#john log

[john-angellic-et-chute]

I always have the urge to run

I always have the urge to run. Never in my life had I stayed in one spot long enough for it to feel like home. At the start it seems like everyone loves you. They would smile every time they see you. They try to reassure you with “it’s not going to be like it was over there. You are safe here.” But they change. You can see it in their eyes. You can see it in the small movements when you go to hug them. You can see it in the lack of shine in there smiles.  That “push” they give you when you try to help. I see those warning signs every time, but I choose to look pass them. I think to when they say “it will be different.” Try to believe them. Try to make myself believe I was being too clingy and that they needed space. I try hard to be my own independent self, but it’s hard at night when you are lying next to them and all you want is to be held. That is when the walls start to grow taller. This maze I walk through starts to change again. The walls shift faster and faster to the point where I am running with pains in my legs and lungs. Every breath seems to be a lie, for I am never to catch any bit of air. I try harder to show I do care in my own way, but it seems they never understand. That’s when the fights tend to get worse. My voice that was filled with laughter turns silent. I feel hurt for the words they bring up over and over again. That “There’s something wrong with you.” “You are not normal.” “What the hell are you doing? That’s so fucking weird.” By the time I fall to me knees, I am at the center of the maze again. That’s the moment I grab my stuff and leave. Never leaving a note for they will not care. I am back at the beginning with these broken wings that drag me down to my knees. Till the only choice I have is to crawl. 

There was a time I didn’t have these wings cripple me, but helped me come close to my freedom. They hugged me and kept me warm at night. They would shift and point me down the path that was right. When I didn’t listen to them and I went to a dead end, they would flap on their own and get me to the other side. I was so foolish back then. When I finally saw a light at the end of the hall way, I got scared. I backed up when the wings were nudging me to go forward. I started to shack and step back even further. I was terrified of that ending. My thoughts swirled with panic and I ran again. I ran the fastest I ever had in my life. I barely dodge the walls that were slamming down in front of me. Each one with a sign of telling me to “STOP! NO GO BACK! TURN AROUND!  STOP PLEASE!” I finally was able to see the center again. My safe place that no one could touch me, but one wall came smashing down on the wings. It had a picture of someone crying and one word plastered bigger than any sign in Hollywood. “Why?” That was the moment I realized I was the world’s greatest fuck up of all. I hurt something that was actually true to me and never once forced me to do anything. Instead they stood by every one of my miserable steps heading to happiness. They understood I was nowhere near clean. I was broken to pieces long before I even started my first step. The comfort they gave me was the first time I ever felt warm without fear. I fucked up. Like I said before, I was so foolish back then.

  Since then I haven’t been able to find my way back to the center alone, because the wings never left me alone. I am too selfish to cut them off, but they never want to leave me it seems. They are healing slowly, but those scars I made will never fade.  When I go to sleep at night, I can feel them shifting the slightest bit to hug me. I would let out one last tear before I drift away because that warmth is still there. Even thou I don’t deserve it. So with that I will crawl my way back to that light and bring those wings with me. I know I am scared still, but I will go through all this pain so I can make it right again. Those wings are my true home. I realized that now and one day I hope to walk through the light with those wings wide open.

[john-angellic-et-chute]

I Always Have The Urge To Run.

I always have the urge to run. Never in my life had I stayed in one spot long enough for it to feel like home. At the start it seems like everyone loves you. They would smile every time they see you. They try to reassure you with “ its not going to be like it was over there. You are safe here.” But they change. You can see it in their eyes. You can see it in the small movements when you go to hug them. You can see it in the lack of shine in there smiles.  That “push” they give you when you try to help. I see those warning signs every time ,but I choose to look pass them. I think to when they say” it will be different.” Try to believe them. Try to make myself believe I was being too clingy and that they needed space. I try hard to be my own independent self, but its hard  at night when you are laying next to them and all you want is to be held. That is when the walls start to grow taller. This maze I walk through starts to change again. The walls shift faster and faster to the point were I am running with pains in my legs and lungs. Every breathe seems to be a lie, for I am never to catch any bit of air. I try harder to show I do care in my own way, but it seems they never understand. That’s when fights tend to start to get worse. My voice that was filled with laughter turns silent. I feel hurt for the words they bring up over and over again. That “Theirs something wrong with you.” “You are not normal.” “What the hell are you doing? That’s so fucking weird.” By the time I fall to me knees,  I am at the center of the maze again. That’s the moment I grab my stuff and leave. Never leaving a note for they will not care. I am back at the beginning with these broken wings that drag me down to my knees. Till the only choice I have is to crawl. 

There was a time I didn’t have these wings cripple me, but helped me come close to my freedom. They hugged me and kept me warm at night. They would shift and point me down the path that was right. When I didn’t listen to them and I went to a dead end, they would flap on there own and get me to the other side. I was so foolish back then. When I finally saw a light at the end of the hall way, I got scared. I backed up when the wings were nudging me to go forward. I started to shack and step back even further back. I was terrified of that ending. My thoughts swirled  with panic and I ran again. I ran the fastest I ever had in my life. I barely dodge the walls that were slamming down in front of me. Each one with a sign of telling me to “STOP! NO GO BACK! TURN AROUND!  STOP PLEASE!” I finally was able to see the center again. My safe place that no one could touch me, but one wall came smashing down on the wings. It had a picture of some one crying and one world plastered bigger then any sign in Hollywood. “ Why?” That was the moment I realized I was the worlds most greatest fuck up of all. I hurt something that was actually true to me and never once forced me to do anything. Instead they stood by every one of my miserable steps heading to happiness. They understood I was no where near clean. I was broken to pieces long before I even started my first step. The comfort they gave me was the first time I ever felt warm with out fear. I fucked up. Like I said before, I was so foolish back then.

  Since then I haven't been able to find my way back to the center alone, because the wings never left me alone. I am too selfish to cut them off, but they never want to leave me it seems. They are healing slowly, but those scares I made will never fade.  When I go to sleep at night, I can feel them shifting the slightest bit to hug me. I would let out one last tear before I drift away because that warmth is still there. Even thou I don’t deserve it. So with that I will crawl my way back to that light and bring those wings with me. I know I am scared still, but I will go through all this pain so I can make it right again. Those wings are my true home. I realized that now and one day I hope to walk through the light with those wings wide open.

[circuitousgrievance]

JOHN: -it takes John a pretty long time to wake up, even considering it's already the middle of the afternoon. A big part of that is probably because the troll that's sprawled over him is so warm, and it makes getting out of bed even harder than it usually is. And on top of that, the first time he tries it, he forgets that putting weight on his legs hurts like a motherfucker right now.  But eventually with the help of his wind powers, he manages to extract himself, kinda zombie-walking through his routine of peeing, brushing his teeth and showering. He hardly even thinks about the fact that Kankri is still dozing away in his bed until he drags himself out with his hair still wet, slightly more alive than before.  Then he sees him. All cute and curled up and what not.- huh.....

KANKRI: -He only lightly stirred the first time John started moving, in fact his eyes didnt even open enough to completely register what was around him, and then after a brief moment of grabbing at sheets and twirling them around himself until he was almost in a nest or a ball, alone in the bed, Kankri was back to entirely snoozing. He doesn't start to surface back to consciousness again until after John was done with his morning routine.- 

KANKRI: -When he first opens his eyes he closes them again right away, they felt dry and gross just like the back of his throat. And while there was no full on headache yet, he could feel it seeding in his skull. Obviously he might have over done it on the drinking last night. Kankri, his eyes still closed shifts around and starts grabbing at the tie around his neck, reminding him that he had somehow managed to forget to change out of these uncomfortable clothes before going to bed last night. How did he forget to do that when he got back to his block?- 

KANKRI: -Wait... when did he get back to his block? He now peeps open one eye and oh. Oh he did not fall asleep in his own block..- 

KANKRI: -Now that he was actually awake and not mind fogged by sleep, Kankri quickly remembers just HOW he fell asleep here in Johns room, and wowie, that is a new shade of red on his face.-

KANKRI: -He hasnt even noticed John was back in the room he is just laying there in his cocoon of sheets, staring out into space.-

JOHN: -he just sits there in his wheelchair like he's not watching him out of the corner of his eye but he is...watching him wake up....when he's sure that Kankri is fully awake he scoots over to the mini fridge and grabs a bottled water for him. tapping him gently with it and smiling-  hey, haha

KANKRI: -Him tapped- .......... 

 KANKRI: -He squints a little and finally directs his eyes onto John. Or. More importantly that water bottle.- 

KANKRI: -Reaches out one hand and takes it before sitting up just a little to guzzle down at least a third of it.-

JOHN: -he can't help but smile a little bigger at that.- hehe. there's more in the mini fridge if you need it.

JOHN: think i'm gonna make some coffee....-he scoot-

KANKRI: -He watches him wheel off again and then finishes sitting up. Oh yep there is the start of that headache.- 

KANKRI: -Also perhaps drinking that much water that quickly was not the best idea, his stomach suddenly seems pretty up in arms about it.- 

KANKRI: -So he takes slower sips and slowly remembers the rest of the details of what happened last night. Dear god he stepped over so many different kinds of lines. Did John even realize the connotations of their actions last night??? Or at the reception....... thE RECEPTION.- 9-9h my g9d I made that speech............

JOHN:... -he doesn't realize anything except how good this coffee is gonna taste .  jk he realizes everything but there's no reason to bring it up yet-

JOHN: oh... yeah! haha.  you did didn't you?

KANKRI: -Small groan as he rubs at his eyes with the heel of his hand.- Urghhh... 

KANKRI: That is em6arrassing.

JOHN: eh, that's just the hangover talking

JOHN: it turned out okay as far as i remember

JOHN: everyone was laughing! not i mean...not at your speech but at like

JOHN: fun reception party shenannigans

KANKRI: Right. -Hes going to just cling to how he made that speech so he doesnt think so hard on the fact that hes pretty certain he papped johns face last night.- 

KANKRI: Im. Excuse me, is it alright if I use y9ur restr99m.

JOHN: of course!

JOHN: -hahahah why is this so weird. it's not like they had sex. they just cuddled. except he knows very well that trolls take cuddling just as seriously as sex. he's just. gonna. go get that coffee now.-

KANKRI: -It is sadly true John.- 

KANKRI: -He disentangles himself from the sheets he managed to tie his legs up in and slinks off for the bathroom door, already in the process of yanking off his tie because now that he is more awake its harder to ignore how tight it is.- KANKRI: -The water bottle is in his free hand and he shuts the door behind himself when he enters. Its a little while before he comes back out, not terribly long considering he didn't have anything to brush his teeth with, and as far as showers go it was just to let the water run over his skin to help make him feel any less overall bleh.- 

KANKRI: -When he comes back out he has damp hair, and is only wearing the pants and dress shirt. The first couple buttons are undone as well so the collar opens up so he can breathe. Kind of literally... because if John pays any close attention he might spot the very thin gill slits along his neck..-

JOHN: -o hey there- oh wow....uh

JOHN: -scratches the back of his neck- are you

JOHN: hmm

JOHN: you have gills?

KANKRI: Hm? -Hes still kinda not all here yet.- 

KANKRI: 9h. 

KANKRI: Yes I d9. -Says this matter of factually and sips the remains of the water out of the bottle.-

JOHN: wow i can't believe i never noticed that. that's fascinating.

JOHN: -pours himself some coffee- you want some?

KANKRI: D9n't feel anything pers9nally 9ver it. I d9n't really g9 9ut 9f my way t9 make them apparent. -Kind of the opposite really.- 

KANKRI: -Steps away from the bathroom door and goes back to sit on the bed. It just, seems like the best place to sit.- And while usually I try t9 refrain fr9m drinking c9ffee, I a6s9lutely w9uld enj9y s9me if y9u are 9ffering.

JOHN: well, it's interesting from a xenobiological perspective is what i mean. are they functional? if you don't mind me asking.

JOHN: -pours him a cup too - how do you take it?

KANKRI: Just sugar n9 milk if it isn't t99 much tr9u6le. 

KANKRI: Als9 I d9 n9t mind, its a fair questi9n. They d9 functi9n well en9ugh f9r the m9st part, 6ut they d9 n9t have the 6est filtering a6ilities. Having them inspected when I was y9unger it was determined that they lack en9ugh feather like 9rgans t9 rem9ve particulates and impurities s9 I need t9 6e a little m9re wary what I s9ak in. They handle 69th salt and freshwater, 6ut I've never risked g9ing in standing 69dies 9f water since they w9uld 6e m9re pr9ne t9 infecti9n.

JOHN: smart! -nods nods-. sounds like you had good doctors on beforus.

JOHN: -sip-

JOHN: -finishes mixing in a liberal amount of sugar and floats it over to kankri carefully. he's a lot better at this when he's not drunk off his ass-

KANKRI: Yes... The 6est 9f the 6est. 

KANKRI: It likely helped 6eing the cullie 9f 9ne 9f the m9st high regarded 9fficials. -Glances up at the mug and reaches out to take it in his hands- Ah thank y9u.

JOHN: i guess beforan medicine was pretty similar to earth medicine then?JOHN: treating alernians and europans has always been hard because there's a real...

JOHN: uh...

JOHN: how to put it...

JOHN: machismo culture?

JOHN: in other words, if they're missing limbs they're like "tis but a flesh wound"

KANKRI: -He chokes down a small laugh over the edge of his mug.- Fair analogy. 

