RED CARD: - Can I sit? wc - 2.5k
warnings: toxic relationships
You all had hit the slopes early, something about fresh snow being better. It all felt the same whenever you landed on your butt as far as you could tell. You tried to ask why they didn't bring the others but all you got was a shrug.
The rest of the morning was spent in races initiated by Riki and entertained by Heeseung. You and Wonyoung decided after failing on the bunny slopes you were better suited as cheerleaders. It was mid-afternoon when Wonyoung let you know her mentor texted her about a "fashion emergency" and had to leave. You sat by watching your friends brave the steeper slopes; they'd go so far you'd lose track of them. Taking solace in the cafe nearby ordering you and your friends your favorite drinks. With no Wonyoung, all you could do was doom-scroll until they came back up on the lift. You opened Twitter deciding to post some of the cute photos you had taken throughout the day. The sound of a bell chime and familiar voices instinctively made you raise your head. “Jake? Sunghoon?” a giant grin spread across his face. Jake bounds over to you his excitement more reassuring than you think he knows. He squeezes you tight before letting go “There you are! We were starting to think Riki made you up.” Behind him Sunghoon walks over with their own drinks a lazy smirk on his otherwise serene face. “Hey Y/N.” You quickly hug him before stopping yourself from asking. It was a force of habit if you see them Jay usually wasn’t far behind.
The sign of people coming through the door tore the attention away from you. Heeseung and Riki stumble in, they spot you and the boys straight away naturally you all fall in to rhythm it’s almost like old times. The loud chatter of friends, bets and competition hung loosely in the air, the quick playful jabs at each other. Eventually you find yourself on the slopes again waiting for the lift. Sunghoon took on teaching you after assuring that he could get you off the bunny slopes at least. The notifications of your forgotten post remind you to pressure the boys to post. You’re sure half the replies are from their fans asking for more pictures. Their groans of annoyance ring out “You think I want to have to tell you to post? I feel like your social media manager at this point.” You click one of the notifs. Immediate regret floods your body. You still had Jay's notifications on against your better judgment. He didn't post much anyway, except today apparently. You subconsiusly went to check your messages. Clearly he was active; maybe he texted you. You hated how hope fluttered in your chest. Your message, unread and unanswered, stared back at you. You had opened Twitter before you could think about it more. His post was sweet; he looked like he was having fun with her. An uncomfortable knot of resentment twists in your stomach, maybe you were more upset about the stint in front of the elevator than you thought.
“Guys, I’m starting to get cold,” you say, tearing yourself away from your phone, mentioning it to no one in particular. You look up to see all your friends buried in their phones with the same frustrated look more than a simple post should garner, and your anxiety rises. Your chest tightening as discomfort strikes you. “Uh, guys, everything okay?” Riki was the first to break the sudden group-wide trance: “Huh?” “I asked if everything was okay?” He quickly let out a sigh as he explained that Jay wanted to see if they were still meeting at the hot springs. You responded before thinking; it was unlike you.
“Did you guys still want to go?” You should’ve taken the silence and shared glances as a sign to cut your losses. Somehow, you ended up in the private springs of Jay’s family hotel with no Wonyoung and a smug Giselle perched directly next to him. Him who can’t answer a text, him who’d rather give you the silent treatment than tell you what changed, him who can’t even look you in the eye. That’s okay, you don't want to either. Two can play at that game. Yes, it was childish but wasn’t that what this entire situation was?
It should be easy enough. Jake kept the atmosphere light with his jokes, letting the otherwise awkward tension blow away.
You almost couldn’t feel the sensation of someone’s eyes trained on you. Almost. You need a distraction, something, someone. Heeseung and Riki left you to find drinks and snacks over 20 minutes ago with no idea of when they’d be back. Sunghoon was stuck on a business call, something about the winter Olympics? Jake was too busy trying to stop himself from falling over the edge of the pool from laughing at his own jokes. You were growing restless; it isn’t like you to leave a friendship in such a grey area. So why couldn’t you turn around and ask him why? Your chest felt tight, a mix of longing and frustration making it hard to focus on anything else.
“Secured the goods!” Heeseung’s booming voice breaks your inner turmoil, bringing you back to the moment. He and Riki come in carrying everyone’s preferences and a “special treat” as he put it. “Yes! Oh, you guys know what we have to play with this” Jake grinned, waving the bottles of vodka around.
