jax hates when you’re pissed at him. when you give him the cold shoulder—eyes sharp, words short. he hates even more how often he happens to piss you off. it’s happened so many times now, in fact, that he knows exactly how to handle it. his hands are already on your hips when you roll your eyes the second time and when you open your mouth to bitch at him some more—his mouth is already on yours. tongue swirling around your mouth like it’s his own.
and when you try pushing him away—his hands are wrapped around your wrists by the time you blink, pushing your arms above your head as he pins you against the door.
“you done bein’ a brat?” he breathes, nose brushing yours, breath hot and heavy from the kiss.
you glare. you don’t answer. you won’t give him the satisfaction. he grins—fucking grins—like you not answering is all the answer he needs. “mm. didn’t think so.”
his knee comes up between your thighs, spreading your legs wider against the door. he’s already rutting his hips against yours, slow and deliberate—just enough friction to make your eyes flutter shut for a second before you remember you’re mad.
“you’re such an ass,” you hiss.
“yeah?” he smirks. “but you love this ass. and you’re fuckin’ soaked already, baby. don’t lie.”
you want to slap him. or fuck him. maybe both. especially when he leans in again—voice all low and smug at your ear,
“wanna keep pretendin’ you’re mad? or you gonna be a good girl and let me make it up to you?”
his hand is already sliding under your shirt. you don’t stop him.
you never do.
not when he touches you like this. not when he knows you like this. not when he kisses the apology into your skin instead of saying it out loud—tongue and teeth and hands gripping your thighs like he’s never letting go.
Sitting on Jax's lap.
It starts because there's no where else to sit. It's a bit awkward at first and then over the course of the evening it becomes comfortable.
Eventually, over months, you start sitting on Jax's lap all the time, even when there are seats available. The Samcro boys give you guys so much shit.
When a girl starts flirting with him, the normal, you go to sit with someone else. Jax follows like a lost puppy.
The first time you sat on Jax Teller’s lap, it was purely accidental.
At least, that’s what you told yourself.
The clubhouse was packed shoulder-to-shoulder that night. Loud music rattled the walls, bottles clinked together behind the bar, and the entire main room smelled like beer, cigarettes, leather, and grease. SAMCRO had just finished handling some run two counties over, and everyone was in a rare good mood.
Which meant chaos.
Half the charter was drunk already.
Happy was winning money off prospects with some card game nobody else fully understood.
Chibs was arguing with Tig over Scottish versus American whiskey.
And Gemma had claimed the couch like a queen guarding her throne.
You arrived late after your shift at the garage, exhausted and starving, only to discover there wasn’t a single empty seat left in the room.
“Aw, sweetheart,” Tig called immediately when he saw you scanning the room. “You snooze, you lose.”
“You’re in my seat,” you shot back.
“There are no assigned seats.”
“You say that every time somebody steals your chair.”
“That’s different.”
You rolled your eyes and moved farther into the room, trying to ignore how everyone suddenly looked entirely too interested in where you were going to sit.
The problem with SAMCRO was that once they noticed something, they became vultures about it.
“Sit on the floor,” Happy offered.
“You sit on the floor.”
“I am on the floor.”
You looked down.
He was.
Cross-legged.
Like some terrifying tattooed monk.
Before you could respond, Jax Teller looked up from where he sat in the armchair near the bar, beer bottle balanced against his thigh.
“C’mere.”
Simple as that.
You blinked. “Where?”
A faint smirk tugged at his mouth.
“Use your context clues, sweetheart.”
Several heads immediately turned.
“Oh, shit,” Juice muttered under his breath.
You narrowed your eyes. “You’re enjoying this.”
“Little bit.”
There really wasn’t anywhere else to sit.
And honestly, you and Jax had always existed in each other’s space naturally anyway. You’d known him for years. He stole your fries. You stole his hoodies. You patched up his knuckles when he got reckless. Somewhere along the line, affection had become second nature.
Still—
His lap?
In front of everyone?
Your hesitation must’ve shown because his expression softened slightly.
“Ain’t a big deal.”
That somehow made it worse.
Because suddenly you were very aware that it could become a big deal.
You tried to act casual as you crossed the room.
“You’re all assholes,” you muttered to the others.
“Correct,” Chibs answered cheerfully.
Jax shifted slightly, one hand bracing against the arm of the chair to give you space.
The second you lowered yourself carefully onto his thigh, the entire room went silent for one dramatic beat.
Then:
“OHHHHH, SHIT!”
You closed your eyes immediately.
“Jesus Christ,” you groaned.
Tig nearly fell off the couch laughing.
“Look at his FACE,” Juice wheezed.
“What?” Jax snapped automatically.
“That’s the softest expression I’ve ever seen on a human being,” Opie muttered into his beer.
Jax flipped him off without looking away from you.
And unfortunately?
They were right.
Because the moment you settled against him, instinct kicked in.
His arm slid automatically around your waist to steady you.
Firm.
Warm.
Protective.
Like it belonged there.
Your stomach did a weird little flip.
You were suddenly hyperaware of everything.
How broad he was beneath you.
The heat of him through denim.
The way his fingers rested against your hip absentmindedly.
“You good?” he murmured quietly near your ear.
“Yeah.”
Your voice came out embarrassingly soft.
He smiled slightly.
And somehow that made it easier.
Conversation resumed around you after that, though the occasional smirk still got thrown your way. But after ten minutes, the awkwardness started fading.
After twenty, you stopped sitting so rigidly.
After forty-five, you leaned back against his chest without thinking about it.
Jax’s fingers tapped lazily against your side while he talked business with Chibs.
At some point you stole his beer.
He didn’t complain.
At another point his chin briefly brushed your shoulder when he leaned closer to hear you over the music.
Neither of you moved away.
By the end of the night, you’d forgotten entirely that you were sitting on his lap.
Unfortunately, everyone else remembered.
“Jesus,” Tig said as you finally stood to leave. “They nested.”
“Like fucking lovebirds,” Juice agreed.
“More like a stray dog that followed Jax home,” Happy added.
Jax snorted.
You pointed at all of them accusingly. “You’re the reason women avoid bikers.”
“We’re charming.”
“You’re emotionally illiterate.”
“Also true.”
Jax watched you the whole time you argued with them, smiling into his beer like he couldn’t help it.
It happened again three days later.
Then the next week.
Then constantly.
At first it was always circumstantial.
No room at the bar.
No free chair during church prep.
Packed booth at the diner.
But eventually?
You stopped pretending.
Sometimes there were three empty seats available and you still walked straight toward Jax automatically.
And every single time, without fail, he spread his knees slightly to make room for you before you even reached him.
Like muscle memory.
Like instinct.
The club noticed.
God, did they notice.
“You know chairs exist, right?” Chibs asked one afternoon while you sat sideways across Jax’s lap eating fries off his plate.
“They do,” you answered.
“So why are ye sittin’ there?”
You shrugged. “Comfort.”
Jax’s hand rubbed slowly up and down your thigh absentmindedly while he read paperwork.
Nobody missed it.
Tig looked physically pained by how disgustingly domestic the two of you had become.
“You guys are revolting.”
“You cry during Disney movies,” you reminded him.
“That is unrelated.”
“You cried during Finding Nemo.”
“He LOST HIS SON.”
Jax laughed against your shoulder.
The sound vibrated through you warm and low.
And maybe that was part of the problem.
Because sitting with Jax became easy in a way nothing else was.
You fit together strangely well.
His hands always found you naturally.
Your body relaxed around him automatically.
There was never hesitation anymore.
You’d curl into him during long nights at the clubhouse while he talked business.
Sometimes his chin rested on your shoulder.
Sometimes your fingers played with the rings on his hand absentmindedly.
Sometimes he’d arrive late, exhausted from a run, and the first thing he’d do was sit down and tug you into his lap like he needed the contact.
Nobody said anything during those moments.
Not even the guys.
Because underneath all the teasing, everyone could see it.
You made Jax softer.
And Jax made you feel safe.
The girl appeared six months after the first lap incident.
Blonde.
Tiny shorts.
Too much perfume.
The type that walked into the clubhouse already looking for attention.
She spotted Jax almost immediately.
Which wasn’t unusual.
Women flirted with him constantly.
You normally ignored it.
But tonight was different.
Because she didn’t just flirt.
She touched.
Hands on his shoulders.
Fingers trailing down his arm.
Leaning into him while she laughed too loudly at things that weren’t funny.
You were sitting beside him on the couch at first.
Not on him.
Just close.
But suddenly you felt weirdly out of place.
Which was stupid.
You and Jax weren’t together.
Not officially.
Even if everyone treated you like you were.
Still—
Something ugly twisted in your chest watching her smile at him like that.
So before the feeling could get worse, you stood quietly.
Jax glanced up immediately.
“Where you goin’?”
“Nowhere,” you answered lightly. “Need another drink.”
But instead of coming back to him, you crossed the room and dropped into the empty seat beside Chibs.
The table went weirdly silent.
Because everybody noticed.
Especially Jax.
The blonde blinked at the sudden shift in his attention.
“You were saying?” she purred.
He barely looked at her.
His eyes stayed on you across the room.
You were laughing at something Chibs said now, but it sounded forced even to your own ears.
Jax frowned slightly.
Then the girl touched his chest.
“You wanna get outta here later?”
“No.”
She blinked. “No?”
“No,” he repeated distractedly.
Then he stood up entirely.
Actually stood up.
And walked away from her mid-conversation.
The entire clubhouse erupted instantly.
“OH MY GOD,” Juice screamed.
“She got dumped in real time!”
Tig was choking laughing.
The blonde looked furious.
Meanwhile Jax crossed the room directly toward you like he was being physically pulled there.
You looked up as he stopped beside your chair.
“What’re you doing over here?”
You blinked innocently. “Sitting.”
“Yeah, no shit.”
Chibs immediately got up. “Actually, I need another drink.”
“You just got one.”
“Aye. Tragic.”
He disappeared before either of you could stop him.
Leaving only one chair.
Yours.
Jax looked at it.
Then at you.
Then finally said, quieter this time:
“C’mere.”
Your heart stumbled.
“You have a seat.”
“Don’t want it.”
The room had gone suspiciously attentive again.
You narrowed your eyes slightly. “Jax—”
“Baby,” he interrupted softly, “get over here.”
The endearment hit like a gunshot.
Dead silence filled the clubhouse.
Happy actually looked up from his knife.
Your face burned instantly.
Jax seemed to realize what he’d said about half a second too late.
But instead of taking it back—
His expression just softened.
You stood slowly.
Walked toward him slowly.
And the second you settled onto his lap again, his arms wrapped around your waist so tightly it almost felt desperate.
Like he’d been off-balance the entire three minutes you were gone.
The boys lost their minds.
“There they are!”
“Nature is healing!”
“Took Romeo long enough!”
“Somebody kiss somebody already,” Tig shouted.
You buried your burning face against Jax’s shoulder immediately while he laughed quietly into your hair.
But his grip on you never loosened.
Not once.
And later that night, long after the music died down and most of the clubhouse stumbled home drunk, you were still curled in Jax’s lap when he finally tilted your chin upward gently.
“You jealous?”
You opened your mouth immediately. “No.”
His grin widened.
“Liar.”
“She was hanging all over you.”
“She was,” he agreed.
Your stomach twisted again.
Then he brushed his thumb softly along your jaw.
“But I spent the whole time waitin’ for you to come back.”
The air disappeared from your lungs.
Jax’s eyes searched yours carefully.
“You know why?”
You shook your head slightly.
“Because every place else feels wrong now.”
Your heart nearly stopped.
And judging by the way he looked at you after saying it?
His might’ve too.
When he kissed you, finally, the entire world seemed to settle into place around it.
Soft at first.
Careful.
Like both of you were realizing this had been inevitable for a very long time.
Then your fingers slid into his hair and he made this low sound against your mouth that nearly melted you alive.
