How Sansa would fix the Worst Plan Ever
Jon: So I’m going to lead a group of random guys beyond the Wall to catch a wight.
Sansa: ...
Jon: I know it’s risky but I’ve got a lot of good reasons and a really solid plan-
Sansa: Tell me the plan.
Jon: Sure. Well... um... I’m going to lead a group of random guys beyond the Wall to a catch a wight.
Sansa: That’s what I thought. Oh no. Not again. If you’re going to do this, you’re going to have a plan. One you actually stick to instead of riding head-first into death, expecting things will work. Jon: It worked against Ramsay. Sansa: No. It really didn’t.
Jon: Riiiiiight. Well this time I can’t ride off because I won’t have a horse-
Sansa: Wait, why won’t you have a horse? How are you going to outrun the wights? Remember, those undead sprinters you told me about? Also how were you going to carry the wight back at all? Carry it yourself?
Jon: We have some big guys...
Sansa: Great. Now what happens if, gods forbid but it’s almost certainly going to, things go wrong?
Jon: We’ll run back to the Wall... oooooh. Yeah, horses are a good idea. Well, we’d ride back to Eastwatch and send a raven for help.
Sansa: Maybe take a raven with you? Then help would already be waiting for you.
Jon: Heeeeey, that’s a great idea. We did that on the Great Ranging! Come to think of it we had horses then. Torches too. Maybe I should bring some of those.
Sansa: You weren’t going to bring fire? Jon! You’re hunting wights!
Jon: One of the outlaws I’m bringing has a fire sword. It’s really cool.
Sansa: *groans*
Jon: Hear me out! These guys worship fire. They’re all about it. Well, except the Hound.
Sansa: Sandor Clegane?
Jon: Yup. I might ask him to stay back-
Sansa: Nope. He’s good. Who else?
Jon: Tormund, obviously. And Gendry. He’s Robert Baratheon’s bastard.
Sansa: Well, Tormund makes sense. Really, he should be the one leading this thing but you hate to do smart things. What’s this Gendry do?
Jon: He’s got a hammer.
Sansa: Is the Night King allergic to hammers?
Jon: I can’t be sure. But no.
Sansa: Is there an adult there I can speak to?
Jon: Yeah, one sec. TORMUND!