had expected the secrets to be back on the farm he had been ploughing the fields of all afternoon for planting saplings. Brian nodded softly in the young woman’s direction. “She hasn’t for as long as I can remember. So you just go about being polite to her and leave it at that.”
Over the course of the next month, Jae did just that. He would greet B upon entering the bar, and thank her whenever she brought over his drink. Soon, Jae started sitting up on the stools by the counter, attempting to make conversation with her. It wasn’t as well-received as he expected. Yet he wanted to try since no one else ever did.
“The weather outside is nice today,” he mentioned after thanking B for his drink, and she smiled, nodding her head slowly. “Have you been outside to see it yet?”
Again, she responded by moving her head, this time shaking it from side to side.
“Do you like the sun? It gets pretty sticky when working out in it yet it’s nicer than the lashing rain,” he continued, and B shot him an exasperated look. He realised she must’ve heard when Brian told him all about her being mute. Still, just because she couldn’t talk didn’t mean he didn’t want to converse with her.
“Are your eyes brown or hazel?” he asked next and B emitted a noise, Jae’s eyes widening with surprise. It was a groan and he began to laugh heartily, her lips twitching with amusement. Turning away from him, B clenched the counter in her hands to steady herself before turning around and smiling forcibly.
Jae returned the gesture, albeit much more relaxed. “You know, I’m just going to keep annoying you right?”
She nodded curtly and he grinned. “Great, now that we have that establish- HEY, where are you going?!”
“You’re an interesting sort of person, Jae,” Brian told him as he slapped a hand on his shoulder with a chuckle, jerking his head in the direction of the girl who disappeared. “And just because you keep persisting doesn’t mean B won’t teach you a few lessons along the way.”
Jae was certain B’s smile grew wider every time she saw him. Today was no different, looking up from drying off a stack of mugs to give him a generous grin when he stepped up to the counter. Without even asking for a pint, she spun around to get him one, placing it down in front of him happily.
“Why, thank you, B.”
Tipping her head in answer, she turned back to the task at hand. She then whipped around when she noticed he was uncharacteristically quiet, a little breath leaving her when she saw what he was up to. Jae glanced up from the paper and ink pen he had, smiling at her again. “Oh, are you wondering what I’m doing? Well, no one has told me that you can’t read. Just that you’re no good at talking. I get that but you know, there’s only so many nods or shakes a man can take before you make him bust out some ink.”
Blushing, B tried to look away but the longer she watched the man scribble down words upon the paper, the more intrigued she became to read them. Jae noticed her avid attention, smiling to himself as he continued to write down all the questions in his head. When he was done, he then spun the paper around and held the pen out to her.
“Alright, it’s your turn.”
Slowly, she reached out for the writing tool and then started to circle her answers; even writing down a couple of notes herself. Jae was entranced, listening to all the little huffs of air she let out as she thought or how smiled to herself at some of his questions. It was all very simple stuff, but he could tell she was touched by his efforts. Finally, she placed the pen down and pushed the paper back to him.
“Let us see,” he announced, picking up the paper to read it. “Not much for the outdoors but you love a good book, got it. Oh, you like music?”
B nodded, pointing to the tiny stage in the corner where a lone guitar sat. Jae glanced at it and then went over to fetch the instrument. He strummed at it gently and B’s eyes widened. “Clearly you like music after all. Would it be improper of me to brag that I know how to play?”
He heard a scoffing tone and Jae glanced up at B as he tuned the guitar a little before playing a short melody. Her initial disbelief morphed into one of awe, and as Jae continued to play, the punters in the tavern all began clapping along in time. Jae only had eyes for the woman before him, her expression saying more than it had ever done before. Her eyes were alive with the music, her smile the loveliest to cross her face. She was finally charmed by him when he ended the song; Jae started to feel faint with how strong her eye contact was for a change. It was as if he had just fuelled passion into B with the one song he had played. If she was going to look at him like that, then he would play the guitar for her as long as his fingers worked.
“Well, how was that?” he breathed and she energetically bobbed her head back and forth, eyes twinkling with excitement. Jae tried to cool the rush of colour to his cheeks at her avid praise by turning back to the questions he had written for her. He had never needed a reason to be literate or play the guitar before but he was thankful his father was a teacher and insisted upon it even if his family wasn’t well off.
It had definitely paid off today.
Frowning when he noticed she hadn’t answered one of his questions, Jae spun the paper around and pointed to the empty space. “B, you missed one.”
Peering at the paper, she then let out a sound that he almost considered laughter. It distracted him momentarily, and he had to blink rapidly to catch the action from the woman. B tapped the side of her nose as if to say it was a secret, and then smiled, waving him off when Sungjin stood from across the room and announced it was time to head on home.
