#jintblogs

[jintii]

one of my friends was over at mines today and she wanted to try star crossed myth 8^) ((she never knew how much i spent on the app in the end))

[jints]

很久沒有在這個博客放東西了，一上就放悲情文有點不好意思呢

剛剛進入了凌晨時分，但思想已經去了悲傷的角落了 以下以意識流的寫，慎入。

為了給未來的自己看的時候記得發生什麼事：現在的我愛上了一位男生。。。 他是香港人，但同時，也不是香港人。他在外國長大，所以多多少少的都是一個外國人，大概是這樣吧。

我不介意他很多的東西，也都已經幫他一個又一個的問題，炸彈，解決，拆開；而我們的關係，行為，基本上都已經是一對情侶的，但他說他是不喜歡我的。他也（應該）得知我是喜歡他的。

一開始我以為哇我又一相情願了，到底我要多給多少個男生玩弄才夠，但現在靜下來再想想，其實才不是吧。某程度上，我覺得我們都對對方有某程度的興趣，但很明顯的是，我們根本不會得通。

。。。好了，可能不是很明顯。可能是因為我天天都跟他談話的，所以會比較明白他的為人吧。他吊兒郎當，力不從心，受不了別人的批評，也受不到氣。非常非常的感性。不懂社交。重點是，他不承認我。那我又為甚麼要承認他的存在呢？

想起來會氣死自己，但同時也會覺得可惜。他這樣的人，世界上沒有那麼多人能夠接受，忍受他吧；我喜歡他，但他的眼神只會投放再西方的女生上，我怎樣都不會做得到的了。他也很聰明，想找一名他佩服的女生。我不怪他，我也想找一位我可以欣賞的男生。一開始我覺得他是很值得我欣賞的，可是相處久了，我找到了他很多的缺點。。。是可以容忍的，可是我只是一名朋友的身份，我哪有責任去理他呢

近日喜歡聽《我的少女時代的小幸運》，其實只是想聽到“可我已經失去為你淚流滿臉的權利”這一句。我有權利去管他的事嗎？沒有。我會有權利管他的事嗎？不會。要繼續留戀於一段根本不會發生，看不到未來的感情，不如把它放下。很希望自己能夠做到這一點。

（可笑，寫到這點他上線找我，幹嘛了。。。）

可能愛情這種東西真的是非天時地利人和才能發生吧，現在的我基本上是對愛情麻木了——男生到底要玩我玩到什麼時候永遠會是一個謎。男女愛情在我的生命中是個童話嗎？現在的我，覺得機會蠻大的。

自問我不是什麼小女人，跟朋友比較，也是也個蠻能幹的人。不需要男的人生也可以過的開開心心。但我很清楚自己是想要一個能夠在我已經要崩潰的邊緣托一托我，跟我說聲“大丈夫”的人。男的，女的，我也不介意。不知道，這麼微小的願望，會不會也實現不到呢？（苦笑

不過，我還算年輕吧。機會應該還有的，只能希望未來遇到的男生不會再玩弄我的感情吧。

[touaa]

啱啱落eprint印新卡，間鋪好多人好忙 首先好好笑咁見到paul sec既師妹 仲係prefect 覺得自己好老 去到eprint幫我落單個個姐姐新黎好多野都唔熟唔識，要隔離個個哥哥幫手提佢要開mon比個客睇要問個客想要咩好溫馨😊 ((好似用詞不當 平時去落單即使鋪頭冇人落單個度都好兇狠好似我乜都唔識阻住個地球轉咁今次去我仲幫手提個姐姐我未揀file同埋要比返隻usb我，感覺上有返少少人同人之間既溝通 當然，都令我諗返起自己第一次印野既時候上網搵咗好多資料搵咗好多鋪再真正放學同個幾十斤重既書包落鋪落單lunchtime比人打電話過黎問稿既細節經過無限撞板去印debating society啲membership card既經驗((laughcry 記得好清楚我排落單既時候有個好焦急既叔叔差少少打咗我尖，我走既時候都係個個姐姐幫佢，希望冇爆炸發生啦

[touaa]

llirii WENT TO SMASH AND BOUGHT + SENT ME THIS GODLY PACKAGE OMFG I CAN'T STOP SCREAMING CAN U SEE THE NAMIE ART ITS N A M I E A RT I CANT I'M CRYING SHAKES EVERYTHING IN SIGHT

[touaa]

I usually don't talk about such things but today was quite the experience for me.

My friends and I were going back to our dorms on the bus, and we all sat on the upper deck (we're all Asians btw). There was this group of British kids, probably around the same age/some were a few years older but they looked like primary/high schoolers. The group was sitting at the back of the upper deck bus, and besides being extremely noisy for a bus at this hour, some of them even walked along the aisle while the bus was moving for no particular reason. Then, some of them started throwing stuff at us. My friend felt something hitting her head 2 times, while a half-bitten lollipop landed on my lap once. I thought they were "just kids" so I adapted a friendly approach at first. I asked them who threw the lollipop, and the group pointed at the only girl. A boy then said "Sorry, it's my friend Jake who did it" and stared at the floor, as if "Jake" was actually someone. I tossed the lollipop to a seat behind me, which was then picked up again by a boy. After a while, they threw something again (probably the lollipop) and it didn't hit us, but I heard the sound of it hitting the floor. There were no people between the group and us, so it was obvious that they were aiming at us. I turned around and told them to stop in a stern voice. They stopped throwing things, but erupted into an argument between themselves which I can't make out. When their stop came, they left the bus staring at us.

This was the first time I've had an experience like this, which I believe is considered as "bullying", if it was in school. I've only read fiction and only been to University classes, so I have no idea how other Asians are treated in high schools / primary schools etc. Brighton has always been a tourist spot, it's filled with Asians, and I haven't experienced any discrimination ever since I've arrived, so I thought it wouldn't be a big issue. Being treated like this was the last thing I'd expect from a city like Brighton, and I couldn't help but feel disappointed. "Is discrimination against Asians still a thing?" was all that I had in mind, and I'm still questioning it right now. It's pretty unfair considering that Hong Kong pretty much welcomes anyone who comes, and I've never seen kids throwing bitten pieces of candies at foreigners. 

I know I'm not doing much by talking about this on a tumblog, nor am I able to do much, but I think in a sense, as an Asian in the UK, I'm fighting in my own way. I've told the bunch of kids off, which I believe is not a common thing that Asians do (and hopefully my western-ish english accent aided in scaring them too); I try to speak up whenever something is wrong; and I try my very best to contribute and express my opinions as much as I can during class (which is also a very not Asian thing to do).

I came to this country with the mindset that I will be discriminated at, had my mind changed after 4~5 months in the city, just to have it changed again with a single bus ride. I'd comment on it further, but I don't think I have much to say, other than I am rather disappointed with what happened tonight.

[touaa]

I really love it when I draw outside in coffee shops or something and someone starts watching you draw Today at Starbucks a tourist pointed at my sketchbook and said “Very good! You’re an artist!” with thumbs up I smiled and thanked him and I think that’s the best thing that happened to me today

[touaa]

Me explaining the stats in Love Live! mobile game to my bro

me: so here are the stats of the card smile pure and cool

bro: lol more like humor honesty and swag

[touaa]

I JUST GOT FEEDBACK FROM TWO OF MY ASSIGNMENTS AND I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT THEM MY BODY IS SHAKING I CANT BELIEVE I GOT SUCH NICE GRADES I WAS SO CONFIDENT THAT THEY WERE CRAP IM JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA