#jamandjelly

[hausvonklaus]

I really need Ronan to call Adam “babe”.

Better yet, I really need Adam to call Ronan “babe”, instead; in front of Gansey, so that I can read an entire paragraph describing Gansey’s amazingly awkward reaction to it.

[hausvonklaus]

Changes

[This is literally self-indulgent crack.]

I imagine Adam going off to college and being exposed to new tv shows, movies, music, culture; just everything.

He dislikes the pop music that some of his friends listen to, but he’s really come to love the 90s era rock that his roommate blasts when he’s in the shower.

Homework keeps him from binge-watching films and shows like everyone suggests, but after a lot of complaining and guilt tripping, Adam finally takes the time to watch Game of Thrones. He texts Ronan at 4am one morning, to tell him to get caught up so they can watch it together when he comes to visit. He gets a middle finger emoji in response.

His clothing changes too. His loose jeans and oversized t-shirts are fitted now. He even wears pink on Wednesdays, though he hasn’t seen the movie the campus tradition comes from.

A classmate of his is a hair stylist on the weekends and gives him a modern trim she says his boyfriend will love. She says something about a taper fade, but Adam doesn’t know what that means, so he trusts her to do what she thinks looks good. It can’t be any worse than the mess he already has and he’s right; it looks great. He sends a photo to Ronan and almost instantly there’s an incoming text that has heat rushing to Adam’s cheeks.

College changes a lot of things about Adam.

But when he goes back to the Barns, goes back to Ronan and Opal, none of that matters. Ronan still kisses him stupid any chance he gets, they still go on late-night drives in the BMW, they still talk about Gansey and Blue and Henry and Noah, and they still spend a lot of time doing absolutely nothing in each other’s company.

Ronan embraces Adam’s changes, loves them with the ease that always came with loving Adam Parrish.

“Ronan,” Adam starts. He’s laying on the couch in nothing but a pair of sleeping pants, head on his boyfriend’s lap. “Did you get caught up on Game of Thrones?”

Ronan puts down his magazine.

“I’m going to be honest with you,” he sighs. “I did. I’m actually a season ahead.”

Adam sits up abruptly, looking offended.

“You fucking asshole.”

[hausvonklaus]

The Two of Us

When Adam talks about Ronan, there’s usually a story attached that has him rolling his eyes or shaking his head. Adam paints a picture of a thug with a shaved head, shit taste in music, and a lust for fast cars. He makes Ronan sound like trouble, like danger. But he also makes him sound like a god. His college friends never tire of the stories and always ask about Ronan when they can because the sight of Adam Parrish in love is a beautiful thing.

Ronan doesn’t openly talk about Adam to anyone but Blue, Gansey, and Opal. He doesn’t go out of his way to hide his relationship, he just doesn’t feel the need to share. There’s a photo of Adam on his bedside table, a stack of handwritten letters from him on the kitchen counter, and there are alphabet magnets on the fridge that spell out ‘parrish was here’; untouched for over a year. There’s a stack of Adam’s books on the coffee table– a few pages dog-eared– and a picture of Adam with red cheeks and messy hair set as the background on Ronan’s phone. The feeling Ronan gets when he sees the scattered bits of Adam in his home is something he wants to keep just for himself.

[hausvonklaus]

Nudges

[Part one of a series that explores Ronan and Adam’s relationship through touches.]

Adam has a habit of nudging Ronan’s foot with his own when he wants to leave: when he’s sitting in a booth at Denny’s at 2am, too tired to keep entertaining Gansey’s never ending train of thought; on the rare days when the deafness of his left ear bothers him and there’s too much noise funneling into his right; when his throat is itching with irritation and he’s trying not to start a fight. 

Adam will push the tip of his shoe against the side of Ronan’s and Ronan will never fail to take him somewhere else, whether it’s back to Adam’s dorm or to the Barns or just around the corner. Somewhere where he can nudge back with his own foot, a silent I’ve got you.

[hausvonklaus]

Pynch Moments

-They get greasy Chinese food at the only place in Henrietta and eat it together on the curb outside. Ronan tries to steal a piece of shrimp from Adam’s lo mein and ends up dumping his food on the street.

-One night, they sneak onto a mini-golf course after hours with a pair of dream clubs that shout in German every time they swing them. They both realize they’re shit at the game after a while, so they chase each other around with the clubs instead. “Stetige!” the club commands. “You heard the thing, Parrish. Stetige!” 

-Ronan likes to take Adam on late-night joy rides. They’ll choose a random direction to go in for an hour and then try to find their way back without using GPS. Adam is surprisingly good at this.

-They lay in the bed of Ronan’s dream truck on chilly nights, covered in multiple layers of comforters to keep warm. Adam will point at constellations and share the history of them, while Ronan will hold his hand and go “ooooooh” and “aaaaaaaah”. He always gets kicked, but it’s always followed up with a kiss.

-When Ronan visits Adam at college, he usually shows up to the dorm room with a grocery bag full of snacks and drinks, and a bouquet of flowers. He’ll set everything up on the cheap coffee table and light a candle, Adam will put the flowers in whatever empty container he can find, and then they’ll get comfortable on the futon and watch the worst movie they can find.

-Adam’s almost asleep in the passenger seat of the BMW when Ronan’s stereo switches from pounding bass to something softer. He’s not coherent enough to care much, but then Ronan starts singing. It’s enough to startle him awake; Ronan’s singing voice is higher than Adam expected, but beautiful. There’s a pause, then the bass hits and they glance at each other. Ronan grins.

-Ronan wakes from another nightmare where he had to watch his mother die over and over and over again-- he bites his bottom lip and grips tightly onto the hand in his. Adam’s hand. There’s a returned squeeze, then: “I love you.”