 KANKRI: Y9u are right in saying there is a decent cultural disc9nnect medically speaking. I als9 think that 6ef9rus in general was m9re interested in studying the 6i9l9gical, uh, "rarities" that appeared in its p9pulati9n. 9r at least they did it in a... semi-m9re ethical manner.

JOHN: oooooh....

JOHN: -embarassed laugh- sorry if i...

JOHN: i think i might act like that sometimes.

KANKRI: Hm? Act like what? -sips coffee. Ahh yes... hello old friend.-

JOHN: y'know. interested in the biology aspect.

JOHN: 'cause when you're a doctor you kind of get desensitized to some things.

KANKRI: D9 n9 w9rry. I understand. 

 KANKRI: Y9u aren't the first t9 ask th9se s9rt 9f questi9ns anyways. Als9 there are w9rse reas9ns t9 ask s9me9ne a69ut aspects 9f their 69dy.

JOHN: well tell me if somebody ever does that because i will

JOHN: politely but firmly tell them to stop

JOHN: hehehe.

JOHN: -and if they don't i will punch them-

KANKRI: 9h. -Hrghkkk thats sweet.- 

KANKRI: Thank y9u.

JOHN: -finger guns- you betcha. -slurp-

KANKRI: -Slurps right back at him. Just some silent coffee drinking going on here.- 

KANKRI: -And also the major internal debate if he should bring up last night or not.-

JOHN: -HE IS JUST A FRIEND DRINKING COFFEE, THERE IS NO MAJOR INTERNAL DEBATE-

KANKRI: -THERE IS SOME MAJOR INTERNAL DEBATE.-

KANKRI: .......... -Lowers his mug back down and swallows dryly.- 

KANKRI: S9.

JOHN: the wedding was great, right?

JOHN: honestly everything about it was great! loved it!

JOHN: hehehe.

KANKRI: .............. 

KANKRI: -Hes looking at his coffee not at john, shoulders drooping as anything.- 

KANKRI: ........ yeah. Yeah it was nice.

JOHN: -oh shit he fucked up didn't he-

JOHN: -ahhhhhhhhhh-

KANKRI: -Its not his fault. Humans dont view romance that way. At least that is what Kankri confides in himself.- 

KANKRI: Im. 

KANKRI: I'm g9ing t9 6lanketly ap9l9gize f9r any 6ehavi9r that may have seemed 9ut 9f line 9r cr9ssing said line. I w9nt even say specifically 6ut... yeah there it is I supp9se.

JOHN: - he just sees the expression on kankris face.  and he feels terrible all at once,  like he's plummeting.  he's staring down at his coffee too, feeling ashamed.  he knows it would be really easy right now to take advantage,  like he does so often.  wave it off and move on,  leaving the hard stuff for kankri to deal with.  but for once he just... really doesn't want to. -

JOHN: no,  look.. it

JOHN: it wasn't... it wasn't out of line or whatever

JOHN: and you're not crazy

JOHN: something happened. ... i think.

KANKRI: -Hes still staring at his coffee, except now he is seventy percent more tense then he was a moment ago. He hadn't been trying to guilt John into anything, god forbid thats what this admission was, but out of all the things John was going to say Kankri had not imagined this to be one of them.- KANKRI: -Hearing him say that brought forward this sickening flutter of hope and then sudden anxiety because for once they were both possibly admitting there might be reasoning for their actions.- 

 KANKRI: I. 

KANKRI: I am aware that human r9mance d9es n9t 9ften leave r99m f9r the classificati9n 9f quadrant 6ased displays 9r m9tives 9f affecti9ns. 

 KANKRI: That is t9 say. I place n9 judgement at all if y9u feel that what happened was n9t... 

KANKRI: Was n9t like... -He can't exactly say it, because saying it puts it out there for real and that is terrifying.-

JOHN: -Oh kankri if only you knew that you are guilting him ...into being honest about his own feelings and taking responsibility for them. John's shoulders are also pretty tense, as he watches his coffee get cold. He doesn't know exactly what he's afraid of- he just knows the fear is there, tight in his belly. He's never had an easy time deciphering his own feelings. Is it that he's afraid Kankri might not want to be friends? Not really. He doesn't feel like that would happen. That....that Kankri might not want to lean on his shoulder. Or touch his face again?  Or talk to him about what's bothering him. That seems to matter. A lot more than he would've supposed. But does that mean anything?-

JOHN: no...i know...

JOHN: i know you wouldn't...

JOHN: -rubs his temples a little- it's just complicated.

JOHN: and honestly, i probably should have talked to you about it a long time ago

JOHN: it was just hard. so i put it off. and ran away. like i always do when things are hard.

KANKRI: Y9u aren't al9ne in that th9ugh. 

 KANKRI: It is n9t like I have 6een exactly f9rth c9ming a69ut... The way things are. 6etween us. 

KANKRI: And 6etween the tw9 9f us I sh9uld have the 6etter understanding 6ut  I'm n9t sure that I d9. 

KANKRI: -Feelings like these were hard to explain, even more so when you've lived the majority of your life with the vow to not pursue emotions like these, and when the holder of the affections happens to come from a whole different world as far as romance goes.- 

KANKRI: I will 6e h9nest a69ut this th9ugh. 

KANKRI: Last night, 

KANKRI: It was. 

KANKRI: ..... 

 KANKRI: Nice. Whatever it was it was nice.

JOHN: -is it normal to feel like all your pent up emotions are solidifying into a mass that's clogging up the back of your throat. and not only that, but in john's mind eyes he's remembering it very clearly- however shitty his memory has been lately. it was the best he's slept since he started weaning himself off the morphine. the best he's slept since feferi died. he stops staring at kankri for a minute and looks at his face. with a pained smile-

JOHN: i liked it too.

JOHN: and i'm not...

JOHN: i'm not gonna be sorry about it.

KANKRI: -He finally looks up at John instead of staring down into his coffee. He studies every aspect of Johns face, he's incredibly stupid how he feels like he can read it better then anyone else's. And even though Johns smile is pained, the small one that slowly comes to kankris face is not nearly that.- 

KANKRI: I d9 n9t think that I am g9ing g9 6e either. 

KANKRI: I uh, I slept miracul9usly well. And I d9nt even think I can give all the credit t9 my lack 9f exp9sure t9llerence t9 alc9h9l. 

 KANKRI: ... It was the first time I managed t9 truly rest with9ut the sleep aids y9u pr9vided me with.

JOHN: -just because he said he's not sorry doesn't mean he's not going to get red in the face and rub furiously at the back of his shaved neck- oh.....hehhe....i slept...pretty damn good too

JOHN: and...uh...

JOHN: -sobers up a little because it's honestly a struggle to admit. even though it's common knowledge.- it's been tough lately, you know.

JOHN: having you around makes me feel better.

JOHN: -ugh now he HAS to look away- like, useful...you know?

KANKRI: -His own face is just as red as johns. It's quite the blush worthy situation. Although while he is mildly flattered to hear that somehow he has managed to make things easier or better (because if anyone deserved a break it was John) he can't quite fight off the frown lightly creasing his brow.- KANKRI: Are y9u saying that y9u w9uld n9t feel useful 9therwise? 

KANKRI: 6ecause. 

KANKRI: Well I d9nt 6elieve that t9 6e true.

JOHN: oh...no...it's not that.

JOHN: it's just kinda like. i had this certain routine.

JOHN: and it got really ...uh...disrupted.

JOHN: and i know i don't seem like a guy. that has routines. but i actually do.

JOHN: and it really makes me feel weird...when i can't do the stuff that i do normally. i guess.

JOHN: -once he starts talking, it's surprising that he keeps going. kankri is just easy to talk to. easier than most people.-

JOHN: and even when i do my normal stuff i feel. bad. or....guilty.

JOHN: like, i went to sollux's party the other night.

JOHN: and...

JOHN: i think i made everybody feel bad. just by being there. and i felt bad.

JOHN: because when they see me. they think about feferi dying.

JOHN:...  - kinda goes quiet again-

KANKRI: -He listens and only listens through the whole thing, and even after John stops he waits to see if there might be some more. But it also gives Kankri time to come to terms with the knot forming in his stomach as John confesses all of this. It made him feel deeply, painfully bothered, sad even, that John felt like this and had to deal with something of this level of tragedy. He didn't deserve it.- 

KANKRI: -He takes a deep breath, trying to think quickly of what to say, to plan out each little word and quote before it leaves him. But ultimately despite his mental scramble he can't preconceive anything... It would appear he would need to just start talking what comes to mind, sans filter.- 

KANKRI: I'm s9rry. N9 h9nestly I am, I can't imagine 6eing in y9ur p9siti9n, n9t at all. 

KANKRI: What I d9 kn9w is that feeling like that, it's understanda6le. 

 KANKRI: 6ut, and while I kn9w my 9pini9n 9nly means s9 much... And it d9esnt have any guarantee t9 change h9w y9u think a69ut it. 

KANKRI: Still. 

KANKRI:  I d9nt think y9u sh9uld feel that way? 

KANKRI: what happened 9n Eur9pa. What happened t9 Feferi. That was terri6le, and y9u likely 6etter then any9ne kn9w Her l9ss. I d9nt think y9u sh9uld feel 6ad f9r trying t9 stick t9 s9me 9f what is left 9f y9ur 9ld r9utine. S9metimes it can 6e the 6est thing t9 gr9und y9u. 

 KANKRI: Als9, while I didn't attend that event, y9u sh9uldnt make reacti9ns like that a reas9n t9 st9p trying t9 6e relevant. 

 KANKRI: 6ecsuse y9u are relevant j9hn. Y9u are m9re then just a remem6erence 9f her death.

JOHN: -He just feels himself deflate, like something inflatable compressing... keeping his arms on their rests and his head tucked in as he absorbs Kankri's words. As much as he can. They only seem to go skin deep- something frigid inside of him keeping them from piercing too deeply. But it feels good too. Talking about it with someone feels good. Not feeling judged. Although he doesn't truly think any of his friends want less than the best for him, although he knows they love him...he also knows he's his own worst enemy.-

JOHN: i don't know how you're supposed to act. it feels like i should keep going. keep working. keep being there for people.

JOHN: but i try. and....she's everywhere. i mean.

JOHN: i shared everything with her.

JOHN: and...i can't even think about her really without

JOHN: like...seeing her body and stuff.

JOHN: when the rocket dropped.

JOHN: -removes his hands and hugs himself a little. he can hardly believe he's vocalizing this.-

JOHN: nobody's really talking about her either. it's weird.

JOHN: i feel like if they did. if we just said. "hey feferi is dead. we miss her. it sucks. hope she comes back." it'd be  okay. at least a little more okay. but that's not what we're doing.

KANKRI: -He wants to treat this like he would be talking to any other patient of his. Like he didn't know them personally and with a detachment that let him more clearly view the possible problems or triggers. But that was impossible, he was too attached to him, there was too many real feelings. And Kankri couldn't even attempt to treat him with the clinical stand offish nature he had grown comfortable to working with, he couldn't even imagine it.- 

KANKRI: J9hn.... -What he could imagine was all the heart ache, the pain, the guilt that his dear friend was feeling. And it tore him up inside.-

 KANKRI: D9 y9u... 

KANKRI: D9 y9u think that she will c9me 6ack?

JOHN: -his exhale comes out more like a wheeze. that wasn't what he expected him to say at all. of course he's been thinking about it. thinking about it constantly. but he hasn't dared to voice it. because honestly he's afraid to hope for it. he pushes his glasses aside and  rubs his eyes for a second, just breathing.

JOHN: i don't know.

JOHN: karkat came back. aradia came back.

JOHN: but aradia hasn't...hasn't found her yet. and i'm

JOHN: i'm getting really worried.

JOHN: why would it happen like that? why would everybody come back but her?

JOHN: -his eyes are starting to burn. he has to stop.-

KANKRI: -It keeps getting harder, and Kankri actively needs to force down an urge to get up and walk over to John to hug him, touch him, do something, anything, that might physically convey how things will be okay without risking trying to say it. But regardless of what happened between them last night, he still isn't sure if John would even appreciate the close contact now.- 

 KANKRI: I d9nt kn9w why. I d9nt think any9ne w9uld. 

KANKRI: Y9u said Aradia still hasn't l9cated her. 6ut are y9u even certain that is a 6ad thing? I mean. I d9nt really have much kn9wlege 9n the way the p9st m9rtality aspect w9rks 6ut d9es any9ne really? 

KANKRI: My p9int is. 

 KANKRI: I think it might 6e 9kay t9 hang 9nt9 s9me h9pe.

JOHN: -takes a deep breath. inhale. exhale.. it does acutally helps sometimes. he rubs his eyes and then looks back at kankri, just grateful he's here...and he doesn't have to just carry this inside him- hhh...okay.

JOHN: yeah. you're right.

JOHN: the next time someone asks that...i'll say yes.

JOHN: ...i mean...we don't know how magic works. maybe it is a belief thing.

KANKRI: I happen t9 6elieve that wishful thinking, and keeping p9sitive gr9unded views happens t9 play the largest part in it. 

KANKRI: -He pauses and runs his thumb over the smooth surface of the cold coffee mug.- I want t9 thank y9u. 

KANKRI: F9r sharing all this with me. It really d9es take an immense am9unt 9f c9urage t9 v9ice things like that.

