Question, what's it like being a permaregressor? (I hope I spelled that right?)
um, i think this might be a longer answer than the other ones ive done but im really rely hapy uou asked ☺️☺️☺️
okay. so. um. i guess starting at the beginning, i found out about age regression and something clicked hard. i always liked childish things and cartoons and stuff so i felt like whoa! this is my place! and i did feel younger when things got harder so i thought wow this is me..
but then i kinda realized i dont,, regress? i tried but the way people talked about it was funny because it was like your brain enters a different younger mode or something,, and that wasn't how it felt for me. regressing time was just doing what i already liked but doing it without being scared. so i realized i didn't really, regress.
and then i met regressor friends and they. just. changed so much when they weren't little, i met friends and had so much fun watching cartoons and talking dumb stuff and playing pretend but when they were big it was like my friends were gone. and i cried a lot and cried a ton . i didn't understand why they suddenly liked so much different things when big , when i never really, changed at all. i liked the same things when i was "regressing" as when i was just in normal everyday life. so i felt like i was broken, like i just couldn't adult like they could. and i knew i was behind my peers for,, a while. i don't fit in with people my age so i already knew i was weird, but this made me feel worse because i thought the people that were like me, then weren't like me still because i still couldn't like grown up stuff when i wasn't regressing
and then something felt weird, because people talked a lot about doing stuff being harder or going nonverbal and getting more sensitive.. and, it felt weird because that's every day for me. ive always been sensitive and scared and never really grew out of it. i live with my parents and need a lot of help for daily life and, i guess it just felt,, weird seeing my friends needing help but only temporarily and handling things better when being big when um, i never handled things better.
i started thinking about it and sorta realized i related so hard to my friends mental state when they were regressed but felt scared and distant when they were big. so i wondered. wait am i always regressed?? is that,, possible?
then i found out about the permaregressor and age dysphoria terms. and. i cried. for days. i cried and cried and cried. something broke, a dam opened or something. i realized, oh no, this.. is me.
and then i um, everything made sense. all the things i struggle with understanding, like romance, s*x, big feelings and adulting, people being mean or lying, violence and guns and stuff, it made,, sense suddenly. it was an adjustment, a big one
and also,,, it made me finally understand why i never grew out of playing pretend and playing toys. i always thought that was a bit funny but i just thought it was me being silly. but then it wasn't it was just normal for being a permaregressor
it was um. a lot. it still is, I'm adjusting a lot. my parents are being really nice about it. they take care of me. now we have a name for things and they can take my struggles more seriously
but it's um, the daily experience is, i see things in a very black and white childish way i think. i don't interact with grown up media at all, i don't like playing violent video games i think the most scary i play is fortnite, the daily experience is crying a lot over things, wondering why my body always feels so "big" when i wish it was smaller, watching cartoons and being really happy about them, and i guess
having a perspective that i thought was childish on everything but now i realize is kind of a blessing. i see things in a whimsical happy way and just wanna be friends with everyone. im not complicated at all, and i thought that was a flaw but now i realize its just being me. its okay if i cry about stupid stuff because i also get really happy at the smallest stuff like playing at the swings or pretending my plushies are going on adventures.
in a way its less like i "regressed" and more like i just never grew up
anywya this turned into a ramble thanks so muchies for asking
