Impossibility Is a Kiss Away from Reality (16/17)
Pairing: Jace/Alec
Rating: E
Summary: “Where is this safe house anyway?” Jace asked when he finally woke up and didn’t feel hot and sticky anymore. He was lying on Alec’s chest, Alec’s hand threading gently in his hair. “Iceland,” was Alec’s murmured answer.
Notes: Chapter 16 of Sense8 AU. I apologize for the long wait, but it's a whopping almost 12k of a chapter that took a while to refine to an updatable version. Don't worry though, the next AKA last chapter is already well underway, so i hope it'll be around much sooner. In the meantime, enjoy! (So close to the end...wow)
Home
The next couple of days were a fog of shivers and deep, deep tiredness. Jace wanted nothing more but to enjoy the fact that Alec was there with him, yet he felt so bad that he could barely stay awake. Not that he didn’t feel Alec anyway; the way he cared for him and stayed next to him no matter the risk of falling ill himself. No, even in slumber Alec was by his side, no longer as an echo, but a buzzing, concrete presence. Unlike before, it wasn’t something that Jace could simply block out in the blink of an eye, or choose to be unaware of if he so decided. Alec’s arms around him as he slept were only ever that, and Jace reveled in it. He was also sure that whenever they could have both their psychic connection and their physical at the same time, it would all feel even more complete, but, for now, Jace would take this over anything.
He couldn’t tell how much time passed while he was in that state, shivering under the covers, being fed chicken soup at regular intervals, or being comforted after a nightmare that was a little too real. In those moments he was barely able to thank Alec…Jace so needed to make it up to him at some point.
“Where is this safe house anyway?” Jace asked when he finally woke up and didn’t feel hot and sticky anymore. He was lying on Alec’s chest, Alec’s hand threading gently in his hair.
“Iceland,” was Alec’s murmured answer.
Jace looked up at him with pasty eyes. “You’re kidding.”
Jace felt more than heard Alec’s chuckle. “Nah, it’s true. We’re in a cabin surrounded by snow. A quite cozy one, if I say so myself,” Alec teased, nuzzling his nose against Jace’s hair.
Jace hummed in contentment, wrapping his arms further around Alec, before a thought crossed his mind. “Wait, but shouldn’t we have been on a plane, then? Did I sleep through all of it?”
“Yeah, actually,” Alec confirmed, now pressing a kiss on Jace’s forehead. “You were awake a few times, when we had to walk. But I guess you weren’t exactly conscious enough to remember it.”
Jace hummed again, this time more somber. The room they were in indeed looked nice, he thought as he looked around and took notice of it for the first time. The bed they were lying in stood in a corner, opposite a small kitchen, with table and a few chairs, and a living room, which was really just a couch, a very big fireplace and, ironically, a vertical piano. Considering a fire crackling happily and the warm color of the wooden panels as well, everything made a very homey picture. If it weren’t for the dire circumstances, this would’ve been the perfect vacation place.
Jace averted his eyes from that sight to turn back towards Alec. He had clearly been staring at him, which Jace could understand, since he felt the same way; like he had too much time to make up for. His body literally ached with the need to get to know Alec’s, finally, finally get to know it. So with nimble fingers Jace started touching every inch of Alec that he could reach, from his face to his neck to his arms, letting the sensation travel inside of him, changing something in him irreversibly; he could never unknow Alec now. And Jace’s lips ached too, yearning to kiss, to trace skin…yet Jace managed to restrain himself. He did not want to end up covering Alec in snot.
“I really need a shower,” Jace admitted, reluctantly disentangling himself from Alec. Enjoying the fact that Alec seemed just as reluctant.
“You’re feeling a little better?” Alec asked him softly, sitting up as Jace left the bed.
“I’ll tell you when I’m out of the shower.”
“Do you need any help?”
Jace merely shook his head, smiling at Alec and his endless consideration.
It was not as if he didn’t know that it would’ve been nice to have Alec in the shower with him, but Jace also knew that he needed some space to collect himself, so that he could wash away the grime not just from his body, but from his mind.
It did work. When Jace stepped out of the bathroom freshly clean and dressed in clothes Alec had provided him with, he felt almost like himself again, as if all the hell that had happened, had happened to someone else. And from now on, things could only go up, right?
Even in doubt, as Jace stretched his arms and back he couldn’t help the moan of satisfaction, nor the smile appearing on his face when his eyes landed on Alec, who was still sitting on the bed. He felt even better when Alec returned it.
“God, I so needed that,” Jace stated proudly, as he plopped back on the bed. “What’s that?”
Alec was putting down a pen and what looked like a notebook on his bedside table. “Remember when I said we should’ve written everything down, in case anything happened?”
“Oh. Yeah…”
Both their smiles turned rueful.
“Yeah,” Alec agreed. “Things did happen before I could actually do it, but I – I still think it’s important.” Alec regarded him with a piercing look in his eyes, which clearly betrayed the turmoil underneath. “When I – when I entered the room, and you looked at me as if I was a stranger…I don’t ever want to relive that, Jace.”
Jace hadn’t wanted to think about it, about any of it; everything was still too raw, too fresh… Yet, the pain Jace could see embedded in Alec’s every feature couldn’t be escaped, because it was also his own, no matter the fact that they couldn’t technically feel each other in that very moment. Jace looked down at his hands then, suddenly unable to hold Alec’s gaze. “Alec, I’m so sorry, I–”
“Hey, don’t…” A hand entered Jace’s vision, covering Jace’s own, while another lifted Jace’s chin until they were eye to eye again. That didn’t make it any easier to accept the affection Jace could see literally pouring out of Alec. “I told you that you have nothing to apologize for.”
“But I – I forgot. I let myself be taken, I couldn’t do anything, I…”
Alec scooted closer, grabbing either side of Jace’s face. “Jace, don’t say that. That kind of torture you went through…I only experienced it for a few minutes, and it was already hell. I can’t even imagine what it must’ve been like for you, all that time…” Jace closed his eyes, a traitorous tear trickling down his cheek, which Alec’s thumb wiped away. “Valentine is or…was a madman, and it’s all on him, everything that’s happened to you, to us. Jace, look at me.” The sudden steel in Alec’s voice could only make Jace comply. “Whether he’s dead or not, he’s not getting near you ever again. Ever. And that is a promise.”
A lump had formed in Jace’s throat, preventing him to get any words out. So he could only surge forward, capturing Alec’s lips with his own, demandingly, desperately. And a gasp escaped both of them; they were still not used to it at all, to it being like this. They might have already kissed in that cabin, but Jace had been so feverish that he hadn’t been able to register everything that he should have. Now, he could finally conclude that he had been right in thinking that, since kissing Alec in his head had been incomparable to anything else he had ever experienced, kissing him for real could only be that, plus all their past distance colliding together in one single moment, one single touch.
Well, more than one, with every touch better than the last, so that Jace almost had to wonder how he could’ve thought he knew what kissing felt like. And he couldn’t even imagine what it’d be like when they wouldn’t be under the effect of the blockers anymore; Alec’s hands on him were already too much like this, in their simple physicality, as they slipped under Jace’s shirt to caress his skin. And the little sounds Alec made in his throat only spurred Jace more, while their mouths moved in sync, open and wanting, their tongues tangling and chasing after one another in the most enthralling of dances. Jace was right about to lift Alec’s shirt, while he trailed kisses down Alec’s jaw, his neck, his shoulders…when he froze.