Still, Jae was determined to get her full name. Now that he knew she could read and write, he began to write letters to her in his spare time, handing them to her whenever he could. And soon, B started to respond to them, slipping folded paper over the counter from under her apron as soon as she saw him.
He would take those letters out when he was on a break from the manual labour of working the land around the estate, resting in the shade of the trees surrounding the gardener’s cottage he and his friends lived in. B had quite the humorous side to her and for someone who didn’t have much to say – or at all – she would often write triple the amount he could ever muster.
Jae was definitely infatuated, even her handwriting was the prettiest he had ever laid eyes upon.
He was certain he had done enough now to warrant that of her name, or at least a date. And so, on the day of rest when the affluent were in the chapel in town, Jae slipped into the servants quarters kitchen, collecting a basket that the cook had kindly prepared for him. And after his long walk into town, he approached the back of the tavern and knocked on the door that belonged to the home attached to it.
“Why if it isn’t the musician man,” a jolly man answered, and Jae chuckled awkwardly, trying to peer inside to see if B was around. “Are you here for me daughter?”
“Would it be alright to take her out, sir?”
“Well, if you can convince her to leave the house then she’s all yours,” the man bartered and Jae laughed, waiting as the father called out to his child and much to Jae’s dismay, he didn’t call her by her full name. When B appeared, rather flustered as well, Jae’s smile increased.
“Come out with me.”
She glanced down at her dress and then back up at Jae, who held out his hand for her to take. Lifting her hands in motion to tell him to stay, she then dashed upstairs with a whine, soon returning in a different dress and with a hat over her hair. Once they started walking, Jae turned to B and grinned. “You know, you didn’t have to change for me. You look lovely in everything. Besides, I’m just a gardener and only have four sets of clothes.”
B’s skin was rosy from his compliment and then she shuddered a little, Jae recognising it to be a dry laugh. He grinned and nudged her gently before holding out the basket he carried. “Shall we go down by the lake and share a meal?”
She nodded and they headed towards their destination, Jae’s hand itching to hold onto hers. He let it swing near hers, outstretching his fingers so the tips brushed against the back of her hand. She flinched upon the first contact and then smiled, letting him know it wasn’t as frightening as he thought it might be for her. Slipping his hand into hers, Jae grinned, laughing bashfully as his heart thudded in his chest. He didn’t think anything could feel any better than this.
But he had been wrong.
Lunch was full of chatter – at least on his behalf, and the food seemed to please B a great deal. He had then produced a book from inside the basket, proclaiming it to be his favourite that he had brought with him from home when he came to work at the estate. And instead of letting B take it to read, Jae opened it to the first page, clearing his throat and started to read aloud.
He read until the afternoon grew too warm and he felt her body slump into his side, deep breathing indicating that she had drifted off to sleep. Jae peered at B under her hat, taking in her peaceful expression.
Even though he knew a lot about what she liked through their letters, he still had so many questions.
Why didn’t she talk? He had gathered only a little more information quietly, finding that it was ever since her mother’s death that the young woman hadn’t spoken as opposed to being born unable to converse with others. It spurred on little fantasies, Jae often wondering just what her voice would sound like. After all, if there was nothing wrong with her vocal cords, then surely with some encouragement and trust, she could speak again.
Jae hoped he would hear the woman sleeping on his arm say at least one word in his lifetime. But then again, he was content with what he had with her already. Wonpil had been adamant that no one had ever tried nearly as hard as Jae to communicate with B and that had made the fellow man sad. Jae knew everyone meant well, they weren’t overlooking her. It was just easier to converse back and forth in this world with spoken words.
To Jae, B had spoken enough already. His heart was full, and he knew he couldn’t feel this way about anyone else. B had him captivated and he hoped with how relaxed she was around him now that she felt the same.
Still, Jae often tried throughout their budding relationship for two things; at least one word and preferably it being her name.
“Come on, B!” he cried as he splashed water at the woman from the lake, her head shaking rapidly as she smiled on the edge of the water. “Get in here!”
Dashing away, Jae leapt out of the water and came after her, encircling arms around her waist and drawing her back towards the water. She squealed and he laughed, pulling her in far enough that she was sufficiently wet when he was done. B gasped at her predicament before flinging water back at him, Jae opening his mouth incredulously which she only filled with more water thrown his way.
And then he heard her first proper laugh in his company. He became still in the water fight, listening to the way it sounded. It was unrestrained, like a beautiful melody floating around the lakeside. When B realised what had happened, she stopped short, growing concerned, almost ashamed. Jae merely stared back at her.
