The sun had long since made way for the moon, but the thick summer heat had yet to break, and sweat was trailing down my back. The air conditioning in my rusted blue pickup truck died many miles before I handed over the six hundred bucks (cash only) to Todd Watkins the year I turned sixteen. Four summers later, and I still regret the day I settled on Old Blue, instead of saving my wages for something that could run fifty miles without overheating.
Even over the rumble of Old Blue’s puttering engine, I could hear June Lee scream my name the instant my front tires hit our gravel drive.
“Cade!” Her bare feet kicked up thirsty, dried grass as she ran to meet me. “Cade! You have to tell him to stop.”
June Lee yanked open my door before I could put the truck in park. The hinges popped, and gravel crunched under my feet as she pulled me from behind the wheel. Words started forming in my mouth, but before I could ask what was wrong, I heard his voice. Though muffled by the summer dampness swimming in the air, I recognized the sound of liquor-induced slurring coming out of Einer’s gap-toothed mouth.
The door to our double-wide was standing open, spilling a dull, yellow light and empty Coors Light cans onto the concrete cinder block we called a front step. June Lee was tugging at my arm, but I took my time crossing the short path from Old Blue to the ruckus waiting inside. After spending ten hours slinging hay and shoveling shit on Mr. Watkins’ cattle farm, I wasn’t in the mood to deal with my stepfather’s alcoholic rage.
Einer had June Lee’s boyfriend, Eddie, cornered against the wood-paneled wall of our sorry excuse for a living room. My .22 lever-action rifle was in Einer’s right hand, and a half-empty bottle of Even Williams was in the other. Eddie was seventeen and played O-line for the high school football team, but you would have never guessed it from the way he cowered down to confrontation. Though he stood a good six inches taller than Einer, he still let the fat, balding man overpower him.
“Cade, tell Daddy to stop. Eddie wasn’t doing nothing,” June Lee begged.
“Nothin’?” Einer turned to face June Lee and me. “You call that nothin’? This here son o’ a bitch had his hands on my daughter.”
“I’m sixteen, Daddy. I can kiss whoever I want.”
Einer did not like June Lee dating and drunkenly threatened every guy who dropped her off at the end of the driveway. He would sit on the cinder block step, waiting for June Lee to climb out of the unlucky guy’s passenger seat before he would wave his rifle in the air, yelling incoherent words laced with the occasional obscenity.
“That wasn’t no kissin’ June. Cade, get this boy out of here,” he said, pointing at me with the whiskey bottle.
“He’s not leaving, Daddy,” June Lee said, the sound of stubbornness in her voice that she could have only gotten from our estranged mother.
Einer froze in place, his bloodshot eyes closed and his jaw clenched. I could hear the crunch of his teeth grinding together as he dropped the bottle of whiskey, leaving the rest to spill onto the already soiled carpet. I moved quickly, pushing off the counter where I had propped myself to wait out the rampage and stepped in front of June Lee in time to catch Einer’s wrist as he lifted it to backhand her across the face. I reached out with the other hand and pulled the .22 out of Einer’s clutch, cocked it with a single-handed jerking motion and aimed it at his knee.
“Don’t touch my sister, “ I said through a clenched jaw and narrow eyes.
Einer freed his wrist and took two slow steps back. A wicked grin appeared at the corner of his mouth.
“You think you’re so tough now that you’ve grown a couple feet and put some muscle on your arms. Don’t you ever forget who raised you, boy. If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t even know how to hold that there gun,” Einer said, nodding his head towards the rifle I kept pointed at his knee.
“I know how to fire this gun so that I can protect June against bastards like you.”
“Just cause I ain’t your real daddy, don’t mean I can’t put you in your place,” he said.
I could feel June Lee breathing on my back. Her hands held on to the back of my shirt. I don’t know if this was to keep me away from Einer or because she was frightened. Probably both. Eddie hadn’t moved since I walked in the door. He’s not good for much, I thought to myself.
“Ed, take June and get her away from here for a while. Bring her back in an hour or so,” I said, nodding towards the door.
“Cade, don’t do nothin’ stupid,” June Lee whispered, reaching out for Eddie's hand.
I nodded, leaning down to kiss her on top of the head. She turned to look at me one more time before she stepped out of the door. In her doe eyes, I could see what I remembered of my mother: guilt, fear, anger, and a past that wasn’t to return.
“What’re you goin’a do, boy?” Einer said, pulling my thoughts back to the now. “You goin’a shoot me? Leave your sister without a daddy? Who’s goin’a take care of you then, eh?”
“Shut up, Einer. We don't need you. I can take care of June Lee and me just fine. She’d be better off without you in her life anyway. You can’t take care of her. Hell, you don’t even take care of yourself. All you do is lie around and drink, leaving us to clean up your messes, pay the bills, and fend for ourselves. She deserves a better life than this and you won't ever be able to give that to her.”
He looked at me with questioning eyes. “So what, boy? You leaving? Taking June Lee away from me? You're a fool if you think I'm lettin’ you take my baby girl.”
I shook my head slowly, trying to muster up the right words. “No.”
“I'm not going anywhere. You are.”
Einer broke out into a rip-roaring laughter. I pressed on. “I want you gone. You’re going to go pack your shit right now and leave. I don’t care where you go or what you do, but you’re not to come back around here again. Got it? If I ever catch you around this trailer or June Lee again, I’ll take more than just your knee.”
