#jesswhyca

[wendybyday]

Selfies and food from this weekend!

[wendybyday]

And actual selfies from today! Plus I feel fancy about my dinner even though it was a super last minute decision.

[wendybyday]

@ultimate-extreme 💖💖💖

[wendybyday]

Anyway!

@ultimate-extreme is coming over and we are going to hang out and go swimming and I am going to have a great time!

[wendybyday]

A whole lot of selfies from the past week+ Also feat. @ultimate-extreme, @lumine, and Naomi (and my new ace cat hat, my Litten hat, my new You figure I won in the claw machine, and several cool snapchat filters)

[wendybyday]

@ultimate-extreme replied to your post: @ultimate-extreme replied to your post: I’m gonna...

I don’t mean to be dismissive. I just mean… it’s okay to tell yourself that it’s okay to not do absolutely everything. It’s hard not to sound like Neurotypical Karen when you’re trying to be a mindful Carl Jung.

Ah no, I didn’t read it as dismissive!  Definitely supportive and I meant to reply in a “I’m trying to accept the support!” way, but then I also went off on a tangent because that’s what I do xD

Also, yeah, especially when a lot of those things can come across very similar.  Like I could definitely see someone else telling me “don’t be so hard on yourself!” and my reaction being very “........” because it could have a “just be happy!” vibe to it.  (Also depends on the person reading it because I’ve read actual tried and true coping mechanisms [even ones that have helped me in the past!] and gone “yeah no that’s bs it won’t help me” which... obviously doesn’t help.)

[wendybyday]

@ultimate-extreme replied to your post: I’m gonna Make lists

It doesn’t feel like it’s going to hold me accountable when it’s on the computer. It is cleaner, but I would have to post it somewhere to give it permanence.

Oh yeah it’s definitely the posting it part that helps with accountability.  And like even then it’s kinda sketchy accountability because like... just posting it on tumblr like I tend to do isn’t directly asking anyone to keep track of it, but I also feel like just the simple fact that other people can see it makes my own brain put more emphasis on it than if I kept the list to myself (even if no one even interacts with the post at all).

ultimate-extreme replied to your post: When you sit there thinking of everything you have...

I’m glad you’re feeling better! Don’t be so hard on yourself!

I am trying!  Very hard!  The weird brain thing is that it doesn’t feel like I’m being hard on myself.  It just feels like that’s the truth/how things are/should be?  Like I’ve learned how to identify some thoughts and things as “this is a depression thought and not how things actually are” but this part is just so ingrained.  And when I start feeling better it just gets stronger, so I have to keep consistently reminding myself not to do those things, bleh

[wendybyday]

@ultimate-extreme replied to your post: I decided to list out things I think should be...

Dude, it was probably on FB where I saw this list of, like, what chores should be done when, and the shit they put on the “daily” section amazed me… Just too fuckin’ much.

Dude yeah.  I feel like part of how overwhelming that is could be offset by splitting this up with whoever you live with, but it’s still a mountain of work (and that option doesn’t help people who live alone).

That’s also why I made my own list. A lot of those things are also just things I always put on a to-do list and don’t really think about, but putting them all together made me realize how much I was expecting out of myself and it’s kinda ridiculous.  Like no wonder I feel like I’m not doing enough even on my good high-functioning days; I think these things should get done all the time and I don’t even know if that’s possible.