“No, don’t leave,” he murmured when she went to get out and B stopped moving away, Jae shuffling along in the water so he was back in front of her. “You can laugh in front of me. You needn’t hide it.”
She didn’t dare look him in the eye and Jae simply lifted her chin up, forcing her to look ahead in the very least. “It was beautiful. You’re beautiful.”
And then he kissed her.
He had expected B to resist and pull away, but as soon as she grasped that his lips were on hers, she met him with an unexpected hunger, nearly knocking them both over in the water. Jae gripped at her body as the kiss deepened, tongues moving together as one. With a deep breath, he went in for a second kiss, then a third, until both were breathless, falling apart only mere millimetres from one another’s lips.
With a smile, Jae brushed her hair away from her face. “I love you.”
Her eyes flashed with emotions, her swollen lips spreading out into the biggest smile. She leaned in to kiss him briefly in response, Jae knowing that she was already speaking volumes with him in this setting. Her love meant everything to him.
As did her laughter. Ducking down to splash water at her suddenly, he began to play again, listening to her shriek and giggle until they both abandoned the water to bask in the afternoon sun. It was his turn to rest against her, placing his head in B’s lap as she tenderly stroked his hair.
And just as his eyes closed, he was certain he heard her whisper his name.
Summer came and went, yet Jae’s romance with B only deepened. For his birthday, B gifted him his own guitar, in which he would carry on their dates wherever they went, singing and playing music for her to clap and laugh along to. She seemed to enjoy it the most when he would just make up random lyrics on the spot the most, her smile brighter than the moonlight above them as he walked her home.
And whilst he loved his gift, he still didn’t know her name.
It wasn’t without trying. He had attempted to list off names that started with B until she was giggling so much she almost stopped breathing.
“Won’t you ever tell me?”
She shrugged, giggling again as he groaned loudly.
And when he dropped her off at her front door, he left her with a parting kiss, expecting that to be all he would have to think about on his way back home. Instead, he almost dropped the guitar in his hand when he heard something behind him. “Jae!”
He didn’t even get a chance to turn around, B’s body colliding with his as she hugged him from behind. He was winded for multiple reasons, stunned into silence with her voice ringing in his ears.
“Jae,” B repeated, nestling into his back. And for the next few minutes, she kept saying his name, each one sounding stronger than the last. His heart was soaring so much he was certain he would fly home tonight.
“I love you,” he told her when she finally stepped back and B nodded, blowing him a kiss as she kept backing away, turning to go inside her house. And once she was up at her window, she threw it open to wave him off, Jae kicking up his heels before racing off to get home before curfew.
“Beatrice.”
B shook her head, as she wiped down the mugs. Jae crossed it off his list, continuing with three others before he said the next name.
“Becky.” He watched as she stilled, a small smile crossing her lips before she shook her head again. Jae leaned over the counter, noticing the look in her eyes. “Becky. It’s Becky, isn’t it?!”
However, his lover shook her head, avoiding his gaze now. Jae laughed. “B is for Becky. Now here I thought I would feel more than this after figuring out your name.”
Turning around so fast that she almost dropped the mug in her hand, B reached for Jae’s pen he had with his paper, scrawling down a rapid sentence. He read it and laughed. “You can’t say that’s not your name, you responded to it. Becky suits you! You’re my Becky.”
“And you’re her Jae, huh?” Dowoon cooed when he came over to get a refill, his older friend now swatting him off. Dowoon then pointed to them both. “When’s the wedding? You two suit each other too well.”
Jae glanced at B blushing in front of him and then smacked his friend on the arm. “Why would you go and say that, look how uneasy you have made her! And what do you think I’m working towards? I need to know her name before I ask her to be my bride.”
They both jumped when there was a large clatter of noise; Jae leaning over the bar to see the mug B was drying had now broken into pieces on the ground. He rounded counter to reach down and scoop up the mess before she could. Instead of staying around to humour his statement, B darted out the back to her home, shutting the door behind her. Jae followed her out and banged on it, calling out to her loudly.
“I’m sorry, okay?! I didn’t mean to frighten you like that with my intentions. Won’t you just come out?!”
He heard shuffling inside behind the door, hopes rising when it unlatched before him. She didn’t fully appear, her hand thrusting out a piece of paper for him to take. As soon as he did, she shut it again, peering out through the window beside the door nervously.
“Why can’t you just come out and let me talk?” he breathed in frustration, unfolding the paper hastily, stopping when he saw what was on the page. Looking up at the woman watching him, Jae took a few deep breaths, licking his lips in anticipation.
“Rebecca.”
