Ella! Congrats on your milestone, you deserve it!
Can I request this one from the fluff list, with Hobi please?
23. “I fell for you without even knowing it and, jesus, does it hurt that you can’t see it.”
Thank you!! I really enjoyed writing this drabble, gosh I miss Hobi so much :')
Two Hundred and Nineteen Days | jhs
☆pairing: Hoseok x reader
☆rating: 13+
☆genre: slices of life!au, fluff, a tiny little bit of angst (don't ask me how it happened, angst sneaks up on me all the time)
☆warnings: a little bit of alcohol, entirely unedited
☆word count: 2.2k
☆a/n: I had an out of body experience writing this fic. I chose a random number (219) of days... only to realize the 219th day of the year is my birthday. I was shaken for a good ten minutes lmao. I hope you enjoy reading!
☆other fluff prompts can be found here!
☆☆☆☆☆
You’ve known Jeong Hoseok for five hundred and forty-one days. It took you thirty-four days to realize he had become your closest friend at work, and since then it’s been five hundred and seven days of you and him meeting at the coffee machine every day to gossip about your other coworkers.
He’s your favourite coworker. Every day since you’ve started working at this company, you’ve sat at the desk across from him. Every day, he’s offered you a bright smile and wished you a good morning. Every day, he’s eaten lunch with you, talking about how he used to dance when he was a kid and how his mother would dress him all formal with a little red bow tie.
And two hundred and nineteen days ago, at last New Year’s Eve party, Hoseok held your hands because they were freezing while you stood outside watching the fireworks.
Two hundred and nineteen days. You think you should have understood your feelings for him since then, but you’ve been blind to it. That early March afternoon when he said his mother wanted him to go on a blind date and you’ve felt your heart breaking in your chest at the perspective of him going, you weren’t able to explain your reaction to him. You blamed it on your throat hurting, and he bought cough medicine for you that he brought at work the next day.
In late May, when you ended up being stood up by your other coworkers for your usual end of the month lunch, you think you almost realized. But when he mentioned his last date had ended well, you furrowed your brows and then asked him about it.
Halfway through the month of July, when he told you that he believed he’d be single forever, with that bright smile of his that always makes flowers grow on the soil of your heart, you whispered that you didn’t believe it. When he asked you to repeat, you said, “Don’t we all feel this way”.
Today is the 7th of August. You’re out on the annual camping trip of the company – not an actual trip, just a day on the countryside, next to a small lake where you swam in the early afternoon. And today you feel like you’ve been blind. Because he’s been in your life for five hundred and forty-one days, and you’re only now realizing that maybe, the way your heart flutters every time you see him is not because he’s a dear friend. Though you reckon the flutters started after New Year Eve only, so maybe you've only been blind for two hundred and nineteen days.
You’ve been drinking a little. Just a few glasses of rosé wine throughout the day, and you’ve watched him drink a couple of beers. Brought him one when he finished his last one without him even asking. It had your hands clammy with anxiety, but he didn’t say anything, just thanked you as you sat back next to him.
The sun has set now, and you’re lounging by the fireside. Some of your coworkers already left, and only the closest ones to you are still here. None of them know what you’ve realized today, and you’re quick to notice how Ryunjin sits close to Hoseok. How she speaks to him in ushered tones, and you think maybe, after all, your eyes opened two hundred and nineteen days too late.
He looks your way once, and when your gazes catch your heart stops in your chest. He smiles, infinitely soft, infinitely kind, and your cheeks burn. You’re lucky the firelight hides it, and you take a sip from your cup to distract you.
When Ryunjin puts her hand on his arm, telling him they should go look at the stars on the lake, you feel your heart drop so low in your chest it physically aches. To your surprise, Hoseok invites everyone, and everyone gets up to go.
It’s you that he falls into step with, even though Ryunjin is just a step in front of him.
“You’ve been silent,” Hoseok says, gently. “Where’s my gossip partner?”
You choke on a chuckle, and then worry at your bottom lip. “Sorry. I… I’ve been feeling weird.”
“Do you need to go?” Ryunjin asks, kindly, because even though you don’t like how she’s been around Hoseok, Ryunjin is nice. “I think Youngseo and Chaeryeon were talking about leaving.”
The two girls in question are up ahead, and they don’t hear Ryunjin. But you feel like she’s trying to get rid of you, and it hurts, just a little.
“I can drive you,” Hoseok suggests, and you almost stumble on your feet.
Because is it really a good idea to be encased in Hoseok’s car for the hour that the drive back is? You highly doubt so, yet you can’t find it in you to refuse. Not when Ryunjin mentions she thought Hoseok was driving her back, and Hoseok says she can always catch the ride with Youngseo and Chaeryeon.
You’re twenty minutes into the drive home, spent in an awkward silence, by the time Hoseok asks, “Are you okay?”
You can’t really tell him the truth, right?
“Yeah, I actually feel better,” you lie.
“I’m glad,” he says gently, and then you’re encased in another ten minutes of silence, only interrupted by him humming to the music on the radio. Until you realize you shouldn’t have said you’re better, because he says, “Is it just me or is Ryunjin into me?”
You freeze, and then turn to glance at his profile. “Is she? I don’t think I noticed.”
Another lie, and he obviously doesn’t catch it.
“She kept talking to me today,” he continues, and he sounds genuinely … happy.
Needless to say, it breaks your heart.
“Did she?”
“Yeah,” he says. He glances at you once, before chuckling. “That’s why I wanted to go. I’m so awkward, what would I have done for an hour with her in my car? I would have just made a fool of myself.”
