#jec thoughts

[jeclrs]

[hazbin hotel season 2 spoilers]

Season Two of Hazbin really is giving me everything I wanted, god damn. Doubling down on the baddies being bad, humiliating Alastor while somehow still keeping his air of scheming and menace, explaining how Lucifer can't solve all of the hotel's problems, launching Chaggie into the absolutely best on screen ship by addressing the cracks I saw in their relationship in season one AND giving them a beautiful fun and sexy duet, and just having really effective "get back up after the spiral" moments for several characters.

Charlie's level of stupidity in this season has been grating, but has not felt out of character, so much as a direction I don't like very much, which is a matter of taste more than quality, imo. And I think she's wrapped up her dumb ass arc now that she's had that chat with Vaggie.

istg if Charlie keeps up with the cartoonishly stupid and desperate decisions, they had better backfire on her SPECTACULARLY. Like what happened with the train was rough, but ultimately no actual harm was done. The hotel was gonna look bad no matter what, and everyone came back around.

It's really only Charlie and Angel that haven't made up yet, which, uh... Oh dear.

[jeclrs]

I feel, in an "I'm projecting" sort of way, that some of the hardest of core Jax defenders might be seeing either themselves or someone they love in Jax, and are thus struggling to reconcile what the show is trying to say about people like them, given Jax, defensible or indefensible, does not really get a happy ending or a redemption. Jax gets an "it's too late for you" ending, not in the sense of having done too much wrong, but in the sense of having literally run out of time and endurance.

Which side tangent, I love that actually. It's never too late... until is factually and irreversibly is actually. And the "too late" comes when and only when there are no more choices to be made. When the proverbial trigger is actually pulled.

So in terms of what the show is saying about Jax and people like her. I think that's the point of getting to see Lee out there doing fine in the real world, despite Jax not getting to see that. To say that even if you have the exact same psychological profile as Jax, that there ARE choices you can make right now to push yourself towards a better and happier future. You are not irredeemable or fundamentally broken. You are not doomed. You are still alive and making choices. Right. Now.

[jeclrs]

I may be chronically ill, but I don't get brain freeze or hangovers, so who's the real winner?

[jeclrs]

I've thought several times while listening to The Great Divide that tweaking a handful of words would turn the song into a eulogy, and I accidentally made myself cry by doing that while singing along today.

[jeclrs]

I made a silly discord group for hosting chapter pdfs of my book that I will probably never publish (aside from maybe a very small run of personal copies for posterity), and it really should have been a website instead of a discord server. It is hilarious and probably painful to anyone more tech inclined than me how obviously I am trying to organize the text categories and channels like links on a website.

[jeclrs]

Art is weird. Drawing is weird. I have a friend that practices and practices and practices, and studies and studies and studies, and his art is incredible.

I try to practice and study even a little bit. I take different approaches and try different tips and tricks to try and work with my brain, and I just get bored and stop drawing for months.

And then I get really interested in something completely independent from my art. In this case, I became curious how live2D models are rigged (something I quickly learned I am not computer savvy enough to do lol). I watched video after video about cutting and rigging 2D models to imitate 3D. I was blown away to learn the vast majority of vtuber models are a single front facing image cut into a bazillion different layers and animated entirely by squashing and stretching those different layers.

And then I picked up a sketchbook and hammered out a series of some of the best character art I've done in years, suddenly could draw front facing characters (which I've always flat out avoided doing), and am tentatively taking reference sheet commissions again after being asked about it.

I feel less like I'm practicing and more like I'm waiting for software updates that take several weeks/months to download, during which time I will not be drawing at all.

Lord help me if I ever try to make a career out of this lol

[jeclrs]

4yo just brought me my phone she was borrowing briefly to watch a video, not to return it to me but to complain about an ad, telling me very firmly, "I'm not old enough to watch advertisements."

[jeclrs]

Tricky thing I think more people should know about alcohol is that even when engaged with moderately and responsibly, it often leaves you with a delayed spike in depression or anxiety. It happens two, maybe three days later, you're just weirdly depressed or anxious for no discernible reason. More so than usual if this sort of mood state is already recurring for you.

This is not a symptom of addiction. It's just a thing alcohol DOES to most people that they never really notice, and for the average joe isn't going to be a big deal. You just drank and borrowed a little happiness and fun from the future. It's all good.

But when coupled with dependency in the realms of self medication and the like, I'm sure you can imagine how this can create a real nasty feedback loop. You're depressed, so you drink. Just for today. Then you're depressed again in a couple days--that's weird. Have a drink, just a small one. You feel good again. Then it happens again. And again. And your tolerance sure is getting higher, isn't it?

And it's very easy now to create the narrative that you can't be happy sober, when it's the alcohol making you depressed in the first place.