#jefftana

[bitchetterps]

[ text ]: update: u still suck // [ text ]: lets chill with ghosts <3

[ text ]: update: u still suck

[THEO ➝ CARSON] 🔎🔎🔎[THEO ➝ CARSON] Know what that is?[THEO ➝ CARSON] Me looking for where the fuck I asked.

[ text ]: lets chill with ghosts

[JEFF ➝ SANTANA] Are you high right now?[JEFF ➝ SANTANA] Not that I give a shit, but what the actual fuck, Tits?

[spicyx--latina]

Distraction || Jefftana

-February 4th, 2020-

Santana: Not a year had passed without Santana thinking about the miscarriage. And it wasn't exactly by choice, either. The anniversary always came every single year and had come once again, and every year Santana somehow hadn't prepared herself for it. She'd thought quite a bit about it actually, despite the fact that she probably knew she shouldn't. She'd thought about what the baby would have looked like, whether they would have been a boy or a girl. She even thought about how much the child would have resembled Finn. What they would have named them, how Santana's life and Brittany's life and maybe even parts of Finn's life would be different if everything had worked out. But it hadn't, and no matter how much Santana thought about it, it didn't change anything. She still had this horrible feeling in her gut whenever she saw pregnant women, or babies, or heard about children. She still hated February for more than one reason. She still preferred to live in her seclusion when she really should have at this point, gotten past this, at least enough to want to go out and function with the people she cared about again. And in a way, the last year had been progress. She'd been traveling the world for a large part of it, but at least she'd reconnected with Jeff, Sam, Sugar, in some ways Artie for the sake of work.... and yes, she'd finally told someone about the miscarriage. Sugar now knew, and as much as speaking the words out loud for the first time in years had been difficult, she knew it was progress. In some ways, it felt good to open up about it, which was entirely foreign territory for Santana, who'd always been about her walls and her privacy when it came to her feelings. Which might have been why she'd asked Jeff to be her distraction for the night in the first place, for the sake of continuing that progress. The thought was honestly a little terrifying, considering it was completely possible that she would end up in some emotional mess, but Santana knew, or had started to realize at least that the only way to avoid that from happening was to actually confront the things she'd shoved under for so long now. And that wasn't going to be easy, not even a little bit. But she trusted Jeff, more than almost anyone honestly, and she knew he was the perfect company for the night. So Santana waited for him to come by under a blanket on her couch with a small collection of DVDs in front of her on the coffee table, knowing that he would definitely be tired if he just got off a flight. But she could handle that. The only thing she didn't know if she could handle was herself.

[nyusterling]

Text || Jefftana

Jeff: Hey Tana are you okay? Are you safe?

[spicyx--latina]

Write a paragraph about Jeff.

What can I say about Jeff? We’re basically opposites in almost every way, but we’re weirdly similar at the same time. He’s basically one of those people who is hopelessly optimistic all the time, to the point where he puts up with things he really shouldn’t even have to deal with in the first place. He always tried to get close to me, and was never even phased by the fact that I didn’t let him, and then I guess it sort of grew on me. It’s endearing. I didn’t deserve all the pure nice he threw at me, and yet he kept doing it and I really didn’t understand why. But someone like me has learned a lot from him. Even if it was a completely random friendship, I’m happy he’s in my life. He’s sort of impossible to dislike.

[spicyx--latina]

Naked and Numb || Self Para

Who? Santana Lopez, and a nude photographer named Paolo. 

Where? Photography studio in a lower end of New York. 

When? Early Evening, February 6th, 2015. 

What? Santana arrives at the address sent to her by her manager for her nude photo shoot. 

Santana stepped into the building, taking the elevator up to the top floor where she had been instructed to go by her manager. She was wearing a black coat, sunglasses, and she had entered the building as quickly as possible. She didn't want anyone to know that she was doing this, and she didn't want to talk to anyone right now. 

Why was she doing this again? 

When it came down to it, Santana didn't know if she had one good reason.

