jaemin has been going back and forth about the idea of having the track uploaded. sure, he's had his some of his tracks on his soundcloud. but this particular one was much more aggressive straight forward than the kind of songs he had there so far. all he wanted to say were tucked in this lyrics. but as the pointer hang over the upload button, he takes a deep breath, leaning back, and switching windows instead to listen to the song one more time. this is what his friends and a few followers have been waiting for these past few months now. he's been silent about his experience in the show, not an actual conversation with anyone but haechan. now, the world will hear it in its full uncensored glory.
as soon as he started writing the lyrics down, he felt the frustration brewing inside him. just like the day after the reality sinks in and he sits in the couch, re-watching the previous episodes and then keeping up with the new ones. his process is perhaps typical, he writes down without thought, just pour out everything onto the paper, let his hand grip onto the pencil as hard as he felt like it, sloppy hand writing, vague phrases, nerdy references, anything and everything goes down. that's the first stage. the words are what he usually focuses on first, because as outspoken as he is, there needs to be a certain way words are delivered or sentences are constructed otherwise they could be misunderstood.
BREAKING NEWS, THE KID FROM SEASON 5 TOOK HIS MICROPHONE OFF THE CAMERAS GOT TAKEN AWAY AND HIS CUSPIDS STARTED TO GROW (BACK), THIS IS UNLIKE HIS REIMAGINED TRACKS, HE'S A PRODIGY IN SLEEVING WHEN YOU PRESS PLAY, THIS TRACK WILL HIT THE AIRWAVES MUCH HARDER THAN VALVIDIA AND SPLASH BLOOD ACROSS THE FRONT ROW
honestly, he isn't worried about what people are going to say or what they'd think of him, that ship has never docked. if all that mattered to him at all, he wouldn't bother with this dream to become an idol. jaemin shifts in his seat, nodding his head as the beat goes on. he sits in the dark room, the screen being the only source of light, making his eyes hurt a bit after doing the backing tracks for the last four hours. he remembers recording this part a handful of times, thinking the feel wasn't right at all. hearing it now, passing up on sleep and some breaks in class is worth it. he held his breath when he let donghyuck first hear it, but he was sure his boyfriend is glad that he's ble to talk more about his feelings.
HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE AT THE TOP? Y'KNOW GRAVITY DOESN'T REST ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE WE SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN THIS PIT A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THIS IS A PETTY MOVE, TASTELESS AND RUDE BUT I'M HUMAN (RIGHT?) I NEED TO FEEL GOOD AND SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY THIS RUDE KID WILL THROW SOME PUNCHES BET IT WOULDN'T EVEN HURT (YOU) NONE OF YOU WILL PROBABLY COMMENT OR THE MEN IN SUITS WILL STEP IN MOLDED TO BE THICK-SKINNED WITH POLISHED SMILES AND GOOD MANNERS (BULLSHIT) BUT YOU LOST YOUR SHOT, BROKE THE DOME, WHY ARE SHIFTING LANES NOW?
it feels good. being able to articulate these feelings that he's had to keep inside of him for weeks. the track has been sitting in his laptop for weeks, finished but needed some polishing. in those weeks, he sat in silence and went on with his life thinking it would remain just another dark thought at the back of his mind. he wasn't one to engage in things that would not bring about anything beneficial. but when he thought about how it could help his mental state, give him a peace of mind. he thought maybe discourse doesn't always have to be a two-way thing, nor did it require a response.
A SHIT TON OF EMPTY PROMISES, ENCOURAGEMENTS ALL FOR THE SAKE OF COMPANY IMAGE BET YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER MY NAME, STILL YOU'D SAY I HAVE STAR POTENTIAL BUT KEEP LISTENING, I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T FORGET ME OR THIS SONG YOU'D TAKE THE CD BUT NOT FOR MY DEMOS, BUT TO PUT MY FACE ON BILLBOARDS GET HIGH TIMESLOT RATING, MORE SOCIAL MEDIA HITS, MERCH ON DEMAND, WHO CARES IF I HAVE MEDIOCRE TALENT AS LONG AS I SOLD OUT THE SHOW, RIGHT?
if anything, jaemin felt cheated. he had been following the industry for pr!zem, knowing the hows and whats in order to support them like every fan would. he's one of the biggest fansites in the fandom. n jaemin should have known better. and yet he found himself hoping that things would be different, he thought maybe, just maybe this time it would be different. (who knew he still have that kind of faith for anyone or anything else but haech?) it was foolish of him, and that's why this track exists.