JOHN: -some of his anxiety gets let out in his rushed, nervous laugh. he feels a little better after that. like the elephant got up off his chest- yeah

JOHN: it's this new thing i'm trying

JOHN: called "being honest" and "talking"

JOHN: idk if i'm gonna stick with it but it's good for a laugh. every now and again.

JOHN: thanks man...like....really...

JOHN: thanks

KANKRI: -His smile briefly returns at the humor. Be it intentional or not, it was a somewhat needed mood lifter.- 

 KANKRI: I'm just happy t9 6e here f9r y9u.

JOHN: - his nervous laugh becomes a relieved smile- well,  you can talk to me too y’know

JOHN: hopefully you know that by now

JOHN: but I guess a little reminder never hurts.  - damn he kind of wants to cuddle again.  but they're not drunk. -

KANKRI: Reminders are nice 9n 9ccasi9n. -There certainly was enough to talk about, but Kankri already felt pretty satisfied after talking about Johns problems instead of thinking about his own.- 

KANKRI: -And the feeling of wanting to cuddle was very much mutual, but what even are the odds that one of them would ask the other.-

JOHN: -THE STRUGGLE IS REAL. he would really like to cuddle u there friend but he has to work up the courage first. instead he just perks up (almost stands up and then realizes that'd be way more effort than necessary and he can just float his chair.-

JOHN: hey, you wanna go get some breakfast?

JOHN: i hear from a reliable source that bacon and eggs helps with hangovers.

KANKRI: -He does consider it, if briefly for a moment, but the gravity of what happened last night, what is happening now. It's a bit too much to ask for him to swallow that AND late breakfast.- N....9. 

KANKRI: I think I just want t9 c9ntinue laying d9wn. 6ut 9f c9urse d9nt let me st9p y9u. Please 6y all means g9, I sh9uld return t9 my 9wn 6l9ck t9 pr9perly change anyways. -he's already standing up to go.-

JOHN: -He tries to hide his disappointment, but isn't really able to all the way. Still he doesn't blame him. Maybe the guy just needs some space. He's pretty private usually. He's gonna go with that explanation rather than giving into any worries.-

JOHN: Alright, man

JOHN: -Awkward...arm pat?-

KANKRI: -He pauses to let the arm pat happen, trying his very best not to focus on how he can in fact detect a small amount of disappointment seeping into John's response.- 

KANKRI: Thank y9u. 

KANKRI: I'll uh... see y9u ar9und I supp9se. -And then hes walking all the way out the door.-

[circuitousgrievance]

KANKRI: -By some miracle they make it back to the actual ship and are navigating through the hallways... Kind of poorly. Apparently directions become a lot harder when intoxicated, but he is DETERMINED to get John safely to a place of rest.- 

KANKRI:....uhhnnn.... Which is cl9ser my 6l9ck 9r y9urss? -Help him.-

JOHN: ummmmm

JOHN: shit

JOHN;: -hehehhehehe-

JOHN: i can't rememnr :C

KANKRI: O:B 

KANKRI: Well that's tr9u6ling...

KANKRI: -Still keeps pushing him along.-

KANKRI: If y9u see y9ur 6l9ck tell me.

KANKRI: -He also has yet to take notice of the champagne floating behind them.-

JOHN: -salutes him- okay! >:B

JOHN: if we can't find it...we can always go sleep in the caf, lol

JOHN: wouldm be the first time...

KANKRI: -Scowls- N9! N9t an 9pti9n. We are n9t sleeping there. -When did it become we?-

JOHN: what do you have against food.

JOHN: -squints-

JOHN: okay it think tihis is...close...

JOHN: uh...-scratches under beard-

JOHN: maybe?

JOHN: my memory's been a real shitshow lately

KANKRI: I don't enjoy sleeping on it, that's what-- oh wait really? -Looks up.- KANKRI: I think you are right... -Hmm. What he just said though, that sends a pang of concern through Kankri. But room first questions after. He pushes onwards and roughly figure it the rest of the way out from here and they are at Johns door.- 

 KANKRI: This is it right?

JOHN: y...yeah. yeah. okay. that's it.

JOHN: -scans his thumb cuz he can't remember his code rn and the door wishes open-

KANKRI: -The future is so helpful.- 

KANKRI: -Wheels him in- Here y9u are. 

KANKRI: Sweet h9me hive... S9mething like that.

JOHN: -heheheh- yo home to bel air!

JOHN: -slowly peels himself out of his chair and gently floats himself onto the floor, on his back, sighing inr elief-

JOHN: -also the champagne bottle go through the door-

JOHN: thanks buddy

KANKRI: -He frowns watching John lay on the floor.- No. I disapprove of this. KANKRI: -Suddenly spots the champagne in the air and disapprove more.- wha-- did you take this with us.

JOHN: hmmhm.

JOHN: -closes eyes, humming-

KANKRI: -Crosses his arms and stares at him.- Get in you bed.

JOHN: but the floor feels nice

JOHN: try it.

KANKRI: No.

KANKRI: -Kind of clumsily kneels down next to John.- I will carry you if I have to.

JOHN: you can't. you're too little.

JOHN: -pulls him down gently-

KANKRI: -Scoffs- I am not! I am actually stronger then I look! -Lies.- 

KANKRI: -He doesn't even fight being pulled, where even is he being pulled.-

JOHN: -yes you are-

JOHN: -but you're also stronger than u look-

JOHN: -he pulls him down to the floor. down to john's arm which can be him pillow-

KANKRI: -He lays on it with a bit of a huff.- Don't think.

KANKRI: That. Don't think that I'm not going to lift you still.

JOHN; i didn't thinkJ

OHN: even for one minuite

JOHN: i did not think

KANKRI: Okay good. -He's nuzzling a bit closer to John though.- 

KANKRI: ............ Are you still floating the bottle.

JOHN: -kinda laying so the side of his cheek brushes kankri's hair-

JOHN; oh....look at that

JOHN: -YES IT'S STILL FLOATING NEXT TOTHEM-

JOHN: i totally forgot i was doing it..but i was still doin it.

KANKRI: -He might move his head so that johns cheek is more in his hair then it was a moment ago.- 

KANKRI: How did you forget?? 

KANKRI: You should put it down.

JOHN: -gently floats it down-

JOHN: are you proud of me

KANKRI: Yes. -Without thinking he lazily lifts a hand and pats johns face.-

JOHN: -hehehehehehheheh-

JOHN: why

KANKRI: Why what.

KANKRI: -keeps his hand there.-

JOHN: why are you so warm

JOHN: you're like a space heater

KANKRI: Oh. 

KANKRI: It's biological.

JOHN: 'snice.

KANKRI: ....thank you. -That's actually... Really touching to hear okay?? It's dumb but he's kind of emotional now because John thinks it's nice that he is warm and no his eyes are watering it isn't tears shut up.-

KANKRI: I am. 

KANKRI: I'm intoxicated.

JOHN: hmmm. me too.

KANKRI: No really? 

KANKRI: that was some light sarcasm John. -Continues to absentmindedly stroke his cheek with his thumb.-

JOHN: sarcasm stops being effective when you point it out, moron

JOHN: -PURR-

JOHN: -if he could purr he would be. but he's human-

JOHN: -he's so calm rn how is this even possible. he feel sstoned.-

KANKRI: I pointed out because you are very much and obviously drunk, stupid. Stupid drunk even. Because bam I'm going to be rude for what you called me. KANKRI: -He will purr for the both of them because this is ridiculously obscene behavior... It would be impossible for him not to.- 

KANKRI: -Also nuzzles his face closer so his cheek gets to lay on his shoulder.-

JOHN: ooh. i'm in trouble now. -teases him. he's so adorable.-

KANKRI: Yeah you might be.

KANKRI: ....dammit we are still on floor. 

KANKRI: The. 

KANKRI: The floor.

JOHN:-giggles-JOHN: -it turns into a full blown gigglefit-

KANKRI: -Stop no do not.- 

KANKRI: -ITS GOING TO BE CONTAGIOUS.-

JOHN: -it's too late it's happening. he's mufling himself into kankri's hair-

KANKRI: -He's already starting to smile and snicker this is TERRIBLE!!- KANKRI: Pffft- N-No don't hit your head onn-Hehehah. My horns! Careful!

JOHN: oh-hohoh-. ahaha. i'm sorry.

JOHN: -carefully adjusts himself into kankri's neck instead-

JOHN: -omg so warm-

JOHN: -his beard may tickle him tho-

KANKRI: -Laughter kind of slows when that happens, not vanishing entirely mind you but wow.- 

KANKRI: -Also beard nO- 

KANKRI: -Who is he kidding his sweaters are more itchy. Kankri starts chirring again.-

KANKRI: -John can probably even feel the vibrations of the sound like this.-

JOHN: -he loves that sound. in his drunk mind he's wondering. why did they wait so long to do this?-

JOHN: -this is wonderful. it's all he needs rn-

KANKRI: -They waited so long because honestly were they both sober they would have never allowed themselves to do this..- 

KANKRI: -A real shame if you think about it now.- 

KANKRI: -Lets his eyes close and idly grasps for johns hand-

JOHN: -holds him hand firmly. and sighs. really long and soft.-

JOHN: hey

JOHN: imma float us

JOHN: up to the bed

JOHN: ok

KANKRI: mmmkay. -He doesn't have to move? Awesome, because he feels like his limbs are noodles in the best kind of way.-

JOHN: -he kinda...wraps his arm around him. kinda worried that he'll be surprised by how it feels cuz he's never been floated before. it takes like five seconds and probably feels kinda nice honestly. like cool breeze tickling around him, gently ruffling his hair. and suddenly they're in warm unmade sheets-

KANKRI: -It is kind of strange feeling wise.. And Kankri ends up clinging decently to John over the course of the short move.- 

KANKRI: -But any momentary tension is easily forgotten once they hit sheets. That being said.- 

KANKRI: -He doesn't exactly stop clinging to John.-

KANKRI: -He's quite comfortable like this..-

JOHN: -he lets kankri rest on his tid. just watching him for a little while since he woke up a bit to carefully lift them. in that quiet he strokes kankir's hair, carefully avoiding his horns. not even really thinking of anything, just listening to the air conditioning with half lidded eyes and feeling the texture of his hair as his fingers run through it.-

[circuitousgrievance]

  KANKRI: -Even though John exits first, Kankri isn't too far behind trying to catch up with him after the meeting lets out.-

JOHN: -john is actually walking REALLY FAST and not being all that coordinated. he almost knocks into things a few times and it takes him a while to realize kankri is following him.-

JOHN: oh, hey dude.

KANKRI: -Where is he going in such a hurry?- Hell9, J9hn. 

 KANKRI: I just wanted t9 let y9u kn9w that I think y9u meeting went rather well.

JOHN: oh! hehe thanks man...

JOHN: i'm glad everybody seemed to like it. -rubs fingers through his hair-

KANKRI: -He nods and cant help but feel like perhaps something isn't right here.- 

KANKRI: -His brow creases with some concern.- 

KANKRI: Y9u seem a little... flustered. That is the term I will g9 with.

JOHN: i'm ...i just had a little too much caffeine you know? i'm pretty sensitive to it.

KANKRI: 9h. Perhaps y9u sh9uld seek t9 av9id c9nsuming t99 much 9f it then. 

KANKRI: Y9u kn9w I actually used t9 6e quite the avid c9ffee drinker, 6ut the effects 9f the caffeine 6ecame disagrea6le with me s9 I cut 6ack significantly.

JOHN: that's probably best with your medications anyways, haha...

JOHN: ...-just seems to be shifting around a lot.-

KANKRI: Right... -He still doesnt love bringing his medication up, even if he did make the choice to start taking it again.- 

KANKRI: -Clears his throat.- 6ut yes I st9pped at least 9ver a sweep ag9 s9 there w9uld 6e n9 way f9r it t9 cause c9mplicati9ns with that. -Watches him shift around- 

 KANKRI: Are y9u certain it is 9nly the caffeine?

JOHN: -....- nah, i guess i'm not totally sure.

KANKRI: Hm. -He is trying not too get TOO concerned, because lately he has been thinking about how he has been crossing a few boundaries with John that are threateningly close to pale.- 

KANKRI: What else d9 y9u think it might 6e?

JOHN: ...do you wanna go somewhere or something? i feel weird trying to talk to you in the middle of the hallway.

KANKRI: 9h. 

KANKRI: Uh. Sure. If y9u w9uld like t9. I pers9nally d9n't mind t99 much myself 6ut I w9uld n9t wish f9r y9u t9 6e unc9mf9rta6le.

JOHN: uh, well whatever is cool.  it's up to you. i'm going to the common room. - he's also trying to sound nonchalant. except he's terrible at it because he's john. he keeps walking-

KANKRI: -He keeps up a pace behind.- That is quite fine with me, as it is n9t a far walk at all. N9t that I w9uld mind if it was, 6ut I am just letting y9u kn9w it is n9t real inc9nvenience.

JOHN: ...good!

JOHN: -they get to the common room with the vending machine that john broke once while he was settning up his grand piano. also there's his grand piano, just sitting there int he corner available for public use. he goes up to it and sits there.-

KANKRI: -Ooh is he going to play?-

JOHN: -yes he is. he was really anxious to get here and start playing it.-

KANKRI: -He is kind of excited to listen.- 

KANKRI: Were y9u inspired 6y Riley's menti9ning 9f the p9si6ility 9f a musical therapy pr9gram?