Somewhere across the clubhouse, Tig yelled:
“FUCKIN’ FINALLY!”
Neither of you even looked up.
Especially not when Jax pulled you closer into his lap like he intended to keep you there permanently.
rest assured every fic prefaced "english is not my first language" will be the juiciest, most poetic, life altering piece of fanfiction you will ever read. you know who you are. and we thank you for your service.
Summary: With neither of you prepared for your hookup, Jax takes advantage and can’t resist finishing inside you, fucking you raw and giving in completely.
A/N: I don't have any way to defend myself here 🙈 this idea has been a fantasy of mine for a WHILE and I finally put it into words. A huge thanks to my bestie @puffins-muffins for all her help with this one 💗 Enjoy!
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Jax was King.
The President patch stitched into the worn leather on his chest was just a mere physical indication of his rule, the way he walked into a room and owned everything in it a more subdued sign of his regency.
His kingdom was anything but righteous, full of lies, crime and dirty money, and within it you were a pawn, something for him to toy with when he got bored, but every time his piercing blue eyes landed on you you could've sworn you were his Queen.
You didn't mind being used, not by him, the way his ringed fingers felt on your skin and his lips left their mark on you made it anything but cheap, and you couldn't imagine ever denying him wanting you.
It was usually planned, meeting each other day or night at what usually felt like the snap of his fingers, but even if it was unexpected or last minute, you were always prepared.
Prepared, safe, and right now this was anything but.
He showed up unannounced, the roar of his bike vibrating the blood in your veins that instantly burned hot the moment you heard the familiar rumble, watching through your window as he stormed up to your door and busted right in as if it was his to do so.
Jax was feral, someone or something getting under his skin that was more than likely a result of club business that you had no business asking about, and now he was your problem.
“Fuck, darlin’, I need you,” he hissed against your neck, his teeth scraping over your thrumming pulse.
You cursed yourself for not having gone to the store when you intended to, knowing you and him had used the last condom you had only two days ago, and you swallowed hard as you readied yourself to break the news to him.
“I um, fuck– I don’t have anything,” you breathed, angling your head slightly to see his face.
The disappointment and hint of annoyance couldn’t be disguised on his features, a huff blowing out of his pink lips that were glistening from yours.
“Do you?” you hoped, your fingers gently sliding down the soft leather that covered his heaving chest.
The lift of his eyebrows creased his forehead as he gave you a look that said ‘you’re kidding’ more than speaking the words could, and when he smirked and shook his head slightly, you ached even more for him.
“Sorry,” you whispered, hating that you were letting him down and denying him the one thing he clearly needed.
You could feel his energy coiled up so tightly, practically buzzing through the layers of clothes he wore beneath his kutte, his body heat radiating onto your palms, and his eyes flashed with a hunger and primal need that ran deeper than just letting off some steam.
“Hey, don't worry about it,” he assured, his tone lighter than you expected. “We can just hang out.”
His eyes flickered down to your lips, his thumb reaching up to press against your lower one before leaning in for more, his moan pouring into your mouth that made your knees go weak.
You should've known it was bullshit the second he said it, because the next thing you knew you were naked, sprawled out on your bed where he hovered over you still fully clothed, his fingers hooked inside you where he worked you with expertise.
“Remember my rule, sweetheart,” he drawled, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed hard, your effect on him undisguisable.
When you didn't answer, Jax retreated from you, standing upright where he peered down at you with a cockiness that you loved seeing, and peeled his kutte off his large frame.
You whined, the loss of him touching you turning you pathetic, and he reveled in it.
“What's my rule?” he demanded, his words holding more bite.
“Not to come until you let me,” you breathed, smiling as you warmed at the thought.
“Good girl.”
You watched as he continued to undress, his simple nod at you giving you the go ahead to touch yourself while he did, your promise to listen to his instructions about to be ignored when the sight of his cock bouncing out of his pristinely white boxers had you wrecked already.
Wearing nothing but his rings and the branded black ink that made him who he was as much as blood and breath did, he crawled over you, his eyes holding a softness you mistook as a promise.
“I just wanna feel you against me,” he whispered, his hand smoothing over your head before capturing your lips.
The truth in that remark was severely understated, the desperation both of you showed in being as close as possible to each other without fucking unlike ever before, and you knew part of the thrill of it all was in holding back.
You’d rarely seen him like this, obsessive and indulgent, completely undone as he laid on top of you, his hair hanging in his face as he made what seemed like every part of you from your lips to your chest raw from his beard.
His cock rested against you, tempting to push through, the threat of him being bare inside your cunt an allurement like no other.
You moved your hips, taunting and teasing, making his cock glide through your wetness so much that he almost slipped inside.
He growled something that resembled a curse against the hollow of your neck, pulling himself back just enough to look down at you, his eyes reflecting the torment that plagued him.
“You’re making this fuckin’ impossible, darlin’,” he warned, flopping himself down on the mattress with a huff.
You smiled, amused by his misery brought on by you, and moved to straddle him, your hands planted on his thick chest.
You had never felt more powerful, watching as you dissolved him down to a groping, deprived mess, the satisfaction in denying him what he wanted from you giving you radiance.
Your King, brought down by the sins of your body, bent around your will so effortlessly he turned into nothing but a man under your touch. But lingering just beneath the surface you knew better than to trust this confidence.
“Is it really that bad?” you asked playfully, grinding yourself on his throbbing length until he hissed and dug his head down into the pillow.
“Fuck…” he moaned, grabbing your hips so hard there would be bruises and bucking up against you. “You’re killin’ me.”
You leaned forward, your hands cupping his cheeks as you kissed him, rolling your tongue with his as you rode on his shaft.
His hands moved to your ass, gripping your flesh and spreading your cheeks apart as you continued to use him, the feel of him rubbing through you but not pushing inside almost as good as if he was.
With a slight shift of his hips, his leaking head pressed into you, making you gasp and jolt away like you were burned, his amusement clear on his face.
He bit his bottom lip, looking at you with warning before he spoke.
“You better be careful or you’re gonna get fucked.”
His threat made you shiver, heat crawling down your spine where it coiled deep in your core, and unable to think of a way to respond, you kissed him again, hard and needy while you continued to tease yourself on him.
The thought of him filling you with nothing but himself had you aching more than ever, nothing separating you from him, the intimacy in that danger turning it into something you suddenly wanted more than anything in the world.
You’d let him have it all if he wanted, feeling like you were dangling yourself right in front of him like a sacrifice, but Jax seemed to be loving the game just as much.
He moved his hips at the same time you rolled yours back, his hands locking on you to force you still the second his tip breached your entrance, the cruelness in his laugh reverberating through you as he kept your mouths pressed together.
You fought to lift yourself off, your cunt aching and dripping from that small stretch, wanting to fully sink down onto him and never remove yourself.
Your hands clawed at the side of his face, moaning into him as you deepened your kiss, still rocking along him where every so often he would slip inside, his body instinctively finding where it belonged in yours.
“Jax…” you whined, completely stupid from lust and desperation, your inhibitions shattering the longer this went on.
Again, and only the tip, Jax pressed inside your hole, a low groan coming out of him while a smug smile played on his lips.
“We shouldn’t be doing this,” he said like a joke, letting you pull off of him before he drove in, further this time.
You closed your eyes and sat upright, lifting off of him again, grinding on the golden smattering of pubes that trailed from his navel to where he had been made sticky from you, pretending like you were trying to rescue that last bit of resolve even though you both knew it was futile.
There was no use in denying yourselves any longer, throwing caution out the window as you finally let yourself sit fully on it, his size always a shock, but the feel of him raw inside you was what had you gasping.
Your nails dug into his chest, the half-moon indents carved into his porcelain skin to be seen for days, and you hoped the memory of being buried bare inside you would stay imprinted in his mind for longer.
Jax immediately started thrusting up into you, his pleasured sounds unashamed as he grunted and moaned loudly, his praise something you would wear as proudly as a crown.
“Jesus Christ, you feel so fuckin’ good,” he huffed, propping himself up off the bed enough to watch you move up and down on his naked cock, already knowing from the second he had you like this that he was fucked.
You basked in his worship, his gaze and his words enhancing the feeling of every detail of him being imprinted in you, his veins throbbing against your walls, his velvety skin encased in your warmth.
“Lay down,” he ordered, despite already making quick work of doing it for you, and the second you were splayed out in the sheets, he grabbed your body and flipped you onto your stomach.
Immediately sensing your loss of control in the situation, you turned your face and spoke, your words sounding more panicked than you wanted.
“Make sure you pull out, Jax.”
A wicked smile tugged at his lips, his head giving a cockier than usual nod as he shuffled in behind you on his knees, getting close enough that his cock was wedged between your cheeks.
“Don't worry, darlin’. I will,” he spoke after a huff of a laugh blew past his lips, the malice in his voice dripping off his tongue.
His hand that held the two rings that spelled out SONS spread your ass apart as he lined up, driving his cock in slowly, watching your body accept every inch of his girth and length.
Gritting his teeth together tightly, he bottomed out, loving the way your face screwed up almost in pain and your hands clawed at the bedding, your body shifting away from him as if you could escape.
He let out a cruel laugh, pulling your hips back down on him, his hands staying there to keep you on his dick.
Jax’s pace was deliberate and harsh, thrusting into you like a man possessed, everything that was pent up finally being released as he fucked you with everything he had.
He loved watching you take him on any other occasion, but seeing his unsheathed cock pumping in and out of you brought on a level of insanity he couldn’t compare to anything else. The sight of your cream coating him made his mouth water, and he knew for sure this was the best thing he’d ever laid eyes on, watching your pussy stretch to fit him while your other hole gleamed with your arousal.
Jax licked his thumb and brought it down to press against your ass, rimming it in tantalizing circles as he continued to fuck you ruthlessly, a satisfied laugh ringing out as you whined to this additional pleasure.
“Fuck, Jax,” you cried, squirming more in the sheets. “I’m getting close.”
He relished in knowing what he was doing to you, his head tipping back so his blushed face titled toward the ceiling, his hips continuing to pound against you as his thumb pressed in further.
“Fuck, baby,” he chuckled, “this pussy is the best thing I’ve ever felt.”
You heard the truth in his words, his praise making you soar and reminding you once again of your reign over him, the King, your rightful place at the throne beside him despite being at his total mercy.
You were teetering the line, feeling closer to the edge than ever and you knew if he kept up what he was doing or your thoughts worked to aid your body in getting what it needed, you would be done.
The absence of the smell of latex was making the intoxicating scent of sex more heightened to the point your mouth watered, and remembering once again that he was fucking you raw, you came hard, clenching like a vice around his dick that continued to slam into you fast and brutally.
Your spit stained the sheets, feeling it smear from your open mouth as you struggled for air, your orgasm extended as long as possible by him not letting up even for a second.
Everything was soaked under you, the sound of his hips slapping against you wetter and more obscene than before, his grunting making a shiver crawl down your spine.
“This cunt is mine,” he barked, the words greedy and vicious through his bared teeth.
His hand pushed down between your shoulder blades, pressing you into the bed more, your face smushed into your mess as his other collected both of your wrists and planted them at the small of your back, his rough grip making you wince.
There was no escaping his barrage now even if you wanted to, lifting your hips up as much as you could to give him more which allowed him to fuck you deeper, and he happily took the opportunity.
You knew he wouldn’t be far off from his climax, the thought of him waiting to the last second to pull out and wondering where he was going to aim his load making you shudder, and when he removed his hand from the center of your back and wrapped it around to your clit, you lost all control again.
You would've blacked out had you not wanted to feel every single second of it, crying out a broken scream ripped from you out of pure pleasure, the sound of Jax hammering into you to find his own release distant in your ears.
