the fast.
it’s no gym june and it’s been twenty-two days since my ass burned from morning jogs on the stairmaster. sheesh. my body feels weird. my emotions are raw. i’ve been anxious and irritable and slightly angry when things fell apart. which seemed to happen often this month. and let’s add sober j to that list. no daily tokes of herbs to cool me off. fighting through it. i needed this time away from the gym to examine myself. to just sit and let life happen. the gym is my space to relieve those pent up aggressions. to cry and mask it under the guise of heavily sweating. to sit in a 100+ degree sauna and mediate. breathing and listening to my intuition. fuck. i miss the gym.
it’s the last week of june. i cannot wait to get back to the gym. outside workouts have been nice and all but i’m an a/c and workout kinda gal. june has been kicking my ass. in both postive and life lessons kinda ways. i learned alot about myself. i learned how to let people go. that has been my hardest lesson. but truly to let people go especially after they’ve been honest. boundaries. b o u n d a r i e s. i learned that i can’t hide myself from my friends when my life is falling apart. the real ones are always there checking on me. no matter how much i try to force myself into non-existence. june has given me clarity. my life’s work. i’ve been moving and shaking. the goals have been set.
i thought it would be easy. on top of no gym june i also gave up meat. whoo. it’s not like this was the first time. but this has been the toughest time. i couldn’t just emotional eat my feelings and then go spend two hours sweating out those same feelings. the balance came from other places. i learned how to depend on me. and ask for help from others in and outside of my circle. i had to put ego aside. a part of me is still battling letting one specfic person go but i think it’s done this time. most likely from our last exchange. june oh june. thank you for kicking my ass. for the fast. for learning how to live with myself on a serious level and preparing me for these next levels. there’s a week left and i can honestly say i am so ready for july. my creative rut/writer’s block is broken. so this last week is a celebration for the trials i’ve endured and passed. for the growth of my life in career and emotional and mental spaces. for allowing myself to trust myself. cheers to june. cheers to the fast.
xx,
j.