JOHN: -the song he's playing right now is one he knows so well that he doesn't even have to think about it. he is perfectly capable of holding a conversation with kankri.- well, sorta...

JOHN: it's a really good idea.

JOHN: but actually, i've been in that kind of therapy before.

JOHN: that's why i  know it'll work.

KANKRI: -Oh. Wow its actually really beautiful to listen to...- 

KANKRI: -Hes a bit entranced for a moment and does not respond back right away.- 

KANKRI: Really? Is that h9w y9u were first intr9duced t9 the pian9 then?

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: my dad's a child psychologist after all. well...among other things that he is.

KANKRI: Hm. I have read a69ut music 6eing used f9r therapeutic exercises and activities 6ut I supp9se I never c9nsidered it much 6ef9re.

JOHN: it wouldn't work for everybody, i guess. only some people.

JOHN: especially people who have a hard time talking.

KANKRI: -He is taking one of the seats nearby so that he doesnt have to stand while talking to John.- 

KANKRI: I see. S9 y9u used t9 n9t talk as much then?

JOHN: yeah. i er...

JOHN: i don't know if this is a thing with trolls so sorry if it's a little confusing.

JOHN: it's a thing with my brain? a disability. anyways, it made it take a longer time for me to talk than normal.

JOHN: wow, that was sentence was gramarically fucked, haha.

JOHN: it does other stuff too but i mean that's why i had an easier time playing the piano than talking.

KANKRI: It is p9ssi6le that it is. 6ut regardless thank y9u f9r explaining that t9 me. 

KANKRI: Als9 thank y9u f9r feeling c9mf9rta6le en9ugh t9 let me kn9w that as I am certain that is likely s9mething y9u d9n't 9ften share with 9thers, as this is the first time I am hearing a69ut it. 

KANKRI: Furtherm9re d9 n9t feel a need t9 w9rry a69ut y9ur grammar in this instance, I am m9re impressed that y9u are a6le t9 h9ld c9nversati9n while playing. -Hes still kind of sitting with the fact that John shared this with him. And he certainly has in mind some research to do later.-

JOHN: uh yeah! well. it's not a secret or anything.

JOHN: i don't purposefully like...not tell people. it just doesn't come up much.

KANKRI: -He nods.- I can understand why it w9uldn't. 

 KANKRI: 6ut all the same, I mean what I said.

KANKRI: Als9 I am unsure if I have t9ld y9u this 6ef9re 6ut y9u play 6eautifully.

JOHN: -if he looks down at the keys kankri won't see him flushing, and he has been kind of looking away from him and fidgeting throughout most of this conversation anyway.-

JOHN: thanks, kankri.

KANKRI: -FLUSHING YOU SAY. That is okay because Kankri is still wrestling a bit with his own internal feelings.- 

KANKRI: Y9u are welc9me.

JOHN: -he's in the same boat. he just plays in silence for a little while, his whole body moving with the keys.-

JOHN: -at the next break he pipes up- hey, there's some pretty cool stuff in that vending machine....highly reccomended.

KANKRI: -He takes this as an excuse to look over at said machine instead of staring at John any longer- 

KANKRI: Thank y9u f9r the rec9mendati9n, I will have t9 try s9me 9f its merchandise in the future then. -For him it feels like things are just getting more awkward. Perhaps he should leave? But he doesn't exactly want to...-

JOHN: yeah it's all like...human japanese snacks and drinks. some of it is pretty good. but the disturbing thing is the underwear. not only are people buying it but somebody is restocking it.

JOHN: -babbling-

KANKRI: Perhaps they are just in need 9f m9re undergarments and wh9ever rest9cks it is aware 9f that need.

JOHN: i would like to meet them and interrogate them about it. -slows his playing again.-

KANKRI: I am sure it w9uld be quite the story to hear afterwards.

JOHN: haha, yeah.....-how can he make this less awkward. let's see...-

JOHN: so uh, are you excited to be a trainer?

KANKRI: -Another change of topic to clear out the awkwardness between them, one he has enough hopes to cling to as he perks up a little.-

 KANKRI: Excited as well as a small am9unt 9f nerv9us. This will 6e my first time training 9ther c9unsel9rs in what I kn9w, and my 9nly h9pe is that we 69th d9 well and that I make a decent impressi9n.

JOHN: i'm sure you'll do fine. aradia's really easy to get along with.

KANKRI: We have sp9ken 9nce 9r twice. And she d9esn't seem t9 despise me s9 the 9dds are likely.

JOHN: -he can't help but grin and tease him a lil.- knowing you, that is a good start. haha.

KANKRI: -Pouts only a LITTLE- 

KANKRI: A fairly excellent start really. It really w9uld seem that within a few h9urs 9f kn9wing me pe9ple c9me t9 c9nclusi9ns a69ut me.

JOHN: yeah, well that's their loss.

JOHN: -he's just looking at his piano, don't look at him.-

KANKRI: Thats very kind 9f y9u t9 say. 

KANKRI: -Hes doing pretty well at looking around the room not at John but eventually he does glance back at him- 

KANKRI: ......Are y9u feeling less 9verly energized?

JOHN: yeah, i think so.

JOHN: -cracks his knuckles.- playing really does help. i'm glad riley reminded me.

KANKRI: H9nestly I am 69th curi9us and l99king f9rward t9 seeing her lead that pr9ject. I am guessing that there are a few here 9n this ship wh9 w9uld als9 greatly 6enefit fr9m that s9rt 9f therapy.

JOHN: i think so too. i mean...i know i'm a doctor not a counselor. but people still try to talk to me like i'm a counselor all the time.

JOHN: so i know you guys are really needed, even without the data. haha.

JOHN: not that i mind! i am  just not very good at that kind of thing.

KANKRI: Y9u kn9w I am n9t all surprised t9 hear that. I find that several pe9ple will turn em9ti9nal c9unsel t9 any s9rt 9f medical pr9fessi9nal, 6it it physical like in y9ur case, 9r a therapeutic pr9fessi9n. 

 KANKRI: It has a great deal t9 d9 with trust I 6elieve, and if y9u cann9t trust y9ur 9wn physician, well then I really d9 n9t kn9w what t9 tell y9u.

JOHN: haha, yeah. well, hopefully people know they can always trust me.JOHN: i think most do.

JOHN: we  just need to make sure they feel that way about the whole department.

KANKRI: Wh9le heartedly agreed. And I think we are well 9n 9ur way t9 a g99d start.

JOHN: hell yeah! go medical!JOHN: i should make us shirts...

JOHN: you know, for when we're not in uniform.

JOHN: meh, but i think they'd turn out about as well as my posters...

JOHN: -FROWNS ABOUT THE FATE OF HIS POSTERS AGAIN.-

KANKRI: P9sters? -Perhaps there is a VAGUE recollection of them from having walked by them in the atrium? He was in such a funk around that time..-

JOHN: mmmgh. nevermind about that.

JOHN: haha.

KANKRI: -He raises one single brow.- 

KANKRI: C9nsider me slightly m9re curi9us. 

 KANKRI: 6ut I can let it g9 if y9u wish.

JOHN: -accidentally puts his elbow on the piano.-JOHN: !

KANKRI: !

JOHN: uh...yeah...it's. i don't really know what to say about it yet. haha.

KANKRI: Thats alright, y9u d9n't have t9 talk a69ut it.

JOHN: -relieved-. okay.

KANKRI: -He kind of just falls back into some silence after that, because he isn't sure what to say next.-

JOHN; -sits there at the piano, feeling kind of lost for a moment.....then he gets up and comes over and flops on the couch next to kankri. that seems a lil more normal.-

KANKRI: -It IS more normal, but at the same time it makes Kankri feel more at ease, it also drives home his strange emotional confusion.- 

KANKRI: S9..... uh.

JOHN: :?

JOHN: -just looks at him.-

KANKRI: -Dont look at him.- 

KANKRI: I can't help feeling like there is s9me s9rt 9f...awkwardness 6etween us right n9w.

KANKRI: If it had anything t9 d9 with y9u having experienced that enc9unter with myself and Mr. Makara, I am quite s9rry.

JOHN: -he instantly feels overwhelmed with a sense of dread, but it doesn't show in his expressions or mannerisms.-

JOHN: nope. i didn't take that personally at all.

JOHN: um.....hmmm....

KANKRI: -Hes mostly keeping his eyes on his own shoes but occasionally his gaze darts to John.- 

KANKRI: "Hmm?"

JOHN: maybe it's just me!

JOHN: ..i've...i know i've been acting off lately

.JOHN: a lot has happened.

JOHN: that could be it, right?

JOHN: -he sounds a little....desperate. despite himself.-

KANKRI: 9h. Yes may6e... 

KANKRI: 6ut it is n9t as th9ugh as that is y9ur fault. I kn9w I haven't 6een particularly myself either as 9f late.

KANKRI: Perhaps it has 6een a c9m6inati9n 9f 9ur em9ti9nal states?

JOHN: yeah, probably!

JOHN: -he eagerly endorses this assessment-

KANKRI: -He nods. And for a brief moment he considers bringing up that first weird moment that took place after Gamzee left them in the atrium.-

KANKRI: Alth9ugh.... If I may 6ring s9mething up?

JOHN: s-sure. -still smiling.-

KANKRI: -Johns smiling is making him want to TRY and smile back just to ease tension, but Kankri doesnt go through with it and carries on.- 

 KANKRI: Its n9thing "6ad" per say. H9wever I feel as th9ugh I sh9uld just 6ring it t9 y9ur attenti9n s9 that n9thing p9ssi6ly, 9n the rarest case that it w9uld, escalates. 6ut recently I have felt as th9ugh-- and please d9 n9t take this the wr9ng way 9r feel 9ffense fr9m it, I 96vi9usly understand that it is very unlikely y9u w9uld pick up 9n it y9urself, 6ut I have 6een feeling like y9ur acti9ns and c9ncerns t9wards me, fr9m a s9cial cue aspect in regards t9 my culture, might 6e c9nsidered parallel 9r near equal with the acti9ns and s9licitati9ns 9ne might c9ncieva6ly express when searching f9r a resp9nce 9f a.... well.... -He is hesitant and fights a bit to get the word out as his cheeks dust the faintest coloring of pink.- A resp9nce 9f pale em9ti9n. 

 KANKRI: -Now he really cant look at John.-

JOHN: -he ends up looking everywhere but kankri as this speech continues. the dread that's been building up starts to overwhelm him and he feels the melt-down encroaching once again. three times in three days. he's so tired, when he brings his hand up to brush through his hair, his hand is shaking.-...wh- haha...what?

JOHN: -his voice doesn't sound angry or sad, it's still that light note, but his breathing is a bit off.- um....

JOHN: -he's flatlining.-

KANKRI: -Oh no. Okay maybe this wasn't a good idea to bring up. Actually clearly it was the worst thing to bring up.- 

KANKRI: S-S9rry. Y9u sh9uldn't feel any rem9rse 9r em6arrassment a69ut it. Y9u did n9t kn9w and 96vi9usly I rec9gnize that.

JOHN: .i....no i mean....i know............., it's cool  man. -he wants to sound normal, he really does but he can just hear how breathy and panicked his voice is. he really can't deal with this right now. his fight or flight instincts are kicking in. and obviously he's not gonna fight kankri. he's probably one of the few people on the ship that doesn't want that.-

JOHN; you know, i just think i'm really tired. the meeting and everything.

JOHN: let's just talk about this later, okay? if you still want to.

JOHN: ....-GETS UP.-

KANKRI: 9-9h.... -He looks up when John stands at stares at him. Fuck. Now hes done it.- 

KANKRI: Right. sure.

JOHN: ...alright. cool.......

JOHN: ...bye.

JOHN: -RUSHES OFF.-

KANKRI: G99d6ye-- -He hardly gets to finish because Johns already gone, and he is still sitting on the couch thinking about how terrible he just made everything by bringing it up.-

[circuitousgrievance]

-- effluentBalatron [EB] began pestering circuitousGrievance [CG] at 09:39 --EB: hi kankri!

CG: 9h hell9, J9hn.

CG: What can I d9 f9r y9u?

EB: nothing doing, man. unless you want a formal request for a friendly conversation.

EB: in which case i will fill out all the appropriate forms and documents, haha!

CG: My ap9l9gies. I just assumed y9u might 6e here t9 talk 6ecause I am a c9unsel9r.

CG: 6ut n9 there is n9 need f9r f9rms in regards t9 friendly c9nversati9n.

EB: good, because i hate paper work.

EB: down with beraurecracy, says i.

CG: I have the sinking feeling that paper w9rk w9uld still remain even with an a6sence 9f 6eraurecracy.

EB: yeah, but aren't you into that sorta thing?

CG: Just perhaps n9t at the same level that it exists n9w.

CG: Int9 what?

EB: paper work!

CG: Uh. N9.

CG: N9t particularly.

CG: 6ut I get it d9ne when I am required 9f it.

EB: hmmm. i guess no one is exactly enforcing that we keep everything in the medical department so formal.

EB: what with everything.

EB: but if we ever get out of this chaotic phase, we wouldn't know what the heck happened at any point in time.

EB: bluh, so it's probably a necessary evil.

CG: I actually think that paper w9rk is very much a necessity in a medical setting, as it is the small details that c9uld very well either impr9ve 9nes health 9r damage it and 6y having th9urgh9ugh 699k keeping and n9tes then every licensed physician is a6le t9 attentively and pr9vide the c9rrect pers9nalized care t9 the c9rrect individual.

EB: oh yup, that too.

EB: don't worry, i'm not advocating medical anarchy!

EB: as fun as that may sound sometimes.

CG: What w9uld medical anarchy even c9nsist 9f?

CG: Flagrant disregard f9r perscripti9n ru66er gl9ve dispenti9n?

EB: oh, that's just the begining.

EB: there would be nary a gurney left unridden!

EB: even the ones with patients still in them. we'd set up tracks. i have this entire hypothetical plan.

CG: J9hn that s9unds h9rri6ly unsafe.

EB: well duh!

CG: And y9u still wish t9 set s9mething like that up?

EB: in the hypothetical anarchy world sure.

EB: although....like say we DID land somewhere long enough and it was safe. and then we got volunteers who weren't actually patients. and we did have the ship cleared for a day or so...

EB: i'm not saying anything for SURE but.

CG: I still 6elieve that y9u sh9uld highly air 9n the side 9f cauti9n. 

 CG: If y9u intended t9 d9 this thing.

EB: i always AIR on the side of caution. ehehhe.

EB: (remember, i have wind powers, lol.)

CG: 6elieve it 9r n9t I actually f9rg9t until just n9w.

CG: And 9nce again I am ast9unded in dis6elief and s9me reas9na6le c9ncern.

EB:  why the concern? all i do is  float and make fart jokes.

EB: at least that is all i have had the oppurtunity to do with it up til now!

CG: I am m9re s9 c9ncerned a69ut just h9w 9r why y9u came t9 get these a6ilities. 

CG: They d9 seem rather perp9stur9us.

EB: yeah, but they do exist. you saw them with your own gander bulbs!

CG: Said gander 6ul6s that I still can hardly 6elieve.

EB:i told you i got them from a giant mythical dickweed.

EB: typheus was his name!

EB: although i don't really understand WHY i have them. it seems kind of weird to just go passing out magical powers all wily nilly like that.

CG: My p9int exactly. Y9u have n9 idea why they were given t9 y9u 9r what they are f9r. 

CG: N9w pers9nally I d9 n9t 6elieve in curses, 6ut if there was such a thing. 

CG: This seems like a steri9typical set up f9r a p9ssi6le 9ne.

EB: ah jeez.

EB: you think so?

CG: I think it may 6e a p9si6ility. Negatively thinking. 

 CG: H9wever p9sitivity is m9re imp9rtant s9.

CG: Y9u will likely 6e fine.

EB: yeah i do not really think i'm cursed.

EB: i don' thave any proof but that is what my gut feeling is saying.

EB: everything is going to be alright. :)

CG: That is a nice sentiment. 

CG: I am glad y9u feel that way a69ut it.

EB: hmmm.

CG: I ap9l9gize. I was distracted f9r a while there. 

 CG: Yes I am sure y9u will 6e fine j9hn. Strange and cryptic p9wers n9w withstanding.

EB: oh yeah that sounds REALLY convincing.

EB: heheheh.

EB: you totally think i'm going to sprout another head and start vomiting fire.

CG: Perhaps. I am at n9 pr9fessi9nal li6erty to really make that call.

EB: oh hey that reminds me.

EB: what have you been up to?

CG: What have I 6een up t9? 

CG: I'm n9t sure that was the sm99thest Segway 6etween t9pics, 6ut I have 6een keeping 6usy when I can. C9ntacting pe9ple wh9 are likely in need 9f em9ti9nal supp9rt, checking in 9ccasi9nally with 9thers t9 assure they are fairing alright.

CG: In sh9rt. I supp9se my usual.

EB: nah dude that segue was legit. you said professional and i thought about your counseling stuff.

CG: 9h. Then yes that makes s9me sense.

EB: that'll teach you to question my segues, punk.

EB: /rides in on a segway to destroy you/

CG: J9hn. Did y9u just call me a punk?

EB: yes!!!

CG: I.

CG: I have n9 pr9pper resp9nce t9 that.

EB: you could explain in extreme detail why my using the word punk is offensive

EB: or you could just explain why i'm more of a punk than you are.

EB: or you could ...are you taking suggestions?

CG: I supp9se I c9uld d9 any 9f th9se things. 

CG: 9r even take suggesti9ns.

EB: you could do anything. but you don't have to do anything.

EB: that's the beauty of it.

CG: N9w I am starting t9 get the feeling that y9u are just writing w9rds f9r the sake 9f replying, J9hn.

EB: you just now noticed that? hahahah

CG: I n9ticed it 6ef9re 6ut refrained fr9m drawing attenti9n t9 it. 

 CG: Is there a t9pic y9u are stepping ar9und 9r are y9u just fishing f9r c9nversati9n? 

CG: I am n9t trying t9 6e rude in asking, I am just w9ndering.

EB: hmm. not in particular.

EB: if you're bored or annoyed i'm not offended. i'm pretty annoying sometimes. hehehe.

EB: i just felt like talking to you, even if it's just about nothing and nonsense.

EB: company for the sake of company, you know?

CG: I see.

CG: I ap9l9gize if I am n9t much 9f a c9nversati9nal partner currently.

EB: it's okay, dude.

CG: It is?

EB: yeah. i'm not going to expect you to be chipper and ready to go after everything that's happened.

EB: i'm not that much of a jerk.

CG: Well. Thank y9u f9r that.

CG: I am certain that I will pull 9ut 9f whatever lull I am feeling s99n.

EB: take your time with it, i say.

CG: It is just a matter 9f getting a g99d nights sleep I think.

EB: you haven't been sleeping good?

CG: N9t particularly, n9.

EB: well, that you should've told me.

EB: I CAN help with that.

CG: I had n9 intenti9n t9 w9rry y9u a69ut it. There are far m9re imp9rtant things t9 f9cus 9n then a few nights 9f p99r sleep ha66its.

EB; you know i hear pretty much every person on this ship give me that speech in so many words.

EB: when will you people learn that this is my job and i want to do it. i'm not worried about it.

CG: Pro6a6ly 6ecause there generally are 6igger things t9 w9rry a69ut 6esides my sleep schedule. 

 CG: Let me guess, next y9u are g9ing t9 6e telling me that I sh9uld g9 stay in my friend's already cr9wded 6l9ck.

EB: well, that kind of came outta nowhere

EB: was that on the table? :O

CG: S9rry. N9.

CG: That was uncalled f9r.

CG: R9xy Lal9nde happened t9 6arge int9 my 6l9ck the 9ther day and just rather pressed s9me nerves I supp9se. 

 CG: Saying r9ughly the same c9ncerns y9u have. 6ut with far less tact.

EB: roxy....had less tact than me........

EB: haha okay wow, whatever you say buddy.

EB: so she came over and tried to get you to stay in she and eridan's block?

CG: N9 n9t hers. 6ut an 9ld acquaintance 9f mine. 

CG: I menti9ned t9 R9xy h9w I had spent s9me h9urs there the day after everything settled d9wn again, and h9w I left 9nce her quadranted partners returned. 

 CG: R9xy seemed very c9nvinced that I sh9uld have c9ntinued t9 stay.

CG: 6ut that w9uld have 6een imp9sing.

EB: aw, roxy is a sweet lady.

EB: she knows it's not good for people to be perpetually alone when they're sad, even if it's literally all they want.

EB: but i don't think you should go anywhere where you feel awkward or uncomfortable either?

EB: i would hate that.

CG: As w9uld I. 

CG: I d9 n9t get al9ng with this acquaintances' quadrants anyways.

EB: yeesh.

EB: yikes.

EB: yooo.

CG: My sentiments exactly.

CG: 9ne 9f them punched me in the face my first tw9 weeks here. 

CG: The 9ther.... 

CG: We have sp9tty hist9ry at 6est.

CG: He is likely als9 em9ti9nally c9mpr9mised after the death 9f his caretakers 9n 6ef9rus.

EB: well, fuck that.

EB: seriously.

EB: that's not an ideal relaxing enviorment.

CG: It really isn't. Even if ideally we c9uld all 6e civil it w9uld n9t 6e.

CG: Which is why I have 6een staying t9 my 9wn 6l9ck.

EB: if you ever do get the urge to just soak up the ambience of left-over polyamory ii suggest my room. it's usually empty and you're less likely to get punched in the face PROBABLY. hahhaha

EB: except for my loving daughter,. she's always there.

CG: Thank y9u f9r the 9ffer 6ut there is at least a ninety percent chance 9f n9t 6eing punched in the c9mf9rt 9f my 9wn 6l9ck. 

CG: And while I am certain y9ur quadrants *Lack 9f presence 9r 9therwise) are pleasant, as is y9ur ...9ffspring? I think I w9uld feel significantly awkward in taking up space there.

EB; well, it's an open offer. you never know when space bedbugs might strike.

EB: but either way, you're coming by the clinic later so i can help you out iwth your snooze issues.

EB: doctors orders, ect. ect.

CG: D9 I need t9 set up an exact ap9intment?

EB: nah, i won't be that strict just yet.

CG: I have n9 recent app9intments scheduled. S9 in that case I supp9se whatever time w9rks f9r y9u I can arrive.

EB: no later than tomorrow night, then!

CG: H9w d9es the next ten minutes s9und. I 9nly 9ffer 6ecause 9f c9urse the s99ner y9u are d9ne with s9mething as less imp9rtant as this, the s99ner y9u can cr9ss it 9ff a t9 d9 list.

EB: how can you fail with that kind of logic.

EB; alrighty, i'll be there!

EB: i mean here.

EB:  i'm already here.

CG: I am leaving s99n. -- circuitousGrievance [CG] ceased pestering effluentBalatron [EB]  at 09:39 --

JOHN: -he'll be there. IF A BIT SWEATY AND RED FACED.-

KANKRI: -He takes approximately eleven whole minutes to show up at the infirmary. So technically he is late. However Kankri had a suspicion John would be understanding of lagging sixty measly seconds. He spots John fairly quickly after arriving and takes note of the human's bright read face. Not that he has room to comment. Kankri actually looks like he hasn't slept in several days, the pronounced bags under his eyes and slouching posture practically scream it.- 

KANKRI: Tell me y9u didn't actually rush t9 get here.

JOHN: what! no???

JOHN: that's so stupid. who would do that? a stupid asshole i bet.

JOHN: i have a room ready!

KANKRI: -Folds his arms.- Mmhm.

KANKRI: -SURE JAN. He doesnt quite believe John, but hes letting it go.-KANKRI: Thank y9u f9r seeing me s9 quickly.

KANKRI: -He is already walking towards the room that is probably obvious where it is?-

JOHN: -yup, it's the one that's open and lit up.-

KANKRI: -Then yes he is going into that one.-

JOHN: sheesh, you're not evne letting me do the thing where i lead you down the hall with my clipboard and say 'have a seat'.

JOHN: just cutting right to the action.

KANKRI: I am d9ing my 6est t9 make things easier and speed them al9ng. KANKRI: If y9u really wanted t9 we c9uld g9 thr9ugh all the measures. 6ut it w9uld take m9re time.

JOHN: i'm just joshing you.

JOHN: you're tired and you wanna get some sleep. it's only natural.

JOHN: well...-clears throat.- ."have a seat".

KANKRI: -He does just that, turning around and sitting down on the examination platform.- 

 KANKRI: Thank y9u f9r understanding my anticipati9n.

JOHN: alright. -whips out a pen.- so first off, is it the type of sleep deprivation where you actually lay down and close your eyes but you can't sleep or do you find yourself not even trying?

JOHN: or do you fall asleep but it doesn't feel restful?

JOHN: if there's a "none of the above" answer, feel free to write in.

KANKRI: -He shifts a bit awkwardly and crosses his legs.Its impossible for him to feel one hundred percent comfortable in an examination room.- 

 KANKRI: Is there... a "69th" 9pti9n?

JOHN: okay, which both. -looks up-.

KANKRI: 69th as in... Finding myself una6le t9 sleep. 6ut the few times I am a6le t9 it is far fr9m restful.

KANKRI: And I guess that has resulted in a wishful av9idence t9 trying.

JOHN: are you having bad dreams?

KANKRI: -He isn't proud of admitting any of this, and his shoulders sink further as he nods in affirmative.-

KANKRI: Yes.

JOHN: -he's not really surprised.- okay. i'm just gonna use the AMS this time. i don't think it's neurological, but it's always good to check.-takes out a kind of oddly shaped pyramid thingamagic and brings it very close to the side of kankri's head but not touching. then he turns it in a sweeping motion and it beeps, casting dim light.-

JOHN: i've been checking everybody for neurological issues just in case.

KANKRI: -He remains still for the brain scan, but the way his eyebrows knit together into a frown makes it clear he isnt a fan of this activity.- 

 KANKRI: I am guessing that is 6ecause 9f the p9ssi6le lingering influence 9f the "V99d99s." 9r rather indig9 specific psychic a6ilities we were all su6jected t9.

JOHN: so far i haven't found any but it is a possibility i'm considering.JOHN: -after a second, he clicks the AMS off. after it gives  a long continuous beep in the negative.-

KANKRI: Here is t9 h9ping y9u will n9t find any. -Especially in him please.-

JOHN: nope. nada.

KANKRI: -He silently lets out a small sigh of relief through his nose.-

KANKRI: S9 that means it is all just. Psych9l9gical.

KANKRI: I am 69th relieved and slightly frustrated with that diagn9sis.

