Top 10 Rejected John Maggie Biographical Blurbs
1. @johnmaggie was called home May 23, 2016 2. @johnmaggie : Expired in the Faith of Christ. September 21, 1976 - May 11, 2016 3. Being the sub-par writer that we all know him to be, each of @johnmaggie's attempts at crafting a short, snappy little "absurdist" blurb about himself predictably turned out just next door to Taco-Bell sauce packet quality. 4. @johnmaggie keeps a single training wheel on his bike "just in case" 5. @johnmaggie was asked to contribute work to Black Eye 3 via tinder 6. For more work by @johnmaggie visit lemonparty.org 7. @johnmaggie has been alive for 39 years and dead inside for 16 8. In an amusing 2009 incident at the Museum of Contemporary Art Detroit, guest lecturer Art Spiegelman inquired as to whether anyone in the crowd had a "light." As everybody who was there remembers, @johnmaggie was the audience member who failed to warn the artist that he did in fact have a light, and was tossing it up to the stage at that very moment. Unaware that he was expected to make a catch, the lighter landed at the base of Spiegelman's feet and exploded. 9. @johnmaggie doesn't even know what a biographical blurb is 10. @johnmaggie keeps asking me how to write a bio, and I keep telling him to write from experience, and he keeps telling me that in his experience, I'm a whiney little dick-weed who's not man enough to take a leak when someones at the urinal next to me.
