Giro D’Italia Organisers Introduce New ‘Poo Time Trial’ Contest
The Giro D’Italia announced today that they would be introducing a new ‘PTT’ or Poo Time Trial in honour of Dutch fecal fetishist and pink jersey wearer Tom Dumoulin.
The winner of the PTT will have to eat a large kebab and down several warm beers prior to the course start, then cycle 50km, dismount at the designated Shit-Stop (Pausa di Mierda), frantically claw their sweaty lycra off, startle the fudge dragon out the cave as fast as they can, then re-dress, re-mount, and complete the course. The rider with the fastest shit will get bonus seconds of up to a minute as well as a fetching brown jersey touted as the ‘Maglia Mierdi’ providing ample incentive to fire one into the pan as fast as humanly possible.
As ever, there are already some mooting the risk of illicit doping products being enrolled to ensure a fast bowel movement, with FDJ rumoured to have already bought up a team car-full of prune juice and laxatives and booked an unusual team retreat in New Delhi.
In other news, a fantastic day of cycling has again been overshadowed by a preference of spectators to ignore what’s happening on the course in favour of debating subjective notions of etiquette surrounding whether taking an ill-timed toalley constitutes a racing incident. And they wonder why cycling struggles to attract sponsors...