But part of her didn't mind that. Part of her wanted someone to just think she was sexy on a camera. To think that in front of her audience of fans and people that she could be hot, and that people would love her for her body, that she didn't need anything else. Santana didn't have time for law school, no, not when opportunities like these were showing up at her doorstep. Clearly this was too luxurious of an opportunity to pass up. People loved her, and if they didn't she would chase them until they did. It was like suddenly everything was different, suddenly Santana was aware of the real reality around her and that she was going to lose her little spotlight unless she did something for attention. Because her little spotlight was all she had, wasn't it? 

The things that she'd held onto, the people that inspired her, they were slipping away. And if there was one exception to that rule, it was Brittany, or maybe Finn, but she couldn't let something she did somehow bring them down too. Jeff. Sugar. Two people that whether or not they would ever understand, even with years of time inbetween the two's interactions with her, would always have a major impact on her life. Santana couldn't help but remember the nights. The nights where she would take her Samoa out to some club in one of her dresses and get her drunk and dance with her and feel her body against hers. How excited the littler girl would always get whenever they first met. It was like she idolized Santana. She raised Santana up just by being this spunky and bright little person that was so unlike Santana, and Santana always made her feel sassy, in charge, she taught her how to be fabulous, and now... the more that she talked to Sugar, the more she tried to understand the person that was in front of her now... the more she realized that that person was dead. Old people and things couldn't just come back from the past, could they? And then there was Jeff. Jeff who she'd always considered a puppy, who she'd bought a dog collar a few years ago, who had always been some kind of light cloud of sunshine in her life even when she didn't deserve it. He'd been a point of reason for her and almost replaced the good friend that Sugar had been to her when Sugar left her life. It had come in a strange and yet convenient wave for Santana, and she had been pretty content with that at the time. Over the years, Santana always wished that she would reconnect with Sugar of course. That they could somehow find each other again so Santana could get that bit of light back into her life too. But Santana never expected the change in Sugar. The drastic change that quite honestly devastated her a bit. She knew that it had to have something to do with Rory, who she'd spoken to a grand total of one time over the last few years, the conversation of course being its fair share of awkward. But feeling like Santana had lost her, and that bit of light that had changed her so much back then had made something in her start to die. It was small, she could manage it, but it was this hope that innocent and good people could exist, and that darkness didn't have it's hold over everyone. For someone who was always in the darkness, Santana strived so much to be apart of the light. But the second blow was a blow that had Santana reeling now, that had her throbbing with this strange sort of numbness after the conversation had happened. Finding out the dark that even Jeff of all the people, the one who she had seen so much like Brittany for so long, the girl she was in love with, had fallen and told her all of the reasons he was different than her, and different than he used to be. He fell, even when Santana believed he would never be someone to fall. And then her thoughts came to Finn, and most of all, to Brittany. Finn had been her armor in so many ways. He'd become that, he'd gained that kind of trust with her. She would never forget about the hotel night when she'd needed him the most. To her, it wasn't like the others, he wasn't like Jeff, or Sugar, or Brittany... but what he was was still really near and dear to her. He was her security blanket. She never wanted to let that go, and part of Santana had now begun to honestly believe that the more that she was around these people that she cared about, the more they would begin to fall. She couldn't help but feel that way. There was Sugar, Jeff, Finn. But most of all, more than anyone else, there was her fiancee. The love of her life. Brittany. She was the biggest example of her light of all. She was her entire world in so many ways. The reason she believed she could become something. That she really could be a star. Her inspiration for her music. Her muse. Her air. Santana had fallen in love with not only Brittany, but the world that Brittany had created for her. She was in love with Brittany's light, her innocence, how every little thing she did and touched and interacted with seemed to come to life with this beautiful sort of brightness and how the whole world felt safe and fuzzy and friendly when she was with Brittany. All of the sharp, harsh edges of the world around her seemed to go away and Santana's pessimism melted the way the second she was with Brittany, and it was like her optimism and her beautiful innocence lit up her world and it began to change Santana, too. It honestly made her believe that she could be that way, and it was so close to her core and in her heart, that even the thought of losing something like that scared her. Santana didn't know what else to do. She didn't want to talk to them. She couldn't talk to them, or be around Brittany or Finn especially if she wanted them to be happy. Right? But she needed to be around Brittany, she loved her more than anything, and she didn't want to hurt her. 

