I know I’m super late to this party, but I cannot stop thinking about Wesper. First of all, is there a cuter couple? Don’t answer that.
Second of all, I just love the dynamic between them. Jesper can’t remember Wylan at all at first. Wylan seemingly never forgot Jesper. And then, bam, they just work together so well -- not just as a couple.
Has anyone dissected the scene in Rollins’ conservatory? Because look at Jesper, going for his gun (his first instinct is his sharp shooting skills) and then Wylan just brings the energy down and rolls with his sharp ass wit. Good thing he is just bristling with tools because they are now piano tuners. lmao.
(screenshot from ep 3 of shadow and bone. Jesper is on the left, Wylan is on the right. Jesper is looking down at Wylan, who is looking forward and holding his jacket open to reveal a vest full of tools.)
Can we please talk about this scene? Wylan is just a helpless victim who has been pulled out from under the carriage where he was hiding and then who should appear but Jesper! Jesper will surely rescue Wylan. Shew. Look at that awesome thumb’s up he’s giving Wylan! As the man comes up behind him to choke him with a crowbar and then wham! Wylan reaches into his pocket and grabs a handful of powder to shove into his attacker’s face so he can (helplessly?) cling to Jesper’s attacker.
Doorways and corridors as liminal spaces in Heartstopper pt 1 of 8
Thanks so much to @herewetumble for editorial help and @barrows-teeth for feedback and the awesome gifs! All mistakes are mine.
Find part 2 here.
Part 3 here.
Part 4 here.
Part 5 here.
Part 6 here.
Part 7 here.
Part 8 here.
If you want, you can read the whole thing without gifs on AO3 here.
Doorways and corridors are not just scenery in Heartstopper — they are silent characters supporting a journey.
Charlie Spring walks through a corridor to meet Ben after winter break, and passes through a doorway where a teacher is taking down some decorations. Could this be a signal of things changing?
When Charlie reaches the library, he finds the library empty and a text from Ben asking to meet up later. This opens a space in Charlie’s heart when he meets Nick a few minutes later.
We do see him actually pass through the doorway into his new form room. He exchanges inanities with the teacher and then turns to go to his seat. When he lays eyes on Nick, you can tell he is immediately struck. I think this doorway, into his new form room, represents Charlie’s imminent relationship with Nick.
Then we see Charlie coming through a doorway into a corridor and passing through another door to meet up with Ben in the music room. They kiss, Ben says “still don’t tell anyone about us,” and leaves. We see Charlie through the window as the door closes. The beginning of the end of their relationship.
The very next doorway is Nick and Charlie bumping into each other as they try to pass through it at the same time. Destiny has brought them together! They are about to embark on something together …
Montage of passing in the hallway/meeting in form and saying hi and then they meet up on the way to math class. After Nick has doodled on Charlie’s hand, they easily pass through a doorway big enough for the two of them as though the world is bending to make more space for the two of them as they become more comfortable with each other. They happen to run into Ben who completely ignores Charlie. That door between Ben and Charlie has just closed a little more.
Charlie exits the bus and gets a text from Ben to meet up in the library. At this meeting, Ben kisses Charlie, but Charlie doesn’t really kiss back and he’s distracted by the doodle on his hand Nick left there yesterday. Although Ben has called Charlie to him, Charlie is drawing away.
The next doorway we see is really a gateway. Ben is kissing a girl. That does it for Charlie. He slams that proverbial door shut hard.
Charlie describes his ideal boyfriend and clears the window only to see Nick Nelson.
Nick watches through a fence as Charlie runs (faster than his classmates).
Next we see Charlie struggling in front of an open locker door. Nick asks if Charlie wants to step onto his turf and Charlie can’t turn him down.
Charlie walks down a corridor, through a doorway, and faces a closed door to the locker room where he can hear people talking about him. He pushes the door open and Nick stands up and says “hi”, welcoming into the space. Charlie is so brave for pushing that door open!
The next time he steps into the locker room, “In my self-made isolation, you’re my only inspiration / when the mirror says I’m ugly and if anybody loves me it’s a lie” is playing, but none of the boys notice him or talk to him. We see Nick talking strategy and then some scenes on the field.