[hausvonklaus]

Studying

Adam tends to dedicate the three days before a big exam to studying.

He sits himself at a table in the back of his favorite cafe on campus, where no one ventures because of how cramped it is, and makes himself at home. The sloped roof, wooden beams, and aged hardwood floors remind him of his tiny room back at St. Agnes.

Today, the smell of dust is enough to conjure up a memory from last summer; when Ronan helped him pack away his belongings the night before he left for college. He quickly pushes the memory away before it can take root.

Like usual, his classmates only join him for day one of what they call the Parrish Regiment, while his roommate stays through day two to keep Adam company. The third day, however, is when Adam is left to study on his own.

He becomes restless from studying for hours upon hours with little time in between to use the bathroom, eat, and sleep. But the more time he spends here, the higher the chances are that he’ll pass his exams and head into his winter break stress free. Just a handful of days until he gets to see–

His cellphone vibrates on the table, a picture of Ronan holding up his middle finger popping up on the screen. He answers and tries to sound as if he weren’t just thinking about the other boy. Apparently, that’s not hard to do when you’re exhausted and running on four hours of sleep.

“Lynch. I’m studying,” Adam croaks, while rubbing at his eyes. He’s read the same passage in his textbook four times.

“Adam!” It’s Opal’s high voice that greets him and Adam instantly feels warmth begin to flood his chest. All traces of exhaustion are momentarily forgotten.

“Opal,” he sighs fondly. There’s a sound of buttons being pressed, then comes Ronan’s voice:

“I thought the brat should know something other than ‘Kerah’ and elementary level Latin. How’s the studying going?”

Just like Ronan to change the subject so Adam wouldn’t comment on him taking the time to teach Opal his name. The attempt doesn’t stop the burning behind his eyes or the lump forming in his throat, though.

“I miss you,” Adam whispers.

“Adam. You know I miss you, too,” Ronan doesn’t hesitate with his response. “Finish studying, so you can ace your tests, hop in your shitmobile, and get your ass back here. Your break starts next week, right?”

“Mm,” Adam bobs his head a little, a smile tugging at his lips.

“Hey, keep studying. I’ll stay on the line and keep you company, so you don’t cry like a fucking wuss. Deal?”

“Deal,” Adam laughs.

And Ronan does keep him company. He puts himself on speaker while he goes about the rest of his evening, so that he’s not making too much noise in Adam’s ear. There’s the sound of Opal’s hooves on hardwood floor, a screen door opening and closing, pots and pans being moved around in the kitchen. At one point, Ronan begins to sing something Adam’s only ever heard him hum before and he thinks of Cabeswater, of peaceful summer nights spent in the Barns with Ronan’s hand in his.

“Thank you,” Adam says so quietly, he’s sure his boyfriend won’t hear it. But he does.

“Anytime.”

[hausvonklaus]

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Imagine Adam coming home to the Barns during winter break, wrapped up in a huge maroon scarf that Blue made for him and sporting a pair of matching gloves.

He knocks once, twice– Opal yanks open the door with such a giddy expression that Adam feels his heart melting and he falls to his knees so he can pull her into a smothering hug. She’s talking a mile a minute, a weird mixture of Latin and English that Adam can’t keep track of, but he doesn’t care; he’s missed her so much. He lets her run small fingers through his shaggy hair as she speaks and then his eyes catch Ronan’s across the room. Opal keeps going, but she quickly pauses once she realizes Adam’s attention is elsewhere.

“Kerah,” Opal smiles and takes Adam’s hand, leading him to where Ronan is.

There’s a moment where they just stare at one another, but then Adam’s rushing forward and he throws himself at Ronan with enough force that they stumble backwards into the dining room wall. Adam’s voice is a frail thing when he whispers into Ronan’s neck:

“I’m home.”

Ronan wraps his arms around trembling shoulders, his own voice a wreck.

“Yeah. Welcome back.”

[hausvonklaus]

A little Dreamer Trilogy Pynch

I’m imagining all of the Pynch moments that could take place in the Dreamer Trilogy. Three entire books filled with endless possibilities:

-Ronan only answering his cellphone if it’s Adam calling. It’s cute– he has a blurry picture of his boyfriend as his wallpaper. -Ronan visiting Adam in college and completely shattering whatever image Adam’s school friends have of him. “He seems, uh, nice?” “How the hell did you two even meet?” “Adam, he can’t just let his bird use the bathroom in a bookstore.” -Adam and Ronan sharing a bed whenever they visit each other, but never cuddling because they get too hot. They always wake up curled around each other, though. -More genuinely happy smiles from both of our boys! -Ronan turning the Murder Squash song into the next Rick Roll and annoying Adam to the point that he gets ignored for an entire night. Everyone notices that Ronan’s slamming doors harder than usual, but they don’t say a thing. -Wheelbarrow races, late night ice cream runs, hide-and-seek with Opal, spending nights sleeping in the bed of an old pickup truck Ronan dreams up. “It makes me look more like a farmer.” “Now you just need to trade in the ripped jeans and black tank top for a pair of overalls.” “Why stop there? I could grow a mullet, too.” “Ronan.” -Ronan having a mix-tape with songs that remind him of Adam in his car. No one ever comments on it because it’s a much better alternative to what’s normally blasting out of the speakers. -Ronan and Adam just, well, talking. Sharing the events of their lives while they’re away from each other: Adam’s school friends, his endless pile of homework, how much he misses Ronan (”I bet your laundry is piled up on the floor again”). Ronan’s dreams, farm projects, Opal, how much he misses Adam (”Something’s up with the BMW. Don’t take forever to come check it out, grease monkey”).

Only 30% of this could realistically happen, but I can dream.