“Wait, Alec…”
Alec leaned back immediately, his hands falling from Jace’s sides as he looked at him with concern. “What? Are you okay? Do you want me to…?”
Jace stopped Alec, who was about to move away, by grabbing his arm. “No, no, I’m fine, I just…I first need to know what is going on.” Jace rubbed his eyes tiredly, already feeling a headache coming. “Just…un-fuck my head before you fuck me, you feel me?”
Alec snorted loudly, but he nodded as he relaxed in Jace’s hold. “Oh, right, of course. What – what do you want to know?”
“What don’t I want to know…” Jace forced himself to focus. “Just, start with Clary, Simon and Jonathan. What the fuck is their deal?”
“Yeah…” Alec crossed his legs, his teeth worrying at his lips before he went on, “well, Clary and Simon, they’re – they’re parabatai, too.”
Okay, Jace’s head had already exploded at the first sentence; forget un-fucking it, this was definitely going to make it all even worse. “W – what?! Alec, are you for real? They’re…” As he thought more about it, Jace just had to get up from the bed and start pacing around the room. “Oh my god…fucking Columbia! I always thought it was weird how Simon just came to live with Clary out of the blue, from the other side of the world, when she had never even mentioned him! But, so what, how does that make them badass shooters and fighters? What’s up with that?” Jace rounded on Alec, and he knew he must’ve looked completely bonkers, but he couldn’t exactly care right now.
Alec moved his hands wildly as he spoke, “They’re in this organization, called the Shadowhunters. They’ve been fighting against Valentine’s Circle for years! It’s a group of both parabatai and not. There’s Clary’s mother too, Jocelyn…Clary told me she defected from the Circle after Valentine lobotomized his own parabatai, and she’s been on the run with her children all these years, hiding from him. I don’t know when or how she joined the Shadowhunters, though. They – they kind of caught me sneaking around the place where you had been kidnapped, and thought I was part of the Circle. Wanted information from me and all. It – it took me a while to earn their trust…let’s just say they were very surprised that you had a long-lost parabatai. They always thought you weren’t one.”
“Oh, they always thought that,” Jace said in a mock-sweet voice, his blood now simmering in his veins as he resumed his pacing around the room. “And how is that?”
“Well, you know, Clary tried connecting with you, but she never could…” Alec started wringing his hands together. “Jace, I know this is a lot, but…”
“But what?! So what if I wasn’t a parabatai, why the hell did they never tell me what Valentine was up to and that they were doing something about it, eh?”
It wasn’t fair taking it out on Alec, Jace knew that, but it was not as if he had much of a choice, trapped as they were in that cabin, which was starting to look more and more like a proper prison.
“I guess they didn’t want to involve you more than you already were,” Alec suggested tentatively, “they must’ve wanted you to have a normal life…”
“A normal life?! When did I ever have…” The sound of utter frustration that came out of Jace’s throat was entirely animalistic. “I’ve literally spent all these years, all my goddamn life scared shitless that he would come back, completely in the dark of what his plans were, while my closet friends, my family knew all along and constantly lied to me about it?! No, I can’t believe it, I can’t…”
“Jace, I know, I know, okay? It’s not fair, they shouldn’t have lied to you, of course they shouldn’t have, but…”
“Don’t even start this with me, Alec. There are no buts, how can you justify…?”
“I’m not justifying anything! What do you think I felt when I found out about my father? I know it’s a lot to take in, accept, or even begin to forgive…I’m just saying I understand them.”
There was a pause, the sudden silence ringing in Jace’s ears. The need to burst out of that cabin, all the way back to London, rose strong in him then, the knowledge that he couldn’t only making him madder. Either way, everything would be better than focusing on what Alec had said, and how that made him feel.
“Jace, please, come here, come here,” Alec was begging him.
Jace scoffed. “And why should I? You understand the people who lied to me all my life…”
“You’re not listening! Please, hey…” Alec was sitting at the edge of the bed, and his long arms managed to catch Jace around the middle as he passed in front of him in his pacing. Jace didn’t have the energy to not fall into it, so he hoped his glare would be enough to convey his distaste regarding the situation. “I understand their need to protect you, okay? That’s all I want. I’ve been so scared, Jace, not knowing what was happening to you, then knowing too much of what was happening to you…and now I can even remember what it was like for you as a kid! And to think that if I had really understood what was going on, I could’ve told someone to come and help you much, much sooner…”
Jace couldn’t even care about the quickness with which he deflated like a balloon. He merely took a shaky breath, before his arms shot up around Alec, and he was on Alec’s lap, wrapped tightly in Alec’s embrace.
“I’m sorry, I know, I’m not mad at you, I’m not even really mad at them,” Jace mumbled against Alec’s neck, his voice cracking helplessly. “Just, do you think they’re…fine?”
“I don’t know, Jace. I don’t know.” Alec sighed as he hugged him even more, pressing kisses on the side of Jace’s face he could reach.
“What if we went off the blockers for a few minutes and checked on them? If they didn’t succeed, it’s already happened, hasn’t it?”
Alec paused, the moment stretching all around them, and Jace had to bite his lip as he already knew what the answer would be. “Yeah, but…are we really ready to face the possibility of Valentine appearing right here, right now? In a few days we could be more prepared, we’d be able to run…”
“But why would we have to run anyway? How would Valentine know where we are from the inside of this cabin? The windows are shielded, we could literally be anywhere!”
Alec leaned back, making Jace meet his gaze. “We don’t know how much he knows. What if he recognizes the architecture, the type of wood or any other little thing we wouldn’t notice? I’m so sorry, Jace, but we can’t risk it, not quite yet.”
Jace’s insides were at war against one another, so that his stomach was a maelstrom of bad feelings. In the end, there wasn’t much he could do beside give in, feeling spent as he buried his face against Alec’s neck once again.
“I’m sure they’re fine, though,” Alec added in a whisper. “I – I have a feeling, I think it might be called hope.”
Jace chuckled weakly. “I knew you were a sap.” He pressed a kiss under Alec’s jaw, unable to suppress a small smile as he felt Alec shiver. They didn’t move, for a few long moments, and Jace knew that they were both basking in each other’s presence. Until a thought occurred to him. “But what about your family? What did you tell them when you left? Do they know where you are?”
Alec tensed, his hands balling into fists against Jace, so that Jace started threading his fingers through the hair at the back of Alec’s head in reassurance. “I told Izzy and Lydia that I was coming to London because you were in danger from a – a terrible father. Izzy wasn’t pleased to know I had kept a boyfriend secret from her, nor did they like that I left so abruptly with so little explanation, but they promised to cover for me. I – I haven’t been able to call them at all, and I bet they’re worried sick for me…my parents too, who knows what they’re thinking. So yeah, lying is a very shitty thing to do, I know.”
“I wasn’t exactly crystal clear either,” Jace admitted forlornly, kissing Alec on the cheek. Then, he adjusted himself so that he was straddling Alec’s lap, his hands on either side of Alec’s face to look him firmly in the eye. “But you’re right, everything will end up alright. They succeeded, we will be free to do anything we want, they’ll all forgive us, and we’ll forgive them.”