Although he now had the knowledge of her name, it had become quite the habit to call her B still. Becky had become his favourite though since she reacted to it so openly. It clearly had been a loving nickname of hers that she had been used to hearing until everyone stopped referring to her with that name. And although Jae still had no understanding of why everyone seemed to have forgotten her name over the years, he was all too happy to have now three things to call her by.
“And soon to be four, my love,” he breathed after kissing Becky tenderly, the tears in her eyes indicating how well he had done at proposing to her. “When do you want to get married?”
She pondered his question and then held up four fingers, Jae leaning down to kiss each of them before chuckling. “Four days, okay. We can do that.”
She slapped his arm as he laughed, tilting her head to the side with a reproachful expression. “I knew you meant four months. Though I could marry you in four hours, no, in four minutes if the clergy was present in the church right now.”
Becky grinned, nuzzling him and letting out a content sigh. “L-Love.”
“Love?” he repeated when he recovered from the surprise of hearing her speak again, his future wife now hiding her face with annoyance. He knew it had become such a habit not to speak that it was so difficult whenever she tried. Prying her hands away, Jae smiled warmly. “I love you too.”
Becky let out a breath, relieved he knew what she meant without the full sentence. “Love.”
“Forever, until death does us part,” Jae confirmed, unaware that those words would soon haunt his very existence.
“You must have loved her endlessly.”
Jae nodded, strumming lightly at the instrument before he got up and put it away. Returning to the side of the new resident at Seaside Manor, he attempted to smile. “It’s a shame I can’t remember what she looks like. It’s been so long. I half-hoped when she passed on that she would come and find me.”
He blinked back his emotions, clearing his throat awkwardly before looking in the direction of his companion. “Anyway, enough about me. What about you? You haven’t told me about your life story yet.”
“Well, you haven’t even asked me what my name is,” she mentioned with a giggle and he frowned, perhaps it was from revisiting the ghost of his past that made it feel too familiar. Still, for someone as beautiful as the woman beside him, Jae realised he should have expected her laugh to be just as sweet.
“Okay then, what is your name?”
“I actually don’t know.”
Jae laughed at the preposterous situation. “Then why did you ask me if I knew?!”
“Because I know that guitar,” she started, smiling at Jae before reaching out to cup his cheek tenderly. Her touch flooded his senses, bringing forth images over a hundred years old to the surface. He gasped, feeling foolish that he hadn’t realised why he had been so attracted to her when she arrived with her living companion earlier in the week. It was just like the first meeting all over; she truly did have the best pair of eyes he had ever seen. Her smile continued. “And I know you. So tell me, what is my name?”
Jae leaned in, kissing Becky passionately before he captured her face within his hands.
Summary: All B wanted was to talk to her lover. But after the tragic way her mother had died, it felt as if misfortune would keep her thoughts inside of her forever.
Pairing: Jae Park x OC
World: Her Name (read HERE) / Spiritual Connection
Genre: angst / romance / period au
Warnings: death
A/N: If you’re anything like I was, there were a few things in Her Name that weren’t answered. Like why B couldn’t talk, why no one seemed to speak her name and what she was thinking when Jae was doing that he was! And so with a request from @noona-clock who also wanted to know what her character was up to, I’ve written this POV.
It’s going to make no sense if you don’t read Her Name first, which I’ve linked above.
Word count: 4708
Tragic was the only word Becky could use to explain her existence.
From the moment she was born to the day she died, she had been followed around by misfortune. It was unfair, and she had cried that towards the Gods for most of her life. Yet she had equally been aware of how foolish it was to expect anything good to happen in her life when she knew her fate was to lose all those who meant the most to her.
She had been far too greedy and thus suffered the consequence.
As a young child, Becky had lived carefree, her spirit as loud as her voice was. Her name would fall from the lips of every resident in the village daily, and most often from her mother.
“Becky!”
“Yes mama?”
“Come inside before you catch a chill!” the woman called from the front door and the young child looked at the small hut she had been playing in among the trees and then back at her mother. The woman smiled and so she began to move, rushing into her arms quickly. “Why, your skin is like ice!”
“I’ll warm up faster if your arms remain like this,” she replied and her mother chuckled, rubbing her hands gently over her child. Becky grinned up at her. “You have the magic touch!”
“I’m your mother; it would be a crime if I did not have some special ability to protect you.”
And protect her, she had.
The fire had taken hold of everything in its path, flames licking up the walls of the building as if it were made of mere parchment. Becky wrestled in the grip of those holding her back, screaming out for her mother to return after she had been pushed out of the house to safety. Her world was engulfed by the flames, her screams heard by no one to save the woman she cared for the most.
Instead, the words of others burdened her further in the wake of her mother’s death.