“You can’t kick me out of this house, boy. It's mine.” Einer said, reaching to grab onto the sofa to steady himself from drunkenly swaying back and forth.
“This ain't your house. It's Mama's.”
“Your bitch of a mama left us over ten years ago. Hasn't walked through that front door since before June could walk. This ain't her home anymore…”
“And it ain't yours anymore either,” I cut him off. I always thought Einer would be the one to leave all those years ago after he first made his appearance in my mother’s dysfunctional life. A rowdy truck driver from Montana, who was just passing through on a long-haul and stayed long enough to get my already-single mother pregnant. But it was my mother who walked out. A few years after June Lee was born, she stuffed some things in a small duffle bag and took off with a man we’d never seen, leaving Einer to take care of June Lee and me, a six-year-old boy who wasn’t even his own.
“You're leaving. Tonight.” I said, no stutter or shakiness in my voice. “Or I'm calling the cops and reporting you for assault on Eddie.”
“You gonna call the pigs on me, boy?” Einer said, trying to laugh, but it sounded more like liquor gurgling up in his throat.
“Yeah. I will, and I don’t give two shits about it.” I paused, waiting for him to look me in the eyes. “I’m getting you out of here one way or the other,” I said, nodding towards the weapon in my hand.
Einer thought for a long minute. Finally, he pushed himself off the counter and headed toward me. I stepped out of the way of the narrow hall that led to his bedroom and motioned with the rifle for him to keep moving. He went, sloppily, down the short hallway, bumping into the doorframe as he cut the corner. I followed him and stood in the doorway while he grabbed what few clean clothes he had and threw them in a plastic grocery bag. He didn’t bother with a toothbrush or deodorant, like it would have made a difference. He was permanently stained with the reek of hangover.
On his way back toward the door, he stopped in the kitchen and grabbed what was left of his six-pack of Coors from the fridge. I tossed him the keys to his rusted, red Lumina and escorted him out the door. When he got down the steps, I handed him a twenty and told him to fill up and drive until he ran out of gas. Einer nodded. He fell in behind the wheel and tried the engine twice before it finally caught.
I watched as he peeled out of the driveway, kicking up gravel as he turned and swerved to miss our mailbox. I watched as he rolled past the stop sign at the corner. I watched as his taillights faded to nothing.
Just for a second, I felt ten pounds lighter. Until the truth hit. That twenty dollars would only get him so far. Probably not even across county lines, if I'm being honest with myself. It would only be a few days before he tried to find June Lee at work and beg her to let him come home. He’d show up at the front door and walk in like nothing ever happened. Sure, he'd cut back on drinking for a little bit, for the sake of June Lee, but that wouldn't last.
It wouldn't be long until Eddie brought June Lee home. I didn't have much time to get our things together.
I packed up everything I knew mattered to June: her clothes, her cassette tapes, her pictures of Mom, and the teddy Einer bought the day she was born. For myself, I packed my clothes and the few books I let myself have.
The rumble of Eddie's TransAm dragging down the pavement pulled me out of the house. June Lee jumped out and ran over to me before they were fully stopped.
“Everything good, Cade?” Eddie asked through his open window. When I nodded in response, he told June to call him tomorrow and backed out of the drive.
As the growl of his engine faded, I grabbed June Lee’s hand and led her to Old Blue, let down the tailgate and motioned for her to sit.
“Did you get him in bed?” June asked me, curiosity in her voice.
“Listen, June… I sent Einer away. I told him to pack a few things and gave him money for a hotel.”
She looked over her shoulder and realized his car was missing. She snapped her head back around, and I could see the surprise and horror in her eyes.
“You let him drive? Cade, you shouldn’t have done that.” She leaned away from me, and I could hear the anger creeping up inside of her. “Why would you do that? Didn’t you see how much he drank? Why didn’t you let him sleep it off here? We could have talked it over in the morning. We could have figured it out!”
“June, we won't be here in the morning. We're leaving town,” I said, sitting down beside her on the tailgate. “I've packed most of your stuff, but you can go back and grab anything I missed.”
I heard her try to speak, but I kept talking so she wouldn’t.
“We’re going to be better off. I'm going to take care of us so you don't have to take care of him. You can focus on school and getting into college. All those times that you had to work two jobs to buy food, every morning you had to clean a dozen beer cans off the floor, and every night you came home to him passed out on the couch or raging drunk. That’s in the past. I don’t want you to have to worry about things like that anymore, June.”
“What are you even saying? He’s my daddy, Cade!” June slid off the tailgate and spun to face me, hands on her hips, rage in her voice. “I don’t care how much he screws up. He is the only parent I know. And you, too! How could you? How could you abandon him like he hasn’t done anything decent in his life? He’s our dad.”
She stood there a beat longer before stepping toward the driver’s side door and climbing behind the wheel.
“June, what are you doing?” I asked, moving quickly to reach her.
“I’m going to find him. Move outta my way. Please.”
As she reached to close the truck door, I grabbed her hand.
“June. If we stay here, you'll get stuck. Just like Mom did.”
Tears pooled in the corner of her eyes. “But if we leave… isn't that the same?”
I pulled her out of the truck rather easily, as if she weren’t contesting. I held her close, tight, as she sobbed into my t-shirt. “You have your whole life ahead of you. Please let me give you a chance at a good one.”
After what felt like an hour, her sobs slowly turned to acceptance. She wiped her nose and face dry and took a few deep breaths to steady her voice.