Alec rested their foreheads together, taking a few deep breaths, nodding slowly. “I love you, Jace.”
Jace didn’t think he would ever get tired of hearing that. He smiled. “I love you too, Alec.”
Everything was not alright quite yet. Doom hung above their heads, the future a mystery they would have to face at some point. But, for now, they had each other. And a very big bed.
*
It didn’t take long before they ended up lying in bed. Every kiss kindled a fire deep in Alec’s stomach, which Alec did not want to extinguish at all, but rather keep feeding even more. It was almost as if he hoped that it’d be able to burn away every imprint, every trace of what had happened the last few days; all the worry, the bone-deep fear and anger he’d felt before, during and after Jace’s rescue, all the tiredness that had settled in him ever since that last night in his apartment in New York, after which he didn’t think he had fully slept even once. Especially in that cabin, watching over Jace had been far more important.
However, maybe things were finally turning around. Jace was back to being himself; he remembered him, he loved him, he was scared and worried just as much as Alec was. Together, they could hope for a better future…or at least try to, right?
Lying atop Jace, being cradled by his legs, his arms, being able to kiss him and touch him for real was also something that Alec was profoundly grateful for. He was still in awe of it, of the fact that having Jace there with him made every other human contact he’d ever had feel strangely fake. He could tell that something was missing, though; the absence of Jace’s mind, or soul, or whatever it should be called, that Alec had already gotten used to feel beside his own, was like an itch that he couldn’t scratch away, because it was simply unreachable. Alec couldn’t help but try to anyway, stretching his mind beyond the impossible, towards where he knew the core parts of Jace were…but he always came up empty. And to think that this was what his life had been like just a few months earlier; back then this kind of connection wouldn’t have been a requirement, yet, now that he knew a whole new world of possibilities, he couldn’t live without it. Normality was not what Alec craved anymore.
He craved Jace. All of him, and he wouldn’t settle for anything less. So this current arrangement had to be only temporary, even though what came after they got out of that cabin, for better or for worse, was still deeply undefined. Even in the best-case scenario, what would they do? Would they stay together? Where?
Those were some crucial questions that Alec would have to leave for later. For now, he raised Jace’s shirt, helping him get rid of it before doing the same to his own shirt.
Both of their hands seemed possessed, frantic, almost feverish in the way they roamed plains of skin and hair and muscles. Their mouths too, starved and desperate, seemed to want to consume every inch of each other all at once, getting frustrated when they couldn’t. Their heavy breathing, moans and hisses the only sounds in the room, they still tried to anyway.
By the time they were fully naked, Alec had to take a moment to simply look at Jace spread out under him, flushed and already glistening with sweat, smiling up at him from half-lidded eyes. No other sight had ever been more beautiful, more blessed, and Alec stared in awe. Until he kissed Jace again, slowly, deeply, a flood of emotions he couldn’t spell taking hold of him.
“I love you,” only partly covered it, but that was what Alec said, breathlessly. He would shout it from every rooftop, if that was possible.
Jace stared up at him, before pulling him in for another kiss instead of answering, and Alec understood. They rested against each other after that, catching their breath, but really just wanting to extend the moment as much as they could.
When Jace’s teeth grazed Alec’s ear playfully, however, Alec knew the time to stall was over. “Are you going to give it to me, or not?” Jace teased, the low end of his voice making the hair stand up on Alec’s skin.
“Impatient,” Alec shot back, a chuckle in his own voice. Pecking Jace’s lips once again, he sat back on his knees, even though his hands still didn’t want to leave Jace’s body. Nor could he resist bending down to leave a kiss on Jace’s thigh, as he drank in Jace’s rather dazed smile.
“Wait, shit,” Jace suddenly exclaimed, “we don’t have condoms and stuff.”
Alec grinned. “Yes, we do. This place is very thoroughly stocked. It must be a usual hiding place for long periods of time; there are condoms, lube, even dildos…”
Jace laughed heartily. “Perfect. Gotta hand it to the Shadowhunters, as far as preparation goes.”
Alec shook his head fondly, as he dived towards the bedside table and opened the bottom drawer. It was full to the brink with condoms. He took a couple out, as well as the lube that was in another drawer.
“How did you find all that anyway?” Jace asked him, wiggling his eyebrows.
“I had a lot of time to kill, didn’t I? I explored this entire place.”
Jace simply hummed in understanding.
“By the way, you’re wearing one too,” Alec told him pointedly. “I don’t want to make too much of a mess.”
Jace snickered as he nodded, but he stopped as soon as Alec opened one of the packages and rolled the condom on him, now far more occupied groaning at the sensation. After Alec did the same to himself, Jace drew him in for a kiss, which turned very heated straight away, with Jace locking him in place with his legs, starting to rock against him to let their erections grind together.
“Fuck,” Alec exclaimed, meeting Jace’s movements with his own for a few quick moments, biting hard on his lower lip to keep himself together.
Then he leaned back, not without letting his cock trace a line on the inside of Jace’s thigh, which, along with spreading Jace’s legs wider, seemed to meet Jace’s approval. Everything was indeed so damn intense, from the smallest of touches, and not only that; as Alec coated his hand with lube and started teasing Jace’s entrance with a finger, even just watching Jace’s pleasure was much more striking than it had been before. The rough edges of reality, from the heat to the smells to the pure physical contact, had something that couldn’t be replicated in a projection. Alec grabbed Jace’s hand, as his other one stretched Jace open from the inside, and he almost had to restrain himself from coming, completely untouched.
Jace wasn’t much better, considering the way he trembled and moaned with every thrust of Alec’s fingers. And far too soon Jace urged Alec to remove them, so that Alec could lay on top of him. Jace’s arms wrung around Alec in a fierce grip while their lips collided, and both of them groaned loudly as Alec didn’t waste any time in entering him. Jace was breathing heavily, wrapping his legs around Alec to better give him access, and Alec would’ve wanted to go slow and ease him into it, but Jace started moving his hips impatiently. A yelp left Alec’s lips as his cock fully sheathed itself into Jace, and it felt so good, too good, that he had to rest his forehead against Jace’s and stay completely still.
But not for long. Alec could feel the smile on Jace’s lips as he kissed him softly. They had really made it here, was the sole thought in Alec’s mind, and he smiled back, ignoring the tear that had trickled from the corner of his eye.
Jace was the one to deepen the kiss, his tongue exploring the inside of Alec’s mouth, and that spurred Alec to slide almost entirely out of him, so that he could push back in all the way. Jace broke off the kiss, his head falling on the pillow beneath him as he cried out, and Alec’s mouth took advantage of that to turn its attention on Jace’s exposed neck. Soon enough, Alec picked up a pace that rattled them both, as well as the bed under them. Alec knew they both would’ve wanted to make it last as long as possible, but they were already too far gone to hold themselves back.
So they didn’t, finding a rhythm together that burned through their system. A whimper escaped from Jace every time Alec hit his prostate, and, since he had already been close, it wasn’t long before he became tense in the ache for his release.
