i was gonna post this yesterday but didn't ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
amaro/carisi christmas thing. what else.
A Christmas party at the station two nights before Christmas hadn’t seemed like the best idea—what with the tougher cases that had been hanging over everyone’s heads as they waited for their court dates and arrest warrants—but with every strong eggnog Amaro tossed back, the more he was beginning to believe Amanda’s insistence that it was a good idea. Old cardstock banners spelling MERRY CHRISTMAS had been hung across some of the filing cabinets, colorful lights lined some of the desks, and someone even brought in a small tree with lights to set up in the corner. It was a simple, make-shift party with dusty decorations, but as the alcohol slipped through his veins and warmed his limbs, Amaro was lulled into a sense of contentment, and watched people seem to dance across the room. He couldn’t tell if their movements seemed fluid because they were actually swaying to the music from the speakers someone had the good sense to bring, or if it was just his eyes making it happen. Either way, Amaro leaned his back against the wall and busied himself with looking around the room and trying to account for his colleagues.
The main crew seemed to all be there – Amanda and Carisi stood exchanging disastrous stories from Christmases past with a few others, Fin talked to a couple of older officers who had transferred out of SVU, and Liv busied herself with dumping another carton of eggnog into a large bowl along with a good portion of rum. It wasn’t perfect, but something told Amaro this was where he should be that night. He’d already made plans to spend Christmas night with Zara and had Christmas Eve to himself, and the knowledge of both those things allowed a calmness to settle in his chest as he looked to what he hoped would be a few relaxing days ahead. As “Last Christmas” turned into “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree,” Amaro watched as Carisi and Amanda’s group began to disperse and mingle among the party’s other attendees. It seemed Amaro stared a little too long because before he could distract himself with another sip of eggnog, he accidentally caught Carisi’s eye, and now the young detective was gliding over to him, elf hat and all.
They’d had their problems in the past (namely when Amaro returned to work and snapped at Carisi a few times after he’d said something clever), but somehow Liv had gotten them both to man up and deal with each other. But, it was better than that, really. Somehow over the past few months, the two had actually become…friends? Maybe not friends, but, friendly, at least. As he watched Carisi skate over to him, Amaro put on his best smile, and found it coming to his lips easier than expected. The closer he got, the more obvious the blush over Carisi’s cheeks became and the more Amaro felt himself smile.
His light green shirt unbuttoned at the top and messily shoved up to his elbows, Carisi somehow pulled off both the obvious buzz he already had, and the red and green hat (with attached elf ears) on top of his head. Greeting him from a few feet away with a slightly too excited, ‘hey!’ Carisi’s mouth stretched into a big smile as he bounced over on his toes. Once close enough to continue his greeting, he asked, “How are ya?”
Feeling the alcohol-induced blush burn a little hotter in his cheeks, Amaro smiled at Carisi and answered, “Good, actually. You?”
Glancing away for a second as if to think, Carisi’s smile faded slightly before returning brighter than ever. “Really good, thanks,” he answered, holding Amaro’s gaze for a little too long.
Something in Carisi’s eyes seemed to twinkle and Amaro instinctively looked away. He laughed nervously and stared at the discolored tile in the floor as he spoke a little quieter. “Not that this eggnog has nothing to do with it,” Amaro said with a little smirk as he looked to the monstrosity on Carisi’s head. “Oh, and nice hat, by the way.”
Laughing a little louder than necessary, Carisi pulled the hat off and said, “Oh, thanks! Just tryna be festive, y’know?” He shrugged and smiled at Amaro while trying to find something else to say.
After a second of silence Amaro teased, “Aw c’mon, it suited you.” Carisi smiled and blushed a little brighter as Amaro bumped his elbow. “Especially the ears.”
As they both broke out in giggles, Amaro found himself staring at the way the corners of Carisi’s eyes made wrinkles in his skin when he smiled and how he looked away and slightly bit his lip when his laughter died down. His heart beating a little faster, Amaro realized his eyes were accidentally locked on Carisi’s lips and reluctantly tore them away to meet the detective’s eyes again. Carisi’s bright blue irises looked back at him and matched his now soft, friendly smile. It was only then that he realized Carisi was closer to him than before, and he wasn’t doing anything about it.