There was no way he was pulling out. Not with you like this, completely powerless to him and what he could give you. Part of him knew it was wrong but he didn’t fucking care, the grasp that greed had on him too strong to fight anymore.
He looked at you through blurred vision, hazy in his ecstasy, adoring how soft and accepting your body looked even as he treated you so disrespectfully, his heart aching in his chest as all of him succumbed to what it sought.
A slew of broken curses and guttural sounds spilled from his mouth, his hair hanging in his face as sweat dripped off his nose and landed on your back, his cock pulsing as he shot his big load deep inside your cunt.
Jax stayed there as long as he could as you both came down, loving the feel of being buried inside your full pussy, a smirk tugging at his lips as he waited for you to notice.
You whined as you shifted slightly, feeling the unmistakable warmth and thickness leaking out of you, realizing in a mix of fear and something else you couldn't place what he had done.
“Jesus, Jax,” you blurted, but even you were unsure whether you were upset or satisfied, your stomach doing a flip out of both anxiety and excitement.
Pulling out of you, he watched with pride as his milky white cum spilled out of your perfect pussy, your hole stretched and lips swollen from his cock and everything he had done to you.
The distinct smell of his cum hit you as you inhaled deeply, and you closed your eyes and took a second to savour the moment, basking in his act of possession, his selfishness quietly excused.
You rolled over, glaring at him with as much conviction as you could manage, though the way he was looking at you forced you to bite your lip to stop from smiling, and it took everything in you to disguise how much you really loved this.
“Well, what did I say?” he quipped, his expression as smug as his words, his head tilting to the side with amusement.
You sighed, about to retort when you were cut off, your witty words stolen as Jax’s two fingers swiped up his wasted load and pushed it back inside you.
You moaned and grabbed at the sheets beside you, closing your eyes as you relished in the feel of him fingering his seed in deeper, his blatant want for it to stay in you leaving no doubt of his claim over you.
“Good girl,” he drawled roughly, his cock already hard again from how accepting you were of this, the need he felt to keep you full of his cum at all times almost unbearable.
He positioned himself between your spread legs, forcing his cock back in your pussy with a hard push, watching a deranged smile dress your gorgeous lips.
“You’re dreamin’ if you think this is the last time I’m filling you up.”
Pairing: Jax Teller x librarian!Reader Word Count: 4.4k [Jax Fic Masterlist] [Part Two]
Warnings/tags: 18+; shy Reader, jealous Jax, sexual tension, public sex (in part 2)
Summary: Besides the brief sightings of him around Charming, you hadn't seen much of Jax ever since he dropped out of high school–not that he ever noticed you then. But when Sons' business brings him into Charming Public Library on a slow morning, Jax catches you reading smut while you're working. Now he doesn't just notice you, he seems almost jealous of your infatuation with a fictional Scottish Highlander.
a/n: This is completely self-indulgent because of my current fixation on the Outlander series (the show and the books). I couldn't resist Jax getting jealous over a fictional character and needing to prove himself to a shy librarian. Feedback (reblogs/comments/likes) is always appreciated!
Walking across the outdated and dull navy blue carpet that spanned the entirety of the second floor in Charming Public Library, you carried your mug of freshly brewed coffee in one hand as you headed towards the circulation desk. Steam billowed up from over the edge of the ceramic as you passed row after row of bookshelves, all of them organized and tidied after your tedious morning restocking the recently returned material.
The circulation desk sat in the center of the second floor, and every row of bookshelves looked as if they were placed intentionally to herd patrons towards the circular counter that probably hadn’t changed much since the seventies. Raising the mug to your lips, you took a sip as you stepped around the opening and made your way behind the large desk. A long, slow morning stretched ahead of you now, and you’d certainly need the caffeine to help you survive until noon when things briefly picked up.
Lowering yourself into your chair with a contented sigh, you placed your mug onto the desk before leaning forward, reaching a hand down beneath the counter where you stored a few of your personal items during the day. You grabbed the thick paperback book you’d brought with you from its place beside your purple water bottle before sitting back more comfortably in your chair.
There was always a lull on weekday mornings on the second floor of the library. Most of Charming’s citizens were at work right now, and usually the elderly patrons who trickled in either for your company or to find something to read came closer to lunch time. It was the main floor of the library that stayed busy in the mornings because that was where the children's section was located. On Tuesday and Thursday mornings, the aging Mrs. Walters hosted a storytime for toddlers, which you could hear just about to begin on the floor below. The muted noise of Charming’s stay at home mothers trying to wrangle their young kids onto the rug to sit steadily became background noise as you focused your attention on the book in your hands.
Charming Public Library wasn’t a very big library since the city itself didn’t boast a large population. Only the two floors made up the building, which meant there was only so much work to accomplish on a normal weekday. Because of that, you often were left with periods of time throughout your shifts in which you had nothing to do but read. Not that you minded because you were getting paid to enjoy your hobby.
Opening your book to where you'd left off, you plucked the bookmark out from between the pages before setting it down on the counter beside your coffee cup. Resting your elbows along the worn armrest of your chair, you held the book eagerly in front of yourself as your eyes quickly found the place where you’d left off in the series you’d been reading. Which just so happened to be right in the middle of a very steamy sequence of smut that you'd been wanting to get back to.
It wasn't long before you were engrossed within the story. With the book held up between your hands, you'd grown so unaware of your surroundings that you hadn’t caught the sound of heavy footsteps as they'd ascended the stairs to the second floor of the library. Too focused on the intimate scene unfolding in your hands, you hadn’t realized that someone else had joined you at the circulation desk. It wasn’t until they spoke and scared the absolute hell out of you that you realized you weren’t alone anymore.
“Voyager?” a deep voice drawled out curiously.
You startled in your chair at the title of your book being read aloud, your heart giving a sharp jolt against your ribcage as you nearly jumped out of your skin. Still clutching the book in front of yourself, you couldn’t see who was there, but you’d heard the soft, amused chuckle that followed at your reaction.
“So is this what librarians actually do all day? Sit around readin’ smut?” he asked, intrigued. “‘Cause I think my mom must've missed her calling. She should've worked here instead.”
Taken entirely off guard by the patron and his comment, you abruptly lowered the book from in front of your face and down towards your lap. If you hadn’t already felt heat creeping up your neck at being so brazenly called out like that, you were certainly feeling your face flame at the sight of one of the most unlikely library patrons standing on the opposite side of your desk.
Jax Teller was leaning casually against the circulation desk with his shaggy blonde hair hanging messily above his shoulders and a black baseball cap sitting on his head. He had a lazy grin drawn across his face, but his eyes were curiously scanning you over in return now that your face wasn't hidden by your book. You doubted he recognized you, or that you'd ever catch the notorious playboy's eye for longer than a second. But that didn’t matter to you because you much preferred the idea of a man like James Fraser from the book you'd been reading–gallant, loyal, and gentlemanly. None of those things exactly described the man standing across from you, at least not when it came to how he interacted with women from everything you’d heard.
“It isn't smut,” you countered, trying to sound firm but not quite succeeding. You’d always been rather soft spoken, and that wasn’t about to change with a Son standing in front of you. “It's historical fiction with a romantic plot.”
Jax's smirk widened as he leaned further over the desk, moving close enough that you couldn’t help but become hyper-aware of his proximity. His fingers drummed lazily against the countertop as he stood there like this wasn't the first time he'd ever stepped foot in this library. He seemed rather unconvinced at your correction, though.
"Historical fiction, huh?" he repeated. He hummed a noise in the back of his throat as he gave a single, slow nod. “That’s cute, darlin'. I might not read much, but I can still see that that–" he pointed a finger at the book in your hands, “–is smut.”
His eyes flicked down pointedly to the cover of your book and your fingers curled along the pages. When you didn’t try to argue with him again, Jax’s gaze dragged painfully slowly back up to meet yours. The deliberateness in which he was cornering you with just his stare alone unsettled you in more ways than one. But you attempted to appear unbothered by him, trying to hide the way your hand trembled as you reached out and grabbed your bookmark from beside your coffee.
"So what’s this historical guy doin’ for you?” Jax asked, his tone mocking. “Readin' poetry by candlelight? Fightin' duels for some girl's honor? Ridin’ shirtless and sweaty on a horse?"
Swallowing thickly as he continued to tease you, you attempted to maintain an air of composure where you sat behind the desk. But that was hard to do with your cheeks growing warm from embarrassment as you slipped the bookmark back into place inside of your book. You closed it carefully, taking a deep breath before you set it down on the counter. When you looked back up at him, wanting to try to figure out why Jax was even here, you caught the lopsided, amused grin still spread across his handsome face.
You knew far better than to melt under Jax Teller's charm. But you were currently and unfortunately finding out that you weren’t entirely immune to it, either. At least his teasing was helping to keep any attraction you felt for him in check.
“Is there something I can do for you?” you asked politely, trying to change the topic.
Amusement flickered behind his blue eyes as he stared down at where you sat behind the desk, his tongue gradually slipping out and running along the length of his lower lip. One corner of his mouth twitched higher when you shifted in your chair, as if he could tell that you were affected by him, but then he pushed himself back a bit so that he was no longer invading your personal space. His ringed hands rested on the counter beside your coffee mug and the book you'd been reading as he straightened up, the grin on his face fading marginally.
Trying to avoid holding his gaze for too long, you glanced down at his hand beside your book, catching sight of the two rings that spelled out the word “Sons” on his fingers. Black grease stained his blunt nails, no doubt something he'd acquired from his time working at Teller-Morrow Automotive. The thought of Jax sweating out in the California heat in a garage, his shirtless form bent over the hood of a car, flashed through your mind before you could figure out why it’d even appeared. But you abruptly shoved it aside because that wasn't a thought you needed to have.
“Just need some information on a property lien, darlin’,” he answered.
When he spoke, your attention snapped back to his face, but your lips pressed firmly together at the way his smile had grown back into something a bit smug. He'd clearly caught you checking out his hands from that simple, lingering look you’d given them. That only added to the way you'd begun to heat beneath your blouse, your chest feeling a bit tight from his attention.
“Gotta few minutes to help me with that?” he asked, quirking a blonde brow. “Or am I interrupting somethin’ with you and the redhead?”
He tipped his chin at the book beside his hand, and your own gaze followed to the cover of it. You'd intentionally bought the television show tie-in books because you enjoyed the view of the actor who played Jamie printed on all of the books, but Jax’s outright teasing was making you feel as if he'd just transported you back to being the awkward teenager you'd been in high school.
“I can look that up for you if have the information–”
Before you could finish your sentence, Jax had slipped his hand into the front pocket of his jeans and fished something out of it. His fingers slid a slip of folded paper across the circulation desk towards you, and your eyes narrowed warily at it. You knew the Sons had a reputation in Charming–you'd lived here your whole life knowing they really weren't just a group of motorcycle enthusiasts. The last thing you wanted to do was be involved with something that wasn’t legal.
Extending a cautious hand, you reached over and took the paper he'd set down and carefully began unfolding it. Scanning the information written in black ink, you thought it seemed an innocent enough request. It was a basic search of information that existed within public records, and you figured there was no possibility that you were about to be caught up in something illegal yourself just by searching for it.
“It'll take me a few minutes to look this up,” you informed him.
He shifted his body against the opposite side of the desk so that he was facing you more fully, his forearms draped over the counter as if he belonged there. In response, you abruptly turned your chair away from him and towards your computer, beginning to pull up the database you'd need to search for the lien information. But you could feel his eyes lingering distractedly along your profile.
“Take all the time you need,” he replied easily. “I ain’t in a rush, sweetheart.”
A frown settled onto your face as you began keying in the information that Jax had provided you with. While you typed, Jax continued openly observing you, not being the slightest bit subtle in his staring. You felt self-conscious and a bit on edge to the point that you found yourself backspacing a few errors you'd accidentally typed in. It was difficult to concentrate with his mere presence distracting you just feet away, and it didn't help that you swore you could feel his eyes roaming over you and lingering in very distinct places.
