My head was buried in my hands, France, Jonah, and Marley, I messed up my relationship with all three of the boys I had ever loved. Marley and I just didn't get along anymore, France and I just couldn't work past our families, and Jonah, well, Jonah and I fought, all the time. My ears was still ringing from the latest screaming match, the sound of the door slamming behind Jonah still ringing in my ears. It had been hours since he had left me, and I was still upset. Jonah and I didn't fight like Marley and I had, in my fights with Marley there had always been a part of the fight that made sense, with Jonah there was no false comfort in sense, there was no sense, our fights were over nothing. It was like two children yelling at each other, trying to see who's voice could go the loudest. It was like two bulls butting heads, an intense power struggle.
And the part I never understood was how much I loved this struggle, how much I loved the wars with Jonah. I hated the after effects, the hurt feelings, the anger, but, I loved the process of the fight. Jonah was always the one I went to when I wanted to fight wits, that boy always seemed to have to opposite opinion of me in politics, religion, and just about everything we could debate. Even if he didn't particularly agree with that opinion, he was always willing to voice it, just to give me someone to fight with.
“Hailey, let me in. I'm sorry, I have roses, wine, and chocolate, just let me in.”
I looked up when I heard Jonah's voice on the other side of my door, wiping away the tears I hadn't even been aware I was crying, I got up and opened the door. “What?” I squeaked. Jonah walked in the room, stepping around me, putting the vase of roses on my dresser, the chocolate on my pillow, and holding up the bottle of wine. “I'm apologizing.” He told me. I blinked, “Why, I messed up this time.” I told him. He rolled his eyes at me, walking up to me and wrapping his free arm around me, “No, we both did. Just give me a kiss and we're fine.” He said, pecking my lips, pulling away when I tried to return the kiss. “Let's drink first, I need to get my mind off of tonight.” He said, opening the bottle of wine and taking a swig. I sighed, taking the bottle from him. “We're not of age, Jonah.” I reminded him, putting it on my dresser before wrapping both of my arms around him. “Plus, there are other ways to get our minds off of a fight.” I smirked at the thought as I nodded my head towards the bed. He chuckled. “And I thought that was my job.” He smirked too, leaning down to kiss me.
I blinked my eyes in the present as I watched Jonah walk right past me, without a reaction to seeing me. Did he even see me? I felt the tears well up in eyes. No, he would have said hello if he had seen me. He just hadn't seen me. He was looking good, better than that last night I had seen him, that was for certain. I turned my head over my shoulder, seeing him stop to talk to France. I could hear France mention that he walked past me, and blinked when Jonah said he hadn't seen me. I could hear he was faking to be surprised, he had seen me. I looked away, walking down the street, rushing to try to get home.
I put my music on as soon as I got in my room, blasting various country music songs as I laid on my bed, staring at my ceiling. How did he manage not to care? When I missed him every day? How in the world did he manage not have a single feeling for me, it was like we never loved at all. I wanted to know his secret to letting go was, it would help me. I needed to let go, I knew this already. Did he miss me at all? Did he ever long to kiss me?
“Hailey?”
I stared at the form at the foot of my bed, “Jonah?” I whispered. He nodded, sitting down next to me. “You left before I could even come back to talk to you.” He whispered, hurt, he was hurt. I blinked, “I didn't think you would want to talk to me.” I told him. It was his turn to blink at me, “Why would you think I didn't want to talk to you, I have done nothing but want to see you since I got back in town. Can we talk over dinner?” He asked. I nodded weakly, “I guess.” I admitted. He leaned down and kissed me before getting up and walking out of the room and I returned to staring at my ceiling.
Sometimes with Jonah it really did seem like we never loved at all.