Alec doubled his efforts, murmuring, “Come, come for me, babe,” into Jace’s neck, into his skin, until Jace simply fell apart, a prolonged sound coming out of his wide-open mouth, as his walls started contracting around Alec’s cock. Alec didn’t have any more inhibitions then, thrusting wildly inside of Jace until his release shot up in him too, and he kissed Jace through both their completions.
They didn’t move for a long while after that, besides Alec reluctantly slipping out of Jace and discarding both their condoms on the floor somewhere. Gradually, they regained their breath and their minds still resting against one another, until Jace started chuckling.
“What?” Alec asked him.
“Nothing, I just think you just fucked my brain out.”
They both burst out laughing.
Eventually, they settled down, Alec hugging Jace to his chest like it had become his favorite habit. Jace fit just right in his hold. “We’ll get out of here, Jace,” Alec whispered against Jace’s hair, “and it’ll be alright.”
Jace hummed, placing one last kiss to Alec’s lips before they both fell asleep, feeling almost at peace. Almost.
When Alec woke up, he was alone, an empty space next to him where there shouldn’t have been. Already about to panic before he opened his eyes, a muted note played on the piano not far from the bed was what calmed him down. Sighing in relief, he immediately sat up, watching with a smile Jace in his element, realizing with a pang that he had missed music as a fundamental part of their life just as much as Jace most likely had.
Jace must’ve heard him move, because he spoke, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”
Alec shook his head, still smiling. “No, I – keep going. I love to hear you play.”
“You do, don’t you,” Jace teased, before he turned more somber, his fingers hovering over the keys. “It feels like it’s been ages, even if I know that it’s not technically true.”
“Yeah, I feel it too,” Alec agreed.
“Come sit with me,” Jace told him.
Alec did so eagerly, joining Jace at the piano after he had gotten up and put on a pair of clean boxers and a shirt. Jace hadn’t even bothered with the latter, and Alec kissed his bare shoulder as he sat down next to him. It was a tight fit, but Jace didn’t seem to mind, resuming to play without muting the sound.
“Hey, I know this,” Alec said after the first few accords, glancing at Jace only to see that a fond smile had appeared his face. “It’s the – the first song I heard you sing.”
Jace’s smile widened even more. “Yeah. This was the start of everything for us, wasn’t it?”
Alec smiled as well, nodding, before he started outright laughing. “God, yes. Didn’t we masturbate in our bathrooms after that? I was in the damn hospital.”
Jace snorted loudly. “Oh my god, you really did that. Now that I know you I’m even more flattered. Mr. Law and Order, so turned on by yours truly that he couldn’t resist masturbating in a hospital bathroom, while injured? The indecency…don’t you have any shame?”
“Shut up, you jerk.” Alec shoved Jace with his shoulder, his stomach starting to hurt for how much he was laughing. “And I so did, I was so embarrassed! I need to make you pay for that, you know that, right?”
“Bring it on,” Jace retorted in a lower tone, winking at him…and they were gone again, doubling over the piano for a good while. Jace was the first one to recover, wiping tears from his eyes. “Stop distracting me now, I was trying to play something.”
“Sorry, sorry.” Alec took a deep breath, a few more laughs escaping him before he calmed down entirely. “Go on.”
Jace restarted the song, surprising Alec when he began singing it. The mood shifted along with that, from playful to that brand of electric that Alec had come to associate with their connection. At some point Alec found himself with his head on Jace’s shoulder, so that he ended up both hearing and feeling the notes coming out of Jace. If only that moment could’ve lasted forever.
“Hey, at least we can say we have a song,” Alec whispered when silence finally settled on them and they still weren’t moving.
“Yeah, we do, don’t we?” Jace whispered back.
Alec raised his head, and the path to Jace’s lips was simple, inevitable. They didn’t rush it, their mouths moving together languidly, savoring each other as if they were on a romantic vacation and everything was okay.
There wasn’t much to do in that cabin. There were no electronic devices at all, since they would be traceable. So, after eating something rustled up from what they found in the cupboards, they could only sit back on the bed. Jace started his own memoire, and they stayed in companionable silence, deep in concentration over their notebooks…for all of ten minutes.
Then, as if on cue, they both threw everything away and were on each other all over again. Call them restless and insatiable, but they did have a lot to make up for, that was what Alec kept telling himself. Not that he really cared.
Even though they couldn’t project themselves in dozens of different positions, they still tried to spice things up a little. Jace ended up bent over a windowsill, one of his hands reaching backward to grasp something of Alec, as Alec pounded into him with abandon.
“Yes! Right…there! Keep–” Jace’s voice died in a groan, and he had to lean on both hands to not pummel forward. Alec had already given up on saying anything coherent, already in too deep, both literally and figuratively. Enthralled by the way Jace’s ass clenched and unclenched under him, his grip on Jace’s hips kept tightening and tightening with every thrust, as if he intended to leave his mark on Jace. And to be fair, he did.
But he didn’t want it to end just yet. Alec suddenly stilled while he was buried hilt-deep into Jace, the delay sending sparks all throughout his body and, most likely, Jace’s as well. Jace looked at him, clearly about to protest, but he seemed to change his mind, leaning back until he was almost flush against Alec’s chest. Alec had his arms wrapped around Jace, and he held him as their eyes met, something unnamable passing between them that spurred Alec to try and reach mentally for Jace once again. When it didn’t, obviously, work, Alec kissed him soundly instead. The angle wasn’t the best, but that wouldn’t have stopped him for anything in the world.
Then the moment passed. Jace bent forward again, and Alec didn’t waste any more time, being rewarded by Jace’s eager sounds as he picked up an even more rattling pace than before.
When his orgasm came, Alec zoned out for so long that he didn’t even realize Jace had come too, his arms trembling for the effort to keep himself upright on the ledge, and Alec had to quickly grab him to not let him fall head-first.
Chuckling, Alec guided them both back to the bed, where they collapsed side by side, still out of breath.
“Fuck, I think that was the best orgasm of my life,” Alec stated, incredulous.
“That? No, we can do better,” Jace replied with a smirk. “But I think If we don’t calm down, this cabin will be known as the sex-bin from now on,” Jace joked.
“By who?”
“Us, of course,” Jace answered. “After we get out of here.”
Alec hummed. He didn’t want to say If, but the word hung above them.
And they were back at it just a few hours of rest later…having no idea what time of the day it was. There was a grandfather clock in the room, plus Alec had a watch, but they had concluded that, since they had so much time to kill, it was best if the hours passed by unnoticed. They would know when time was up either way, as they would run out of blockers.
This time, they stayed on the bed, Alec the one on his hands and knees, even if it had taken some convincing.
“What, you literally were with a random guy, and you won’t let me top you?” Jace had asked him rather crossly.
“But I never do that kind of stuff!” Alec had protested. “That was entirely uncharacteristic of me, I never liked…you know…being vulnerable, especially with someone I didn’t know.”
“But you know me, don’t you trust me?” Jace had been playing with Alec’s chest hair, a pouty look on his face.
“Of course, and I’m not saying no! I just don’t like it as much…” Alec had noticed Jace’s raised eyebrow, and he had smirked. “What? You’ll just have to make me change my mind, won’t you? Up to the challenge?”
Jace had kissed him then, his hand wandering down until it had wrapped around Alec’s cock, which was rising up as the idea of what was about to happen started to intrigue Alec more and more.