A heavy silence had fallen between you both while you worked, one filled with a tension that felt like the ghost of his fingers trailing over your skin. You wondered if he was doing it on purpose or if this was just how women felt when they found themselves in Jax Teller’s orbit. As you continued to search the database, the only noise in the library came from the soft click of your fingers typing on your keyboard, and Mrs. Walters' animated voice coming muffled from downstairs as she read aloud to the group of toddlers that came every Tuesday morning.
“I know you, don't I?” Jax asked, eventually shattering the silence on the second floor. “You look familiar, darlin’.”
Your fingers hesitated over your keyboard before you shot Jax a sidelong look. His expression had temporarily grown serious instead of playful, his eyes narrowing a fraction as he studied you even closer. Ignoring the flutter of your stomach at the intensity on his face, you returned your attention to the computer screen.
“We were in the same graduating class,” you answered quietly. “Before you, well…”
You trailed off as you continued to work, clearing your throat awkwardly. Jax and Opie had dropped out of school before their senior year, and neither of them had graduated in the end with your class. They'd become prospects for the Sons of Anarchy instead, focusing on their future within the club and not on an education. You'd always seen it as wasted potential, but you knew that wasn’t your business.
“Shit, that's right,” he said slowly, nodding his head as if it had just dawned on him. “I remember you. Always sat with those two other girls at lunch. Never talkin’, always reading, right?”
Your answer came in the form of a soft hum of acknowledgement as you kept your eyes on the computer screen. High school hadn't been the same experience for you as it had been for Jax. You'd focused on your studies and made sure never to break your curfew, and Jax was known to skip class, go to parties, and wind up with more in school suspension than you'd thought was humanly possible for one person to achieve without expulsion.
“Guess that hasn't changed, huh?” he asked, the teasing tone returning.
With your attention fixed on the screen, you hadn’t noticed that Jax had grabbed the third installment from the Outlander series off of the circulation desk beside your coffee that was steadily growing cold. He'd flipped it open to the place where your bookmark sat, his eyes scanning over the page as a smirk gradually began to draw itself over his lips again.
"Now this is historical fiction, huh?" he questioned, his blonde brows rising onto his forehead. "Cause damn, darlin’. I had no idea you were into such scholarly pursuits."
His tone was coated with teasing sarcasm as he kept scanning over the page, but his voice had broken through your concentration. Turning to look over your shoulder, you saw him standing there with your copy of Voyager in his hands, his eyes running over where you'd left off–the reunion sex scene at the brothel. Your mouth fell open as your eyes widened in absolute mortification.
You must have made some startled noise because Jax's smirk only grew before his eyes drifted over the top of the book with an agonizing casualness. His blue eyes were alight with mischief as he stood there shamelessly reading your book.
"Thought you said this wasn't smut,” Jax teased. “Cause I gotta say, sweetheart, this looks pretty naughty to me.”
Jax looked back down at the book in his hands as you sat in utter horror, embarrassment flooding you the more he kept reading. You couldn't even find your voice to tell him to stop being an asshole and put your book down, your mouth suddenly dry and your tongue as heavy as lead.
"You learnin’ anything useful from all this shit?” he asked.
His brows furrowed as he continued reading over a particular passage in front of him, and you had a feeling you knew which one. Sitting there in silent embarrassment, you'd temporarily forgotten all about the lien you'd been researching on the database for him. Your mouth opened and closed a few times while you struggled to find the words to tell him off, and your face felt like it’d been set on fire.
When his eyes caught yours again, he seemed to notice your growing discomfort. Snapping the book shut with a loud thwack in his hands, he leaned forward and tossed it back onto the desk in front of you with ease.
"Aww, I see," he said. He rested both of his hands on the countertop and leaned forward so that his face was level with yours. "Did I ruin your little fantasy session by stopping in here, darlin'? ‘Cause I didn’t mean to interrupt."
His tone was filled with playful condescension as his eyes flicked pointedly at where your book had landed between you both on the counter. Your gaze followed his back down to the paperback as your fingers curled around the armrests of your chair. You were half tempted to pick up the heavy paperback and slap him across the face with it, but knowing better than to do that to someone–especially the Son's vice president–kept you still.
"Are you really out here gettin' worked up over an Irish guy who’s not even real?” Jax asked curiously.
"He's Scottish, not Irish.”
The second the correction was out of your mouth, your lips snapped shut. Why had you even just made that minor clarification to him? It didn't matter what nationality Jamie was, certainly not in the grand scheme of this entire conversation. The words had just slipped out of you as if you’d needed something to say to him.
Jax’s teasing just had you feeling so embarrassed in a way that you hadn't felt in years. You felt judged and exposed in front of a stranger, because that's what Jax was. You knew him less now than when you'd gone to school with him, and here he was teasing you because he'd interrupted a rather spicy part of the book you'd been reading.
“Look, I ain't judging ‘bout what you're into,” Jax continued as if he could hear your thoughts. He was still leaning over the circulation desk and looking far too comfortable there. “Not like the Sons don't co-own a porn studio. But I don't see the appeal in–” He tapped two fingers against the worn cover of your paperback next to him and made a face. “I mean it's just words on a page, how is that doin’ it for you? Or do you really like the redhead that much?”
“Don't think that's a question I am required to answer as part of my job description,” you replied, finding your voice and managing to add a little bite to your words. “If you want that information on the property lien, I'd appreciate it if you let me work.”
You snatched your book from off the counter and away from his reach, not wanting him to pick it up and start skimming through it some more. His hands shot up in the air in a placating gesture, but that smug smile remained spread over his lips between the scruffy blonde facial hair. You tossed the thick book back under the counter before turning and focusing on retrieving the information he'd come here for on your computer, a frustrated huff falling out of you.
“I assume you'd like a printed copy of that information?” you asked, not looking back at him.
"I can take the hint, sweetheart," he said, the smile slowly falling from his lips. "I'll back off your fictional man. But yeah, gimme a printed copy of that."
He folded his arms over his chest, still lingering near the desk as he watched you push a few more keys on your computer. But just as you pushed the button to print, scooting your chair back so that you could get up and head to the room with the printers and copy machines nearby, Jax spoke again.
"You know, if you're lookin’ for something a little more hands on,” Jax began, his tone lowering to something that made goosebumps ripple across your forearms, “you could come by the clubhouse.”
A slow, flirtatious grin curled the corner of Jax's mouth as you stood there dumbfounded, hesitating beneath the weight of his stare. He took a moment to run his eyes over you again, this time appraising you from head to toe now that you'd finally stood up from your chair. His teeth caught his bottom lip as if he was fighting back saying something more before that dangerous and sultry gaze met yours again.
"Come out tonight," he practically demanded. “I promise I could show a girl like you more fun than you'd find in a book.”
Your pulse pounded like a drum in your throat, but you refused to let Jax Teller work his charm on you, especially not with how he'd just been relentlessly teasing you. Besides, you knew more than well enough to know that he did this with girls on a daily basis. By lunchtime he’d have probably moved on to someone else.
“I'll go get your documents,” you said, side-stepping the offer.
Without another glance in his direction, you walked around the circulation desk and headed straight for the small room nearby. You could already hear the printer inside slowly churning out the few pages you'd sent to it, the outdated machine noisy and loud as it worked
You were grateful that Jax didn't follow after you, giving you a minute to collect yourself without him staring at you and making more comments. As the printer chugged along, you grabbed the collar of your blouse and gave it a few sharp tugs in the hopes of cooling yourself down. There was the faintest bit of sweat beading along the back of your neck from Jax’s odd way of oscillating between teasing and flirting.
You hated to admit it, but Jax had an effect on you. He'd never once acknowledged you growing up or in the years since you'd returned to Charming after you'd graduated from college, but now that you'd really seen him up close all these years later, you couldn't deny that his offer wasn't tempting. Jax was incredibly attractive–hotter than the guys you generally went on awkward dates with–but you refused to be some story he told the guys in his club. So as attracted to him as you were, you weren't about to step a single toe into one of their clubhouse parties.
When his documents had finished printing, you picked them up and stacked them neatly together before leaving the small room. Heading back towards the main desk, you found Jax still standing there casually leaning against it with one arm, waiting for you like he really wasn't in a rush to leave. A large smile returned to his face when you reappeared, and there was something almost knowing in those blue eyes when they found yours, as if he knew you wanted to take him up on that offer.
“Here,” you said, extending the papers to him when you neared him. “Everything we have on record in the database for what you wanted.”
There was a brief moment where Jax just stood there staring at you, taking you in. You shifted awkwardly on your feet before he finally straightened up and reached his hand out, accepting the few pages from your own. He took a few seconds to flip through them, nodding to himself about something.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Have a good day, Mr. Teller,” you replied, a finality to your words.
Turning around, you made your way back behind the circulation desk and over to your chair. You had just begun to settle back down into your seat when Jax reappeared in your peripheral. He rested the newly printed stack of papers along the counter and leaned over it again, catching your eye.
“You sure you don't wanna come out tonight?” he asked, tilting his head curiously to the side. “I'd personally make sure you had a good time.”
It was obvious what Jax was implying, and your tongue nervously darted out to wet your lips at the thought. But there was absolutely no way you would ever find yourself at a Sons’ party. Ever.
“I don't think I'm the type you'd find there,” you diplomatically declined.
Jax pushed back from the counter slowly, his grin faltering briefly. His eyes dipped down towards where your book sat beneath the counter next to your water bottle, the slightest scowl flashing across his face before it disappeared.
“Then I guess I'll just be seein’ you around Charming,” he said.
The words sounded like a promise, one that simultaneously sent a wave of confusion and heat through you. His left eye closed in a flirtatious wink before he lightly tapped the desk with a few fingers. He turned around and began swaggering his way through the second floor of Charming Public Library looking exceptionally out of place in his leather kutte. You hadn't realized you'd been staring at him until he stopped just at the top of the stairs and looked over his shoulder back at you, one hand resting on the railing.
“Enjoy your book, darlin’,” he called out to you. “But I guarantee it's not that satisfying.”
Jax disappeared down the steps without another word, presumably headed back out into Charming to most likely get involved with things you certainly wanted no part in. Shaking your head in an attempt to shake that whole unexpected encounter from your mind, you tried to snap yourself out of the oddity of that conversation.
You leaned over and retrieved your book again from beneath the counter and tried to settle in for the boring morning lull. But as the morning continued to drag on, you'd be lying if you said you didn't have a hard time focusing on the story now. Your mind kept picturing blonde hair instead of red, and leather kuttes instead of tartan kilts.
summary: Jax's gorgeous girl brings him lunch to work.
tags: not beta reader, domestic fluff, humour, Jax is in looooovveeee, sharing food
a/n: had this in my drafts for a while. it's sweet and wanted to share it w jax lovers 🩷
"Jaaaaaaax, your girlfriend's here!" Half-Sack called out in the auto shop when he saw her, his fingers filthy and hair greasy, smiling big when Jax's girl waved at him.
Jax's girl was wearing a white t-shirt that stopped right above her belly button, and a pair of low hanging cotton shorts, white too, to match with her sandals. She had a big insulated lunch bag hanging off one shoulder, and her handbag on the other, her many keyrings rattling with every step.
Half-Sack quickly wiped his hands and jogged to relieve her off the weight on her shoulders, like a true gentleman.
"Oh my God, thank you," She sighed in relief when Half-Sack swung the heavy bag on his shoulder instead.
"It's nothing," He smiled with a shrug while she waved her face with one hand, as if that'll do anything against the day's heat.
"Let's get out of the sun," She quickly said, rushing to get in the shade and lean against the wall to catch her breath for hauling the bag around for five minutes. She could've drove here but it's such a short walk, and someone has got to think about the environment.