All you can think to ask is, “Do you like her?”
It has no business sounding as aggressive as it does, and this time Hoseok catches up to it.
“I don’t know… Why?”
You nibble at your lower lip, anxiety flooding your entire being. “Just wondering.”
“Mmh,” he lets out, and then the atmosphere shifts.
It shifts into even more awkwardness, into Hoseok sending you weird glances that you ignore as you look out the window on the passenger side, watching the streetlights as they grow more common when you near the city.
Hoseok doesn’t hum for the rest of the way, doesn’t tap his finger on the wheel in time with the beat of the song. And when he parks his car in the office's parking lot, not turning the engine off right away, he turns to look at you.
“Why are you weird about this?”
You freeze with your hand on the doorknob. “I’m not weird.”
“You’ve been weird since I mentioned Ryunjin,” he insists.
“I haven’t.”
He throws you a no-bullshit look, one eyebrow cocked. “You usually always gossip with me and now you just haven’t said anything.”
You scoff, shooting him a quick look before finding solace in the world outside of the window again. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“Your opinion?” Hoseok suggests, shrugging his shoulders. “You know Ryunjin, maybe she told you something?”
“So, you do like her?”
He’s growing frustrated. That much you can tell as he runs a hand through his hair and makes a vague move that looks like ‘how am I supposed to know’.
“Maybe? She’s attractive and she’s nice, I’d be stupid to miss the opportunity.”
“Right,” is all your able to answer.
He watches your profile, bores hole into it, and then he turns off the engine and the doors immediately unlock. You quickly open the door and step out because frankly you need air, need to get away. Because you were stupid, not to realize before. You were stupid to not understand what those flutters in your heart were, were stupid to not understand that you didn’t like to think about him going on dates because you were falling in love with him. Had probably fallen in love with him two hundred and nineteen days ago, as he had held your freezing hands through the New Year.
He follows you out of the car. “Y/n, come on,” he says, jogging to where you’re powerwalking towards your car. “What’s wrong with you?”
“I don’t know,” you say, scoffing. In a fit of rage, you add, “Actually I do.”
You stop, turning to look at him. His eyes are a little wide, a little scared, and his usual bright smile is miles away from his features.
“What’s wrong then?” he presses, voice small.
“I fell for you without even knowing it and, jesus, does it hurt that you can’t see it.”
Hoseok goes very still. You don’t think he’s even breathing, as you stare at each other. The silence stretches, and he doesn’t even blink. He does become blurry though, as tears slowly fill your eyes.
And when you realize that he’s not going to say anything, you turn around, shame draped on your shoulders, trickling down into your very stature as you take a first step away. And then a second, and a third one, and you think maybe tomorrow, on this two hundred and twentieth day of the year, what happened today will just be a nightmare.
It materializes into reality as one tear slips on your cheek, and you wipe it with the back of your hand angrily.
That’s when he says your name. So softly, like the flutter of an infant’s lids as they sleep. You’re not even sure you heard it – you feel it more than anything. It wraps around your heart, heals the slow unravelling.
He stops you, with one gentle hand wrapped around your wrist. His fingers are warm, light, and when he tugs to make you turn, you give in. Mostly because he has startled the tears away, and you look up at him, thinking he’s never looked at you with that much of a serious look on his face.
He murmurs your name again, and it settles in your soul, building a home for him there.
When he kisses you, supple lips meeting your awaiting mouth, you sigh, and let him pull you in. He cups your cheek with one hand, ever so gently as if he thinks you’re the most precious porcelain, and his other hand holds your waist. You rest yours on his chest, feeling the rapid tap-tap-tap of his heart under your fingertips. His organ traces a melody into your palm, strong and steady. When he pulls away from the kiss to look down at you, you think he’s shining, brightly, blindingly so. He is the sun, and maybe you’re the Earth. Maybe you’ll grow and nurture life under his warm rays.
At least that’s how you feel when he pulls you into another kiss, this one languid, slow and passionate. When his tongue teases your mouth, you meet it with your own, and immediately you know his taste will intoxicate you, in the best ways that it can.
After a long and small eternity, Hoseok pulls away again, and he offers you a sweet smile. “I fell for you so long ago,” he admits. “But you never…” he trails off, shakes his head slightly. “I never thought it was reciprocated.”
One of your hands reaches up, and you shakily trace his jaw with the tip of a finger. His skin is soft, like a rose petal, yet infinitely warmer. “I think I was oblivious to it. Until today…”
“Can I take you out on a date?” he asks, a little suddenly.
You smile. “Where do you want to take me?”
He shines even more at the sight of your smile, at the fondness tracing words of affection in your eyes. “There’s this place I go to dance sometimes. It’s bright, and they also have arcade games. It’s my favourite place, and I always thought you’d love it there.”
Your heart fills with warmth, flutters with tenderness. “I’m sure I will.”
And of course you do. Because it’s a little piece of him, and you’re realizing every day that you love every single piece of him. The good and the bad. It might have taken you two hundred and nineteen days to realize it, but you’re in love with the very tapestry of his soul, with every single thread that makes him.
A hundred and forty-six days later, Hoseok holds your freezing hands into the New Year, and this time he kisses you as the first fireworks explode into the cold night air, shining colours on you. They match the explosions in your heart that every swipe of his tongue brings to you, and you reckon that, in the six hundred and eighty-seven days of you knowing him, Hoseok has always made your heart shine.
And you know now that there are a thousand, a million more days in front of you, and that you’ll shine for him through all of them, like he shines for you.
