#jaydarden

[gingerbeardmansim]

Mickey and his boyfriends, Andrew & Jay.

[365chico]

May 7th 2016 // Day 128 of 366 Subject: Jay Darriel Darden // Toni Anne Darden Age: 35 Years Old // 32 Years Old Born: Chico CA // Bellevue Currently Resides: Chico Ca // Chico Ca Occupation: *JAY* CSR3 At California Water Company // Musician // Best Husband Ever *Toni* Administrative Support Assistant At Chico State // Belly Dancer // Part Time Supporting Short Film Actress 

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TD: “We’re both big on addressing problems and confronting each other and communication. We’re not perfect at communicating cause we are both hot heads and we both go into arguing right away but we don’t leave anything unresolved. As much as we don’t want to talk about problems sometimes, we still have to work it out and we have to try really hard to communicate with each other.” 

JD: “Ditto. Seriously, don’t let the sun set on your anger and sometimes there’s loud communications but it gets resolved and that’s the strongest bond you can have.” 

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JD: “For me I find my growth through music and I deal with a lot of my problems through music. If I’m mad then I’ll put on an album and I’ll just play along with it and it’s usually something of a metal album that gets all of my anger and frustration out. And I can grow from that; I can take those experiences and I learn from these things and I think that you’re just constantly changing based off of your experiences. I deal with the public at work a lot, lots of communicaiton, and can kind of brings some of the drama into the home life sometimes with the public and whatnot. That’s kind of how I grow and process everything by just definitely diving into my hobby whether it’s recording, whether it’s playing, whether it’s playing along, writing or whatever it is and that’s kind of how I grow. And I take those experiences and I feel like I bring something new to the relationship that way.” 

TD: “Like I mentioned before I’m super independent and I like my own time. And just for me, being able to make time out of the week and setting my schedule to where I can at least get out of the house, or go into my studio, or just go do something by myself a couple of times a week and have my own personal experiences that I can share with him later. I know as a couple you have to have the interactions together such as go to dinner together or go to the movies together but I also think it’s really important that I go do something different that he’s not involved in because I still need that aspect of my life. And I can tell him about it and share that experience but I need to be able to go and do that on my own. So you still have to maintain your own independence and I think that brings more excitement to the relationship because that’s not a world he’s not familiar with so he wants to learn more about it.” 

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TD: “I’m ninety percent impulsive live-in-the-moment and ten percent want to sit back and want be sure. You only get life experiences once. You only get chances once or twice. You gotta take that risk and if you fail at least you took it and you tried. and as long as it doesn’t cause any hard to anyone else’s life, my decisions, I just wanna jump in and if it’s a bad experience then I’ll learn from it and move on. But if it’s something that’s going to involve us in the long term then I definitely wanna sit down and chat about it for a few minutes to make sure it’s the right decision. But I’m ninety percent impulsive.” 

JD: “I’m probably about ninety percent the opposite; I like to plan things out. I like to have a solid idea of where I’m headed and that the ground that I’m walking on is stable. So when I go into making a decision I think about what the repercussions are going to be from that decision for a while out. Right now we’re just in our thirties and I’m really focused on retiring, and what we’re going to do, and what kind of opportunities we’re going to have and just trying to make sure we’re making the right decisions now for our future. And Toni’s like,’Let’s go have fun!’, and it’s like,’Oh yeah.’ We gotta do that. We absolutely have to do that and have to go have fun and live in the moment. So you have to enjoy the now but I love to plan ahead as much as possible and try to make sure that we’re making the right decisions now so when we get there at our golden age we’re going to be ok.” 

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TD: “I think people just need to be true to themselves and live their lives. I like the idea of living your life and getting the experiences that you need to without hurting anyone else and if you have opportunities to take them. Three days before I moved to California I took it and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. And I don’t want to regret anything so I want to try as much as I can and I think everyone else should have some what of the same mindset in whatever capacity that they’re comfortable with.” 

JD: “If you have a dream, live it. That’s something that my hetero life mate Mr. Funk said and  I don’t know how he found that or heard that but it’s been a motto of mine ever since he said it. And I think it’s really important to follow your dreams. Life is short. We’re only here for a small period of time in the grand scheme of things so make the best out of everyday. Take every one of the terrible experiences that you had and instead of reflecting on them constantly in a negative manner to instead learn from it, move on, and enjoy life because we’re only here for a small period of time and you need to enjoy all if possible while you’re here.” 

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Tomorrow is the fifth anniversary of The Darden’s marriage and I was lucky enough to catch them on a Saturday morning for some solid breakfast hang time. They’re perspective about being individuals within a relationship and the intricacies of maintaining those bonds are very insightful. I revere their bond as a couple but also see that they’re both their own person and that’s what make’s their marriage and relationship that much cooler.  Very nice. 

Thanks for the breakfast guys ;)

S