JOHN: -looks at him sympathetically.- it can be a real bit-....it can be a real problem.

JOHN: i mean, you know that. you're a counseler.

JOHN: that probably makes it harder.

JOHN: i think you have ptsd. you have all the physical symptoms.

JOHN: sometimes that can cause sleep deprivation and the nightmares are also really common.

KANKRI: -hhhHHH- 

 KANKRI: W9nderful. -The sarcasm in his voice is so heavy you could sink a full ship with it.- 

KANKRI: -He rubs at his eyes with the heel of his palm and tries to bite down any further frustration.-

JOHN: -he just looks at him calmly. he's more in doctor mode than concerned friend mode right now.-  there are some things we can do.

KANKRI: Right. -Yes. He knows some of these. He could almost laugh about this. Pretending to be so okay for so long that he had forgotten what it was like to not actually be okay, and now look at him. Unable to sleep through a night and actually having to get medical advice for something that shouldn't even be happening to him.- 

KANKRI: Talk therapy. Medicati9ns f9r sleep. Things like that, I am aware.

JOHN: you don't sound too hopeful. do you think they won't work on you?-his voice isn't challenging at all, it's still really calm.--doctor mode john is relentless.-

KANKRI: N9, I kn9w they are helpful in c9ping with the sympt9ms 9f... ptsd. -He struggles to even say it, the word leaving a bad taste in his mouth.- KANKRI: And if that is what I am experiencing. Then I supp9se they will help.

JOHN: we're gonna do our best.

JOHN: if one thing doesn't work, we have options.

JOHN: i'm not gonna just pump you full of meds right from the get go. we'll start out with some melatonin and a low doseage of anti-depressants.

JOHN: ...and i really do think you should talk to to rose.

KANKRI: -Most of what John is saying starts sounding fuzzy in Kankri's ears as the bulk of his attention is giving all its got to still wrap his mind around the fact that he. Kankri Vantas. Needed psychiatric help. The very idea was making his insides go cold and shrivel up, and instinctively he just wanted to completely deny it and tell John off for either lying or not knowing what he was talking about.- 

KANKRI: And if I d9, what if she deems my a6ilities as a c9unsel9r t9 6e c9mpr9mised. -He was too tired to pick fights now.-

JOHN -he's seen this reaction a million times whenever he has to give a diagnosis that someone REALLY doesn't want to hear. it's never easy when he's giving it to a friend.-

JOHN: i don't think that will happen, kankri. at the most she'll say you need a break.

JOHN:  you wouldn't be the only one that needed a break.

JOHN: and even that may not happen.

KANKRI: I will c9nsider speaking t9 her a69ut this.

KANKRI: F9r n9w I think that.... I really w9uld rather keep this all t9 myself if p9ssi6le. -His gaze drops to his feet, as he is unable to even try and maintain eye contact with John anymore.-

JOHN: .... he really wants to say more, a word vomit of comforting, encouraging things that he could spew any moment. he's actually surprsed at how strong the urge is. but he shows some self control, partly because he's trying to be prroffesional and partly because maintaining that distance might make it easier for kankri right now.-

JOHN: that just comes with the territory.

JOHN: my lips are sealed.

KANKRI: Thank y9u, J9hn.

JOHN: ...i'll go get your meds! just sit tight.-exits the room for a minuite.-

KANKRI: -When John returns, Kankri is still indeed sitting there. Hes rather hunched over, elbows on his knees and head in his hands having curled inward like this out of absolute frustration and just an all over sickening feeling direct towards his own disgustingly apparent fragility.- 

 KANKRI: -The thing he wants to do most right now at this moment is leave. Leave and pretend it didn't happen.-

JOHN: -kinda lingers in the doorway and pretends to take longer when he sees kankri all rigid and freaked out like that. don't mind him.-

KANKRI: -Well eventually he is bound to notice John. And when Kankri does he sits up all too quickly and wipes at damp cheeks. Was he crying before? Who cares he clearly wasn't anymore.- 

 KANKRI: I-Is- -He pauses to clear his throat.- Is that it then?

JOHN: -he uses the extra time to produce a glass of water.-

JOHN: why don't you take these now.

JOHN: you just really need some sleep, man.

JOHN: i think it'll make a worl of difference. just one good night's sleep, huh?-also brings forth the brown paper bag-

KANKRI: -The way he was eyeing the pills and water glass you would think he believed them to be poisonous. However, whatever prejudices he has are overcome with the fleeting promise of actual rest. Kankri takes the glass and then the paper bag, and before he has too much time to think about it he is already swallowing down the dosage and getting it over with.- 

 KANKRI: -Sets the glass down again and releases a drawn out sigh. Kankri looks truly miserable.- KANKRI: Thank y9u. KANKRI: I think I am g9ing t9 g9 return t9 my 6l9ck.  -Hes already moving to stand, whether John agrees or not, Kankri really just wants to be alone for a while.-

JOHN: ok. i hope you get some sleep.

KANKRI: -He nods in agreement and picks up the paper bag, soon after he is slipping past John and leaving the infirmary behind him. Looking forward to the release of sleep now more then he certainly had before.-

JOHN: -as kankri goes, john waits until he's really gone....and then kinda slumps against the platform kankri was resting on and sighs heavily. usually things like this are difficult, but he's really starting to feel the weight of telling eridan he can't use his legs anymore, and depriving kankri of his independence. among other things. it's so much harder when you're friends with all your patients..-

[circuitousgrievance]

JOHN: *maybe a tactful person would have waited longer, but this never even crosses john's mind. he has decided that his friends need him, so it's time to come out of hiding. he's starting with ringing the door buzzer of kankri's block.*

KANKRI: *There is no immediate answer to John's buzzing. Its not until almost two minutes after the action that there is any sound of movement from witthin the block. Eventually the door does open enough for Kankri to peer out at who was there.* J9hn?... *He opens the door a little more to stare at the human with confusion as to why they were here. Kankri looked impossibly tired, and it wasn't even because of a lack of sleep. His entire expression and posture just read "unwell."*

KANKRI: I... wasn't expecting y9u.

JOHN: *john doesn't know what it's supposed to look like when your planet blows up, so he has no expectations. but he can tell kankri is not doin well and it's needles in his gut*

JOHN: oh yeah. i know.

JOHN sorry bud, were you sleeping?

KANKRI: N9, n9t really.

KANKRI: Is there s9mething I can help y9u with? *The last thing Kankri wants to do is have some sort of drawn out conversation. Which is a new feeling for him.*

JOHN: -looks at him closely.- i heard about what happened.

JOHN: i was thinking if you needed a friend or just wanted to hang out and get your mind off things....

JOHN: it was about time i stepped out of my cave, haha.

KANKRI: I d9n't need pity. *His whole planet only exploded. Its no big deal.* 6ut if y9u came all the way here I w9uldn't want t9 turn y9u away.

KANKRI: *He hesitently steps away and opens the door all the way so John could enter if he wanted to.*

KANKRI: *Kankri quickly flipped on the lights before John did, as they were off before hand. His block isnt messy or disorganized, its fairly clean as always. He is husk top is humming away on his work desk but the comfy spinning office chair is blocking whatever is on the glowing screen. It was only opened to his message client, nothing all to interesting.*

JOHN: *well. that wasn't very encouraging but john is not easily dissuaded. it'll definitely be harder for kankri to get rid of him if he's already in the room so he slips into the room. even now, it's impossible not to want to snoop.*

KANKRI: *If he tries to snoop he wont find much. There is nothing under his small table, or in the couch cushions. He doesn't display pictures on the walls, and the only place when anything that could actually be looked through are at his work desk and in the form of digital or paper files. However if John REALLY feels like being terribly nosy then he can take notice of the tab on Kankri's computer messenger opened on a "coralCaliph" who is apparently non-responsive. If John looks, Kankri wont be noticing as hes busy at another table dealing with placing out two cups and messing around with a water heating pitcher.*

KANKRI: I was already in the pr9cess 9f prepping my 9wn cup, 6ut can I get y9u anything t9 drink? Tea? I have h9t ch9c9late mix I think.

KANKRI: *He is just focusing so much on being a good host and trying to not think about the emotionally detrimental fact that his entire planet no longer exists.*

JOHN: *he just plops on the ground, resting his elbows on his knees. john will be making himself at home now.*

JOHN: hot chocolate, please!

KANKRI: *The water is already hot so its just a matter of mixing stuff in. When everything is done Kankri turns around with two slightly steaming mugs in his hands and stares down at John.* ......

KANKRI: Why are y9u sitting 9n the fl99r? I d9 have furniture that I 6elieve w9uld 6e far m9re c9mf9rta6le.

JOHN: hmmm. just my first instinct i guess!

JOHN: *takes the cup.* thanks.

KANKRI: Y9u are welc9me. *He still doesnt understand why John would prefer to sit on the hard ground instead of anywhere else, but he wont exactly be rude and go sit on the couch on the other side of the room so...*

KANKRI: *Kankri slowly sits down on the floor a few feet away, facing John.*

KANKRI: *He then sips from his own cup which is just hot water with honey in it.*

JOHN: do you have a sore throat?

JOHN: *looks at his cup as he sips his own hot chocolate*. my dad would do that for me sometimes when i had a sore throat.

KANKRI: N9t really, 6ut I d9nt really have a taste f9r tea 9r h9t ch9c9late, 6ut still enj9y warm 6everages.

JOHN: no tea, really? i always saw you as a tea drinker.

KANKRI: I supp9se my reas9ning f9r disliking it may have just 6een 9ver exp9sure t9 it when I was y9unger. I d9n't find it terri6le 6ut I am just n9t inclined t9 drink it. *He sips more honey water, shifting his gaze to his cup.*

JOHN: you mentioned that before.

KANKRI: Have I really?

JOHN: yeah. being....overexposed to stuff, i guess?

KANKRI: 9h. Hm. I d9n't quite remem6er. *He is being so uncharacteristically quiet.*

JOHN: *looks at him*. are you sure you don't want to talk about your planet blowing up?

KANKRI: ............... *His eyes start actually welling up with pink tears.*

KANKRI: *Its a genuine emotion on Kankri Vantas's face*

JOHN: *his first instinct is to hug him, he even kind of jerks a bit because he wants to do it so bad. but he resists*

JOHN: i'm ...i'm sorry, dude.

JOHN: i'm sorry.

KANKRI: *Kankri is trying so hard to get a grip on himself, and as his tries to stop his shoulders from shaking and trembling he holds onto his mug as hard as he can.* I-Its fine.

KANKRI: Its v-very alri-ight.

KANKRI: *His eyes are burning from holding back tears but he wont allow himself to cry yet.*

JOHN: *he does look away because he knows HE hates it when people stare at him while he's crying. pretty much anyone would hate that, he thinks.*

JOHN: it's not alright, though.

JOHN: a really terrible thing just happened.

KANKRI: I-It did. And its a h-horrific tragedy. I'm certain m-many individuals w-will be requiring emotional support a-and-- *He stops talking when he sees something drip into his drink. In near disbelief Kankri raises a shaky hand and touched his own cheek to feel wet tears streaking down his face.*

KANKRI: *In that instant, its all over and Kankri curls into himself starting to sob heavily for the loss of his entire home planet and everyone on it.*

JOHN: *john just sees him crumple up right before his eyes. he wasn't sure what his goal was when he decided to pay him a visit, but reducing kankri to tears with a couple words hadn't really been in mind. still, maybe the guy really needed a good cry. if so, john didn't want to interfere with it. he knows kankri doesn't like hugs, but it feels so wrong not to touch someone who is in that much pain, not only as a friend but as a doctor. he ends up settling for resting his hand on his upper back*

KANKRI: *Kankri doesn't even take notice of John's hand on him, and he was too overwhelmed to deny the contact even if he did. The last time Kankri had cried like this may have been literal sweeps ago, he couldn't remember. By this point he was forced to put his mug down so he wouldn't drop it and placed his hands on either side of it in an attempt to ground himself.*

JOHN: it's okay, man....you're okay. *he finds himself saying this several times, although it doesn't really have a specific meaning. he just feels like he should make comforting noise at him.*

KANKRI: *It certainly takes a little while, but eventually between John talking at him and Kankri's own work on getting himself under control again he manages to stop full out sobbing and shaking.*

KANKRI: *Although he is still sniffling in short bursts as he wipes the remaining pink tears from his eyes.*

JOHN: *uncapatchas him a fresh towel. what kind of person with any self respecting amount of mangrit doesn't carry a fresh towel? *

KANKRI: *Kankri would have guessed the reasoning would be because John was a doctor, not anything to do with mangrit. However the towel is apreciated and he takes it when its offered, using it to finish cleaning off his tear stained face.*

JOHN: *o yeah that works too, lol*

KANKRI: (I'm s-s9rry a69ut that..) *It comes out a bit muffled from behind the towel.*

JOHN: there's no reaason to apologize.

KANKRI: *His face is now dry so he lowers the towel and just holds it in his hands, but Kankri can't bring himself to look at John.* N9 that was.. em6aressing 6ehavi9r 9n my part.

KANKRI: And Im s9rry I made things awkward.

JOHN: i don't feel awkward.

JOHN: it's kind of expected.

JOHN: i just kinda wish you didn't feel so bad about it, man. there's enough to feel bad about as it is, tbh. :/

KANKRI: Well. I can't say that y9u are wr9ng. *He visably deflates.* G9sh. Is melting d9wn like that always s9 exhausting?