“The fire? It was started because of my daughter here. She got sick and Mary was trying to keep her warm. I told her the upstairs fireplace wasn’t safe but Becky was frozen, what could she do? She barely managed to save her before the fire took over.”
Her father’s admission to those asking questions burdened his daughter with the weight of her mother’s demise. It was because of her, because she had gone out into the cold one too many times that she had gotten sick and needed the extra heating.
Becky’s illness only deepened, leaving her father stricken with the loss of his wife and now her ailing health. And yet, there was no magic touch that could cure this, no comforting words to be breathed into her hair as she wrestled with her fever. It was a long twenty days stuck in bed, walking the fine line between death and living. She longed to see her mother, uncaring of the life around her. There was no desire to play, to sing, to even talk. What words could she express to her father? Her apologetic heart was too heavy for the words to even fall from her lips. The guilt consumed her, detaching her from all that surrounded her. The faces of the townspeople, their eyes filling with sadness, with pity. There goes the girl who now had no mother.
The mother she had insisted warm her up when she couldn’t remove the shiver from her body.
For some reason, the Gods would not accept Becky’s departure from this world. As her health returned and she grew stronger by the day, Becky came to realise this was her punishment. She would remain bound to this hellish existence for the crimes she had committed.
No one told her it wasn’t her fault. No one comforted her with the knowledge that it was an accident. Whilst it was a tragedy for the people of the village, to Becky it became a stain on her skin, something she couldn’t remove no matter how often she scrubbed at herself.
And because no one talked to her about it, she didn’t reach out either. What value did her words hold now? If she went out into the streets and cried, would someone come to her aide? Would they listen to her concerns? Her father barely spoke to her now, instead turned to the comfort of ale. He would drink until the innkeeper carried him upstairs to the room they shared, shaking his head with a sigh at the state of them both.
The widowed drunk and the murderer.
A change in scenery had her father hopeful their lives would improve. And although she was miserable, Becky yearned for the same kind of future. Two years had passed by and she felt enclosed in her hometown. Moving on meant she could break free from the shackles, from the status she felt pressed into there.
Still, it came with its own set of problems.
If the last village she lived in was far too quiet towards her, this one was far too loud.
“Hello!” a child greeted as she sat on the step of her new home, her father taking over the local tavern. Looking up at the boy, she politely smiled. “Do you want to come and play? What’s your name? I’m Wonpil!”
Becky blinked, her mouth opening just a little, a huff of air leaving her. It had been so long since anyone has asked her something and now she had been asked two questions within a minute. It put her in a bind, especially since she couldn’t seem to answer either of his questions.
Wonpil frowned, looking over at his friends by the tree for assistance. Two more joined him and Becky pressed her back into her front door.
“Do you not want to play?” one of them asked and the other looked at her feet where she had been drawing with a stick.
He smiled. “B? My name starts with a B too. I’m Brian and this is Sungjin. Say, if you don’t want to share your full name with us, I’m going to call you B!”
“B, do you want to play?” Wonpil asked with renewed interest and she nodded feebly, following the boys out into the field where she ran around until the sun went down.
As the years went by, B was all she went by. The lively Becky she knew of had long disappeared, and she had grown accustomed to being B. The girl who didn’t speak, who lived with a book firmly in front of her face and with a small network of young men who protected her from having to try and be anything else. Brian, Wonpil and Sungjin had gone into the workforce now, labouring the lands of the estate that ran this village. There wasn’t time left to play as they once did, instead it was common they would come to the tavern she now worked in to check on her and drink down an ale after a hard day’s work. Dowoon had soon joined them and his inquisitive nature over why she didn’t speak soon settled.
In fact, the whole town never questioned it these days. There had been some talk when she and her father first moved in, though with a brief explanation that she had lost her ability to talk in an accident, no one seemed to press the matter further.
She was able to exist, slip by under the radar and hear all too much when those around her didn’t add her into conversations. Sometimes Becky wanted to scream or tell them of her thoughts. When Clyde started cheating on his wife with the daughter of the local physician, she had wanted to alert someone about it. Murray would often sit and wonder where all his money was going and she knew that it was his son who was taking it from under his nose. It was a little frustrating to know all these things and yet she was someone no one expected to hear from so what good would it do?
Despite not being able to talk, she had a lot to say still. She would write down everything, her journal her only solace. It was the only thing that saw her true thoughts and held all her conversations.
Until she met the newcomer.
When her friends entered the bar, Becky had rushed towards the counter, smiling brightly as Brian greeted her. She went from one face to the next, taking in the little changes that being out in the sun all day was doing to them. And then she stopped short, blinking slowly at the man who trailed in behind them. His eyes took their time to soak her in, a small yet warm smile crossing his lips.
“Ma’am.”
