So… I’m all bronzed up, my fave state to be in. For those that don’t know, I do have a severe case of tanorexia & I don’t plan on changing that anytime soon! So I thought I’d write a little review on some of the tans I’ve tried!
J BRONZE DARK TANNING MOUSSE
My very first time using this on the weekend! Overall, pretty good! I would give this a 8/10.
The Good - really nice colour! & as soon as you apply it you have a nice golden colour from the get go. It also doesn’t smell too bad at first so if you needed to go somewhere straight away you won’t be amongst people that say “OK, who is wearing fake tan” (this is constantly said around me). I applied with a mitt & it goes on smooth & seamlessly.
The Bad - So I got it in “Dark” & it still took me 3 applications over 2 days to get a tan I would say could be classed as “Dark”. I would defiantly say more of a medium colour. BUT, having said this, at least it makes it harder to over do it for you conservative tanners as the colour is buildable & you won’t do one layer & then wake up & look like you’ve just finished playing in a chimney. (My favorite look!!!) no really.
GARNIER OMBRÉ SOLAIRE
Not my favorite unfortunately! 4/10.
The Good - gives a subtle glow for those that again, are more conservative tanners! One layer will be quite light but enough that you feel you’ve done something.
The Bad - I felt I needed to apply this every 2-3 days to stop it from flaking & going blotchy. Also has an orange undertone so if you overdo it, you’re an Oompa Loompa.
MODELCO TAN IN A CAN
I always go back to this. I try another tan & then I end up drunkenly banging on Modelco’s door at 3am begging it to take me back because I made a mistake in leaving it. 8/10.
The Good - Dark tan! & it has a green undertone (don’t freak out, it neutralizes orange) so the finish is BROWN, yay! Not orange (nay!). Spray onto yourself & then use a mitt to even out/rub on.
The Bad - Can be messy & easy to make a mistake. Particularly as it is quite dark. Also smells pretty strong. You will be That Girl That Smells Like Tan (TGTSLT) for a day.
ST TROPEZ TANNING MOUSSE
Bit more expensive that some of the others, but you can tell why! Quite a professional finish. Itchy as all shite. 5/10.
The Good - Gorgeous colour & it shows up quite quickly. 2 coats should do it! One if you’re a bit shy.
The Bad - Allergic reaction! Not good! Lumps came up under my neck & on my thighs. Not cool. I have very sensitive skin so this probably was just too much for my skin but yeah, I wanted it offffff. They always say to do a spot test, which I never do, but please do it with this. Especially under your chin/on your neck where people tend to be sensitive. Rub a SMALL amount of product there 24 hours earlier & then if you’re all good at that point, do a layer of the tan.
MECCA SUNLESS GODDESS
Wow. The price tag is a bit more up there but you’ll see why. 9/10.
The Good - I splurge on this one now & then. It’s a cream, & is THE most natural looking tan out of all mentioned. Also smells the least. I apply with a mitt & use 2 applications to reach my Jedi level of tan. 3 if I’m feeling fragile. It just WON’T go orange! Beautiful brown tan!
The Bad - Being a cream, you can’t tell where you’ve put it so I have been known to end up with patchy feet & dark brown knuckles. I’m not particularly careful though!
LE TAN JET DRY
When you want to be BLACK, QUICK! 8/10.
The Good - I use the dark one & MAN is it beautifully dark. ONE application is all I use! I once over used this completely & Maa-haaa-aaaan was I black. A girl in the shops said wow, “I’d love to be that tanned!” I felt like saying, “Bitch Please, we both know I’m fake tanned to-the-balls”. She seemed too young to be having a go at me, I think she was just so taken back with my likeness to Sooty that she had to say something, I get it, she was slapped in the face with my tan.
The Bad - when it starts to come off, it looks pretty nasty. Because it’s so dark it kind of flakes off in patches so you’d better be prepared with a good exfoliation BEFORE it reaches that stage. It also dries out your skin so i’d use a thick moisturizer twice a day.
So…. I know I have compared a spray, a mousse, a cream… So I haven’t compared apples with apples. These are the main ones I use so thought I’d talk about my experience with them. I’d say my preference is mousse. & I might like some of these more if I had tried the sprays/mousses instead of what I’ve tried above. When it comes to tan, the quality really does improve with the $$$ unfortunately!
My tips to use with ANY tan you buy:
1. Exfoliate first - I use the Chocolate Body Shop Scrub & a scrubbing brush all over.
2. Don’t apply any products to the skin (moisturizer, deodorant) between showering & tanning.
3. Apply it with a mitt.
4. Moisturizer every day that you have it on.
5. Unless you’re really sure of what that particular tan builds like, only do one layer at a time (so one layer before bed, one after the shower in the morning rather than 2 layers an hour apart) so you don’t get any nasty surprises when you wake up.
6. Wash your hands EVEN IF you don’t think you got tan on them. Trust me, you did.
7. After applying, rub moisturizer over your WASHED hands & your feet so if there is any tan on them. It’s distributed evenly & diluted a bit.
8. Tan your face. You want to match the rest of you, right! You can buy special facial ones, like the J Bronze!
9. Don’t wear a bra straight after. Just don’t.
10. If it’s a really important event, get a professional spray tan.
IF YOU CAN’T TONE IT, TAN IT!