KANKRI: 9r am I just particular like that.

JOHN: *that catches him off guard. but just for a sec.*

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: haha.

JOHN: i think it's like that for most people when they haven't done it in a long, long time.

KANKRI: Hm. G99d t9 kn9w. *He sighs and looks down at his now lukewarm cup. There is no point in drinking that anymore.*

KANKRI: I can th9ur9ughly clean y9ur t9wel 6ef9re returning it.

JOHN: i mean, if that's what you wanna do.

JOHN: i can easily just alchemize another one, though.

KANKRI: *Well if John doesn't want it back, he may just end up keeping it in case he cries again in the future.*

JOHN: *wow*

KANKRI: I still feel as th9ugh I sh9uld ap9l9gize again. I'm really n9t n9rmally like this.

KANKRI: Granted, n9rmally my planet isn't n9thing m9re then dust in the empty vaccum 9f space.

KANKRI: And n9rmally I'm n9t 9n a ship that is pursued 6y danger9us events and individuals, with pe9ple s9me 9f wh9 can n9t seem t9 stand me.

KANKRI: .... 6asically I supp9se what I am saying is n9ne 9f this is n9rmal.

JOHN: *he feels another stab of sympathy*

JOHN: bro...you're just now realizing this?

JOHN: our situation is SUPER fucked up.

JOHN: though, i guess that's a hard thing to realize.

JOHN: and maybe you were just trying so hard to be strong for everybody you never really processed it all?

KANKRI: I.

KANKRI: *He runs a hand through his hair.* May6e.

JOHN: sorry. that might have been reaching, haha.

JOHN: but i'm not just talking through my butt.

JOHN: i know how you feel in a way.

JOHN: at least i think i do?

KANKRI: N9, n9t entirely. I think y9u were at least partially true in saying it.

JOHN: i mean...about the emotions not about the ...*keeps himself from saying the words "planet blowing up" again by the grace of god.*

JOHN: not the other stuff obviously.

KANKRI: *Thank you John for withholding those words.*

KANKRI: I 6elieve I may have just wanted it t9 6e s9me s9rt 9f sem6lence cl9se t9 an alright situati9n.

KANKRI: In regards t9 em9ti9ns and 6eing here.

KANKRI: N9t the... 9ther thing.

KANKRI: *He is also going to refrain from saying it.*

JOHN: that's not a crazy thing to want.

JOHN: dealing with emotions isn't fun, it's a chore.

JOHN: i mean, when yout talk to other people about it, soemtimes they're resistant right? there's a reason. it's hard.

JOHN: i'll be honset with you, dude... for me, it's a HUGE chore. i always try to put it off as long as possible.

JOHN: but sometimes that makes things worse.

KANKRI: I am s9rry if I am skirting 9ver y9ur p9int at all, J9hn. 6ut I w9uldn't say I put it 9ff, s9 much as I just deal with it in a different manner.

KANKRI: Which w9uld 6e that I d9n't fully ign9re it, 6ut c9ntain it t9 myself and deal with it 9n my 9wn.

KANKRI: In a respecta6le manner.

KANKRI: Which usually d9es n9t inv9lve reducing t9 tears in fr9nt 9f 9thers at the dr9p 9f a hat.

JOHN: the comparison isn't perfect. i'm not saying we're exactly the same.

JOHN: i just kind of get where you're coming from, is all.

KANKRI: *He pauses and wrings the towel a little in his hands.*

KANKRI: What y9u said a69ut em9ti9ns was indeed slightly relata6le.

KANKRI: I will admit as much.

JOHN: *just gives him a thumbs up,*

KANKRI: *He finally looks over again at John and sees the thumbs up, and he slowly lifts his hand to give a thumbs up in return even if he doesnt look one hundred percent sure about doing it.*

JOHN: *he can't help but snort a little* heck yeah, man.

KANKRI: *The snorting means he succeeded in doing something right there, so Kankri starts to smile a little.*

KANKRI: S9. I feel as th9ugh we have lengthily talked a69ut me.

KANKRI: H9w have y9u 6een, J9hn?

JOHN: do you mind if i kinda lay down on your floor?

KANRI: Uh. *What a strange reply to his question.* It is clean s9 I d9 n9t see why n9t.

JOHN: *FLOPS*

JOHN: *also pops his back*. ahh. much better. proper chilling position.

KANKRI: *He will remain SITTING instead of laying down. For now. Kankri does wince a little when John pops something in his back.* I can n9t imagine that n9ise w9uld 6e any indicati9n 9f s9mething g99d.

JOHN: it's ...complicated. human anatomy quirk, maybe?

JOHN: i've never had to pop a troll's back.

JOHN: but damn does it feel good.

KANKRI: It s9unds like y9u displaced s9mething.

JOHN: oh. pffft. nah. then i would be writhin around in pain.

KANKRI: I am quite glad that y9u aren't then.

JOHN: awww haha! that's sweet of you.

JOHN: well, also basically expected of friends.

KANKRI: Regardless if we were friends 9r n9t I still w9uldn't wish t9 see any9ne writhin ar9und in pain 9n my fl99r.

KANKRI: Als9 I'm surprised y9u wish t9 lay there. Is it even c9mf9rta6le?

JOHN: -shrugs-

JOHN: -an interesting horizontal shrug-

KANKRI: *It sure was interesting to view.*

KANKRI: *However, now he is curious as to why John is doing this, and is also feeling tired enough to come to the decision to also try laying down on the floor beside him.*

KANKRI: ........I will n9t 6e trying t9 displace my spine as y9u did.

JOHN: please don't. haha.

JOHN: i'd rather hang out with you here than the infirmary.

JOHN: of course if you ever have any problesm with your back i can be of service.

KANKRI: The feeling 9f rather spending time with y9u in here as 9p9sed t9 the infirmary is mutal.

KANKRI: And as f9r pr96lems with my 6ack I have the feeling we will 69th 6e devel9ping them if we lay like this t99 l9ng.

JOHN: if it will make you happy i will sit in a chair.

JOHN: i will go the extra mile for you, bro.

JOHN: -hehehehhe-

KANKRI: Well d9 n9t let me twist y9ur arm int9 it.

KANKRI: I als9 have a c9uch if y9u w9uld rather sit there.

JOHN: *..*

JOHN: :*starts rolling towards the couch*

KANKRI: *Stares at him as he rolls.*

KANKRI: ...................

KANKRI: Watch 9ut f9r the ta6le in fr9nt 9f it.

JOHN: *he pauses at the table and then struggles a stupid amount trying to roll around it instead of just giving up and walking*

KANKRI: *Pathetic.*

KANKRI: *But endearing.*

KANKRI: *He is still laying there watching him.*

KANKRI: H9w are y9u planning 9n getting up 9nt9 the c9uch itself?

JOHN: *AND THEN HE uses his magic powers to float himself onto the couch*

JOHN: B)

KANKRI: *800*

KANKRI: !!!!

KANKRI: *He is sitting up and ALERT now.*

KANKRI: H9w...H9w did y9u d9 that?

JOHN: wait. have we not covered this?

KANKRI: N9??

JOHN: well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.

KANKRI: Humans d9 n9t n9rmally have psi9nics 9r kinetics if I am n9t mistaken, h9w did y9u manage t9 d9 that??

JOHN: umm.

KANKRI: *He is still waiting for an answer* ???

KANKRI: "Umm" what?

JOHN: well, long story short we visited a magic planet and helped some salamanders.

JOHN: i made some sort of pact with a giant monster and as a result i got windy powers.

JOHN: like storm from xmen or avatar the last airbender.

KANKRI: Wh....

KANKRI: Alright ign9ring the redicul9us n9ti9n 9f giant m9nsters and p9wers.

KANKRI: I have n9 idea wh9 any 9f th9se referenced figure heads are.

JOHN: hey! it's not ridiculous! i really happened.

JOHN: oh, sorry about that.

JOHN: what about troll storm from xmen and troll avatar the last airbender?

KANKRI: N9t every aspect 9f my culture can 6e equated t9 y9urs 6y placing the w9rd tr9ll in fr9nt 9f it.

KANKRI: .....H9wever in this case, yes. That is m9re familiar n9w.

JOHN: *GIGGLES*

JOHN: that works 99% of the time.

KANKRI: I think it is m9re accurate at sixty five percent.

JOHN: where did you pull THAT number from, huh?

JOHN: this is a really comfy couch by the way!

KANKRI: My 9wn pers9nal calculati9ns. Als9 thank y9u, I assumed it w9uld at least 6e 6etter then the fl99r. *Which he is still sitting on*

KANKRI: *He leans over to grab John's abandoned mug and his own and finally stands to go set them over on his desk and out of the way of feet before stepping over to the couch and sitting on the small amount of space that John isnt occupying by laying on it.*

JOHN: *and they chill like the chillest of bros.*

[circuitousgrievance]

[10:52] -- circuitousGrievance [CG] began trolling effluentBalatron [EB] at 22:52 --

[10:52] CG: Hell9 J9hn.

[10:52] EB: hell yeah hell yeah hell yeah.

[10:53] EB: hello!

[10:53] EB: :D

[10:53] CG: Well. That was quite the greeting. I supp9se I am flattered t9 see that my simple act 9f messaging y9u 6rings y9u s9 much delight, J9hn.

[10:54] CG: I just wanted t9 let y9u kn9w that I d9 6elieve I have managed t9, f9r the m9st part, neutralize my situati9n with Dirk.

[10:57] EB: i figured since it was your first time pestering me i should mark the occasion.

[10:57] CG: 9h, I d9n't 6elieve I have ever had s9me9ne "Mark" the 9ccasi9n 9f my first time pestering them.

[10:57] EB: and all i can say is i am glad. time sure flies by.

[10:58] CG: It certainly seems t9.

[10:58] CG: H9w have y9u 6een since we last interacted?

[11:05] EB: well, that's because i'm john egbert, ha durrrrrr. i go above and beyond what other people do!

[11:05] EB: and i think i am pretty hmm....

[11:06] EB: fantabulous tonight.

[11:06] CG: Fanta6ul9us?

[11:07] EB: i am a combination of fantastic and fabulous tonight.

[11:07] EB: what about you?

[11:10] CG: Well, while I w9n't g9 t9 the lengths and measures 9f creating a new mix match f9rm 9f v9ca6ulary (I am n9t tr9ll Shakespeare) I will say that I am having a rather enj9ya6le evening.

[11:11] EB: hahahaha oh my god.

[11:11] EB: you can be pretty sassy, you know? it's hilarious.

[11:14] EB: what kind of stuff do you like to get up to anyways? on an enjoyable evening i mean.

[11:18] CG: Y9u think s9? Well at least y9u are finding hum9r in it and n9t penalizing me f9r it. Als9 as f9r what I d9? Well n9rmally an enj9ya6le evening f9r me w9uld c9nsist 9f a peaceful setting, the after gl9w 9f pr9ductivity that c9mes with having either cleaned, 9rganized, 9r edited my 9wn pers9nal written w9rks, and als9 having the a6ility t9 ver6ally engage with 9thers.

[11:19] CG: H9wever t9night it w9uld seem is a 6it 9f a wild card, as I have 6een actually screening a particular media at the request 9f a few 9f my c9mrades.

[11:20] EB: jeezy creezy that sounds super boring.

[11:20] EB: but i mean to each his own.

[11:21] CG: I find it relaxing actually. 6ut if my meth9ds are c9nsidera6ly 69ring t9 y9u, then I am curi9us as t9 what s9rt 9f things y9u get up t9 9n an average g99d evening.

[11:22] EB: i will give you the complete run-down.

[11:23] EB: but first, what kinda media are you screening. troll game of thrones? are you a troll ice road truckers kinda guy.

[11:23] EB: cartoons?

[11:24] CG: Tr9ll game 9f thr9nes?? I w9uld never dare, that sh9w is /far/ t9 explicit!

[11:25] EB: okay i do not mind explicit but in that case i kind of agree. holy shit man. i thought the human version was bad.

[11:25] CG: The particular media I am screening and rating are a few sh9ws, th9ugh I have 9nly 6een watching them 9ne series at a time, 9f the genre kn9wn as anime.

[11:35] EB: !!!

[11:36] EB: well i'll be darned. sometimes i myself have been known to partake in some fine animes.

[11:36] CG: Y9u as well?

[11:36] CG: It w9uld seem quite a few pe9ple enj9y this particular 6rand 9f entertainment.

[11:36] EB: yeah dude!

[11:37] EB: though i think i like it in comic form even better. i can just get through it faster that way.

[11:37] EB: who set that one up for you? they must know their stuff. hehhehe.

[11:39] CG: I myself have n9t yet f9rmed a full 9pini9n. I have just c9mpleted 9ne kn9wn as 9uran High Sch99l H9st clu6. I must say, it danger9usly t9es the line 9f near unacepta6le disc9urse and c9mes cl9se t9 c9untless vi9lati9ns 9f 6asic decency and the care f9r the well 6eing 9f the pr9tag9nist, n9t t9 menti9ns the ta699 t9pics indulged in during the c9urse 9f nearly epis9de, 6ut the pl9t 9ver all d9es ha

[11:39] CG: ve s9mewhat 9f a charm t9 it.

[11:40] CG: 9h, and well technically it first started when my friend Rufi9h suggested I l99k int9 the genre, and then my new aquaintence Meulin pr9vided a list 9f c9ntent.