Half-Sack puts the bag down next to her and looks around for Jax, asking one of the mechanics if they've seen him. "He's with the red Peugeot," One of them nods their head towards the back.
"Oh," Half-Sack nods, he turns to the girl, "I'll go get him,"
"Thank you, Half-Sack," She smiles, squeezing his shoulder, making sure to avoid the black greasy stain on the fabric of his grey t-shirt.
She likes Half-Sack, he's pretty cool, it's just that sometimes she's convinced he fixes cars with his whole body instead of his hands, like, what's up with that?
Anyway, her boyfriend shows up, followed by Half-Sack. Jax's wiping his hands on a rag and he's smiling, happy to see her pretty face. A couple of big strides and he's right there in her space, bending down and kissing her, "Hey, baby,"
"I got lunch," She says between his pecks and he's smiling like a fool.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, I just need you to do something for me, but first," She steps back a little, and Jax follows her, trying to get another taste of her lips, but stops when he realises he's right in the middle of their auto shop, and that's not really badass of him.
Before she can tell him what to do, she turns to the lunch bag on the floor and pull out a chocolate chip cookie, the size of her hand, wrapped in a napkin. Jax watches her go to where Half-Sack's perched over a car, elbow deep in its guts and she calls his name. He turns around, surprised, and she sticks the cookie in his face and he grins.
Half-Sack takes his hands out of the car and wipes his palms messily on his jeans, she scrunches her nose and he looks a little embarrassed when she peels off the tissue paper and presents it to him so he could take a bite.
Half-Sack takes a bite, a big one, and he's so surprised and delighted at the taste, "Did you make that?" He asks, mouth full, a little bit of crumbs falling down his shirt.
"Yes, and don't go telling anyone I gave you a cookie," She laughs when he moans and takes the cookie from her fingers, "Oh, thank you!"
She walks back to Jax, who manages to look incredibly handsome in his dirty grey t-shirt with sweat stains, and his black jeans that are surely filthy, even if their colour hides it well, but he's got dust on the knee area, so he's had to be on the floor at some point, sweating away in this summer heat, working hard.
The rag he wiped his hands with is now tucked in his back pocket, and his hair was downright a mess, sticking haphazardly in all directions. She's sure everything was tied in a ponytail before, but now half of his hair has escaped the hair tie.
"Jax, where do you wanna eat?" She asks and he scratches his forehead, leaving a black mark on his skin, "What?"
She softens up then and links her finger on a belt hoop in his jeans, pulling him in a little. If it was any other day, or weather, she would've hugged him, regardless of her all white outfit, but it was too damn hot for that.
"When was the last time you had water?" She asks and he looks away, thinking, "I had a beer half an hour ago,"
"Jackson," She sighs and he groans, "I'm sorry, I just needed something to take the edge off, I'm tired, baby,"
"Okay, do you want to eat in the office? Or out here in the shade? I can see you guys moved the benches closer to the building," She asked.
"Outside," Jax answers and she nods, "Go wash your hands and we'll eat, yeah? I made burrito wraps,"
"I love you," He grins.
"I love you too, now go," She pushes him towards the toilets and he jogs there.
Taking the bag to the bench was easy work, considering the benches were right there, and she was determined to feed her surely hungry and tired boyfriend.
She takes out a water bottle, perfectly cold in her hands and a small plastic container, and that's when Jax comes back, face a little wet along with the collar of his t-shirt. He's grinning until he sees her take a baby blue scrunchie and hairbrush out from her handbag.
"What're you doing?" Jax asks, confused, about to sit next to her on the bench.
"I'm brushing that bird's nest, and I've got a scrunchie, it's better than that tiny band you use, baby," She says, sitting with the table to her back, feet on the ground.
"Can I eat first?"
"You'll eat while I brush your hair and tie it, sit down," She points at the space between her legs on the floor.
"Are you serious?" Jax asks while she stares at him, completely unimpressed.
"Jax," she warns him, and it's a little annoying because he'll feel much better when she brushes and ties his hair, she even got a spare clean t-shirt at the bottom of the lunch bag, that's probably cold by now because of the fresh lemonade she made, perfect for the weather.
Jax stares at her without moving and that's irritating because usually he just listens when she's trying to take care of him, but it looks like the heat messed up with his head today.
"Sit your ass down," She hisses through clenched teeth, pointing at the floor with wide eyes. Jax flinches in surprise at being scolded by his girlfriend, and he's never seen her do that face before. He's so shocked that a laugh bubbles out of his throat and before he knows it, he's sitting on the floor, his back to hers, and he's got a cold water bottle in his hands, and a plastic container with apple slices covered in cinnamon and sugar.
He's still giggling when she's brushing his hair out of his face, gathering it in her hand to tie it.
"What's so funny?" She asks with a raised brow.
"Nothing," Jax says after swallowing his apple slice and licking cinnamon and sugar off his fingers, and drinking half of the water bottle all in one go.
When she ties his hair in a bun, making sure not to do it too tight, because she knows Jax finds it uncomfortable, she smacks a kiss onto his forehead, upside down, "There, all done,"
Jax gets back up from the floor, container empty and he kisses her on the cheek, "Thanks, sweetheart,"
"You're welcome," She smiles, taking out almost everything she packed in the twenty litre insulated lunch bag.
On the table, they have homemade burrito wraps, salad, chips with dips and sauces she knows Jax and herself like. They've got fresh cold lemonade, coke in case he doesn't want lemonade, two slices of lemon cheesecake, cookies, and even more burrito wraps, all wrapped in aluminium foil.
"Darlin', you're spoiling me," Jax grins, sitting across her now, and he leans over the table to grab her chin and press a sweet kiss to her mouth.
"It's the least I could do," She smiles, cupping the hand on her chin and Jax groans, hungry and a little turned on, "Don't say to me or I'll put a ring on your finger,"
"Alright, big boy, calm down, eat first, and then talk about putting a ring on my finger," She laughs lightheartedly.
Jax kisses her again and sits back down, grabbing a burrito, "You made like ten of these, who's gonna eat all of that?" He rips the aluminium to expose the wrap and takes a huge bite, just about avoiding biting into aluminium foil as well.
She unscrews the lemonade bottle and pours him a cup, and then opens the salad container, sticking a fork in it, in front of him, "For the others, I know there aren't a lot of guys in today, so I made extra,"
"Oh, angel, you shouldn't have," He coos, stuffing salad in his mouth and a chip too, right after.
"I wanted to," She smiles, taking a satisfied sip of her lemonade.
Jax chews and swallows, then he turns around, "Half-Sack! Call everyone and get over here!"
Half-Sack does right as he's told, because he's sure it has to do with food, and who doesn't love free homemade food?
It takes Half-Sack less than a minute to gather everyone and bring them to Jax and his girlfriend, sitting at the bench. Jax wipes his mouth with a tissue, "Alright, my gorgeous girl made you losers homemade burritos, grab one and thank her,"
She flushes, smiling big when the men reach inside the lunch bag to grab a wrap, and every time, without fail, they thank her with a grateful nod. Half of them go back inside, and the other half are too excited and hungry to sit so they unwrap the burritos and take a bite right there, standing around Jax and his girl.
Then, suddenly everyone is ooh-ing, and wow-ing, their faces light up and they ask her, "Yo, this shit is good, what did you put in it?" She giggles and Jax tells them it's a secret and to scram so he can eat with his girlfriend in peace.
Summary: When you suddenly start to distance yourself from Jax, he’s left wondering what he could’ve possibly done wrong that would make you not want to be around him. But after a party, Ope tells him something that has alarm bells going off in his head, and he finally starts to connect the dots. | Part 1
Word Count: 9.5k | I do not give consent to having my work republished or posted to any other platform or profile other than my own.
Warnings: angst, fluff, swearing, mentions of smut, probably inaccurate age estimates (doesn’t matter at all though), this is so long, i’m sorry.
Jax was not having a good day.
He was woken up extremely early by Clay, who had sent him to go run errands for him at the crack of dawn, so he was more tired than normal.
The two of them hadn’t been agreeing on much lately, and it was really putting a strain on their relationship, as well as Jax’s place as future president of Samcro.
Jax wasn’t a fan of being on Clay’s bad side (though he’s on it quite often), so he was trying his best to mend the strain as well as he could, but it was difficult when he wasn’t being met halfway. But that was really the only thing that was going south in Jax’s life at the moment, so it really wasn’t too bad considering his lifestyle.
He’d been up for hours already, and he hadn’t gotten the best sleep last night, so he was a little grumpy. He thought maybe since he helped Clay out earlier, he’d be in a better mood, but he was wrong.
When he got back to the clubhouse, he was planning on stopping by your place because he knew you were the only thing that would make his day better, and since it was still early, he didn’t want to keep feeling irritated for the rest of the day.
But, just as he was getting ready to head back out, Clay had called him into the chapel for a talk, and even though Jax had a feeling that talk wasn’t anything good, he still went ahead and put himself through it.
The talk had been even worse than Jax thought it would be. Clay had finally picked up on what was going on between you and him, even though neither of you were doing anything to hide it.
Jax had spent his whole life running from his feelings for you, why on earth would he go into hiding now that he’s got you?
But that was maybe something he should’ve been doing, because Clay was not happy with the amount of time Jax had been spending with you. Ever since he was made VP, there had been an intense pressure put on Jax, and an expectation for him to put all of his time and effort into the club.
That was understandable and somewhat fine, but Clay himself had been in a committed relationship the whole time Jax had known him, and he was the president of the club. Wouldn’t he understand that he couldn’t actually put every single second he had into it?
Apparently not, because he had completely ripped into Jax the second he stepped through those doors. Accusations were hurled at him, and insults that really had no effect on him were what he was met with, and Jax had to bite his tongue too many times to count.
He didn’t enjoy bickering with Clay, even though that was all they seemed to be doing lately, so he didn’t fly off the handle with him like he really wanted to. He simply took it while holding himself back, knowing that the sooner Clay said everything he wanted to say, the sooner Jax could go to you.
But that was when you had become the topic of Clay’s wrath.
He berated you, degraded you, and said all the things that would have had Jax knocking someone’s teeth out had they’d been anyone else. Clay didn’t know you, he didn’t know the first fucking thing about you, and he had no right to be speaking about you the way he was.
The more Clay talked about you, the angrier Jax had got, but he had to reel himself in. The last thing he needed was another disagreement and for more bad blood to form between the two of them, and he also didn’t feel like beating the shit out of the man who helped his mom raise him, even though Jax was three seconds away from doing just that.
He knew damn well everything Clay was saying about you was complete bullshit, but he didn’t want to say something that would make him think there was something serious going on with you and him.
Even though there is. There definitely is, and it was about time too.
Jax had been pining over you for most of his life, even though he did a very poor fucking job at showing it or doing anything about his feelings for you. He knew he was trying to run from something that was inevitable. He knew that, for as long as he had you in his life, he would always feel this way about you. Trying to run from it or hide how he felt was pointless, because there would always be countless reminders.
The polaroid he keeps tucked in the frame of his mirror - one that was taken so long ago. Both of you were so young and, well, as innocent as you could be. Even though it was from forever ago, it was still one of his favorite photos. It wasn’t the best quality, and the color had faded over time, but it was probably in better shape than most of his possessions.
In the photo, he has his arm draped around your shoulder, a small, barely-there grin on his face since he thought he was way too fucking cool to smile for pictures back then - even though he was rarely not smiling when he was around you.
You were both leaning against an old car, your legs crossed and your bodies slouched. There was an embarrassed, lopsided smile on your face, and your hair was half pink, which was still one of his favorite looks on you.
It was different, and that made it so you, because you were different too. A good kind of different. The best kind.
There were bright white clips pinning back the sides of your hair, your baby face on full display and was probably why you looked so embarrassed. For some reason, you never seemed to believe you were pretty back then, even though Jax always thought you were stunning and tried to tell you that on a regular basis, but he was subtle about it, and you’d always been clueless.