“You know what?” Alec had added, already breathing heavily, “I think that that night it was your influence guiding me.”
“What?” Jace had been sucking a bruise on Alec’s neck, not caring about talking anymore.
“We’ve been taking up each other’s personalities a bit since our bond came back, haven’t we? Didn’t you notice?”
Jace had looked at him. “I can’t believe you’re theorizing right now. I’m offended.”
Alec had laughed, then he’d had to bite his tongue as Jace had doubled his efforts on him. By the time he had ended up on his hands and knees, he was already more than convinced.
Jace was tracing Alec’s spine with his tongue, while he kept his thrust slow, but deep. It was something close to a torture, and Alec both wished Jace would hurry up but also never stop.
“Jace,” Alec whined, he didn’t even know to which end. Jace’s hands trailed down his sides, where he was most sensitive, so he let out a hiss, followed by a gasp as Jace pushed into him that much harder. “Please, Jace…”
“What?” Jace mumbled, after he finally started picking up speed, which threatened to send Alec off balance. But Alec fell on his elbows only too eagerly, a chant of yes, yes going through his mind. “Tell me,” Jace had somehow still the energy to talk, “am I bigger than dear Dick?”
“Wha – seriously, Jace? Oh my god, I can’t believe y–” Alec moaned loudly as Jace kept hitting over and over the right spot. “Actually, no you aren’t,” he managed to let out anyway.
Jace stilled. “Wha- how dare you?” Jace said in an outraged tone that betrayed his amusement. “That’s it, I’m out.”
It hurt to laugh, or it felt too good, since it made him shake around Jace’s cock buried in him, but Alec couldn’t help it. “Well, didn’t you see that guy? He was loaded…a bit too much, if you ask me. I’d say you’re the perfect size for me.”
Alec couldn’t see him, but he just knew that Jace had a dopey grin on his face. “Uhm, nice save.” Jace placed a kiss on Alec’s lower back, while he slid out of him. “C’mon, turn around, I want to kiss you.”
Alec smiled as he fell on his back, sighing into the kiss after Jace fell into his arms.
“Wait, I have another idea,” Alec said.
He rolled them over, settling himself on Jace’s lap while Jace sat up, wrapping his arms around him and kissing him again. Alec lowering himself on Jace’s cock took them both by surprise, and after a few times of him doing that, they were already winded again.
They had picked up a rhythm, Jace’s hips surging up to meet Alec half way, when something changed. Alec had been looking Jace in the eye, as he felt it; it was like a dam had broken in his mind, causing a flood inside of it. He could see Jace, but he could also feel what he felt, and feel himself through Jace’s perspective.
“Alec,” Jace breathed, in awe, but also in fear, “the blockers, we need…”
But it was already too late, they were too close, they couldn’t stop. Their lips collided, and a cry echoed from deep inside of them. Jace’s arms tightened around Alec, and Alec found himself with his back on the bed, panting helplessly as Jace pounded desperately into him. Or maybe he was doing that to him, or both, or neither. And Alec knew that he should’ve felt guilty about allowing that to happen, but he could only think finally. Finally, this was what they had craved for; every sensation rippling and feeding from each other, coursing through their veins, sparking in their minds, their beings... It was something they had already experienced before, but not quite like this; no, nothing could’ve ever prepared them for the duality of their physical bond and their psychic connection. And, unable to truly grasp all that it meant, they could only live it. Their orgasms could only come as an explosion, one after the other after the other, until they were so entwined together that they were not themselves anymore, but a tangle of the same soul.
Afterwards, they looked at each other with a whole new understanding, even though they had to immediately, as soon as they could move, rush towards their blockers. They swallowed them before they could think too hard about it, otherwise they couldn’t have brought themselves to do it. It felt like some kind of death.
Then they collapsed on the bed, falling into each other arms more than anything, unable to say anything until they had calmed down enough to resign themselves to the fact that an invisible, but impenetrable wall was between them once again.
“Did you feel that?” Jace was the first one to speak, after they had settled down more comfortably, with Alec hugging Jace from behind.
Alec merely nodded, his eyes closed, his nose pressed against the tattoo on the back of Jace’s neck, smelling Jace’s pungent sweat that was still drying on his skin. His head was still spinning. “We now have an idea what it will be like. Pretty good, if you ask me.”
Jace chuckled weakly. “Don’t even make me think about it.”
“But hey, we’ll get there,” Alec stated firmly, he didn’t know if to convince Jace, or himself.
Jace stayed silent for a long while, before he spoke again. “Alec?” Alec hummed in response. “Where would we go, if Valentine is still out there?”
Alec reflexively tightened his hold on Jace. “Anywhere we need, I guess. The Shadowhunters said they’ll help us, if they’re still around. If they’re not…we’ll manage. I’m a cop, you know, I have a few skills, and you’re quite skilled too.”
Jace scoffed.
“Hey, don’t do that.” Alec pressed a kiss to Jace’s shoulder. “We both haven’t exactly been at the top of our game, but that’s because we were caught unprepared. It won’t happen again.”
Jace made a sound that seemed to be of agreement. But even if it wasn’t, it didn’t matter, since Jace turned around, and Alec saw a look on his face that he couldn’t quite decipher, which was admittedly irritating, considering that not long ago he wouldn’t have had to. Alec held his breath, then, as Jace’s hand came up to touch his face.
“But what if Valentine is dead…we haven’t said what we’d do then.” Jace’s words, his voice much smaller than before, surprised Alec even more.
“What – what do you mean?” Alec replied, even if he knew exactly what Jace meant. That was something that had been plaguing him as well.
“Our lives are still miles apart,” Jace went on. “But I don’t – I don’t want to be parted from you.”
Alec took a deep breath, his hands tracing circles on Jace’s back as he laid their foreheads together. “And you won’t. Together, remember?”
“Yeah, but what does that mean? You’re saying that you – you’d move to London with me?”
“Yes,” Alec answered without hesitation. That wasn’t a spur of the moment; he had thought long and hard about it, more than he would ever admit, about his and Jace’s situation, and what it meant for their future...and that was the only conclusion he could come to. He would do anything for Jace, and to be with him.
“But – but,” Jace stuttered, rising himself on his elbow to better look at Alec, “what about your family, your friends, your job? You can’t just abandon everything, if it’s not a life or death situation…”
“I’m not abandoning anything,” Alec retorted, “if we get out of here safely, I’ll be able to contact my family again, won’t I? I wouldn’t be living on another planet, we’re in the 21st century, technology exists! And I can still do my job in London…actually, since I literally disappeared without an explanation, I probably don’t have a job in New York anymore, so that would be welcome. I could have a fresh start. Listen, I’m not saying I wouldn’t miss them, my city, my old life, but I – I wouldn’t be able to…I can’t,” Alec had to gulp loudly, “I can’t live without you, Jace. And I don’t want to. I want you, and to make this work, more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.”
A kaleidoscope of emotions passed over Jace’s face, which Alec could barely keep up with. As it turned out, he didn’t need to, since Jace was kissing the life out of him a fraction of a second later.
“So I gather you’re happy about it?” Alec put in, chuckling as he had to spit out a few strands of Jace’s hair, since Jace had buried his face against his neck.