Santana suddenly didn't know what to do. 

She'd felt all of this self doubt inside of her as the reality of the worlds of people she cared about had begun to crash down around her. She didn't understand her deep emotional connection to the hurt of other people, necessarily, but maybe it was because she really had formed her happiness through other people, and it had never been through herself. Maybe that was what she was doing right know with her marriage. With her career. She got her career because Brittany inspired her to, and she was marrying her because she didn't know what she would do ever if she lost being apart of Brittany's light. The six months she'd been without it she'd fallen apart. And Santana was afraid of being without it again. But what if she wasn't supposed to love someone this much? What if she was supposed to know what it was like to do something for herself, just for herself?

How could it be that she had everything she ever wanted, and felt so far from happiness? Why did the light people lose everything and why did the dark person rise into the spotlight? 

The fluorescent lights above her head flickered in the elevator while she rode it up, listening to the scraping of the metal along the sides of the elevator as it went up. Clearly it was old, and the apartment building had a lingering sense of cigarette smoke. It was cold outside, and beginning to get dark. Santana didn't really notice though, she kept the sunglasses on her face. She waited the few seconds for the elevator to move all the way up to the top floor, until she finally saw the heavy old doors move open in front of her, with an awful sort of mechanical sound. Santana stepped into the doorway, walking strait forward towards the door to the loft space on the top of the old building, approaching the door and giving it a small knock. It only took a couple of seconds for someone to come to the door. 

"Ah, Santana Lopez, so pleased to have you here. Your manager has been pushing to get you in with me for quite some time now. Paolo, it's my pleasure." 

Santana had responded politely, entering the room, somehow pleased to see that the inside was not nearly as worn as the outside of the building had been. He began to set her up, explaining to her how the green screen behind would work, and where she would be laying, and all of the different details. He spent a bit of time working on her hair and makeup, touching it up to give her a natural glow for the camera, before it finally came down to Santana taking all of her clothes off. 

Santana felt the throbbing feeling inside of her again while she took off all of her clothes, feeling more and more exposed to the world as she took of each layer. Naked. Raw. Paolo began to pose her, placing his hands on the most vulnerable parts of her bare skin as he positioned her on the wooden table in front of her, leaving space for all of the greenscreen behind her. He began to snap shots, and Santana brought life into her eyes almost robotically as he began to take shots. 

Click. Click. Click. 

"Why don't you give me a little sexy smirk for the camera?"

Santana felt the heaviness of her breath while she looked into the camera, hiding behind a mask that she'd grown so accustomed to in high school. A mask that she put away for so many years that was almost resurfacing again in a new way. 

Click. Click.

"Give me something more to work with... there we go, this is what I'm talking about, this is going to be a money maker."

She was amazed with how easy it was for her to put on the mask again. For the camera, to keep her spotlight. She was doing this for her own fame, to keep the attention of all of the others. Because apparently she didn't have the natural ability to do that otherwise. 

Click. Click. Click. 

"You give me sexy, I give you the masterpiece."

She could hardly say she was aware of the words coming out of his mouth as she felt the cold breeze against her body creeping up on her. She felt the goosebumps coming as she continued to pose. 

Click. Click. Click. 

"Now show me some of the boobie shots. That's it, there we go." 

Santana didn't remember much else about that shoot. The memory seemed to come and go, and the fact that she had just done a nude shoot hardly seemed to phase her. She hardly felt like she was inside of herself as she politely had thanked the man for doing the photo shoot for her, and gone back on her way. She'd turned around, she'd shut the door and she'd left the shoot before she could so much as let herself process what she'd just done. She was just shot by a camera naked. And before she knew it, there were going to be naked pictures of her all over the internet. But something in that was hardly disturbing to Santana. Because there was this sick and lonely part of her that just appreciated being in the spotlight. 

