#jayson brown

[iheartbullyeatingzombies-bl-blog]

Children and death should never be in the same sentence

Yesterday was a very difficult day. My doorbell rang at around 1:45pm yesterday and it was FEDEX, they were delivering an envelope which held my 10 year old son's death certificates. I wasn't incredibly emotional when I first opened the package, it wasn't until making my way down to the immediate cause of death that I became hysterical. Immediate Cause Of Death: Cardiopulmonary Arrest sequentially... cause by Neuroblastoma. When I read that word it broke my heart because all I could think of was cardiac arrest which could be a heart attack. I don't know if that's exactly what that means but just seeing the words was enough to send my already fragile emotions into complete overdrive.  Why did Jayson have to suffer so much? He was a good boy just like all the other children with childhood cancer. He deserved so much better than NB. He's been gone 26 days today and it feels like I haven't seen him in years. He's been gone for so long. I miss him sitting with me every morning and his reaction when he caught me smelling his hair while disguising it as a kiss. The way he said "I love you Mommy" and he would always follow it up with an "I love you Daddy" if Andy was in the room. I miss watching him with his babies and how caring he was with them and how he would tell them things like "Daddy loves you". I miss naming off 30 different foods to make him until 1 worked with his taste buds and feeling the excitement of watching him eat because it always felt like a miracle when he was able to eat. I miss hearing him sing from his bedroom when he didn't realize we could hear him. I miss going upstairs to find him and Andy wrapped around each other while they were sleeping in our bed and seeing the look on both of their faces while they slept. I shouldn't have had to open an envelope containing Jayson's death certificates. Guys I know he didn't have a heart attack!

[iheartbullyeatingzombies-bl-blog]

25 Days

Today is our 25th day without Jayson. I cannot believe we are coming up on the 1 month anniversary of his passing. It's a sick feeling knowing that I have gone 25 days without seeing my youngest son. I know he's never going to come skipping down our stairs again but I always hope he will. I want to hold his little hand and have him tell me how annoying that is. I want to rub his little bald head and smell his hair. I fucking hate cancer! I hate that there isn't enough funding to save these innocent children and that their only chance at survival comes in the form of toxic chemicals being pumped into their veins that can cause so much damage that treatment alone can take them from us. How is this acceptable. If my son would of survived this battle he would of never been able to have his own children because after his first round of chemotherapy they told us he would be 99% sterile. He lost almost all of his high frequency hearing because of one of the medications he received during 2 separate rounds of chemo that destroys the hair follicles that carry the sound vibrations. He would ask us to repeat ourselves constantly or he would read our lips while we talked so he could understand what we were saying. The type of cancer Jayson had doesn't have a "cure", you can reach remission but the chances of long term survival are slim and once a child relapses with Neuroblastoma it's almost a death sentence. If they do survive they have an incredibly high chance of coming down with other forms of cancer later in life due to the highly toxic treatment to destroy the original cancer. 

My heart breaks for every child and family that have to hear the word "Neuroblastoma". Why does Neuroblastoma research get so little funding? Our these children less valuable than an adult with breast cancer? Neuroblastoma kills 1 child every 16 hours. What if someone came into your neighborhood and killed 1 child every 16 hours. Would that be acceptable? Hell no it wouldn't. I miss my son, I want him back! I'm so happy I was chosen to be his mom but I didn't get enough time with him. NOT NEARLY ENOUGH! We are going to be designing his grave marker this week.. Can you imagine having to design your child's grave marker? Pick out his casket, and plan his funeral? Parents have to do this everyday because of Neuroblastoma!  

[iheartbullyeatingzombies-bl-blog]

If childhood cancer were a person!

Jayson lived 3920 days compared to the 12,849 I have lived so far. I would of given him every one of my days and the days I haven't lived yet. I just keep wondering, if childhood cancer was presented as a person with a name that went around killing a child every 16 hours (as is the case with Neuroblastoma) our country would be in a panic. Every adult would be demanding action, and our government would listen. They would allocate funds to use more officers, they would build a task force and offer rewards, they would do press conferences and hold meetings to make a plan of attack. If it continued on for long periods of time our president would make a speech and tell the American people that he will not rest until this person is caught. If that kind of action was taken to find a cure for Neuroblastoma and other childhood cancers my son may still be alive and so might the others that fell before him. We may be able to save other parents and families the heart ache that I have been feeling since my son was diagnosed and since he took his last breath. My son may have had a chance to go back to school, have fun with friends, have a girlfriend, a wife, the children he had already chosen names for and he could of become a scientist like he had always planned and he could of changed the world. But instead we don't look at childhood cancer as a mass murderer that is running loose on the streets of our world, we don't allocate the funds that are need to save our children. Instead we give people free cell phones, we redecorate offices, we pay for fancy dinners, we put money that could save a child's life into things that make no sense. My son mattered and so did every child that lost their life before him and the ones that will loose their life after. They mattered to more people than anyone could ever know. Their lives are worth something. They are worth saving.

[inlanddaily-blog-blog]

Hesperia boy loses fight with cancer

HESPERIA • After enjoying a special Make-A-Wish vacation in Hawaii with his family, Jayson Brown returned home to Hesperia and spent his final days with friends and family.

Just after midnight Thursday, surrounded by family, the brave young boy with…

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[tinelovess]

Condolences to Jayson Brown's family and friends

Jayson Brown was the bravest little boy I've ever met. After suffering from Neuroblastoma, he's finally at peace. He will be missed. He will be loved forever.

[kellilynn23-blog]

My heart is breaking for Talia Castelano and Jayson Brown, two beautiful kids getting their butts kicked by cancer, both hanging on to life by a thread.

Why do I do this to myself. Why do I let myself get so attached to these kids through social networking. Why am I going into pediatric oncology? Why does God never let them win?

Why.