Truth or dare: only two rules.
When you’re asked truth or dare, you MUST answer truthfully or complete the dare if you choose to forfeit you take two shots.
You can ask anyone you’d like, even if they were asked beforehand. Simple enough, right?
Jake started. He asked a stupid question to Heeseung, “Who was your last hookup?” he grumbled, annoyed yet still answered, “Karina, she got clingy afterwards, had to cut her off.” Hee said dismissively shaking his head at thought.
Giselle shifted in her seat, clearly taken aback. You guessed that she had heard from Karina, the story must've been different if her face was any tell. You and she make eye contact, a sorry look written over your expression, only to be met with a hard one as she whips her head around, putting up her wall again. No one seems to notice besides you. Heeseung continues the game pressing the next victim, “Jay, what made you post today?” Jay answers quickly, not skipping a beat, “I don’t know? I took good pictures and wanted to post.” His voice was tight and curt as if he’d had this conversation before. You felt a flicker of defensive heat, wondering if Jay's quick answer hid something deeper, yet you stayed silent.
Jay tries to change the subject quickly, asking Riki who has settled in the hot spring next to you. “Riki, have you ever caught feelings for someone you shouldn’t have?”
The tension in the room thickens in an instant, and suddenly everyone zeros in on Riki’s answer and Jay’s tone. The inflection, the unspoken weight behind their words-it's more than just a game. “No.” It's direct, straight to the point, like his stare into the older boy’s eyes, unyielding. Jay wants to say more, you can see at the tip of his tongue, but he can’t because now it’s Riki’s turn, and he’s a loose cannon. “Jay, why are you avoiding y/n?” The air feels like it leaves your body as you wait for his answer.
You're sure that if you could see yourself right now, you would look like desperation personified. Riki's question feels like a spotlight on your own hidden doubts, though you weren’t sure if you were ready to hear the answer. Jay’s face is rigid. One would think he was unfazed, but you know better; it struck a chord. His eyes run over Riki’s face, littered with words you don’t understand, before he decides to knock back the shots and goes back to avoiding all contact once again, no more lingering stares.
Giselle takes in the room, the thick tension upheld by the silence, and she puts on the face you're used to, the one that’ll do what it takes to get ahead. “I’ll take Jay’s turn, Y/N, have you ever had feelings for someone in this room?” The question takes you off guard-you’re a spluttering mess, and she’s enjoying it. Everyone’s eyes are focused on you, waiting for an answer or even an implied answer. It’s not fair; you’re not sure how to answer a question with no answer. So you don’t, you take the two shots. You ignore Riki’s concerned face as you take a third. You shrug, not wanting to think about it. But Giselle isn’t finished; she eggs on, “ That’s an answer you know. So who is it? Actually, can I guess—”
Sunghoon chirps in, “Drop it, Giselle. Let’s just drop this game entirely, not enough alcoholic shots are being taken in the first place.” He looks over at Jake, giving him a slight nod before squeezing your shoulder, reassuring you.
Smoothly, Jake starts another game. You’re grateful for the distraction as you focus on your breathing—focus on what you can control. You won’t let it control you, not in front of her, not in front of them. A constant pressure settles on your back, the unspoken understanding. Riki’s the only one besides you who knows. Only finding out a month prior, you always assumed it was just overstimulation. Still, when a room spins, and you wake up in a hospital bed with four attending doctors all discussing you, you’re bound to get a diagnosis one way or another: anxiety disorder. You still aren’t used to the panic attacks that come with it, and you’re not sure if you ever will. For now, you keep breathing.
The new game enthralls everyone, taking shots whenever they mess up. You’re not sure how long it’s been going on, but the new upbeat mood provides the perfect cover when you leave to enter the lodge—the shots having a greater effect on you than you thought. You stumble in finding a quiet corner with two chairs facing a window, showing the wintry grounds and the perfectly lined hedges, topped with a layer of snow. Any other time, you would appreciate the view, but the sound of approaching footsteps distracts you. He’s here, the pink tinge to his cheeks tells you he must've lost a couple rounds of Jake’s game, but he was always able to hold his liquor better than you, so what do you know.