LET'S ALL DANCE TO A DIFFERENT TRACK NOW, I'M READY TO LISTEN TO YOU (NAH) JUST DON'T TAKE ME FOR A FOOL BUT THAT'S NOT HAPPENING, IS IT? SO LET ME MAKE THIS CLEAR THIS TRACK EXISTS BECAUSE THE PLAYING FIELD WAS TIPPED ADVERTISED AS OPEN TO ALL, BUT THESE ARE THE SAME FACES DIDN'T REALIZE THAT I WAS LUCKY, FELT LIKE THE LOTTERY MORE THAN ANYTHING I ALWAYS THOUGHT STAYING UNIQUE AND TRUE TO THE MUSIC WAS ALL THAT MATTERS BUT I GUESS ALL THAT'S BABY TALK IF SOMEONE HAS BETTER CONNECTIONS
despite knowing this is something he'd probably do eventually, jaemin still felt good about finally hearing it like this. it's finished, ready, and perfectly encapsulates the emotions and ideas he wanted to deliver. it was just a matter of how deep people will go into his lyrics, it's as much as a diss track as a wake-up call of sorts. but something inside of him did change after the song. a setback isn't going to stop him from writing more. he stopped for a while and thought about quitting, but what would that do for him? he refuses to let them win. he hates the idea of that of all things.
BUT REALLY I WROTE THIS SONG TO SPEAK MY MIND, DO WHAT I COULDN'T ON STAGE BECAUSE SOME COMPANIES NEED RAW CONCEPTS FOR THEIR UPCOMING COMEBACKS HERE'S A HEARTFELT ADVISE TO THE CAPITALIST USING MUSIC AS A COVER UP, PAY PROPER WAGES, TREAT ARTISTS RIGHT, AND WEAVE SOME HUMANITY IN YOUR BUSINESS CHARITY WORK DOESN'T EQUATE TO COMPASSION, VACATIONS AREN'T A PRIZE, IT'S A RIGHT STOP PUSHING PEOPLE TO BRINK OF A BURNOUT, OR TO LIVE SECRET LIVES THAT'S HOW BUTTERFLY EFFECTS COME ABOUT, GROUP BREAK-UPS, AND DISS TRACKS, YOU'RE LISTENING TO ONE RIGHT NOW.
he was hoping by the time he reaches this part of the song, he'd have changed his mind and let the song stay in the folder. it's usually easy to just brush off his frustrations once he's talked about it or wrote about it. but there was still that desire to have it uploaded, for it to reach the audience and for absolutely everyone to hear. it goes beyond this particular song though, there was the urge upload his older demos, even the ones he wasn't very confident in. he can't let his anxieties hold him back, can't overthink things at this point. he's already put himself out there the minute he admitted this is what he wanted to do.
THIS WORLD IS FALLING UNDER THE MERCY OF GREED IF A CONVENIENT OPPORTUNITY COMES, THE FALLEN WOULD TAKE IT WHO CARES IF IT'S HYPOCRITICAL OR IRONIC, AN OPPORTUNITY IS AN OPPORTUNITY I GUESS IN A WAY I UNDERSTAND IT, BUT THAT's JUST HYPOCRITICAL I'M GONNA BEGIN THE OUTRO, EVERYTHING IS OUT IN THE OPEN AFTER ALL WHAT IS THE POINT OF TRYING TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND AND SEE WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR EYES CLOSE AND HANDS OVER YOUR EARS? IF THERE'S ANYTHING I PICKED UP FROM ALL OF THIS IT'S TO CHANNEL EVERYTHING TO MY MUSIC AND KEEP CREATING MASTERPIECES THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING OF A MASTER PLAN THERE'S MORE I'M ABOUT TO DROP BUT I'M SAVING IT FOR MY NEXT TRACK NOW THAT'S HOW YOU DO A PROMOTION YOU TELL THE TRUTH (DON'T GET CAUGHT)
this is the part he's convinced that he's lost it, and he shakes his head and sighs as he hits upload. "open system it is." he mumbles as he gets on his feet, a small smile finally break on his face as he sees it finally up.
LYRICS / FLOW REFERENCE INSTRUMENTAL