Cut to Ben walking down the corridor. It feels so ominous and closed in, especially when it cuts back to Nick and Charlie working on tackling at the goal posts. You can see Nick’s admiration for Charlie’s improvement and Charlie feeling good that Nick is complimenting him. They are out in the world and it’s just them and life is good.
Then we see Ben through a “window” waiting for Charlie. Charlie walks out one door (leaving Nick standing in the doorway behind) and through another to meet Ben. He turns around a corner and has a conversation with Ben which ends with Ben forcing a kiss on Charlie and then Nick pulling Ben off. They are in the corridor.
Nick puts himself between Ben and Charlie, tells Ben to piss off, checks that Charlie is ok, then the two of them walk off through the corridor together, out the door, and out the school gate. There is a feeling of release as they walk outside and say goodbye.
Can we please talk about how amazing it is the first interaction we see Charlie have with a peer is when he meets Nick? Like, Alice could’ve easily chosen to have it be Ben, or one of Charlie’s friends. Nope. First thing we get is Charlie and Nick meeting. *sigh*
As always, endless thanks to @barrows-teeth and @herewetumble for their insights and editing help and BT’s lovely gifs! Find the master post here.
Episode 6 starts with Nick googling “best lgbtq+ films'' on his phone just before his mum says “Mamma Mia.” Nick rejects this suggestion and his mom leaves the room to dish up pizza. Nick is still looking at the list on his phone, snuggled next to Nellie, when Sarah Nelson comes back and suggests “Pirates of the Caribbean.” Nick looks like he wants to say something else, but just says “yeah.”
As they watch the movie, Sarah comments that they had to watch the movie every evening when Nick was 11 and she knew it was because he liked Kiera Knightly. Nick resists “Mum!” “What, she’s a very pretty girl.” “Please stop talking!” They turn to watch the movie and we can see Nick struggling with the recognition that he is attracted to Kiera Knightly as well as Orlando Bloom. (Many have commented on how relatable this scene is for their bisexual awakenings occurred similarly.)
We have seen how comfortable Nick is in his kitchen with his mum and I think the living room is an extension of that space. He’s not ready to come out to his mum yet, but he’s more able to fully consider who he is.
Back in the fuller privacy of his room, he listens to the bisexual vlogger and seems to start coming to terms with his own sexual identity.
Meanwhile, the girls are having lunch in the canteen. Darcy quips “this is an interesting lunchtime gathering we’ve got going on here” as Tara and Elle both poke at their phones. Tara has just posted about her relationship with Darcy on Instagram and is getting mixed reactions, so she is happy for the distraction Darcy provides when she asks what Elle’s up to (looking at Timothee Chalamet’s Instagram? :)). Tara says “probably texting Tao” and they coax out of her that she does have a crush on Tao. “I knew it,” squeaks Tara. It is clear Elle has settled in and found her place with Tara and Darcy—a stark contrast to the day she walked in and the door closed behind her, leaving us all with an instant of panic — was she trapped in a lonely hell?
We have another scene of Charlie and Tao interacting with Harry outside school near the picnic tables which goes according to toxic masculinist ideas of heteronormativity. “Watch out Dicknozzle,” Harry spouts. Tao retorts, “if you want my attention that badly, why don’t you just throw something at me, like your last remaining brain cell.” Harry is left speechless and on his own turf, at that.
They walk past Nick and Imogen sitting on one of the tables. Tao gives Nick a disgusted look. Nick looks at Charlie like he feels sorry about something.
Tara is sitting in an instrument room, flipping through mixed comments on Instagram again. Darcy joins her and Tara warns her to “mind the door, that’s the one that locks you in if you let it shut.” Darcy reminisces that this is “the room...the special room, [they] got locked in and had [their] first kiss.” I love the fact that their first kiss was literally in a locked closet, before Tara was out. The orchestra teacher finds them and chastises them for being late for rehearsal. They remark she’s literally the only one in a 50 mile radius who doesn’t know they are together. So, maybe part of that closet still remains (and reminds us that we are always coming out).