She didn’t know what to do. With his one word, Becky felt her heart begin to thud in her chest. Turning away rapidly, she started preparing drinks for the workers. Just who was this tall fellow with her friends? Glancing over at their table now and then, she found him staring at her, his gaze curious. She knew it wouldn’t take long, the men he sat with would tell him what he needed to know.
She didn’t talk, so just leave her be.
For some peculiar reason, Becky yearned to have a voice now. Eighteen years had passed without using it and it felt like an impossible feat to even work her lips in a way to speak a single word. And yet, every time the handsome man walked into the tavern, the same longing would overwhelm her, especially when he started sitting up on the stools before the counter.
Becky had learned his name was Jae and he had travelled from the city to the countryside from overhearing a conversation about him. She wished to know more. Why did he leave the city and come here? What was the city like? Did he like being so close to the sea? And most importantly, why was his voice like honey, soothing to listen to at any time?
“Hello, B, how are you?” Jae greeted as he held his hand up with a wave, his smile knocking some of the air out of her lungs. She smiled, turning to make him a drink before placing it down on the top of the counter.
Jae was unlike most men who worked around here. They would turn up for their lager and down it almost immediately in some game of masculinity. It was expected to drink a lot whilst in this establishment, as a way to release the tension of the working day. More often than not, Jae would barely even touch his drink, instead resting his elbows on the countertop and lazily holding his head in his hands.
And he would watch her.
It didn’t feel invasive, although the attention was more than she was used to. Normally she was only good for handing out drinks and becoming part of the bar like some fixture until a new round was needed.
No one paid much attention to her since she didn’t offer them a reason to.
Yet Jae was adamant to talk to her.
“Today the flowers began to bloom in the gardens at the estate. They looked lovely against the house, though I’m not fond of the bees that come with them. The other day, Dowoon got stung by one of them. It sure was a bit of a panic until he stopped his screaming.”
Becky spent the following morning staring into the mirror before her and trying to will her mouth to speak. She had wanted to ask what kind of flowers were growing there and if Dowoon was okay.
This kind of feeling continued every time she met with Jae. He would ask her silly little questions that he knew she couldn’t just answer with a shake or nod of her head, or tell her something that happened, and she would practise until her throat hurt and tears would fall the following day, wishing there was a way she could talk again.
It was a mixed feeling of happiness and dread whenever she saw Jae step inside and walk her way because of how different he was from everyone else.
And once again, he had been asking her one too many questions in a row before he stopped to smile, humming softly. “Are your eyes brown or hazel?”
Enough was enough. She groaned which surprised not only Jae but herself, his laughter soon tumbling out. The joyous sound made her knees weak and she turned away from him, gripping onto the counter in hopes it would keep her steady. And once she recovered, she faced Jae again, smiling forcibly.
“You know, I’m just going to keep annoying you right?”
If only he knew it was only annoying because she couldn’t respond back.
Jae came up with a solution to that. After a night in the bar with pen and paper, Becky had found there to be an easier way for the pair to converse. And since it had been almost two decades since she had a proper conversation with anyone, writing letters back and forth with Jae excited her to no end. No longer did her journal house her unspoken words, instead, she wrote them to Jae. Perhaps, she shared too much. He would always joke about how many extra pages she had him read each time, but she knew Jae enjoyed them all.
The only thing she didn’t share with him was her name. He, much like the rest of this township knew her as B and Becky was a person only she knew well. It felt wrong to let her out after all these years, even if she wanted to hear the way he said her name in person. Jae could say anything to her and Becky would listen avidly, his voice now addictive as much as his thoughts were.
So it surprised her to find him on her doorstep mid-morning, talking with her father and asking to take her out. She could see the picnic basket in his hand and she gasped, unsure what to do in that moment. Darting outside before her father could say anything, Becky stood before Jae entirely flustered. His smile only increased that feeling and she let out a whine before racing back inside to change. She couldn’t believe he was here and wanting to spend time with her.
When his hand swung near hers on the way to the lakeside to have their picnic, Becky tried not to grab it for her own. She knew she was infatuated by the man and she had a suspicion he felt similar. It wasn’t until he took her hand and threaded his fingers with hers that she realised that there was more to them than fascination. For her, she couldn’t imagine going long without seeing him now.
And as he read to her after eating together, she wanted nothing more than the love story he spoke of to become theirs, nestling into his side and dreaming of a world where she could tell him she loved him ardently, just as the protagonist of the novel had.
After their first picnic, Jae took Becky out with him whenever he could. And each time she would find herself staring at him, hoping he could see with her eyes just how much she adored him. She wanted nothing more than to shout it from the rooftops, to tell him all the ways she loved him.