[11:41] EB: oh, that makes sense. rufioh is really big into that stuff. he even dresses up as characters sometimes.

[11:42] EB: i don't know about all that stuff you just said, but what did you think of the ending

[11:42] EB: did you feel an emotion?

[11:42] CG: D9 y9u mean t9 ask if I felt a c9nnecti9n t9 the finale 9f the st9ry, and t9 the pr9tag9nist's c9nclusi9n 9f their j9urney?

[11:43] EB: yeah, that. :O

[11:48] CG: Frankly what I felt was a tad 6it 9f irritati9n. C9untless epis9des and we, the audience, are n9t even granted the revelati9n 9f wh9 Haruhi ch99ses t9 pursue her flushed quadrant with? What 9f Ky9ya taking 9ver his father's entire 6usiness empire? What 6ec9mes 9f that and why w9uld s9me9ne with s9 much pr9wess in 6usiness just simply relinquish it? Pers9nally he did n9t seem the type t9 d9 it simp

[11:48] CG: ly 9ut 9f spite. Als9 is Tamaki reunited with his l9st 6i9l9gical female predecess9r? D9 the Hitachian hatchmates manage t9 9verc9me their struggles in 9pening themselves t9 9thers? D9es Hikaru ever rec9nsile with his 96vi9usly vacilating flushed/pitched r9mances t9wards Haruhi, 9r d9es he simply just c9ntinue 6eing rude t9wards the entirety 9f the cast??

[11:48] CG: These I things I guess the writers didn't seem t9 think were imp9rtant, and I supp9se its just meant t9 serve as s9me large ignima.

[11:48] CG: 9r p9ssi6ly just an insult t9 th9se wh9 p9ured s9 many h9urs int9 investing themselves in the series.

[11:50] EB: ohhh man, i feel for you so hard. but you know that is kind of just a werid structural thing with anime. sometimes even if a series is really popular, they have to end it before they catch up with the manga because manga is a lot cheaper to produce!

[11:50] EB: if you really want to know what happens to them, the manga continues for quite a bit longer.

[11:50] CG: Wait. There is m9re?

[11:52] EB: yes!

[11:53] CG: Uh.

[11:53] CG: Well, say I was interested.

[11:53] CG: In c9ntinuing it.

[11:54] CG: Where w9uld I find the written literature 9f it?

[11:57] EB: rufioh probably has it. i am pretty sure he has everything.

[11:57] EB: but if he doesn't i'll um

[11:57] EB: i'll get it for you. don't worry about it. :D

[11:58] CG: 9h, well thank y9u, J9hn.

[11:59] CG: I will try asking Rufi9h first 9f c9urse, 6ut the 9ffer is really quite appreciated.

[12:03] EB: i am almost a hundred percent sure rufioh has it.

[12:03] EB: he really likes that shoujo stuff.

[12:03] EB: hey, will you take a break real quick to do me a favor?

[12:03] EB: hehehe.

[12:06] CG: I supp9se? I am unsure what kind 9f fav9r I can exactly pref9rm th9ugh.

[12:07] EB: just tell me what you think of this video.

[12:07] EB: and don't hold back!

[12:07] EB: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAfeJmlwWnE

[12:10] CG: Well. My first c9mment is that technically speaking the title 9f the vide9 isn't accurate since I d9n't 6elieve the infant earth seal is technically speaking the w9rds "9h n9." 6ut rather making a c9m6inati9n 9f exlcaimat9ry n9ises that s9und very quite cl9se t9 it. Als9 I d9u6t it w9uld have any reas9n t9 say "9h n9." as I 6elieve their decent d9wn the small sl9pe was intenti9nal.

[12:11] CG: I supp9se the alien creature was als9 rather ad9ra6le as well. Which is I assume why the vide9 was made and p9sted.

[12:11] EB: thank you. that did not at all dissapoint.

[12:12] EB: i just learned everything i needed to know.

[12:12] EB: hehehhe.

[12:13] CG: In that case then I am glad I c9uld 6e 9f assistance.

[12:13] CG: Alth9ugh I am n9t quite sure what y9u gained fr9m my imput.

[12:18] EB: its a little complicated, i'll explain later. hehehe.

[12:18] EB: so what's your next anime on the list?

[12:22] CG: S9rry f9r the delay, I had t9 l9cate my list.

[12:22] CG: The next 9ne f9r me t9 review is a sh9w called Free.

[12:25] EB: oh, the swimming anime! i really like that one too.

[12:26] EB: these are all kind of slice of life aren't they, though? i hope you get your hands on some sci-fi and magic stuff soon. that's my cup of tea.

[12:30] CG: I am n9t sure which 9f the sh9ws 9n my list w9uld fit int9 that su6-catag9ry. D9 y9u have any s9rt 9f suggesti9ns f9r them?

[12:30] CG: I am trying t9 make sure t9 include many different types 9f anime t9 gain an understanding 9f the genre.

[12:36] EB: oh yeah for sure dude!

[12:36] EB: you've barely scratched the surface here.

[12:37] EB: let's see...

[12:37] EB: start with digimon. that's one of my personal faves even though it really is for kids.

[12:37] CG: S9 it w9uld seem, I had n9t idea h9w deep the metaph9rical h9p6east h9le went when I 9riginally signed up f9r the task.

[12:37] EB: are you having fun wtih it at least?

[12:38] CG: I find that m9st epis9des, regardless 9f the series, tend t9 6e fairly entertaining.

[12:38] EB: there's like five or six digimon series btw, so just watch the first series.

[12:38] EB: that's good. it would suck to do all this if you weren't having fun.

[12:39] CG: 9h my, and it is a wriggler's sh9w that ran that l9ng? It must have 6een very succesfull.

[12:41] EB: oh, dude. yes. there were toys and i think also trading cards? but the trading cards weren't as popular as this other franchise i will not name.

[12:41] EB: the anime is way better though. especially if you watch it in japanese.

[12:45] CG: Hm. Are there translated versi9ns? I'm afraid my sec9nd and 9nly 9ther language is carapacian.

[12:46] EB: yeah i mean japanese with english subtitles.

[12:47] EB: which is the same as beforan and alternian for some probably complciated history reason.

[12:50] CG: Well I 6elieve a large p9rti9n 9f it has t9 d9 with a universal unificati9n g9al 9f having s9me s9rt 9f c9mm9n writing system in 9rder t9 simplify p9litical enc9unters.

[12:51] EB: there we go. that's the one.

[12:51] EB: it's cool that you speak carapacian btw. i speak it too. i speak a lot of different languages, though.

[12:51] EB: i think carapacian planets are some of my faves, though.

[12:51] CG: Y9u d9? What is y9ur dialect?

[12:52] EB: prospitan!

[12:52] CG: What a c9incidence, as is mine!

[12:53] EB: i only got to learn a few dersite words, unfortunately. i only ever treated a few dersite patients.

[12:54] CG: I haven't had the pleasure t9 study much 9f the extended dersite v9ca6ulary, th9ugh I was a6le t9 c9municate decently with an9ther crew mem6er wh9's sec9nd language was carapacian with a dersite dialect.

[12:57] EB: were they a ...

[12:57] EB: dersight for sore eyes?

[12:57] EB: :)

[01:00] CG: That was a terri6le play 9n w9rds.

[01:01] EB: i derse you are correct, bro!

[01:04] CG: I am disap9inted in myself f9r n9t expecting such a reply. Alm9st as disap9inted as I am in y9u f9r making such a j9ke.

[01:04] EB: heheheh well then you had better get used to a lot of dissapointment.

[01:05] EB: i am full of 'em!

[01:05] EB: it's kind of my thing.

[01:05] EB: that and a good friendly prank.

[01:05] EB: i don't want to brag or anything but i am the absoloute best at comedy.

[01:05] CG: That is quite the statement, J9hn. I d9 h9pe y9u have pr99f t9 6ack it up.

[01:06] EB: >80!!!

[01:06] CG: That and I als9 h9pe y9u keep y9ur c9mandy and pranks under c9ntr9l s9 n9t t9 upset, insult, 9r trigger any9ne em9ti9nall, 9r even cause physical harm.

[01:06] EB: i will take that as a challenge dude!

[01:06] CG: I d9n't 6elieve I was issuing a challenge.

[01:07] EB: i will take it as a challenge anyway.

[01:07] EB: everybody needs a goal.

[01:07] EB: especially ambitious types like myself. :D

[01:07] CG: Well, if y9u think it is a way t9 impr9ve y9urself.

[01:08] CG: H9w exactly w9uld y9u rise t9 such a challenge anyways.

[01:08] EB: yeah, i mean like. sensitivity is kind of a big deal to you. i get that.

[01:08] EB: so if i can make you laugh or crack a smile sometime with those restrictions it would be a pretty big challenge.

[01:09] CG: Hm. Yes I supp9se it w9uld 6e.

[01:10] CG: Very well J9hn, if y9u can manage t9 make me laugh, and I d9 mean actually laugh, with 9ne 9f y9ur apr9priate j9kes,

[01:11] CG: Then y9u will 6e, in my eyes, the 6est at c9medy.

[01:11] EB: hey don't expect me to work miracles here. this might take a while.

[01:11] EB: omg.

[01:12] CG: D9 n9t w9rry h9w l9ng it will take, there will 6e n9 exceeding time limit, 9r num6er 9f chances.

[01:13] CG: H9wever, I will have t9 ask that y9u limit it t9 9ne attempt per day.

[01:13] EB: well, sweet. lucky me.

[01:13] CG: F9r 69th 9f 9ur sanities really.

[01:13] EB: hmmm.

[01:13] EB: i'm not sure i can do that because these jokes just roll off me naturally you feel? i'm a funny guy.

[01:13] EB: but you can just count the one attempt as official for the challenge if you want.

[01:14] CG: Y9u can j9ke at me as much as y9u please, 6ut y9u must identify when y9u are making y9ur actual attempt.

[01:14] EB: dang. that is hard.

[01:14] EB: okay.

[01:14] EB: >80

[01:15] CG: If I d9 s9meh9w laugh and y9u didn't previ9usly pr9claim it as y9ur daily attempt, that win is null and v9id.

[01:15] CG: And 9f c9urse it is, it w9uldn't 6e a challenge 9therwise.

[01:15] EB: golly. you drive a hard bargain.

[01:15] EB: but that is true. i am pretty high up there already so i can't shy away from this.

[01:15] EB: my dad is gonna be so stoked.

[01:15] CG: 6ut surely the "6est at c9medy" will 6e a6le t9 c9mplete such a task under the asigned guidelines.

[01:16] EB: well yeah, duh. of course.

[01:17] CG: I will 6e expecting n9thing 6ut t9p tier, family apr9priate, hum9r fr9m y9u J9hn.

[01:18] EB: i have trianed my whole life for this, literally. heheheheh.

[01:18] CG: I have a feeling y9u are 9ver exagerating that statement.

[01:19] EB: maybe most people would be, but not me!

[01:19] EB: comedy is an egbert family tradition. we take this stuff very seriosuly.

[01:19] EB: april fools for example, is more important to us than christmas.

[01:19] EB: uh, that's the equivalent to troll perigree's eve i think?

[01:20] CG: Aprils f99ls? 9r Christmas?

[01:20] EB: christmas.

[01:20] CG: That is c9rrect.

[01:20] EB: april fools is a day dedicated to pranking and japery. and me and my dad typically spend weeks preparing for it. then the whole day and night we are locked in an embittered prank war!

[01:21] CG: I have never heard 9f this h9liday 6ef9re n9w. What is it supp9sed t9 signify 9r is it t9 cele6rate the specific date and what t99k place 9n it?

[01:24] EB: umm. i don't really know? i know other people celebrate it but the way my family celebrates it is kinda specific to us.

[01:24] EB: at least in terms of sheer intensity!

[01:26] CG: Hm. Interesting.

[01:26] CG: What day in April is it?

[01:26] EB: the first!

[01:30] CG: I will mark it my callender fr9m n9w 9n.

[01:35] EB: wow.

[01:35] EB: i am not even gonna lie dude that is really moving. wow.

[01:35] EB: wow dude!!!

[01:35] CG: It is?

[01:35] CG: I just wanted t9 6e sure that I have all different cultural h9lidays n9ted and kept in mind.

[01:36] EB: yeah. dang. i might actually have to start to care a little bit about troll holidays now.

[01:36] EB: maybe.

[01:36] EB: i mean no promises or anything but now i will consider it.

[01:37] CG: I highly enc9urage that y9u d9. A large percentage 9f the ship's crew is tr9lls, and while n9t all tr9lls are n9t c9mpletely dedicated t9 their 9wn cultural cele6rati9ns, I think it w9uld 6e w9nderful if s9me awareness was spread t9 h9n9r tr9llkind heritage, regardless 9f the planet.

[01:37] EB: well yeah i mean. haha. i might be a little late.

[01:37] EB: since i'm dating two trolls.

[01:37] EB: whoops.

[01:38] EB: but anyways, i gotta go. gonna hang out with feferi now. :)

[01:38] CG: Alright, I will talk t9 y9u s9me 9ther time, J9hn.

[01:38] EB: i will talk to you really soon and come at you with some sick comedy.

[01:38] CG: I will 6e prepared f9r it when it c9mes.

[01:38] EB: bye!

[01:38] CG: G99d6ye.

[01:38] -- circuitousGrievance [CG] gave up trolling effluentBalatron [EB] at 01:38 --