In the orchestra room, one girl says to Tara “I never would have guessed you were gay, but it’s so cool and brave of you” and a few minutes later, in the background, we hear girls responding with disgust to Darcy’s comment about same-sex schools being a waste from her perspective “as an absolute lesbian.” Where the closet was a safe space for the girls, the open classroom is not.
Nick and Charlie are lying on a blanket in the park and Nick says “How did you realize you were gay?” This is the first time we’ve seen Nick talk to someone about being queer. He’s been researching the topic in the privacy of his own bedroom (and obviously kissing Charlie in secluded locations) but this is the first time the topic has been raised in a more public environment. Charlie is secure with his identity (“It’s always been boys”) but Nick makes faces and Charlie guesses Nick “didn’t feel the same when he was little.”
This is reminiscent of the park with Imogen, when Nick was saying he had buried his real self and he was trying to figure out where he fit. Now, he says again “I don’t know what [sexuality] I am.” But with Charlie, he can be more clear about the topic and the open air reinforces our impression that Nick is becoming more comfortable with sharing his full self. Charlie even says that Nick doesn’t have to figure it out right now and that even he didn’t wake up one day and say “oh, look, guess I’m gay now.” Society informs who we are. We aren’t defining ourselves in a vacuum. But when a couple walks by with a dog as they are about to kiss, Nick sits up suddenly, breaking it off. He is not ready.
Nick accompanies Charlie into the gym for rehearsal and asks if he can attend the performance. Charlie moves away to get his drum kit set up and Tara walks up, taking Charlie’s position on the floor. They make a little small talk and then Nick tells Tara that he and Charlie are sort of “going out, but please don’t tell anyone.” Tara says “It’s funny how things turned out between us,” referring to the kiss they shared 3 years ago and they both agree that irony is not lost on them.
Nick asks if the girls are out to their friends, and Tara talks about posting it on Instagram.
Nick is clearly grappling with how much of himself and his relationship with Charlie he is comfortable putting out there. I think it’s interesting that the conversation is happening in the school gym, a location typically known for heteronormative relationships in sports.
Nick takes Tara up on her invitation to join her and Darcy for lunch on the field. On the other side of the fence, we hear Harry bullying Tao: “Not having lunch with your boyfriend?” Meanwhile, enclosed in their own private bubble, Nick shares “I’m not really out, yet” and “I don’t even know what my sexuality is” while chatting with them. Darcy and Tara accept him for who he is, regardless of labels. Again, it’s interesting that this is happening on a sport field, another spot typical for reinforcing heteronormativity. Darcy suggests a double date and Nick agrees, saying, “I like milkshakes.”
In front of the door to the orchestra room, Darcy encourages Nick not to come out if he’s not ready. Nick asks Tara if she’s sure she’s gay or if she might be bi. Tara says kissing Nick was one of the things that convinced her she didn’t like kissing boys. As they stand outside in front of an open door, Nick reveals they are the first people he’s told about Charlie. Nick is starting to open his own door and come out a little bit more. Tara asks him if it feels good. He smiles. “Yeah, it really does.” AND WE ALL MELT.
Charlie is on his bed, lit up by the sun, waiting for Nick to come ‘round. Tori appears in the doorway and seems to know what’s up, even though Charlie can’t admit anything to her. On the floor, the boys are studying and Nick lets Charlie know that he has told Tara and Darcy that they are dating. Charlie’s bedroom has changed for Nick from a space of confusion to refuge to safety.
As Nick leaves, he tells Charlie about the proposed milkshake date and Charlie eagerly agrees. Nick opens the door, leaving it for Charlie to close. He looks back and waves goodbye before turning around and walking away. This time, there is just nice, bright sunlight as the door stays open.
First to appear at the milkshake cafe are Tao and Elle. They are being their silly authentic selves out in the fresh air, but not at all open about their feelings for each other. And neither knows about Nick and Charlie, yet. The six friends sit under a tent and chat while having their milkshakes. Tao suggests having a second round. Nick and Charlie leave first to get the shakes. Charlie asks Nick out on a proper date (sometime) and immediately takes it back. It is as if the fresh air has pumped up Charlie’s courage for a split second. Luckily, he is with Nick, who thinks it’s a lovely idea.
