“I’m feeling overwhelmed by my emotions, so much that I feel tired the entire day…When does this stop and how do I get better.”
“But my emotions were everywhere. I’m exhausted. I napped before young adults and I’m still tired…Can’t turn on…Present but not present.”
“…Starting to wonder if my bad days are outweighing my good days.”
Two years ago, I committed one of the greatest acts of self-love when I sought help. ^These were from my phone memos back when I was asked to journal what I was thinking and feeling when I was “in it.”
During that time, some peace of advice that was given to me (or what I like to think of as “homework”) was to take a break and focus on the senses I’d encounter while in New York.
Visual: The villages, signaling street lights, K&R’s high ceilings and open windows.
Audio: ‘Expectations’
Tactile: Perspiration from New York summers ..or from nervousness - I really can’t tell anymore
Oral: Local coffee
Smell: Omnipresent gas..as if the city could easily go up in flames
While being keen to these senses, memories began to wholesomely form. Because what better way to learn than to make sense of it all.
Brooklyn is beautiful, and we took it slow from every neighbor’s direction and perspective to simply admire and respect the space as well as the community we were in. And I took almost every chance to be mindfull.
And when I reported back, I stated, “I failed my homework.”
I was actually self conscious most of the time, so much that it prohibited me from all interactions or doing simple things like adding more sugar to my coffee without the fear of being judged. My confidence was shot and I intermittently had flights of hypersensitivity.
Then in the following year, it was a car accident and depression.
I now realize there’s something about this time of year that exacerbates my anxiety. Although 2020 is on another level of its own, my anxiety has begun to manifest itself more physically ..and with a little more anger than I’m used to.
So for those who are tired and just trying to do right, keep going.
