News from a crazy mind...
Sherlock, mental health and the support from a fandom.
When Sherlock becomes what the doctor ordered....
100 days lie between those moments.
100 days since I wanted to die.
100 days since I emailed Dignitas.
100 days full of struggle and hope.
100 days later I made it out of hell again.
A handful of people who showed me unconditional love during the hardest setback of my disorder career.
I will love them till the day I die.
And once again the Sherlock world saved my soul before I destroyed it myself.
A fandom full of kindness and support and a detective and a doctor who saved me in more ways than they can ever imagine.
Had a doctors appointment on Friday and I have one hell of a doctor.
Not as good as John Watson but highly supportive of anything that increases my strength.
We talked about a little miracle.
A miracle that sounds so incredibly stupid but it is such a huge thing.
For the past five years I have to take besides my regular medication in mornings and in the evenings a little extra cocktail of meds in the afternoon to keep my extreme nervousness in check.
I'm nervous and tense 24/7 and it takes a toll on my body sometimes.
It makes it very hard to sleep and to find a way to sit still.
So the extra meds are necessary..
Ten days ago I started to listen to Podfics and quickly discovered a new way to enjoy the Sherlock universe.
I'm 43 years old and retired since I was 39 because my body couldn't take the stress anymore.
I have some free times during the day and I made it a habit for the past ten days to listen to Podfics in the afternoon and again at night.
And suddenly I could sleep and, and here comes the miracle..
I forgot to take my afternoon meds.
Even more my body relaxed in a way I haven't experienced in decades.
My body was obviously as surprised as I am because since a few days I have to drink a coffee in the afternoon, otherwise I would fall asleep.
I can only drink coffee without caffeine which tastes awful but otherwise my nervousness goes through the roof and I shake like a leaf.
But now instead of taking an extra dose of anxiety relief pills I take a real good old black coffee full of caffeine after listening to Podfics.
And that sounds incredibly ridiculous but for me it is a miracle because for the first time in over 15 years I feel calm and not because of a chemical reaction but because of a human reaction.
I know @totallysilvergirl had no idea what would happen by telling me about Podfics but I will never forget it!
Back to my incredible doctor who saw the change from a person who was determined to end this endless circle of depression and anxiety to a person who smiles again.
Now he ordered a six months try of daily Podfics ( no joke) to see if my blood levels improves and accordingly my medication can be reduced.
He knows that in the past three years my disorder was always better during my Sherlock highs so he is actually happy about the new development.
Long story short ( too late I know)
Do whatever feels right for you!
Invent your own therapy!
Do what makes you happy no matter how unconventional it might be.
Because you matter!!!!
I attach you my new and exciting Podfic collection for you.
Maybe you will find something you like.
Of course everything is available in Reading form as well.
Be happy in your own, weird, wonderful way.
@keirgreeneyes @discordantwords @a-victorian-girl @bewitched-bullet @lisbeth-kk @whatnext2020 @inevitably-johnlocked @barachiki @babaybo @jobooksncoffee @rey-jake-therapist @missdeliadili @helloliriels @podfixx @johnlocky @johnlockpodficclub @johnlockficclub @peanitbear @strawberrywinter4 @chocolate1elise @kettykika78
