It seems that every post/thread i try to include myself in, other participants still find ways to eliminate me from the equation. Reblogs, memes, even things I post first! Someone always finds a way to eliminate me as the source, cos they want the credit for my find! And when i post a selfie of my ugly ass, or something i feel strongly about, it just goes unnoticed....or it’s ignored....one of the two.
Look, i’m sorry that i am not ‘popular’. I’m sorry that my beliefs and concerns disturb you. I’m sorry that my opinions differ from yours and that my tags are always undesired. I’m sorry that my passions/joys do not interest you and that my RPs suck ass. But i do have feelings. And being blatantly ignored is quite hurtful [speaking in general here].
My time on here has become limited due to the lack of interactions i so stupidly thought i could obtain. What friendships i have attempted to establish have backfired and have caused each person to disappear/deactivate/block me, cos someone else convinced them i was toxic without giving me the slightest of chances.
It’s like i am repeating high school all over again with all the cliques and bullies, deliberately pissing on the little guys....cos they’re unique/different/outspoken. I am once again standing on the outside wishing to be on the inside. It’s utterly ridiculous.
I thought this fandom was different. I thought i finally found a place where i can belong. But it turns out, i was deceiving myself cos i was desperate for friends. All i wanted was to be accepted for who i am, even with all my flaws. Don’t worry, i have learned my lesson....no doubt, the hard way.
My time here on tumblr is dwindling, for those i did manage to open my heart to have moved on with their lives...as they always seem to do once i am out of the picture.
It is a vicious cycle. With each new location i reside, i am once again....forgotten....as if i had never existed. No friends. Family never calls or visits...replaced by another bearing the same name. I am a complete failure in every sense of the word....with my spouse as well as my kids.
It’s quite painful when you find yourself in a place you will never belong. And apparently, i never really did belong here. Will i lose followers cos of this rant? Probably. Will i get shitty anon hate? More than likely. Or, everything i have written here will just be ignored, as it always seems to be.
But, let me ask you this. If this was you...how would you feel? If you were treated in this way....seriously, how would that make you feel? It ain’t fun, i assure you. It’s humiliating. The day will come when the tables are turned....and only then will you understand just how awful it feels to be left out.