Jace raised his eyes on him again, nodding, his smile so bright that Alec couldn’t help but return it. “Yes, very. Nobody…has ever wanted to do anything like that for me.”
Jace had probably meant to say that lightly, but it didn’t come out as such. Alec looked him firmly in the eyes, smoothing the crease on Jace’s forehead. “Everyone’s an idiot, that’s what they are.”
“Shut up.” Jace shoved him playfully, before resting his head on the pillow again, his happiness not playful at all, but deep, stark, morphing all his features into something else. “You won’t have to do any of that, by the way.”
Alec had been too caught up, and he had to blink a few times. “What?”
“You’re not coming to London with me, because…” Jace pressed a finger on Alec’s lips to shut down his protest, “I’m moving to New York with you. If you want that, that is.”
It was Alec’s turn to raise himself on his elbow. “But, Jace, you don’t have to…what about – okay, I know I sound like a hypocrite, but what about your family, your friends, your music career? I already said I will do it, so why–”
“And I love you for that, Alec, a lot. But you don’t need a fresh start.” Jace sat up, elbows on his knees, looking back at Alec with a rueful smile on his face. “I’ve lived in London all my life, and I’ve had many good memories there…but it’s always been the place where he lived, too. Valentine. And where I had my worst, worst memories. I tried, I tried to reclaim the city as mine, to retrace my steps, replace the bad with the good, the dark with the light…but it’s never really worked. London has never been…my home.” Alec didn’t know if he was breathing, as Jace took his hands. “But now that I have all of my memories of when we were kids, you know what I’ve realized?” Alec shook his head, and Jace smiled his bright smile again. “I used to watch you with your family, how they treated you, how they loved you, and I envied you so much. I always wanted what you had…and I do have it. You are my home, Alec, and you’ve always been.”
Alec couldn’t speak quite yet. He sat up in a fluid motion, catching Jace in his arms, holding him as tightly as he could. “And you are my home, Jace,” he croaked.
Jace nodded against his shoulder, something between a chuckle and a sniff to be heard as he hugged Alec back. And they stayed like that, holding each other, even in sleep.
*
Time started accelerating. When only a few blockers were left, they started to get ready; they packed the bags they’d been given with everything they might need on the road, they finished writing their recollections and put them safely in their respective coats. They cleaned everything, themselves included, putting on clothes unlike how they had been spending the past week. Their isolation was about to come to an end, and they needed to be prepared for anything.
Eventually, they ran out of blockers. When that happened, they spent the last few hours trying to think of every scenario they could encounter, talking themselves out of all of them. Finally, they sat at the kitchen table, waiting for the effect of the last pill to fade.
They felt immediately when it did. They looked at each other from across the table, and all they could do, as everything fell into place inside and between them, was smile. They didn’t even need to reach out for one another, because they were already in each other completely.
Can you hear me? Jace tested out. They had never read each other’s mind before, so he wasn’t exactly sure how it worked. But when Alec nodded, and Jace heard a soft Yes echoing in his mind as if it was his own thought, that was just another piece of the puzzle finding its rightful spot.
Not long after, they appeared. Jace and Alec had previously gotten up from the table, and they now stood side by side in front of it, hands entwined, chins held high as two projected figures took form in the room.
Simon and Clary. Their faces were a little rough, Simon had his arm in a cast, but when they both smiled brightly, Jace’s sigh of relief came from deep within him.
“It’s over, we won!” Clary statement seemed almost unnecessary.
But not for Alec, apparently. Jace looked back at him, puzzled, as he felt a hand on his arm, holding him back from rushing towards his best friends. Alec didn’t return his stare. “I’m sorry, but I – we don’t know how much trickery is possible in the realm of parabatai. How do we know it’s really you, or that Valentine isn’t controlling you?”
Jace flinched, turning his head back towards Simon and Clary, cursing himself for the fact that he was already being careless. Alec wasn’t wrong in being skeptical, no matter how much Jace’s heart was screaming at him that he was.
But thankfully this was one of the scenarios they had prepared for, so Jace knew what to do. “We just need to ask you a few questions,” he told them firmly.
“Of course, of course,” Clary and Simon said together, raising their hands pacifically.
“You’re right,” Clary added. “I understand that you need to be sure. Ask away.”
They all looked at Jace, Alec included. Jace cleared his throat rather nervously. “Clary, when we first got together, we made each other a promise. What was it?”
Clary smiled. “That we would never give up on each other, even in case it didn’t work out, and…” Her smile turned more rueful. “And to never lie to each other.”
The silence was heavy as Jace nodded to himself, gritting his teeth to keep himself from lashing out. “Very well, Clary. And did we keep that promise?”
Clary averted her eyes, wringing her hands. “Not really. You didn’t tell me that you weren’t feeling it anymore, and I didn’t tell you about Simon. Also, now you know that I didn’t tell you many more things…”
Jace crossed his arms, his anger about to reach the surface. “Yeah, you could say that.”
Alec put a hand on Jace’s shoulder. “And we will discuss that, but ask Simon something first.”
Jace didn’t know whether being grateful for Alec’s calming presence, because he didn’t want to be calm. He had been calm enough already! Yet, as a warm, reassuring feeling started seeping from Alec into him, Jace could only bask in it. He sighed. “Simon, what was the first thing you ever told me?”
Simon’s hand was caressing the broken arm in a gesture of protection. Jace hated seeing that, hated being the cause of apprehension in his friends, who were probably bracing for his explosion…yet, he also couldn’t exactly feel sorry for them just yet. “Oh,” Simon started speaking, “I think it was something about needing a friend in a new city? I really wanted you two to not start hating each other, and I hoped that if you started liking me we could’ve all gotten along.”
Jace nodded again. “Fine, that’s correct. They seem honest to me, Alec, even if I apparently don’t know them as well as I thought…and you know that I’d rather find any excuse to kick both of their asses right now, but I don’t see any. Sadly.”
“Jace…” Clary started.
“Could you just tell us what happened first?” Alec quickly jumped in, diffusing the tension once again. “I’m still not one-hundred percent sure, and we need to know anyway.”
Clary and Simon shared a look. “Well,” Simon said in a forcefully cheerful manner, “why don’t we show you instead? Follow us.”
They disappeared, and Jace looked back at Alec, nodding at him, before they closed their eyes and slipped into the mental path that led directly to Clary and Simon’s physical forms.
When they opened their eyes again, they were in Valentine’s facility.
It was a wreck; walls crumbled, furniture upturned, people crawling the place, either dragging equipment away or cleaning the rather bloody corridors.
“Valentine’s dead,” Clary suddenly stated, and Jace and Alec focused their attention on her. “I killed him.”
“You – you did?” Jace stuttered, his eyes so wide that he wouldn’t have been surprised if they popped right out of his head. He didn’t think he’d stop being surprised for a long while still.
“Yeah. Do you…want to see him?” Clary signaled towards a closed door to their right. “Luke is dead too, and Mom wants to give them both a proper burial, for old time’s sake, but we wanted to wait for you to see them first. If that’s what you want, that is.”
Jace felt icy all of a sudden, the simple door in front of him turning much more menacing by the second. But he must’ve nodded, because Clary opened it and started leading them inside.
You sure you want to do this? We can just leave, Alec’s whispered thought reached him.
