You would think that since I had been planning this since I was 16 I wouldn’t have been so nervous meeting Jared and Jensen. I woke up that morning at the crack of dawn. The Gold Panel didn’t start for another 4 hours, but sleep was not an option for me.
My roommate Amanda was still asleep as I got up and took a shower to ease the anxiety already building in my chest. The only light came from the small bathroom as I got dressed and sat on the end of my bed to towel dry my hair. I looked in the mirror and took a deep breath.
“I can do this.” I whispered. “This is what I’ve been fighting for.”
Before I knew it Heat of the Moment was playing in the room and Amanda got up and got ready. I had several Tumblr conversations going on just to ease my nerves. We headed over to the convention hall and I went in for the Gold Panel. Jared and Jensen came on stage and I swear my heart stopped. I was literally 25 feet away from the people that saved my life. I tried to take pictures, but I was too caught up in listening to what they said.
Then I was whisked away to my photo op with J2. That ticket in my hand weighed a thousand pounds. I was so nervous. I almost backed out. Suddenly I’m in the op room and the line is moving. My hands are shaking and I’m about to cry. I focused on the music playing. I couldn’t tell you the name of the song, but I focused on the beat and tapped it on thigh while waiting. I was 7 people from the front when Jared and Jensen stepped out. Now my anxiety is sky high as I messed with the index card in my hand. They came in and the line proceeded. The handler looked at me and smiled.
“First convention?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“You’ll be fine.” She assured me. “They’re just as nervous as you are.”
Oh crap, I’m next. It’s too late to back out. I moved and my hands shook as I showed the card.
“I need the cheesiest family photo y’all can manage.” I laughed.
They chuckled and went along with it. Jensen wrapped an arm around my side and leaned in. Jared wrapped his arm around my shoulders and practically hugged me. I was shaking and I felt Jared rug his hand along my shoulder. Chris took the picture and I quickly turned.
“Thank you.”
They smiled as I quickly walked off. I wish I could have told him how much was behind that thank you. I survived the rest of the day and made it through Jensen’s autograph. Jared’s autograph was the one I was scared about.
I was halfway through Jared’s line and I almost made a run for the door. There was no way I could stand in front of him without losing it. I owed him so much and there was no way I could repay him for it. Thankfully the handlers around me were telling jokes and keeping us company. I reached the table and handed the girl my board to be signed.
“This is awesome.” She said.
“Thanks.” I said. “My best friend made it for me.”
I’m finally standing in front of Jared.
DO NOT CRY. DO NOT CRY.
He smiled and I could barely maintain eye contact.
“Thank you.” I said again.
“No problem.” He winked.
I somehow managed to make it out of the room into the main hallway. I found a quiet corner, sat down, and cried. The feeling in my chest was indescribable. I did it. I met my hero. He might not have know the full meaning behind my thank you, but I got to tell him thank you.
I cried because I proved everyone wrong. I survived. I kept fighting because I wanted to tell Jared thank you. I cried because I had made so many friends because of the show and the boys.
I cried because I finally felt like I belonged somewhere.
Jared may never hear my story or read this, but I just want to thank him for being kind, caring, brave, and my inspiration. I want to thank him for reminding me that I matter.
Thinks may look dark at times, but I’ve learned that the storm will pass.