“Can I sit?” Three words that shouldn’t make you feel fuzzy inside, yet they do—the first sentence he’s said to you in 3 months.
“Please.” So he does. What now? You rack your brain, all you’ve asked for was a chance to talk, and now that you have it? Nothing. You don’t want to, maybe then you can keep pretending as if there was nothing ever wrong.
You both sit there, the silence stretching over you as you listen to the sounds of each other’s breaths. It’s comfortable, it’s familiar. You missed this. God, you’ve missed this. The falling flakes remind you of Christmas spent together, making cookies in the kitchen for “Santa” or when you wished you’d never have to leave your friend. It’s too much, “Jay,” you have to stop. You can hear the emotion on the edge of your voice, and you refuse to let him see you like that; he doesn’t get that version of you. Not anymore. “Y/N..” The familiar heat from earlier is back. He’s looking at your side profile, probably searching for any hint of the person he knew inside and out. You speak finally, “I’ll be honest, I don’t really want to hear an excuse. I miss you. I want to know what’s wrong, why you’ve changed, but I don’t deserve to be treated like a human plague.”
You’re looking at him fully now; he was already looking at you. His eyes usually held a calmness you always sought — a place you’d never been but could only dream of visiting. Now they are cloudy, unreadable. He breathes in deep, “I just have a lot going on,” He exhales, his eyes sweeping over your face, looking for an emotion, a hint of your thoughts. You will yourself not to look broken like he didn’t take the last of your hope with him when he uttered those words, “I thought you’d say that,” letting a tired sigh leave your lips. Nothing. All he is is a closed book. You turn, getting up from the chair, the view ruined and your mood. He sits up abruptly,
“Why are you mad at me?” Frustration laced through every word.
You snap, “Why am I mad?” The tension is taking its toll. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that? You’re not answering my texts; you treat me like an outsider, as if I haven’t been there for you through thick and thin. Suddenly, you can’t stand to be in a room with me? You talk to Giselle of all people about your problems? I don’t know who you are anymore and I'm starting to question if I ever did.” You don’t let him answer. Ignore the bleak look on his face. You’re over it. He can tell that to whoever he wants.
You’re back outside, grabbing your things before you know it. Now you don’t want to be here. You don’t want to be around Jay. You feel him before you hear him, as usual. The chatter of your tipsy friends helping disguise his footsteps. Riki is by your side in an instant. “You okay?” he asks, his dark eyebrows pulled together in concern. You realize it’s how he’s looked at you this entire trip, how they all have, everyone on eggshells around you and Jay, and it’s all your fault.
“This was a mistake, Riki..”
“What? What was a mistake?” His furrowed brows deepened by the second.
“Me, being on this trip, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t think I can do it. I can’t deal with this anymore,” You say, locking eyes with your friend, hoping he can see how this hurts you, how much it takes to step away from people you considered the closest to you.
“You’re shivering—” “Riki—” “Please,” his voice desperate as he juts out his hands, using them to warm up your shaking arms. You had forgotten you were only in your swimsuit and a towel. You’re reminded of the frigid air around you. “Can we talk about this at the hotel? Let me walk you back?”
Riki wasn’t gonna give up; you knew better, so you let him give a warm smile, and watched as a faint color spread across his cheeks, taking the place of the concerned expression you’d gotten used to. A welcome change. He leaves for a moment to grab his own jacket as you place your snow pants over your bottoms and finish throwing on your coat. Stopping in front of you, almost drowning in the hood of his coat, you can’t help but giggle at his appearance. You make an effort to stand on your tiptoes to take the hood out of his face. Working in tandem, he brings the sides of your jacket together and zips you up, sealing in the warmth you didn’t know you were missing. Could you really leave this friendship behind, too? You’re not sure, but you know Riki doesn’t deserve the same treatment you’ve gotten.
previous | masterlist | next
☆author note: So we all know, it's been very hard to continue the story especially with how big his part in the story is. It hurts but i will forever write about enhypen's heeseung.
pairing: f4!jay x rich!reader x rich!riki
synopsis: Returning to school after a “well-deserved” trip, you find a red card waiting for you in your locker setting your entire school against you. All from the one person you thought would always be on your side. Now stuck between two of your closest friends one who suddenly wants nothing to do with you and one who wants to be next to you through it all.