May 26, 2013
Brooklyn.
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Brooklyn.
Millie G, by Me.
Soft, by Me.
Intro 2 Ruby.
Broadcast, by Me.
Photographic.
After work I sat in front of St. Thomas church on the corner of 53rd and 5th ave, even though I had been at work since 6:30 this morning- the thought of going straight home just wasn't appealing. So I sat in front of this big, pretty, glorious ass church that's right across the street from the Fendi and Rolex building; viewing, relaxing, as a oppose to being in the crowd rushing to somewhere like it'll disappear if I didn't reach there in time.
I didn't grow up in a household where all niggas wore was high end name brand shit. I mean, my step pops was fly, and he kept my moms dip. But they never rubbed that kinda thing in my little brother and I faces. It wasn't glorified, not needed, which is something to this day that I am extremely grateful for. But while sitting here in front of this church, I wouldn't say that whatever it was that I was feeling would be called, per-say, "sad." But the feelings of some envy and overall, most of all curiosity- I guess? I got to thinking like, I would refer to myself as not "better off," but rather really, really blessed. God has gotten my family through some real deal struggle shit. On the other hand though- I'm staring at these building: the Rolex, the Fendi, Diesel; wondering what it really must be like to be rich as fuck. Like, there's these stores that you already know in your soul that you couldn't even afford to stare at the doors for to long had there been fees for that. I wonder how those people must feel to walk in and out as they please anywhere. To just pick up and go. Buy and throw out, spend and not worry- I really, really, reallllllllllly wonder what their lives must feel like. Sure, we all say shit must be nice, but just imagine!
Everyday I wake up and inhale the crazy, beautiful inspirations around me from when I first log into tumblr to walking to work to even interacting with some of the richest people here- (I've held about 10 Black cards my whole life, working at Dylan's Candy Bar has been a huge influence regardless to how much I hated it there.) I don't know, this job I'm at now- today being the first official, official day, I was reminded all over again why this life I'm living now can't be where things stop. I know we all have to start small, but wow. To be real honest, I've never felt so small in my life.
In any case though man, I just really try not to worry- soak it all in, and make moves closer to what it is that I'm tryna achieve. I hate the fact that we gotta spend some a lot of our lives and time doing things we hate to do just to get to where we want/need.
If only it were that simple. But, I guess that's what makes life, life.