When Tao goes to help get the second round, Elle finds out her friends have been plotting without her consent to try to set her and Tao up. She is upset about this because she doesn’t want anything else to change. Nick and Charlie return to the table while Tao waits for the last two and Elle finds out that Nick and Charlie are together. It is worth noting that they are under the tent (the relationship is still a secret to all but these five) while Tao is out in “dark,” alone.
In the gym, Nick sits with Charlie at his drum kit. They are bathed in a beam of light. Nick says he’s been researching bisexuality and he thinks that might be him. Does Charlie’s drum kit have a protective force field around it? Maybe so.
Meanwhile, Tara has run out of the room to escape the persistent homophobia surrounding her. She retreats to the secret (make out) instrument closet and Darcy follows, forgetting to leave the door open. Tara didn’t realize how differently she’d be treated after she came out and “just wants to live her life.” Darcy insists they can do that. In the meantime, Nick, Charlie, Elle, and Tao have been running from door to door looking for them.
As they all run back to the concert, Tara and Darcy hold hands. Nick reaches out for Charlie’s hand and Charlie grabs it just as they pass a brightly lit window. Elle follows, waving encouragingly at Tao who lags behind. Tara and Darcy are leading the way, modeling one way of being out, and Nick and Charlie are following in their footsteps.
Thanks so much to @barrows-teeth for the gifs and comments. All mistakes are mine. Find the master post here.
“Bully” starts with “Bang, Bang” playing and Charlie looking in the mirror in his room, so we’ve got a mix of moods: upbeat song, but insecure Charlie, which is reinforced when he flashes back to a bad moment with Ben after Tori asks him if Nick is his “boyfriend.” Interestingly, Charlie is framed by open closet doors behind him.
As his dad drops him off and tells him to call if any of the boys does anything nasty, Charlie reassures him with a big smile that “NIck’s going to be there. [He’s] going to be fine.” Nick is waiting for him outside, in fact, and gives him a big hug in the wide open air where no one else is.
As they ride down the escalator, they are being a little flirty and Nick reassures Charlie that his friends will be fine — “Ben and Harry aren’t coming.” But the first hint of things going awry happens when they step off the escalator and see both Ben and Harry. I think this is the first time their private bubble had been burst. We’ve seen Charlie look worried before, but I think this might be the first time we’ve seen Nick look this nervous in front of his friends.
As they walk through the pink/blue/purple lit corridor with words like Super Hero and Horror and Scifi written on the wall, Nick tries to draw Charlie away from the group, to reassure him that he didn’t set him up to be hurt. They do seem to manage to resurrect their little bubble. Nick touches Charlie’s elbow and calls him “Char” before he pulls away and they end up laughing together. Their body language is very close even if they don’t actually continue touching each other.
In the theater, we realize they are at a horror film. We are led to believe the horror is on screen and they can walk out, free and clear. In fact it is once they leave that the horror unfolds — Harry starts badgering Charlie. When Harry suggests that Charlie has a crush on Nick, Charlie denies it, so as to protect Nick, and Nick looks like he could cry. He’s clearly upset with himself that Charlie’s doing all the heavy lifting and Nick is just standing by, silently. For the first time, we see Nick’s private little bubble burst. He may not be experiencing the bullying/homophobia first hand, but his movie date definitely did not go to plan.
Outside, on the parking deck, Nick apologizes for his so-called friends. I think this is another first for Nick — actually voicing disdain for the people he hangs out with, even though we saw him say in ep 5 that he wasn’t sure he fit in with them any more. Out in the open, with a wall between him and his friends, this realization is growing teeth. Nick chases after Charlie, to apologize for what happened. Charlie assures Nick that “it’s ok [he’s] honestly used to it by now”. Nick has a sad and horrified look on his face as Charlie turns away. Charlie having to lie to keep them a secret and watching Harry bully Charlie acts as a catalyst and Nick boils over.
Then, in the parking lot, after Nick goes back in, Ben Hope just has to have one more dig at Charlie. He pops up, almost like a “jump scare”, and tries to get Charlie to out Nick. When Charlie resists, Ben has to poke a little further with “let bullies walk all over you” as he bullies Charlie. “I never liked you. I’m not even gay. I just felt really sorry for you.” Ben has to know how much damage this comment will do to Charlie. This time Charlie is not honest with his dad and acts like nothing happened. The real horrors Nick and Charlie have to face are some of their past choices.