Jace met Alec’s eyes, and the apprehension was clear in them, but that strangely gave him the push he needed. Yes. I need the closure.
Alec held his gaze a moment longer, before he nodded and took his hand, which Jace was also very grateful for. They entered the room together.
The two bodies were lying on beds similar to the one Jace had been strapped to, looking as if they were just sleeping. But most of all, it was truly striking, and painful to see, how human Luke seemed now, with his eyes closed, his face relaxed, Jocelyn sitting by his side with his hand in hers. Jace couldn’t help but focus his attention on them first, especially as Jocelyn looked up and asked, “Are they here?”
Clary nodded at her mother, pointing to where Jace and Alec were. Jocelyn stood, slowly walking up to them, staring at a spot that wasn’t exactly Jace’s eye level, but close enough. “Jace, I just wanted to tell you that we didn’t – we thought it was best if we didn’t involve you in this more than was necessary. If only we had known everything that had happened, maybe we could’ve helped you find your parabatai years ago…but I just hope, that you can forgive us.”
“Yeah,” Jonathan jumped in, coming closer to them from where he had been leaning against a wall. “We’re very sorry, for everything.”
Jace stayed silent, his tongue heavy and pasty in his mouth, while his hold on Alec’s hand tightened instinctively. Then he looked at Clary, at Simon, at Jocelyn and Jonathan. He was angry, he couldn’t deny that, and he wasn’t disillusioned enough to think that it wouldn’t take him a while to get over it all…but he also knew what to say. “Of course I forgive you. That doesn’t mean that I – that I don’t feel betrayed or disappointed by all of you…but you’re my family, for better or for worse. If something good came out of all of this, it’s definitely us all being in each other’s lives. And I’m really glad you’re okay.” Tears had started to glisten in both Clary’s and Simon’s eyes, and Jace knew that he wasn’t much better, so he just added, “You can tell them what I said.”
Clary repeated Jace’s words to Jocelyn and Jonathan in a croaky voice. After that, Jace took his hand away from Alec, and opened his arms. “C’mon, come here. All of you.”
It was rather awkward to get everyone around Jace, since only half of them could see him, but they managed it anyway. “Oh thank god, Jace, I’m so glad you don’t hate us,” Simon’s relieved tirade was their only soundtrack, “I was literally so worried, I swear I’ll do anything you want, we’ll make it up to you, I love you, mate…”
“Oh shut up, you idiot,” Jace told him, chuckling as he spit he didn’t know whose hair from his mouth. “Alec, what do you think you’re doing over there?”
“Oh yes, Alec, join us,” Clary said.
“Is Alec here too? Of course, come here,” Jocelyn agreed.
“C’mon, mate! Can I call you mate now?” Simon jumped in.
Laughing, Alec wrapped his arms around the bundle of people, towering over them all except Jonathan. “No, you can’t.”
“One day, man, one day!”
And Jace started laughing openly. He could barely breathe, trapped as he was between too many people, and not even all of them came close to feel him. Yet, it was strangely the best hug of his life. And when he noticed a glimpse of Valentine’s body over the others’ heads, none of the usual emotions hit him, not the bitterness, nor the dread; it just didn’t matter anymore. Jace closed his eyes, and he smiled.
You okay? Alec’s thought, followed by Alec resting his head against Jace’s, made it even better. Jace merely nodded. “Guys, I’m moving to New York.”
There was a beat of silence, then, “What?!” came Clary and Simon’s outburst, as they broke off the hug to look at Jace in shock.
“What? What happened?” Jonathan wanted to know.
“He’s moving to New York!” Clary explained. “But, why…oh.” She glanced at Alec, as comprehension dawned on her.
“But wait! Can’t Alec move here instead? I swear you’d fit just right with us, we’re a fun bunch!” Simon elatedly suggested.
Alec was about to answer, but Jace preceded him, “Alec wanted to, but I don’t. This is what I want, guys, I – I need a fresh start, from everything. I hope…that you can understand that?”
Both Clary and Simon opened their mouth, clearly wanting to protest further, but no sound came out.
“He wants a fresh start,” Clary mutedly explained to her mother and brother, her face much more somber than before. “Of course, Jace, we understand, but…”
“I will miss you, all of you,” Jace spoke through the lump in his throat. “And I’m sorry for the band, Simon, I wouldn’t want to abandon it, but maybe it’d be an opportunity to revamp it?
Simon didn’t say anything, throwing himself into Jace’s arms instead. “Oh, who cares about the band. I’ll miss you too, mate.” Jace clapped his back fondly, hugging him tightly.
“Wait, Jace, just…” Clary jumped in. “Are you sure? I mean, no offense, Alec, but you two barely know each other...”
“C’mon, Clary, I did the same thing, didn’t I?” Simon reminded her, after breaking off the hug.
“Yes, but we had known each other for decades…I just, I don’t want you to make rash decisions, Jace,” Clary retorted.
“You’re right, Clary,” it was Alec who spoke, and Jace turned towards him in surprise. “Everything’s happened in such a short time, and it’s all so complicated…but know that we’re not taking this lightly. We know it won’t be all easy, but now that Jace and I have found each other again…we’re determined to not lose each other, aren’t we?” Alec met Jace’s eyes, and Jace could only nod in response. “And I mean, it’s all still in the works, and Jace can easily change his mind any time he wants.”
“I won’t change my mind,” Jace cut in. “Guys, I’m sorry, but this is not the end. I’m happy, I’m really, really happy, like I’ve never been in my life, and Alec is a big part of that…so I’m not letting him go. And I’ll come back a few times anyway, won’t I? I mean, I still need to talk to my grandmother, and she’ll probably want me for Christmas for sure.”
Clary’s head was hanging low on her shoulders, as resignation seemed to settle on it.
“Jace,” Jocelyn intervened, “I can only imagine what you’re saying, but I think I have a good idea, and I can just say…all these years I’ve felt so guilty over everything that’s happened to you, since I definitely had a hand in it. I wished all along that you could find your peace, your happiness…so if your heart is telling you to go, go. Clary, Simon…Alec has flown all this way for Jace, I think he’s proven his commitment enough, hasn’t he?”
A small, bashful smile appeared on Alec’s face, which was a pity Jocelyn couldn’t see.
Clary sighed. “I know, I know. I’ve seen you two, and how you are together, and I am so happy for you. But I’ll just…miss you, I guess.” She shrugged, wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
Jace stepped towards her, wrapping his arms around her. “C’mon, Red. I can see you and Simon all the time, can’t I? And feel free to drop by anytime you want, even though it might be better if you give us a heads-up first…”
Clary laughed, and Jace let her go, smiling as well. Then he turned towards Jonathan, standing by with his arms crossed. “Tell him that he’ll have to keep living being deprived of all of this,” Jace motioned towards himself with a smirk, “which I know is such a shame, and I’m deeply sorry for that.”
“Oh, shut up,” Clary said through her laughter, which Simon, Alec and Jace himself joined too.
“I bet he said something about the Incident™, didn’t he?” Jonathan replied, rolling his eyes. “Now it can finally die, and I won’t miss you at all, you dipshit.”
“He loves you,” Clary translated, and Jace simply shook his head.