[justsmilejeff-blog]

IS IT TRUE YOU SLEPT WITH SANTANA LOPEZ?

No, that isn't true at all! Santana is gay and taken, and I'm pretty sure Brittany would skin me alive. So no.

[justsmilejeff-blog]

Coffee and Chatter || Jefftana

Jeff had made a lot of friends in his life. His friendly cheer, overabundant optimism and boundless energy made him a pretty fun guy to be around for just about anybody. Except for maybe one particular person in his life. Santana had more or less hated him from the moment he first spoke to her. He didn’t know why, but it seemed like every time he attempted to talk to her she’d just end up getting mad and yelling at him, usually saying a plethora of things that flew over his head and left him feeling confused and a little uncomfortable. Despite all of this, he still tried to talk to her. At the time he knew it was stupid, she was angry and that wasn’t going to change anytime soon. But he could recognize pain when he saw it, and Santana was in pain. That kind of rage didn’t come from nowhere. And well, he was just the kind of guy that hated seeing other people in pain. So every chance he got, and they were kind of far and few in between, he tried to tell her that she deserved love and happiness, and she never listened each and every time. Until she hit her lowest and for once she finally did. And it had probably one of the strangest conversations of his life all things considered, but it worked because for once he got through to her to some small degree. And well, any little bit help so he was happy for that at the very least. All he had wanted was for the girl to know she could be happy one day too. Thinking back on that now it was kind of funny, all things considered. Santana was finally happy and now she was telling him that he was the one who would find love one day. He couldn’t help but be amused with how the tables had turned, but it was nice to see the hand Santana had been dealt. For someone who had been dealt such a terrible hand and been so low, it was nice to see her life turn around. He liked seeing people happy, and seeing where she was now was kind of amazing. For one, her album dropped today, and checking the charts on his phone, it wasn’t doing too bad at all. It kind of made him proud to know that he knew that girl back when she was a nobody and watch her actually become successful, and not just for the fact that he could have a famous friend. He didn’t need that. He just liked seeing all his super talented friends get recognized for their super talents. That’s kind of what mattered most to him. Taking his hands out of his pockets regretfully he pulled open the door to the coffee place he’d told Santana he’d meet her at. LA had made him a wimp to the cold apparently, he needed to come out east more often. He immediately slipped into the back of the line and rubbed his hands together, thinking more about Santana and their conversation last night. It was deep, which strangely wasn’t unusual for them. Their conversations were usually a good mix of a serious topic and playful teasing. It was strange, but he honestly felt like everything about their friendship was odd. But the fact that she was able to pick up on what he really meant by just one statement proved that maybe they did know each other better than he thought. A lot of what she said was, well she was right that much was true. “Peppermint white mocha.” He told the cashier, pulling out his money to pay the girl behind the counter. He walked off to wait for his drink, playing with an abandoned coffee stir. He wasn’t as bad as Santana had been, right? He didn’t think he was, he’d had a year and a half to learn how to cope with it and he hadn’t done anything to land himself in the hospital yet. So that meant that he was doing okay. At least that was what he told himself as he picked up his drink. It was a little crowded but he found two seats and took them immediately for the both of them. He tried to push the thoughts of their conversation out of his mind and just tried to bring himself back up to look forward to spending time with his friend again.

[r5-jeffsterling]

Hospital Visit. || Jefftana

Jeff had been going crazy with worry over Santana. He needed to see her with his eyes. School had just ended and instead of going back to the dorm or Warbler practice, Jeff made his way to his car. He hoped he didn't get in trouble with the Warbler’s, but this was more important. No one would ever understand why he just needed to make sure San was really okay.

At the hospital Jeff went up to the room Santana was in. Hopefully Dr. Lopez was off somewhere else, otherwise this visit would urn awkward and Jeff didn't want to be kicked out. Slowly he opened the door to the room and put a smile on his face. “Hey Santana.”