#jem scribbles whiny garbage

[flyingjemsaucer]

Also, I think I did something to my jaw, because it feels wrong, and it’s clicking, and it’s making my ear hurt.

WTF did I do to myself?  All I did was turn my fucking head!  Getting old sucks, my people.

[flyingjemsaucer]

Guys, thanks for all the encouragement on my recent posts.  I don’t know what I’d do without you, and I definitely don’t know what I did to deserve all you lovely people in my life.  It was a real boost, and one I very much needed today, as it turned out.

It was a rough day.  I did nothing but rake the whole time.  Mostly raking up rocks, which is murder on the shoulders (especially if you have loose ligaments like me), but I also did some grading and leveling in preparation for hydroseed.  There are building codes that require a certain amount of slope from the foundation so that water doesn’t pool next to the foundation and weaken it.  So you basically go around the house with a level and check to make sure everything is up to code.  The rest is just trying to make everything as smooth as possible.  Rake out lumpy areas, fill areas that are too low, etc.

It’s hard to bust your ass all day long, and every time you look up you see clumps of people just standing around talking.  Sometimes I think me and Hubby are the only ones who actually want to finish.  One person spent the entire day only working on her own house (when she wasn’t standing around yammering with people from the other build group).  She practically had a fine tooth comb out trying to get everything perfect.  We’re supposed to be efficient with our time and work on getting all the important stuff out of the way so that we can finish, but she takes too much time working on her own shit because nothing is ever good enough for her.  I spent two hours raking her house, and she went and raked over everything I did because it wasn’t perfect enough.  It’s insane.  

A few others only worked when the boss was watching.  There was a crew clearing the ditches, and they worked their butts off, so that was good at least.  But the lack of work ethic in our group in general can be really discouraging at times.  Only 50% of the homeowners were actually working hard.

Everyone wants to be finished, but I just feel like screaming, “How is it going to get finished if you don’t buckle down and work??”  The answer, of course, is that they’re just waiting for someone else to do it.  =/  *sigh*

Anyway, it’s not that I mind doing the work, I just want to get it done, and it will take longer if people are lazy about it.

My boss said the folks who run the program say it’s pretty typical for a build to get this close to the finish, and people will just stop working, because they know someone else will do the work, and they figure it’s too close to the end for them to lose their house.  God, how could you approach life like that?  Where is the sense of accomplishment?  How can you just spend your life existing on the backs of others and be fulfilled?  It’s something I very much cannot relate to.  I want to be proud of myself, and know I did the best I could.  I don’t understand why others don’t feel the same.

[flyingjemsaucer]

@whoinwhoville said:

Ugh. I feel you. When I get hopeless and down and depressed during PMS, I have to vocally remind myself that IT IS PMS not reality, or else I spiral down and down. Don't let it drag you down!! And eat chocolate. And drink wine. (If you do either of those things) 🍕🍫🍷🍫🥗 and have a salad too.

I feel like I’m never free.  You’ve got the week of bleeding, then ovulation cramps (which are a million times worse than period cramps), then the breasts start hurting, then the emotional rollercoaster kicks in... so in a 24-26 day cycle, I get like seven days of respite?  Sometimes I feel like my life revolves around my ovaries.  =/

I’m not a fan of wine, but I get a happy buzz from rum and coke, and definitely chocolate!  Also, as it happens, I’m having salad for dinner!  I’ll just keep repeating that old saying, “this too shall pass”... until it starts again, I guess.  =P