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running for my life

tyler joseph x reader

warnings: none other than suicidal thoughts, but nothing happens really, the reader’s just depressed. (tyler is out of his depression though)

•

2 years. it’s been 2 years of putting up with this horrible life. i want it to stop. i want all the voices to die. i want to dream at night again. i want to actually sleep and not see black the whole night. no matter how much i try, nothing would cure my amazing suicidal being (note sarcasm).

i’ve considered and tried ending it all sometimes, but one, it never works and two, i have a friend that really doesn’t want me to. his name is tyler, and he’s always convincing me to stay alive no matter what, but what’s the point?

earlier i concluded that my behavior lately is coming from home, specifically my bedroom. so the only solution i can think of is running. running away from everything that can trigger my depression.

so now i’m running. and even though i’m getting out of breath, i keep running. my legs are tired, and my face is nearly frozen from the temperature outside. but i keep running. until i hit a small tree stump and trip. nothing like unintentional self harm, am i right? it’s a freebie! i’m not at fault here.

sure, it’s dark and cold and i can see a person in the shadows, but who cares about that. wait a sec..a person in the shadows? i better keep running.

i run to the nearest tree, there are a bunch of trees, because i’m in a forest. it was a really big tree, so it stood out to me more.

now, you might think i’m okay. but keep in mind, i’m not okay.

i take the time to think about my life. man it really sucks. it’s really hard to live with a family that doesn’t know what you’re going through. it’s like they don’t know the real me, because they all think that i’m happy all the time. my friends think that too, except tyler. he’s the only person who knows what i’m battling with, and he knows exactly what it feels like. he’s gone through it before.

i come to realize that i rely on him a lot. he’s my only safe place to talk freely about stuff to. he’s so understanding, so comforting, and i really don’t deserve him.

and he deserved better than what life gave him years ago.

now i wanna break it to y’all, it’s in the middle of the night right now. why am i still up you ask? sometimes, actually not a lot of times, i can actually sleep. but most of the time, i can’t sleep at all. and right now, how can i sleep at a time like this?

sure, it’s actually easier to sleep in the day, if you’re like me and all the other people who have the same curse.

so i’d say, it’s like four a.m right now. y’all probably think i’m fine right now. wrong. don’t let my narrations fool you. now here’s a mood change, i’m crying. of course the tears fall in the middle of the night. that’s when most of them do. just imagine how much dry tears are stained in my pillow case.

apparently my crying is loud enough that someone can here them, or maybe not, it could just be because i darted into the woods. i reckon it’s probably that person in the shadows i saw earlier.

tyler’s pov

yes, i’m up at four a.m. no, i can’t sleep.

i don’t think y’all would need an explanation for that.

i decide to take a walk to get my mind off of things, i do this pretty often. my parents are okay with it, unless something kills me, or eats me.

i see someone pass by me- or should i say, run past me, straight into the woods. now that’s unusual, don’t ‘cha think?

and you see, i’m a very curious person, so i turn into the woods to follow the rushing figure.

it isn’t that far away, and i can see that it’s my friend y/n. her hair is up, and she’s wearing really baggy clothes. i can see her breath in the cold. she has the same problem as i did, so she’s probably just trying to run away again.

she collapses by the tree, but instead of heavily breathing, i hear sobs. this must be worse than before, because she’s never crying. or at least she doesn’t cry a lot around me.

of course i’m gonna help her, i always do. but this time, i’m gonna do something different. sure, she’s heard me sing before, so it probably won’t be surprising to her.

so i come close to where she is, but she still can’t see me. and i sing.

“i know, where you stand.”

her sobs get quieter as she turns around the tree to see where my voice is coming from.

“silent in the trees.” i sing once more, walking in her direction.

“and that’s where i am. silent in the trees.”

although it’s really dark, i’m able to make out her facial features. she’s looking at me with the most broken look in her eyes, and it really hurts me to see her like that. but i proceed to sing.

“why won’t you speak, where i happen to be? silent in the trees.”

i pause for a moment.

“standing cowardly.”

i extend my arm out to her so she can grab my hand. i pull her up from the ground.

“i can feel your breath.” i sing, letting my hand caress her face comfortingly.

“i can feel my death.”

“i want to know you.”

she looks down at her feet for a little bit.

“i want to see.”

she continues to looks down, kind of like she’s waiting for something.

“i want to say...” i bring my hand to the bottom of her chin and move her head up.

“hello.” she reluctantly looks at me, and bursts into tears.

i wrap my arms around her torso, trying to give her some sort of comfort. she cries into my shoulder, her sobs are uncontrollable.

time skip~~

we decide to walk back to my house, though my parents are home, my room is far away. no don’t get any ideas, nothing like that is involved, no.

we arrive to my house and i guide y/n up the stairs to my room. i have a tv, so we can watch a movie or something.

“so what are you feeling?”

“what do you mean?” she asks.

i’ll have to word that differently.

“like what’s up with you, did you run away again?”

“oh just to get my mind off of things. the world is against me.”

pshh, like i’m buying that.

“the world’s not against you. that’s just what they want you to think.”

she sighs. “but they’re right. what’s the point of staying on this earth if i obviously don’t have a reason to live?”

c’mon man! will i ever be able to convince her otherwise? all i want to do is help her :(

hearing her say that is the last straw.

“y/n! no! that’s not true. you matter to so many people! nobody wants you to leave. you’re here for a reason, everyone is!”

“how do you know that? how do you know that i matter?” she asks, on the verge of tears.

oh my. here we go.

“because you matter to me! God, i thought i made that so obvious! i care about you so much, you wouldn’t even know. i can’t let you take your life. do you know how much that would effect my life?”

she looks taken aback by what i just said. did i say it in a harsh tone? i hope not.

“no.” she says quietly.

“it would effect like 75 percent of my life.”

her eyes widen. “75 percent?! why? why do i matter to you that much? why do you care about me that much? it makes no sense!”

“because i love you!” i burry my face in my hands. “gosh, i love you so much. i can’t imagine living a normal life without you.”

she looks like her whole world just stopped. “y-you what??” she stutters out.

“no, you don’t have hearing problems. you heard me right.” i sigh.

that’s probably what’s going through her head.

“you just made my job easier.” she smiles.

“what do you mean?” i ask raising an eyebrow.

“i love you too.”

ok let me just tell you that it’s dark in here. so she can’t really see what i’m doing. you see where this is going right?

because without warning, i reach for the back of her neck, and pull her lips to mine. but thinking she will reject it, i pull away.

“i’m sorry. that was too soon, i shouldn’t have-“ but before i can finish, she captures her lips with mine again.

i immediately respond because i know we both want it now. i wrap an arm around her to pull her closer to me as i deepen the kiss. she crawls on top of my lap, wanting to get even closer. oh shoot it’s getting real. her hands get tangled in my hair, as i cup her face in my hands.

i pull away.

she looks at me with the most adoration she’s ever had.

“why’d you stop?” she asks, chuckling a little.

“i don’t know. and by the way, this is the happiest i’ve seen you in a while.”

i say.

“it’s you.” her hand grazes over mine. “it’s always been.” her face practically glowing with an ecstatic aura.

i intertwine my fingers with hers and smile back.

“so i better not see you try to run away again, cause i’m not loosing you.” i say i little more sternly.

she sighs, “i guess i’ll try...”

the rest of the morning, we watch one of her favorite movies until we both dose off to sleep.

•

the end :)

so i feel kinda weird about fanfics now since jenna is preggos, but oh well 🤪

p.s, this was actually cuter than i thought it would be 🥰🥰

what are your thoughts on this one? let me know in the comments!!

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