Gemma had taken the photo when you and he were waiting for your mom to pick you up from the shop after work. Jax had been there all day, and you had only been there for an hour or so since you came there from school, and he had long since dropped out at that point.
You hung out with him until your mom came and picked you up, then Gemma had given him the polaroid, and he’d kept a close eye on it ever since. He had to hide it in his drawer for a few years since Tara had become quite irritated by the sight of it, which was probably why the saturation was so poor now, but it was still one of his most cherished belongings.
Under that polaroid, on the surface of his dresser, was an updated picture. An actual photograph taken on a camera that wasn’t made twenty years ago, and it was a lot bigger.
This one was from a few years ago, and taken around the time Jax realized that he needed to get a move on if he wanted something with you - even though it still took him a few years after to actually work up the nerve.
He was on his bike, his arms crossed and a lazy smirk on his face, and you were behind him, your arms wrapped around his middle, and the biggest, prettiest smile was on your lips. With time, he got to watch you go from a shy and awkward girl to the stunning and not overly-confident, but still confident, woman you are today.
That was his second favorite photo.
There were other reminders of you everywhere he looked, your chapstick you keep in his room, your sweater that always gets left on the chair in the corner, the smell of your perfume still lingering on his kutte and his clothes.
Everything reminded him of you, really, and that was probably why he decided to say fuck it and kiss you all those months ago. He was done pretending you weren’t his entire world, he was done running from the one thing he knew would always make him happy.
And you did make him happy. Beyond happy, but having Clay know that and and use it as a form of weakness or a way to try and rile him up was not ideal.
So he lied.
When Clay informed Jax that he was aware of what was quickly blossoming into the best relationship Jax had ever been in, he fucking lied.
He lied his ass off and said you weren’t important, that you didn’t matter, that you were just another girl, but it was all a lie. One big, mean lie he had to say to ensure Clay would leave you alone and stay out of your business.
The absolute last thing he wanted was for Clay to start giving you a hard time since apparently Jax had been too invested in you lately and not the club, which was bullshit in his opinion since he’s had to watch the president of the club be all over his mother for years while still calling all the shots.
Nothing he said about you was true, but Clay seemed to believe it as he let Jax leave soon after that conversation was over, thank fuck.
It left him feeling agitated and pissed off, and when he got back to his room and checked his phone for the first time that morning, he saw that he’d missed a couple calls from you, and that you’d sent him a few texts.
The last one was sent just over twenty minutes ago, and Jax quickly shut his door as he clicked on your contact. It rang five times before he was sent to your voicemail, and he groaned, because that was when he remembered that today was the day you’d be going on a trip with your class, and you wouldn’t be back until late.
You had told him about it a few days ago, and he had meant to pass on an invite for you to crash in his room afterwards, but he just hadn’t gotten around to it.
It was too late now, and since you didn’t answer his call, he assumed he had just missed you and that you were already wrangling up your third graders and getting them ready for the trip.
He reached up and pulled off his hat, tossing it blindly onto the chair as he slumped back onto his unmade bed. His fingers messed up his hair as he typed out a text to you, and he hoped you’d get back to him soon, because he really wanted to see you at some point today, and he hoped you’d come by after you got back.
Just missed you, I guess. Sorry, meant to swing by before you left for work. Maybe you can come by after? I’ll be up late. Or I can come to yours. Have a good day.
He sent the text then looked at the screen for a few seconds, as if your top priority right now was going to be checking your phone, then he tossed it aside on his bed, his head falling back onto his pillow.
He wanted to see you before you left, but of course Clay had instantly put him to work as soon as he woke up, and it took away the brief time he could’ve been spending with you, especially since the errands he had to do weren’t all that big of a deal anyway.
Jax didn’t want to think of himself as one of those guys who needs to see their girlfriends to be able to properly start their day, but that was exactly what he was. Well, he didn’t have to see you, though he preferred to, a simple phone call would be good too.
And then there was the fact that you weren’t his girlfriend, not really, since he hadn’t put a label on it just yet. He assumed he didn’t need to, because he was with you and you were with him. Wasn’t that a label? Things had always been easy like that with you and him, he genuinely thought that you and he would easily go from friends to so much more without actually talking it out.
He knows he needs to set the record straight soon and tell you that you’re it for him, but for now, you and he were in a good place, and he liked where things were at the moment.
You never got back to him, and by the time it was nearly midnight, he stopped waiting for a reply since he assumed you’d been so busy throughout the day, you didn’t have time to answer and probably ended up crashing as soon as you got home.
He was sure he’d wake up tomorrow to a text from you, one of the cute ones you send him whenever you feel guilty about missing out on plans with him or when you simply missed his texts. You rambled, even over text, and he rather enjoyed reading your paragraphs when all you really needed to send was a sentence or two.
But he loved it. He loved everything about you, and he always had.
When he woke up the next morning, it was close to 11 AM when he rolled over and checked his phone, but instead of receiving one of your cute and lengthy texts, all he got was a single sentence.
Got in late, maybe another night.
One single, simple sentence that sounded more like the way he texts than the way you do.
While his texts usually lacked personality, yours were normally full of it. They were so you, and you texted the way you talked in person, which was bubbly and full of life.
This seemed dull, and that wasn’t like you.
But he wasn’t about to dwell or make assumptions over a text. Maybe you were tired. You said you had a late night, so maybe you were still trying to wake up.
He sent a quick text back, offering to bring you a late breakfast and promising he’d be able to spend more than just a quick visit with you since it was the weekend and he hadn’t been given any grueling orders from Clay.
While he didn’t normally wait around for a text message, he couldn’t ignore how the time was ticking by, and you hadn’t answered him. He didn’t know if you saw the text and just wanted to have a chill day by yourself, or if you genuinely hadn’t even read it yet, but when it became the late afternoon, his offer had expired since Gemma would need his help with something for the rest of the day.
That was fine, since Jax ended up being distracted until he passed out on his bed well after midnight. He half expected to wake up to a text from you, an apology message and an offer to have that late breakfast today, but when he grabbed his phone, there were no texts from you.
It was a little odd, since you usually text him every day, even the most random shit, so to have you absent from his messages was a little weird.
He got dressed as he texted you again, trying to ignore the way he felt about you having completely ignored his previous one, and asked if he could stop by your place later since he missed you.
He felt weird asking if he could come over, because usually he just shows up, like you show up at the clubhouse and let him whisk you away to his room, but things felt off right now, and he didn’t want to show up and have you be annoyed at him for it since he clearly missed out on the hint.
The day went on, and you never got back to him.
And as the days went on, all his texts to you went unanswered, and all his calls went straight to voicemail.
What the fuck was happening? What the hell had he missed? He obviously missed something major since it wasn’t like you at all to just ignore him like this. He thought back to the last time he saw you, which was last Thursday morning, and tried to remember everything that happened, and if you seemed off.
As far as he could tell, you were as happy as ever that morning. You had invited him over for takeout and old movies on Wednesday, and he ended up staying the night. There was nothing different about you that night, and you were your usual, beaming self. You had forced yourself into his arms when he arrived, then whined when he had to leave the next morning.
He hadn’t seen you since then, and he hadn’t been able to reach you since then, so he wasn’t sure when something could’ve possibly happened that is making you be so closed off with him.
Maybe you just needed some space. Maybe you were going through something right now, and you just needed a little time to yourself, even though Jax would be a little offended that you didn’t come to him if something truly is bothering you. You tell him everything, and he tells you everything, with the exception of the club, because he didn’t want you anywhere near that lifestyle. You were way too good for it.
He wasn’t ashamed of it, but he also knew that you were far too sweet and far too innocent to be caught up in that part of his life. Every other part was as much yours as it is his, though.
It was Wednesday now, and despite his best efforts to get you to talk to him, Jax had received radio silence on your end. He tried going over to your place, but you either weren’t home, or you simply didn’t come to the door, and it’s not like he could just show up at your work. You worked at an elementary school, and he didn’t have kids, so that would’ve looked fucking weird.
The clubhouse was booming, the framed mugshots shaking on the walls from how loud the music was, and every room was flooded with the guys that made up the club, as well as a fair share of crow eaters.
Yet another raging Samcro party was in full swing, and while Jax normally enjoyed the parties, it was hard to ignore the way his arm hung loosely by his side, instead of it being draped over your shoulder or wrapped around your waist. It was normal for you and him, so to not have you here was a little unnerving.
Even before you and he got together, you were always under his arm. You didn’t like crowded places, and you weren’t all that familiar with anyone who made up Samcro except for himself and Ope, so you naturally stayed close to him. He didn’t mind it at all, in fact, Jax loved having you glued to his side.
Sure, it usually meant the girls stayed away from him, and even though there were some nights he craved finding one and taking her back to his room to try and find something in her that he’d only ever found in you, he never minded having you by his side.
The thought of taking any of these girls back to his room made him cringe now, because you were the real deal. What he has with you is unlike anything else he’s ever had before, and he’d become rather spoiled by you in the months you’d been together.
He hated thinking about the nights he’d spend with you at parties, then the times he’d instantly take one of the crow eaters back to his room once you’d gone home, and he’d fuck her while pretending she was you.
It felt like a waste of time now, especially since you’d always felt something so much stronger than just a friendship with him, and he’d been too much of a coward to do anything about it until now.
But that was before. Now that he’s got you, he doesn’t want to ever let you go. Even though there was some obvious tension with you right now, Jax still wanted you and only you, and that was something he was sure he’d always want.
He’d sent you a quick text earlier, letting you know there was a party happening and that he hoped you could make it. He didn’t like how desperate he was starting to sound, but he seriously didn’t know what the fuck was going on with you. He’d never really gone this long without seeing or hearing from you, and that fact was making him feel on edge.
He wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight, so his mood was a little sour as he leaned against the side of his bike outside, his second beer of the night held loosely in his hand as he smoked a cigarette.
His eyes flickered around the lot, his shoulders slumped as he held the smoke in his mouth for longer than necessary. He didn’t want to dampen anyone’s night since he wasn’t in that good of a mood, so that’s why he is outside instead of by the bar.
It was also a way he could watch everyone who arrived, and he was shamelessly waiting for you.
And you didn’t let him down, because a few minutes later, you were here.
But even though you made direct eye contact with him, you didn’t come over and say anything to him. You just gave him a short wave before heading into the clubhouse, breaking his line of sight with you completely.
What the actual fuck was going on?
Jax assumed you had a bad day, maybe you were still stressed about whatever was bothering you the last couple days, so he gave you some time to come out and see him when you wanted to.
But then half an hour went by, and he was still sitting by himself outside, and that was when he went to find you.
He walked into the clubhouse after tossing away his third cigarette of the night - he didn’t usually smoke this much, but the way you seemed to be avoiding him was making him feel anxious. He found you at the bar, one elbow propped up on the surface as you sipped on a beer. A relaxed smile was on your lips as you talked with Juice’s girlfriend, the same girl you were chatting with the night Jax kissed you.
Tonight felt like that night, and you looked as carefree as you did that night, and for a second, Jax completely forgot that you had ignored his texts all week and hadn’t even tried to reach out to him.
Jax was already in a better mood at just the sight of you as he crossed the room, easily sliding between bodies until he reached the bar. “Hey, you,” he mumbled, coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around your waist. His chin rested on your shoulder, his lips brushing against the side of your neck as he pressed himself against you. “Where have you been? Feel like I haven’t seen you all week.”
Now that you were in his arms, Jax finally felt himself starting to relax. He wasn’t used to being away from you, and he wasn’t used to not talking to you for days on end like that.
And he missed you.
The baggy shirt you were wearing smelled like the perfume you’d been using since you were a teen, and it was a scent that he always associated with you since the first time you wore it.
He felt his shoulders drop now that he knew you were at least physically okay, but he could feel the way your body tensed up in his arms, and his relief at seeing you was quickly wearing off.