We see two very different interactions in the same space. Charlie is used to the comments, yes, but it doesn’t mean they don’t still hurt.
Meanwhile, Nick is so very not used to the comments and he is on FIRE. He charges back in through the doorway, backlit in glorious, bi-colored lighting (similar to the lighting at Harry’s party and the bowling alley), and confronts Harry. As at the party, Harry is flanked by all the lads, but Nick doesn’t care. He is leading with his whole heart now and that means standing up for Charlie, consequences be damned. Nick is realizing the tenuousness of the private bubble and he doesn’t like it. He isn’t used to being disrespected and doesn’t think he needs to just put up with it.
In the car, on the way home, Sarah Nelson asks Nick what happened. Like most teens, he responds with “There’s not really anything to tell.” Sarah is clearly frustrated with this answer, which makes me wonder if Nick had had problems getting into fights before he met Charlie. Nick rubs Nellie’s ears and then tells his mum what happened. He ends with, “I’m just so angry at myself for not seeing that all my friends suck.” Sarah says “fighting’s not the answer” and Nick replies “I know. He just used a really bad word,” and Sarah says “Charlie’s a really special friend, isn’t he?” Nick takes a moment before agreeing “Yeah. He is.” He is sorting out his past choices with his current self in the comfort and security of the car with his mom driving.
The next morning, Charlie seems subdued, both as he wakes up in his bedroom and on the bus on the way to school. As he passes the school gates, he notices Harry’s bloody lip and asks what happened. “Ask Nick Nelson, he’s got some serious anger issues.” Nick is missing, though. The public space of the picnic tables, where he previously started every school day, has changed for Nick. He is clearly no longer comfortable there.
Charlie walks down the corridor to the classroom, shaken. This is not the giddy Charlie we saw in episode 4 after The Kiss. He slides into his chair and Nick turns and says “Hi”. Charlie brushes right past this greeting (maybe the first time ever?) and jumps right to “What happened?”, pointing at Nick’s black eye. The private little bubble in the classroom seems to be holding up just fine. Charlie is concerned that Nick got in a fight because of him; Nick doesn’t see it that way at all. Charlie shouldn’t “have to be (used to it) People shouldn’t be saying stuff about him at all.” Charlie tries to apologize. Nick won’t accept it. And he says “I don’t even want to be friends with those people any more. … I’m tired of all of them.” And then he lays his head on Charlie’s shoulder for comfort (and we all melt, again). How no one else notices this is only explained by their little bubble.
Charlie heads to the art room for lunch. Mr Ajayi is absent. The art room is empty. Charlie sits on the floor on his favorite tree, which has blossomed, just like Nick and Charlie’s relationship. Charlie takes his lunch out and puts it away without even attempting to eat it. Charlie is miserable and oblivious.
Meanwhile, Elle (sitting next to a not-so-subtle rainbow umbrella) and Tao are sitting on a park bench talking about the problem with Harry and Charlie. Tao thinks it’s his fault for provoking Harry. Elle tells Tao that Harry was in her maths class last year and that he sometimes made comments to her. “Surprise, he’s transphobic as well.” And then she spills the beans, “I’m not surprised Nick started a fight with him, if Harry was being a dick to Charlie.” Tao asks her outright if something is going on between Nick and Charlie and she says “yes”. Interesting that this news about Nick and Charlie is coming out in the open air and not through text or whispered behind closed doors. But Tao is hurt and angry to find out indirectly through Elle and that he’s the last of the group to know. (My one comment on whether or not it was right for Elle to tell Tao about Nick and Charlie is that teens, as well as adults, fuck up sometimes. It was a mistake. Let’s hope everyone learned from it.)
At the end of this long day, in bed, Charlie texts Nick that he wants to talk at lunch the next day. It takes Charlie several tries to get the right words. I wonder if it feels more heartbreaking to us because this should be the place he feels most secure, in his bed with his stuffed animal next to him, and yet he’s (over)thinking about his relationship with Nick and how he must be the cause of everyone’s suffering.