But she couldn’t bring herself to write it down in ink.
So when he kissed her after playing in the lake together and uttered he loved her, well, Becky felt too many emotions to comprehend. Of course, she was relieved to hear the words from his mouth, knowing she had sent them over and over with her heart to him. But she was disappointed that she couldn’t say it back. That her lips wouldn’t utter three magical words. With all her endless mirror practice, her muscles had developed and she was making noises she hadn’t in some time. Becky was still a long way from being able to tell him of her feelings that way. And she was ashamed, wondering if their whole lives together would pass by with her pleading for words to fall from her mouth.
Jae didn’t care that she didn’t talk though. He never held it against her, often telling her he felt full whenever he was with her. Slowly, he began to break down that stigma as their relationship developed, expressing that her ways of communicating were his favourite. He empowered her and comforted those nerves whenever they arose again.
And he knew she loved him entirely, just as much as he told her every time they met.
With the budding romance now in full bloom, Becky didn’t know how much longer she would take being separated from him. Sending him away every night after their time together made her ache more. She wanted more than they had, greedy for a life she had dreamed of for so long now. One where she could call him hers and fall asleep at his side every night. She was reluctant to let him out of her sight now that he was the most important person in her world.
Knowing she wasn’t there with him at any given moment made her uneasy.
And just as he had last time, Jae dropped her off at her front door with a parting kiss, his lips lingering longer than needed. Her hands held him more tightly, hoping he wouldn’t step back, that there could be a way where he could come inside with her. Although it was unfathomable, especially before marriage, she didn’t want to think of him sleeping elsewhere.
Still, he moved back and her heart cried again. His name repeated in her head with each step he took away from her, and with her desperation, she finally found a way to speak it. Running to him, she clung to her lover, saying his name over and over.
It was the turning point they both needed.
“Beatrice,” Jae suggested and Becky shook her head, cleaning the mugs as she watched him cross the name off. He said three more until the next name rolled off his tongue, piercing her mind and imprinting immediately. “Becky.”
She smiled, trying to keep it together at his name suggestion. Technically, it was all she had gone by. Although her name was Rebecca in full, she couldn’t remember anyone ever calling her that. And so, she shook her head since he was still playing the guessing game over her name for as long as he had known her. She couldn’t help but inwardly giggle, knowing the man would never guess her name if he kept looking at B names.
“Becky. It’s Becky, isn’t it?!” Jae exclaimed, leaning forward towards her. Then he laughed as she shook her head and looked away. “B is for Becky. Now here I thought I would feel more than this after figuring out your name.”
No, it’s not, she answered after whipping around and scrawling down a reply with his pen.
“You can’t say that’s not your name, you responded to it. Becky suits you! You’re my Becky.”
Her heart swooned despite her avoidance of the situation. She tried to tune out Dowoon’s teasing that started when he approached the pair at the bar as she worked on settling her emotions, though when she heard the word wedding, she began to blush profusely.
“Why would you go and say that, look how uneasy you have made her! And what do you think I’m working towards? I need to know her name before I ask her to be my bride.”
Her ears began to ring as she let go of the mug she had been working on, staring down at the broken pieces before her. Jae appeared in her blurred vision then and before she could think too much about it, Becky ran off, shutting the front door before Jae could reach her.
And then she began to panic.
If she had told him her name sooner, would they already be man and wife by now? Why had she felt the strong urge to keep it from him? There was no need to lie, and she never had, but omitting the facts of her earlier life had made her feel guilty. Here she had the most amazing man standing before her and she was scared that he wouldn’t want to be with her after he knew everything.
“I’m sorry, okay?! I didn’t mean to frighten you like that with my intentions. Won’t you just come out?!” Jae yelled as he banged on the door.
If Jae wanted to marry her, then she would need to tell him everything. Starting with her name. And after scribbling it down on a piece of paper, she thrust it out the door, watching his reaction through the window beside it.
“Why can’t you just come out and let me talk?” he breathed in frustration, unfolding the paper hastily, stopping when he saw what was on the page. Jae then spoke her name into existence. “Rebecca.”
It was a small step forward. Much like her ability to breathe out his name, hearing him call her by Becky took some getting used to. She had so much more to tell him, and yet he was talking more than usual.
“Won’t you just marry me right now?” he whined for the umpteenth time and Becky bit her lip, shooting him a reproachful stare. Jae chuckled. “I don’t want to wait two more months. You’re my bride to be, let’s just get hitched tomorrow.”
“It doesn’t work that way, Jae,” Sungjin chuckled as he looked between the couple. “We have work tomorrow.”
