i'm thinking on this long drive home. we are all, god bless, so bad at masking and just stubbornly individual enough that i don't know that we'll ever have a singletsona. that's why we changed our name and pronouns to jinx & they/them. the they/them is really interesting to me because those are pronouns i hate on myself but... for us it makes sense because we are not and never will be one person. so when you refer to us collectively or to our body it makes sense to use a plural neutral pronoun because... there's probably at least 20 minds running around in here. now i think the body, if it had its own say in the matter, would use he/him for simplicity, but since the body is not a person and rather a simple carrier of the mind, im granting it with it & he interchangeably. i dont want to humanise our body too much lest i begin to feel remorse for our plurality intruding on a singlet existence when that is not the case.
our body is not a vessel to present to the world as normal. our identity as plural is CRUCIAL to who we are now that we know, and we refuse to stifle that for anyone or anything. our body is a vessel to present to the world as OURSELVES. as authentically as we can.
now sure we have a collective identity. but i wouldn't quite call it that. we have labels we apply to the body because of its experiences as a person, as a vessel for host after host. it is transmasculine; it is a trans man, even; it is bisexual; it is probably demiromantic because all of our hosts have been. but this does not speak for us, or a singletsona. because we don't and will never pretend to be one person. the body is a dress up doll; a challenging base we are given to work with. we will dress it, or him, up however we please, depending on who's fronting, because that is the only chance we get to present ourselves to the world. i feel remorse for my headmates who look nothing like him, but i understand they understand it's not my fault. or anyone's.
i love my headmates. all of them even the tricky ones. they serve an important role in OUR life- not mine, OURS- and i forgive them on all counts before they've even done anything. they're doing what they think or are made to think is helpful so why would i get upset? now this tune may change after someone does something super duper fucked up as is inevitable but at this moment i feel this way. even through the struggles im having with some of them. namely my poor stubbornly independent cohost.
i know this is different to how a lot of systems feel especially the ones in my life. i won't name names but you know exactly who you are. maybe it's because i made peace with the fact that this is how i'd want to live life "if" i "was" a system, maybe it's because this is incredibly early on into my system journey and im incredibly naive about the whole thing, maybe im still bright eyed and passionate about the discovery to a point of ignorance, who's to say. but this is how i feel as the host of my system. we have a Lot of flaws, this i know. we are not functional, our amnesia grows worse every single day, every single switch. we have PISS POOR communication and a terrible inner world perceptibility. but god damnit. i love my system. i love my headmates. i love this little life i get to live with them, even with its GRAVE downsides. i wouldn't be the same without the headmates i have now and i wouldn't want to live without them.
this is all to say. we will never have a singletsona, not a true one. i don't want that, nobody else wants that. well all use the same name and pronouns and type in all lowercase, but we will not shrink down any further for anyone or any reason. we'll always dress differently, have different voices, use different words for the same things... we are a system and NOBODY gets to change that.