Elle pops by Tao’s with a container of cookies and proposes they watch a movie. It is a way for them to connect after the conversation in the park. Tao’s mom tells him to leave the door open a smidge, because moms have to embarrass their kids in front of their friends. But also, could this be the first time that Tao admits to himself that he really does have a crush on Elle?
In his bedroom, Elle fixes Tao’s “potato” drawing and Tao says he’ll “treasure it always.” Then he says, “sorry about earlier, I know it’s not your fault [Charlie] hasn’t told me.” “I think I know why he hasn’t told me.” Then he goes on a rant about how Charlie is worried that Tao will out Nick and how Charlie doesn’t care about Tao any more because Charlie’s in a relationship now. Tao admits that he doesn’t know why he’s so scared about being alone and Elle reassures him that she felt that way at the beginning of her first term at Higgs, but everything has turned out ok. We’ve seen the two of them have heartfelt conversations in Tao’s bedroom before, so I’m not surprised this one happens here.
At the end of Episode 7, we have two scenes happening concurrently. One is Tao sitting alone outside at the picnic tables and the other is Nick and Charlie in the lunchroom. This creates a tension between the two situations, but also, it reflects the inner conflicts Nick, Charlie, and Tao are having. Charlie is trying to break up with Nick (thinking this will protect Nick from bullying and/or Charlie ruining his life), Tao and Charlie have hit a roadblock in their friendship, and Nick is struggling with coming out. The cafeteria is a heteronormative environment where it’s hard for Nick to be his authentic self.
Tao reaches out to Charlie to join him for lunch since Isaac has lunch duty, but Charlie had already agreed to talk to Nick. Tao gets mad and says “Don’t bother. We’re barely friends anymore.”
Nick finally shows up at the cafeteria table and asks Charlie what’s up.
Then we flip back to Harry provoking Tao. “Not in the mood for that fight?” “Only if it’s in the form of a board game or a cake eating contest.” Harry is really in the mood for a fight. He grabs Tao’s “shoe potato” drawing and walks away with it. Harry invading Tao’s space outside is the last straw for Tao. Tao pushes him down, grabs the drawing, and then throws apple juice on Harry.
The mood is tense from the eruption of the fight when we go back to Nick and Charlie. Charlie is clearly nervous. “So, I’ve been thinking. About me and you… I’ve been making your life really difficult … so I’ve been thinking, maybe it would be better if we just ….”
They are interrupted by a kid announcing that Harry Greene is fighting some year 10 by the picnic tables. Nick and Charlie immediately know who he’s fighting and race outside. Nick pulls Harry off Tao and would have happily stepped into Tao’s place, but a teacher pulls Harry away. Tao and Charlie go in a different direction.
Charlie asks Tao what happened and Tao loudly says “Why didn’t you tell me you and Nick were together? I thought we were friends, but I guess you’ve just forgotten about me. This is all your fault. Just leave me alone.” Tao is clearly quite hurt and he’s throwing the worst barbs because he knows it will hurt Charlie, which we can see when Charlie says “What?” Again, this had to happen outside, where the air could be cleared, so to speak. And it has reinforced Charlie’s perception that he’s ruining everyone’s life.
Thanks so much, as always, to my collaborators @herewetumble and @barrows-teeth. Any mistakes are mine. Find part 1 and links to the other posts in my pinned post.
“Secret” starts where “Kiss” left off — Nick standing in the rain outside Charlie’s front door. Perhaps the rain is washing away some of Charlie’s worst fears. Charlie pulls Nick inside because he’s “getting soaked.” Nick talks until Charlie’s mum interrupts and then Charlie suggests they go upstairs to his room.
This is a transitional moment for the boys. They were separated and Nick has been drawn back to Charlie. Charlie can’t resist the pull of Nick — he literally pulls Nick into the house. He’s relieved that something from the relationship is still intact. And Nick steadies himself on Charlie’s door — a metaphor of Charlie grounding him again.
They enter Charlie’s bedroom. Nick pulls off his hoodie while Charlie turns his back and closes the door. Charlie turns back around, not looking at Nick, and as soon as Nick starts to speak, Charlie begins apologizing profusely. Nick says “Charlie” a few times. In the safety of the bedroom, Nick puts his hands on Charlie’s face, forcing him to look at Nick, and pulls him into a kiss. Charlie is relieved and unsure and it turns out that Nick was quite confused. Having a proper full-on gay crisis, in fact. Charlie puts his arm around Nick, inviting him into an embrace, which Nick falls into. Alone together, the boys can be themselves. Nick feels himself falling into a thousand pieces; Charlie is his anchor.
Framed again by the front door, as Nick is about to leave, he asks “Is it ok...” and Charlie finishes “if we keep this a secret?. Yeah.” Faced with the reality of stepping outside, Nick isn’t ready “to come out as anything.” This new sense of self is too tenuous to face scrutiny, although he is happy to kiss Charlie who runs out in the rain to say goodbye.
cleverhideouttheroist noted: At Charlie's house the door is left open after Nick leaves! Like there is hope ❤️ (Note the contrast to when Nick after hugging Charlie for 10 seconds and he closed the door behind himself.)
merthur-mybad on Tumblr also noted: that Nick leaves Charlie's house "not ready to come out" but having to physically "come out of the house" anyway, and by Charlies running after him and kissing him it reminds him that he'll be there, out with him, when the time comes. Idk I just thought of this after reading this. Love your analyses btw!
We next see Nick outside with Imogen who notices that “something’s different.” Nick protests, but Imogen is insistent. Nick is not protected by four walls — he’s penned in by social expectations of the school yard and isn’t free to reveal his feelings for Charlie yet.
Charlie walks down the corridor with a big smile on his face. He’s approaching his form room and so happy to see Nick. He does pause for a brief moment and we wonder what Nick’s reaction will be. Nick cannot keep his joy down; both boys beam at each other in the exuberance of their shared secret. Somehow, the form room is a safe bubble for them.
In the art room, they meet for lunch four hours later. We already know the art room is a safe space for Charlie — he is both nurtured and grounded there. We see Nick relaxing with Charlie, happy to “ditch his friends, who are idiots” for once. The issue of Ben wanting to keep him and Charlie a secret comes up and Nick tenses up. Charlie tries to reassure Nick that it’s “nothing like what we’re doing,” but Nick doesn’t look so sure. He’s starting to think that maybe he doesn’t want to keep their relationship locked in a secret place.
The boys are practicing on the rugby pitch and Charlie is nervously hanging around the edge as the coach yells instructions. This is Nick’s arena and Charlie is still an outsider. He can’t face tackling another player, even though Nick yells encouragement to him. Nick looks disappointed. Otis says “Come on man, for the third time” and Harry says “Why did he even join the team?” Coach calls an end to practice, asks if Charlie will be ok for the upcoming match, and gently reminds him “a lot of gay people are good at sports.”
Left alone to clean up cones, Charlie decides to take this opportunity, alone, to figure out how to tackle. He is freed from the expectations of others and is able to tackle the dummy, finally! He won’t let Nick down at the big match against St Johns.
Nick and Charlie are chatting as they run around the track before the meet. Charlie informs Nick that his friends are coming to support him and he won’t say anything to them. Nick says “Oh. Yeah. Good, thanks,” but we have the sense that he is hoping Charlie might tell his friends, who are sure to be more accepting than his. The opposing team comes out and Charlie drifts closer to Nick saying “Why are they literal adult men” and “Sorry, nervous.” I think Nick is nervous, too. What if the rugby lads find out about him and Charlie and don’t react well?
The game starts and it’s pretty rough going, and then it starts to rain. They continue playing. Charlie has been tackled and fallen once. Faced with the opportunity, Charlie tries to make a tackle, only this time he’s down. Nick freezes. The pouring rain and his fear of being found out careen around in his head, bringing him back to the moment before he left Charlie’s house where Charlie agreed that they could “keep it a secret.”. His heart aches for Charlie, makes him want to go to Charlie, to check on him, but he’s penned in by his fear of being outed and not knowing how the team would react.