Then he turned more serious. “And tell your mother…thank you, and I’m sorry for everything that’s happened to her, too. I hope we can all move forward.” Clary nodded. “We’ll go now, then. We have a long journey ahead of us.”
“Wait,” Alec said. “I also want to thank all of you, for helping me…us. We wouldn’t be here without you.”
“Can I hug you?” Clary asked him tentatively.
Alec chuckled, saying, “I don’t bite, I swear,” as he pulled Clary in for a hug. “Also you,” he told Simon, who whooped and didn’t waste any time in getting his share.
The sight was something Jace would’ve never thought possible. Alec had always seemed completely separated from his ‘real’ life, that now that he saw him interact with his friends, Jace felt filled to the brink with a sense of rightness. When they appeared back in their cabin, the feeling still didn’t leave him.
Clary and Simon were still there to give them instructions on how to proceed next. Other Shadowhunters were about to come pick them up and bring them to the airport.
“We can send you some of your stuff,” Clary suggested. “Do you already know what you’ll say to your grandmother?”
“Thank you, guys. And I’ll try to stay as close to the truth as I can. She – she never knew why Valentine kidnapped me, right?”
“No, she’s not a parabatai, if you were wondering.”
It was settled, then. They didn’t have much else to say to one another, not until they’d reached New York. Jace still pulled them both in another hug, needing to prolong the moment just a little longer. “See you.”
“See you, mate.” Simon was definitely sniffling.
That seemed like the last goodbye…when a thought suddenly occurred to Jace. “Wait a moment, you two! You’re parabatai, so does that mean that when I – Clary and I were…Simon, don’t you dare disappear!”
Too late. “Bye, mate!” was still echoing in the room, as Alec started laughing.
“This is not funny, Alec! You think you’re with someone, instead that person is someone else, too! Ugh, ugh, I can’t believe it, I need to go brush my teeth many times…”
*
They were flying home. Jace was going to be living with him. And if their lives had changed drastically recently, now they would even more, and for the whole world to see…
No more hiding, no more isolation. Alec knew that trying to explain it all to his family and friends would be a rather unpleasant feat, not even mentioning the heat he’d get for disappearing like he had…but, compared to the horror of the past week, that would be a welcome struggle. It would only bring them forward, and not backwards.
Those were the main thoughts that accompanied Alec during their entire flight, which only spurred him to tighten his hold on Jace, who was dozing off on his shoulder, and place a kiss on his head.
The hours passed like they do in a dream. Not much was said; what could they say, after all? Even when they found themselves in the taxi headed towards Alec’s apartment, their shared emotions spoke far more clearly and loudly than any word ever could. Jace seemed determined to look at everything as if he had never seen it before, and the fondness gripping Alec’s heart was too much for him to handle.
“Hey,” he suddenly told Jace, and when Jace looked away from the car window and turned towards him, Alec kissed him as if he’d never done it before. Jace chuckled in surprise, but wasn’t opposed to it at all. By the time Alec had to hand over money to the driver, he was rather flushed, and he would’ve felt embarrassed if Jace’s hand wasn’t still in his.
Then the moment arrived; they stood in front of the door to the apartment, and the next step would officially sign the beginning of a new…era. Alec took out his keys, and gave them to Jace.
Without needing to be told what to do, Jace opened the door.
The new era started with a nap. They were both too exhausted, mentally and physically, to do more than throw their bags on the ground, strip down to their underwear, and curl up together in bed.
“It’s harder in person. Of course a cop wouldn’t have a soft bed,” was Jace’s only audible comment. Alec chuckled in response, wrapping his arms around Jace and falling asleep not long after. With Jace. In his bed. In their bed. For real.
Alec was woken up by the creaking of the front door opening. He was alert, his eyes wide open, a heartbeat later…but when he heard familiar voices, he stopped himself from waking Jace. He would’ve hoped he’d have more time, but, oh well.
Alec slipped out of bed and walked into the living room, bracing himself to face the two people in there.
“Ah, so you’re really here!” was the shout he was immediately met with. “You…you idiot, you utter imbecile, you – I covered for you, and you didn’t even grace us with a text? A phone call? For more than a week? And now the neighbor had to tell me that you’re back?!”
“Izzy…” Alec and Lydia both said at the same time, the former apologetic, the latter pacifyingly, even though she looked just as crossed.
“No, don’t you ‘Izzy’ me!” Izzy bit back. “You, Alexander Gideon Lightwood, have two seconds to explain yourself, or I swear I will whoop your ass!”
“I will, Iz, I’ll explain everything…” Alec bit his lip, “But first, I need you to meet someone.”
Jace had woken up in between ‘So you’re really here!’ and ‘You idiot’, and he was waiting for Alec’s cue. That was it; Jace stepped out of the bedroom.
Izzy had her eyebrows so furrowed that she resembled a vulture, and that didn’t change even when she took in the sight of Jace. Alec knew that he couldn’t justify himself just with bringing a man home, but he’d hoped that that would’ve softened her at least a little bit.
Alec sighed. “Izzy, Lydia…this is Jace.”
A whole speech was forming in Alec’s mind after that, but that was when Izzy’s mouth fell opened. “Jace?” She turned towards Lydia. “I thought you said he was called John.”
Lydia frowned. “Uhm, I must’ve remembered wrong? Sorry?”
Izzy’s eyes were very round as they focused on Jace, her mouth still open as she studied him.
“Izzy, what...” Alec’s eyes were wide, too. “Do you – do you know who Jace is?”
Izzy seemed to shake herself off a reverie, and looked at Alec. “Your…imaginary friend, he was called exactly that, wasn’t he?”
“You remember that?” Alec couldn’t believe his ears. “You were, what, six years old? How–”
While Lydia seemed more and more confused, Izzy spoke again, “So it’s really him? That Jace? He’s real?”
Alec shared a dumbfounded look with Jace, who looked just as shocked as him. In the end, though, what could Alec do beside look at his sister, and smile? “Yes, Iz, he’s real, he was always real.”
The widest smile appeared on Izzy’s face, so slowly that it felt like witnessing a flower bloom. “I knew it! I always fucking knew that he was real, and that you were lying to me! You, you–”
“No, Iz, I didn’t lie, I really had forgotten…”
But Izzy wasn’t listening to him anymore. She looked back at Jace with whole new eyes, which were glistening with tears as Jace smiled back at her. “Hi, Izzy. Nice seeing you in person.”
Izzy laughed as she threw her arms around Jace. “I can’t believe this is happening. Alec, come here, you shit brother.” One of her hands grabbed Alec’s arm and pushed him into the hug, which Alec joined all too eagerly, feeling a little choked up as he witnessed his sister and Jace in the same room. “You too, Lydia, just roll with it, we’ll tell you everything, I mean I still don’t know everything, but it can just…wait.” Lydia was speechless, but she had probably learned a long time ago to not question her girlfriend, so she simply shook her head fondly, and joined in as well.
“Nice to meet you, Jace,” she said.
“You too, Lydia,” Jace replied, his smile big, a feeling of warmth and satisfaction radiating from him, which Alec basked in.
Now, now it was perfect. He had left New York scared and helpless, and he had come back complete. Izzy’s whispered, choked up, “Welcome home,” nicely encapsulated that feeling.