Your smile faded, and you forced out a laugh, something that had him furrowing his brows. You lifted your shoulder subtly, making him lift his head off it. As if you didn’t want him touching you right now. As if you wanted to get away from him.
“Yeah,” you muttered, and he could barely hear you over the music. “I’ve been busy, I guess.”
That was it?
Jax furrowed his brows even more as he loosened his grip on your waist, but he kept his hands on your hips since he was unwilling to let you go just yet. It wasn’t like you at all to reject his touch like that, and you’d never done it before. You’d usually melt into him and give him that gorgeous fucking smile he loves so much, but you weren’t smiling at all right now. If anything, you seemed eager to get away from him, and he fucking hated it.
There was a sinking feeling building up inside him, and he felt himself start to panic a bit, but he tried to reel it in as best as he could. “Busy, huh? Too busy to return my calls or texts? Or to come say hi when you got here? That’s not like you,” he murmured, his protective instincts flaring up inside him at your coldness. You couldn’t even turn your head and look at him. “Talk to me, baby.”
You pressed your lips together, your eyes flickering over to Juice’s girl as if you were asking her for help to get away from him, and that fucking stung worse than anything.
“Hey,” he said a little louder, but his voice was also a little desperate as he looked over at Juice’s girlfriend as well, and the look in his eyes had her quickly grabbing her beer and scurrying away to find her boyfriend. Once she was gone, Jax grabbed your waist and turned you around so you were facing him. “You’ve been avoiding me. What’s goin’ on, huh? Since when do you shut me out like this?”
You were looking down at the floor while he tried to get you to meet his eyes, and all he wanted to do was figure out what the hell was going on in that pretty head of yours, because you were acting like a completely different person.
“I’m not shutting you out, I’ve just been busy with… life, I guess,” you answered, and it was a pretty pathetic excuse. You set your beer onto the surface of the bar behind you before leaning against it and crossing your arms, finally meeting his eyes. “I honestly didn’t think you’d notice.”
Your words were offensive, as was the look in your eyes. They were cold, distant and guarded, and for the first time since he met you, he had no idea what you were thinking, and he had no idea how you were feeling.
Not being able to read you like he normally does had a look of hurt crossing his face, but he tried to mask it as best as he could. “I wouldn’t notice? What are you talking about? You’re the most important thing in my fuckin’ life, you’re a part of me, of course I’m gonna notice when you start to avoid me out of nowhere,” he muttered, and he really wished you and he weren’t in a room full of people right now.
He moved closer to you and reached for your hands, uncrossing your arms and guiding them up to drape around his neck instead. He just wanted to feel close to you right now, physically, because emotionally, it felt like he was talking to the brick wall behind you.
“You’re usually glued to my side, but then you went off and disappeared for days without a word. You thought I wouldn’t notice that? I’m never not thinkin’ about you, baby,” he rasped, leaning down so his forehead was pressed to yours. “Whatever’s got you so distant and closed off, you talk to me about it. That’s what we do. That’s what we’ve always done.”
He wasn’t sure if he was getting through to you or not, because you went back to avoiding his eyes, and he knew that if you didn’t tell him what he did to piss you off so much, he’d spend the rest of the night, the rest of the fucking week trying to figure out what he did wrong.
Your arms were tense around his neck, and he hated how you looked like you wanted to be anywhere else right now. It made him feel like he was losing you, and he didn’t know why.
“I don’t feel like talking,” you said, sounding way too casual as you slid your hands down his chest, and he felt his heart race a bit at the familiar gesture, but then you reached up and gripped his chin between your thumb and index finger, and you turned his head to the left. “The crowd’s that way if you’re looking to get laid. I’m going home.”
Jax’s eyes landed on a group of girls who were obviously interested in fucking him, and the fact that you even pointed them out had his heart stuttering in his chest. His expression hardened as he turned to face you again, and he crowded you against the bar. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I’m not interested in them, I’ve only got eyes for one girl in here,” he said, watching as you reached for your jacket. “And now you’re telling me that you’re leavin’?”
You seriously thought he’d throw everything away for a random girl who meant nothing to him? What the hell had gotten so messed up inside your head that would lead you to think things like that? He wasn’t sure if he should laugh in disbelief or be utterly offended.
“I want to leave, Jax,” you said, your voice sounding tired as you tried to move around him.
He reached for your wrist before you could get far, his skin heating up as he felt the earlier panic start to come back. “Don’t run from me, baby. We need to talk about this,” he practically begged, meeting your guarded gaze with desperate eyes. “Whatever this is. I want you. Only you. Don’t you believe that?”
Your expression was unreadable as you looked up at him. “Sure, Jax,” you said, and his grip loosened on your wrist. “Can I go home now?”
He stepped away from you, his hand falling back to his side as a defeated feeling took him over. “Will you call me later? Or tomorrow?” he asked, fearing he already knew that you wouldn’t.
“Yeah, sure,” you answered, then you turned around and left without another word.
Jax was left standing there feeling like a complete fucking idiot, and he didn’t quite understand what just happened. Never had you ever wanted to get away from him so quickly like that before. Never had you ever rejected his touch or refused to even talk to him.
He stared at the door for a few more seconds before turning away, and his eyes landed on the group of crow eaters once more. A blonde girl he may or may not have hooked up with in the past gave him a small pout. “Aw, baby, did your night just get ruined?” she cooed, leaning forward and pushing her cleavage even more out than it already was. “I can make it better, I promise. I’ll make it so much better. Let me come with you to your room.”
A feeling of nausea bubbled up his throat, but he just forced out a smile as he shook his head, not trusting his voice right now as he headed towards his room. When he was inside, he immediately locked the door in case she decided to follow him.
Now that he was away from the smell of alcohol and smoke and the deafening sound of the music, he was left to deal with the countless questions forming in his head. All of which had to do with you, and with yours and his relationship.
He’d never felt so lost and confused, and the fact that you had refused to stay and talk things out with him didn’t sit right. It had a lump forming in his throat as he swallowed harshly, his eyes flickering all over his room.
Usually after a party, or even during one, you’d be in here with him right now. But he was alone, and you felt so fucking far away.
His eyes landed on the polaroid stuck to his mirror, and he pushed off the door and walked over to it, his hand plucking it from its place to get a better look at it.
You and he were so young in the picture, and you were so close. That closeness stayed with you throughout all these years, but now it felt like you were slipping away, and he didn’t know how to stop it.
Did he rush this? Were you not ready to take this step with him after all? Had he completely misread things?
The sound of the doorknob twisting, then someone knocking broke him out of the trance he’d fallen into, and he closed his eyes tightly before turning around and unlocking the door.
“I don’t wanna have sex with you,” he said when he swung the door open, thinking it was the blonde girl who thought she still had a chance with him now that he’s with you.
But it wasn’t the girl. It was his fucking mom.
“Well, that’s a relief,” she said as she let herself into the room, and Jax felt his face flush as he shut the door behind her and locked it again - just in case. Gemma turned and looked at him, and her gaze softened as she took in the conflicted and hurt look on his face. “I assume you meant to say that to one of those girls who are always eyeballing you?”
Jax huffed, “Yeah,” he muttered, shaking his head as he looked down at the polaroid again. “What are you doing in here?”
She shrugged as she moved to sit on the end of his bed. “Clay’s shitfaced and I don’t really feel like putting up with that right now,” she answered, then her own eyes flickered to the picture in his hand. “You know, when I took that, I could’ve sworn you two would end up getting married one day.”
Jax lifted his gaze and looked over at her, then he slowly shook his head. “No. I’m not talking about relationships with my mom,”
“Why not? You listen to me complain about Clay all the time,” she stated, leaning forward and bracing her elbows on her knees. “Besides, I know her. It’s not like she’s just some random girl. She’s the girl, isn’t she?”
Jax dropped his gaze to the picture once more, his eyes trailing all over your younger self. “Yeah. She is,”
Gemma tilted her head expectantly. “So what’s going on?”
He pursed his lips, his shoulders lifting in a shrug. “I don’t know. But I fucked it up somehow,”
She furrowed her brows. “What do you mean?”
Jax shrugged again and tore his eyes away from the photograph. “She’s acting different. She hasn’t talked to me in days, and tonight it was like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough,” he mumbled, a bit embarrassed that he was talking to his mom about his relationship troubles at the ripe age of thirty one. “I know I fucked up somehow, but I don’t know when, because she doesn’t want to talk to me.”
Gemma hummed, nodding slowly as she gestured for him to sit with her. “Well, when was the last time she wanted to talk to you?” she asked once he was sitting on his bed next to her.
Jax tipped his head back, frustration building up inside him as he tried to think about that answer. “Friday. Last week,” he replied, “I missed her calls because Clay had me out doing all this shit for him, and when I got back and tried to call her, she wouldn’t answer. Tonight is the first time I’ve seen her in a week, and all she wanted to do was fuckin’ get away from me.”
“Hm,” was all she said back for a few seconds as she shifted her gaze to the floor. “Well, we all go through things we don’t want people to see us go through. But you love her, and she loves you. I can’t remember a time you two weren’t in love with each other. You just need to be there for her, like I know you will be. Maybe she just needs a little more time, and she needs you to give that to her.”
Jax locked his jaw as he looked down at the old stains on his jeans. “I miss her,”
Gemma smiled at him, wrapping her arms around him in a tight, brief hug before she pressed a kiss to his cheek. “You two are gonna be fine. You’ve known each other too long to not be,” she said as she stood up and took the polaroid from him, putting it back in its place on his mirror. She opened the door to his room, then paused and looked back at him. “There’s some blonde out here waiting for you. I’ll send her on her way. Night, baby.”
Jax groaned and ran his hands down his face as she closed the door behind her, and he quickly stood up and locked it for the third time before he unzipped and kicked off his jeans, then tossed his shirt onto the floor and got into bed. It was still early, but he was done partying for the night, because he’d never be able to enjoy himself because of whatever was going on with you and him.
The next day, Jax was actually working in the shop for once when Ope stopped by, Kenny and Ellie hanging off him with big, innocent smiles directed up at their dad. “Hey, man,” he greeted, prying Ellie’s hand off his arm so he could greet Jax with their usual half hug. “How are you doing?”
Jax shrugged, wiping his greasy hands on the cloth before shoving it back into the pocket of his jeans. “Not bad,” he answered as Ope gestured for his kids to go look at the vintage car that was in the shop for repairs.
“Oh yeah?” he laughed once they were away. “You’re lyin’ to me now?”
Jax let out a huff as he shook his head. “It’s kinda hard to be in a good mood when your kids have seen my girlfriend more than I have this week,” he muttered, hating the fact that he felt envious of an eight and an eleven year old. You’re Ellie’s teacher, and Jax actually felt jealous that she’d gotten to see you every day this week. How low could he possibly get?
Ope furrowed his brows, a confused look taking over his face. “What? What are you talking about?” he asked, “She was just here last night, was she not?”
“Yeah, for about five seconds before I tried talking to her and she went home,” he mumbled, giving his best friend a defeated look. “I don’t know what I did, but she’s pissed at me.”
“She’s never been pissed at you,” Ope said, crossing his arms over his chest. “Did you and her get into a fight when she was here last Friday? You tend to say nasty shit when you’re tryin’ to prove your point.”
Jax couldn’t even feel offended at that, because he was too busy feeling confused instead. “Friday? What are you talking about? I didn’t see her on Friday,”
Now Ope was wearing an equally confused expression. “Well, she didn’t come here to see any of us,” he laughed, then continued when Jax narrowed his eyes. “She came over Friday morning before work. I would know, I was the one who told her where to find you.”
Jax felt his ears start to burn at that, and he straightened up a bit. “I never talked to her on Friday,” he stated, but his voice was quiet, like he was finally starting to figure it out.