Nick does check on Charlie in the infirmary and tenderly wipes his cheek. When Charlie apologizes for being clingy and “messing things up,” Nick earnestly replies “I’m the one who should be saying sorry.” The bubble bursts when Isaac comes in to deliver antiseptic wipes and Nick says “I’d better go.”
At the end of the episode, we see Nick exit the building and Imogen is waiting for him. She asks him if he wants to go on a date some time and he says “Uh, sure,” pressured to conform to the expectations of his peers standing around the door.
This was truly a collaborative effort with @herewetumble and @barrows-teeth. Any mistakes are mine. Find part 1 here.
Although “Crush” starts with Nick and Charlie in their respective bedrooms, 30 seconds in Nick is looking at a picture of a corridor labeled “Hate this place” on Charlie’s instagram. Nick is transported back in time a year and can hear the bullying taunts of their peers and feel Charlie’s pain. His connection to and fondness for Charlie has grown. This inspires him to text Charlie and see if he’s doing ok after the altercation with Ben.
Elle passes by windows that look into her form room and then walks through the doorway into it. Before, she could only think about escaping Truham. There is a montage of her walking past windows and entering rooms to sit in the classroom. Later, we see her make a connection with Tara Jones and when Elle confirms that the teacher isn’t behind this, we can see her relax.
Elle pushes her way into the canteen. It’s noisy and crowded. You can see the door close behind her, a nice bit of symbolism. *I* am anxious just watching her. She almost turns around and leaves, but Tara and Darcy spot her and call her over. She sits and as they talk, you can tell she has finally found her place.
Charlie ties his shoes on the stairs by his front door before venturing out to Nick’s. His hand hovers over the bell before he decides to ring it. We hear a dog barking and the door opens. Charlie is relieved; Nick is practically beaming with happiness. First Nick had invited him onto the field, now he’s invited Charlie into his home.
After beating Nick several times at video games, they argue and tussle in a joking sort of way, Charlie even puts his hand over Nick’s mouth, and then Charlie notices through the window that it’s snowing. They look at each other and understand that each of them want to go out in the snow. As they step through the doorway, they are transported to a magical time and space (which Nick later remarks was “just one of his favorite days, ever”). They get to enjoy being with each other without any outside pressures.
Charlie, Tao, and Isaac are sat on the couch discussing Charlie’s crush on Nick. Elle knocks on the door and enters. Elle is clearly comfortable here, but is also separate from the boys now (as seen by her late appearance and by stating that she’s the “mysterious cool new girl that everyone wants to hang out with”). When Charlie looks at her with puppy-dog eyes, she can’t help but relent and agree to help if she gets the chance. She will turn out to be a connecting thread between her two groups of friends at the divided spaces of the gender-segregated schools.
Camera pans across windows outside school as a voice with a French accent speaks. Then we see Elle, sitting in front of Tara and Darcy. This conversation doesn’t reveal any clearcut truths, yet, but Elle is starting to get an inkling that the two are a couple, which would be good news for Charlie.
Elle is about to walk into her form room when, from the doorway, she glimpses Tara and Darcy chatting and holding hands. After hovering for a moment, she asks if they are together. They say yes, but please don’t tell anyone. After this moment, she is brought into the inner circle. No more hovering around awkwardly on the edges.
Nick uses the knocker on Charlie’s door. Now it’s Nick’s turn to enter Charlie’s home. Nick attempts to play Charlie’s drums; Charlie, without thinking, tells him “budge over” so he can “help”. They seem to find ways to get physically cozy in each other’s houses.
Charlie, wrapped in a blanket, says “I wish you didn’t have to go” in front of the door as Nick puts his coat on. Nick says “I wish I didn’t either.” After a beat, he says “You look so…cuddly like that,” and then pulls Charlie in for a hug. Nick is resisting the pull of the door that will take him away from this moment — it just feels so good and right to be with Charlie. After the hug, he steels himself and says “Bye, see you Monday,” leaving Charlie in a state of confusion (although Tori seems to know what’s up — “I don’t think he’s straight”).
“Why am I like this” plays as Nick walks through his bedroom door, taking his shoes off. He’s shedding his exterior, peeling back the layers, opening up to his attraction to and affection for Charlie.