“And with Christmas right around the bend, that work will see no end to it,” Brian added on with a sigh. He then smiled at Becky. “Though, I do say, you will be the sweetest Christmas bride, Becky.”
She glowed, nodding lightly and burying into Jae’s arm. He chuckled. “It doesn’t matter what day it is, of course my love will be the most beautiful bride to exist.”
“Yeah-yeah, we get it,” Wonpil said with a sigh and Dowoon grinned. “Rub it in our faces, true love exists.”
“And it’s never separated,” Sungjin mused. “I’m glad you have each other.”
“Me too,” Jae commented on Becky’s behalf, nuzzling her nose affectionately. It wasn’t often that Jae showed his love for her in front of his friends, but lately he was increasingly clingy.
Becky didn’t mind it one bit, soaking in every sweet gesture as she counted down the days until she spoke the two words she had been practising endlessly. I do.
Though fate would have it, she would never get to say them.
“Wake up! The estate is on fire!” someone shrilled outside in the street and she sat up with a start, her heart hammering in her chest as she threw clothing on.
She could see the haze of the fire up ahead, the large estate engulfed in flames. Becky tried to rush, though her legs felt like lead, her memories as a child flooding her senses. She saw both worlds through eyes of terror, her steps sluggish as the screams began to erupt in her chest.
She needed to get to Jae, to see him and touch him. To know he was alright and safe. She needed to breathe but her lungs were too heavy, the smoke too thick around her.
“JAE!” she screamed as loudly as she could before her mind blanked out, collapsing to the ground.
When Becky came to, she was in her bed. Thrashing away from the blankets, she sat up with a start, her chest too heavy to comprehend anything. Where was Jae and why was he not here for her?
“My dear, you need to rest. Please,” begged the kind old lady from next door. Becky scanned her expression, noting the downcast expression. She had seen that look before, many years ago as a child. Choking back a sob, she tried to speak.
“J-Jae?”
Lifting a handkerchief to her weathered face, the woman tried to stem her tears. “We need to focus on getting better first.”
“Jae!” Becky repeated with more force, the tears rolling into the grooves on the woman’s face. “Jae!”
“I’m afraid he has perished with the fire. All the gardening men did.”
It was like déjà vu. The agony of loss crippled her and Becky succumbed to a terrible illness. She wished to leave this earth, to follow Jae and her friends into the afterlife. There was nothing left for her now.
Against her own will, Becky began to recover. Her health mocked her, punishing her to another season of misfortune. She was numb to the world, staring out at the lake often enough that when she entered it, her father was there to save her before her last breath.
And he promptly sent her to live with a relative in the city.
Aunt Maggie had lost her husband five years previous and had lived a miserable, lonely existence since. She didn’t ask much of Becky outside of cleaning and cooking and never sought out her company. Still, Maggie was a comfort in this harsh world whilst Becky lived out ten more years before passing peacefully in her sleep.
It wasn’t as simple as she had thought death to be. There were rules that kept her bound to her home in the city. There was no ability to find the man she loved, no matter how often she tried. Though there was one thing that returned to her and it made her laugh bitterly to have it back. She could talk with complete ease now and no one was there to hear her.
Apart from the young daughter of the household, many years onward. Rose leaned forward, abandoning the dollhouse before her. “What is your name?”
Frowning, the ghost shook her head. “Well, I don’t quite remember. I feel it starts with a B though.”
“I shall refer to you as B then!”
It felt fitting and she would often find herself writing a J next to the B whenever she held a pen. She hadn’t forgotten his face, no matter how many years had travelled between them. But she had very little to go on, mere fragments of her past appearing in dreams. Kisses against a tree or holding his hand and swinging it as she laughed; they were few and far between. Those thoughts kept her on edge even when Rose stopped playing with her, a need to find him, to search for the man who held her heart. She could describe him right down to the shade of his dusky rose lips, and yet no full name matched him.
He was simply J and she was B.
“Where are you heading Rose?” B asked of the now middle-aged woman she had been assigned to, watching as the woman packed a suitcase with enough supplies for a weekend away. Curious, and quite frankly relieved to leave the confines of her home in the city, B travelled as Rose’s companion. They arrived within two hours to their destination, an old manor standing proudly before them. B looked towards the view of the sea below and sighed, it felt so familiar to her.
Following Rose up into the bed and breakfast, she marvelled at the history of this place. It had clearly seen a lot of hard and prosperous moments in its time and as she walked with Rose into the main living room, B stopped in her tracks as she listened to two men talking together that no one seemed to pay any attention to.
B knew that voice anywhere, and a flood of memories resurfaced, rooting her to the spot she stood upon. And when one of the men turned to her, the other pointing out that she was dead like they were, she smiled softly.