“Well, maybe she waited as long as she could for you and Clay to finish talking, but she had that big school trip last week. She probably would’ve been late if she waited any longer,” Ope offered, and Jax just nodded slowly.
You were here on Friday, but Jax had somehow completely missed you. You never mentioned anything about that last night, not that you’d really mentioned anything at all, but Friday was also the same day he realized something was off.
“I’m gonna go see her,” he said, already moving across the lot to where his motorcycle is. Ope just waved him off then went to go collect his kids, and Jax was off to your place.
It was after school now, meaning you should be home, so when Jax arrived at your house, he was fully expecting you to answer the door.
But as he raised his hand to knock for the fourth time, he was growing more agitated than before. “Come on, baby, I know you’re home,” he said, loud enough so you could hear him, but not loud enough to cause a scene for any of your neighbours to see.
When you finally swung the door open a few seconds later, you looked just as gorgeous as you did last night, but also just as annoyed. “What?” you asked, your voice sounding irritated as you leaned against the doorframe and crossed your arms.
You’d changed into your after work clothes, which was just a long shirt and comfy shorts, and it was one of his favorite looks on you, but then again, he thought you looked hot in everything you wore.
“What?” he echoed, narrowing his gaze as he shook his head. “You didn’t call me last night when you got home. And something tells me you weren’t going to call me today either, am I right?”
You didn’t answer him, you just gave him a blank look. “What do you want, Jax?” you muttered, then straightened up when he pushed past you and walked into your place. “Hey-”
He turned to face you once he was standing in your living room, and he mirrored your stance, his arms coming up to cross over his chest. “What the fuck is goin’ on? You’ve been MIA for days, and now you’re giving me the cold shoulder,” he said, watching the way you clenched your jaw. “Talk to me, please. What did I do to piss you off so much?”
You glared at him for a few seconds, then you stood up straight, blindly reaching behind you to close the door. “Nothing,” you lied, and he knew you were lying, and he was sure you knew that too. “I’m fine.”
Jax shook his head as you moved to stand in front of him, and then you were draping your arms around his neck, but you still had that far away look in your eyes, like this was just something you had to do, rather than something you wanted to do. “No, you’re not,” he said back, but you just shook your head.
Then you were leaning up and pressing your lips to his in a firm kiss, the first one you’ve shared all week. And Jax immediately melted into it, his lips moving softly against yours as his hands instinctively went to your hips. He couldn’t help it. He’d missed you way too fucking much this week, and even though you were all over the place, he was greedy for you. For any part of you.
The kiss was filled with frustration from both of you, longing on his end, and bitterness on yours. One of his hands came up and cupped the back of your neck, his fingers tangling in your hair as he deepened the kiss until he physically couldn’t kiss you anymore.
When he pulled away, he pressed his forehead to yours like he normally does after kissing you, but then you flinched, and the relief he felt had once again disappeared.
Jax stepped away, his jaw locking a bit as he looked down at you. “Tell me what’s wrong. Something isn’t right with us, and I wanna know what it is,” he demanded as he crossed his arms, finally having had enough at this point. “You’ve never acted like this with me before. Did I fuck up somehow? Say something to make you mad?”
You huffed quietly, your shoulders dropping as you rolled your eyes. “You really want to talk right now?” you asked, moving towards him again, your hand reaching out to tug at the belt loop of his jeans. “I can think of something a lot more fun to do.”
Jax felt the usual desire building up inside him at your words, and your suggestive action, but he caught your wrist in his hand, gently guiding it away from his jeans. “No, baby. We need to talk first,” he said, his voice firm as he tried to get you to meet his gaze. “No more bullshit.”
Why you were suddenly coming onto him like this after you seemed to be repulsed by him last night was beyond him, and your odd behaviour just concerned him even more.
He was always ready for you, but right now, his body wasn’t reacting to your advances because even it knew something was wrong, and he knew that if he were to say fuck it right now and have sex with you without actually figuring out what was wrong, it would just feel so… wrong.
Something was bothering you, and he couldn’t focus on anything else until he knew what it was.
Jax pulled you over to the couch, guiding you to sit before he knelt down in front of you, forcing you to look at him now that he was at your eye level. “I can feel you pulling away from me, and I don’t like it one goddamn bit. I can’t fuckin’ stand it, baby,” he mumbled, taking your small hands in his big ones. “And I’m not gonna let you distract me with sex until we’ve talked this out. You’re way too important to me for that shit.”
He felt the way you tried to pull your hands from his, but he just tightened his grip. “You don’t want to have sex with me right now? You seriously just want to talk?” you asked, your voice laced with disbelief, and he wasn’t sure why that was such a big surprise to you since he’d talked to you a hell of a lot more times than he’s had sex with you.
Before he could open his mouth and question you on it, you continued,
“I thought sex was all this was to you. I thought this was all you wanted from me. Is it not?” you asked, “Or is that just something else I was wrong about?”
That had him reeling back a bit, his lips parted as his gaze narrowed. “Jesus Christ, baby, is that really what you think?” he couldn’t hide how offended he felt by your words, or the way a feeling of anger built up inside him at your question. “You can’t be serious, I- yeah, sex with you is amazing, but it’s not all I want. It ain’t even close.”
You scoffed and looked away, but he reached up and guided your gaze back to his, his eyes hard and his jaw set.
“I care about you more than anything, more than just the physical shit. You’re my best friend, my ride or die. Yeah, I want you physically, but it’s so much more than that. Haven’t I made that clear by now?” he asked, hoping like fuck he was getting through to you at least a little bit, because if this was just about sex, then that would be an easy fix.
It wasn’t.
You let out a groan of frustration, your eyes squeezing shut as you tipped your head back. “Fucks sake, Jax. Haven’t you realized this yet?” you muttered, roughly pulling your hands away from his as you stood up and put some distance between you and him. “I heard you. I fucking heard you when you told Clay I’m just another girl to you. That I’m not important. That I’m nothing.”
Jax froze, his eyes widening as his heart stopped beating inside his chest. His blood ran cold, and he felt a light sweat begin to form on his skin - a telltale sign that he had been caught. He’d been caught doing something fucking horrible to the one person he knew that never deserved it.
It all made sense now. You’d come over to the clubhouse on Friday morning, and you heard him lie his fucking ass off to Clay in an attempt to shield you from this side of his life. That’s why you’d been ignoring his calls, that’s why you’ve been avoiding him, that’s why you wanted fucking nothing to do with him last night.
You thought you weren’t important to him. You thought you weren’t the most important person in his life. You thought he wanted you for just sex and nothing else.
Jesus fucking Christ.
He slowly stood up, his expression one of horror and guilt. “No, that’s not true. I swear to God it’s not true,” he swore, taking a step towards you. “Baby, you gotta believe me. That was a fuckin’ lie, okay? I said that shit to protect you, to keep Clay off your back.”
You glared at him, a humorless laugh leaving your lips. “Cut the shit, Jax,”
He shook his head quickly. “No, I swear. I never meant for you to hear that shit. It was a lie. A fuckin’ stupid lie to keep you away from all this bullshit,” he pressed, sounding more desperate than he ever had in his life. “You’re not just some girl to me, you’re everything. I love you, I’ve loved you for so long.”
“Oh, don’t even try to fucking lie to me right now, Jax,” you muttered, glaring at him even more as your eyes filled with tears, and he had never hated himself more than he did right now. “I fucking heard you. You said I meant nothing to you, and you implied that we were just fucking around. You expect me to just believe you lied about that? I heard those words come from your mouth with my own ears.”
Jax hated it when you cried, because it made him panic more than anything else ever had. It was one of the worst sights to see, your pretty eyes tinting red and filling with tears, but these ones were all because of him, and that made it even worse.
“Please. I swear on my life, I’m telling the truth. I wanted to make Clay think you didn’t mean anything to me so he’d back off and leave you alone. It was all bullshit to keep you away from all this fuckin’ darkness I have around me,” he begged, taking another step towards you. “Everything I’ve done is for you, to protect you. I love you more than anything.”
You shook your head quickly, your body tensing up as you crossed your arms tighter across your chest, a way to protect yourself from him. “No. No, don’t you fucking say that. You don’t get to say that to me,” you said, shoulders beginning to shake a bit. “You don’t get to tell me you love me when you’re a liar. You can’t tell me that when I don’t even know what’s real and what’s not anymore.”
Jax’s heart shattered at the obvious wall you were building up around yourself. You were building it up to protect yourself from him. “I’m sorry. I’m so fuckin’ sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you. Never. I just want to protect you,” he whispered, his throat closing up as his own emotions started rushing to the surface. “I know I fucked up. I know I fucked this up, but you need to believe me when I say that you’re my whole goddamn world. I love you.”
You winced at his words, tears beginning to roll down your face in waves as your whole body began to shake. “I’m so fucking confused,” you cried, covering your face with your hands as you sobbed. “You don’t know how much it hurt to hear you say those things about me. You, of all people. It felt like I was fucking dying, Jax. I was a mess for days.”
He moved quickly, his strong arms wrapping around you like a shield. You resisted for a few seconds, but he just held you tighter, and you slumped against him. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he rambled, pressing a series of kisses to your temple and to the top of your head. “I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”
Jax slowly moved down until his back was against the front of the couch, and you were on his lap, your sobs muffled against his neck. He’d never felt so helpless before as he held you, his own eyes burning with tears he didn’t even deserve to shed right now.
“You’re my heart, and I was scared of what this life would do to you, so I lied to try and keep you away from it. At least until you warmed up to it,” he murmured, pressing another kiss to your head. “You’re the only thing that’s ever made sense to me, baby. I’d fuckin’ die for you, I swear I would.”
You were his past, his present, and he wanted you to be his future too. He couldn’t live without you, he wouldn’t. He didn’t know how to, and he didn’t want to. He didn’t know how he was going to fully fix this distance he put between you and him, but he wouldn’t give up on you. That was one thing he’d never do.
Your eyes were red and you had streaks of tears on your cheeks when you pulled away from his neck. Your face was flushed, and your bottom lip was trembling as you looked at him, and yet you were as pretty as ever to him. “I want you to tell me everything. I want to know everything, even the things you don’t want me to know, okay?” you weakly requested, “That’s the only way this will work. And as long as you don’t say things you don’t mean about me, even if you think you’re just protecting me.”
Jax felt like his heart was in his throat as he slumped back against the couch, his hands coming up to cradle your face. His thumbs wiped at your tears, the tension in his body fading a bit as looked up at you. “My pretty girl,” he rasped, his voice quiet as you hesitantly leaned into his touch. “You deserve so much more than me. But you’re mine. And I promise I’ll tell you everything. Anything you want to know.”
You nodded slowly, your shaky hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. “We’ll start slow. Take our… take our time,” you stated, your breathing starting to even out, though your voice was still quiet. “But no more lies, Jax. No more secrets, or I swear I will never talk to you again.”
Like hell he’d ever let that happen. “No more lies, no more secrets,” he vowed, and he hoped like hell he’d be able to stick to it. In this world, his job had always been to protect you, he wasn’t about to stop now. You were his biggest weakness, but you also made him stronger, because thanks to you, he has something to fight for now. “I’ll never stop lovin’ you, baby. Never. You have to believe that.”
He heard the way your breath hitched, and felt the way your hands gripped his shoulders tighter, and he watched as a small, hesitant smile formed on your face. “I do,” you murmured, then pursed your lips. “Well, at least I think I do.”
Jax shook his head, one of his hands coming up to cradle the back of your neck, and he pulled you flush against him. “I should’ve found a better way to protect you,” he muttered, his other arm wrapping tightly around your waist. “I’ll make this better. I’ll make it right.”
He had to, because he couldn’t live without you.
-
Once again, I apologize for this being so long, I didn’t plan for it to be, I swear. Thank you for 6.2k followers x | @montgomery-929496 @skel-skell