Maybe it was the alcohol or the fact that the past few days had been long and stressful for the both of them, but before Amaro’s brain could catch up, Carisi’s palm was cradling his jaw and he was pulling him closer. Amaro let himself be moved as Carisi’s mouth got closer to his and he felt the warmth radiating off Carisi’s skin. Thumb smoothing over Amaro’s cheek, Carisi held his lips an inch above Amaro’s and whispered, “Mistletoe,” before pressing their mouths together.
The soft kiss made Amaro’s heart pound in his chest and ears as his hands shook, looking for something to keep them occupied. The gentleness of everything should have been comforting—relaxing, even—but something sparked in Amaro’s gut that made him want more. The sudden realization rang like an alarm through Amaro’s skull and shot down his limbs to grab Carisi’s upper arms and push him away. The hushed volume of the room became undeniable as Amaro glanced around to see half of his colleagues staring at him like they were about to drop their drinks. Anxiety bubbled in his chest as he turned back to Carisi, his hands still gripping the detective’s arms a little too tightly as he quickly tried to think of something to say. Carisi’s brow furrowed as he presumably tried to read what was going on in Amaro’s brain, but even Amaro himself didn’t know. Unable to come up with anything else and feeling his time trickling out, Amaro just said quietly, “I’m sorry,” before weaving his way through the crowd and out the door, grabbing his coat off the back of his desk chair in the process.
Not thirty seconds after he’d stepped out of the building, Amaro regretted his reaction. Carisi’s bright smile appeared in his mind and he tried to shake it away, not wanting to think about how that smile might be changed by his sudden, cold departure. But what else should he have done? It’s not like Carisi asked to kiss him or even pointed out the mistletoe before he leaned in, which might’ve given him enough time to decide what he wanted to do. But it wasn’t like he didn’t want it – everything about kissing Carisi felt right, and, to be honest, if he had been given the time to think it over, Amaro probably would have chickened out anyway. Beginning to think that maybe he should turn back, Amaro slowed his pace and considered what he should do. Immediately turning around and going back to the party meant he’d probably have to confront Carisi in front of everyone, which was a less than desirable option. He didn’t know how Carisi was feeling about this whole thing, but if he was angry or upset, it’d be better if they had as much privacy as possible. As his feet continued their journey further away from where he probably should be, Amaro decided this could wait until tomorrow. He vaguely remembered Carisi saying something about being free during the day, and as long as he can get his address from Liv, everything should be fine. Probably. Maybe.
The concrete of Carisi’s front steps was slick with the rain drizzling on Amaro’s head and shoulders. It was barely noticeable, though, what with the thumping in Amaro’s chest and the trembling in his hands. For a second he panicked, thinking he should’ve brought flowers or wine or something physical to make it up to Carisi, but his finger found the buzzer on its own, making leaving impossible. Suddenly Carisi’s voice sounded through the speaker and made Amaro jump slightly.
“Yeah?” His voice sounded soft (if a little annoyed) over the line, and Amaro had to swallow the lump in his throat before replying.
“It’s, uh, it’s Amaro.”
A pause made Amaro notice the silence on the street and subconscious shuffling of his feet until Carisi finally answered, “Be right down.”
It was only then that Amaro realized he hadn’t thought of what he was going to say. Like, obviously he was going to apologize for just leaving, but did he just expect that to fix everything and Carisi would just fall into his arms and ask him to stay? That would be ideal, but if it didn’t work, he needed to be prepared for that – for Carisi to just turn him away for being the asshole that he is. Before any additional points of conversation could come, Carisi was opening the door.
When Amaro could see him fully, he realized Carisi was still in just his flannel sleep pants, even at 1PM. Barefoot, without a shirt, and his hair a mess, Amaro realized this was the best he had ever seen Carisi looked. To his surprise, a sweet smile graced Carisi’s lips as he said, “Come in.”
Stepping over the threshold, Amaro smiled back and thanked him. For what, he didn’t know. “Listen, I’m just—”
“I know. And I’m sorry.” Carisi kept a good distance between them that Amaro felt a little too strongly. “I shouldn’t have just kissed you like that, with everyone around…especially when I wasn’t sure how you felt about…anything..”
“Wait, what?” Amaro stepped closer and noticed how Carisi stayed firmly planted in his place. “It wasn’t..I just…I wasn’t expecting it, and I mean, I guess whenever I thought about kissing you it wasn’t in front of everyone we work with.” That last part tumbled out of Amaro’s mouth before he could stop it, but the surprised smile on Carisi’s face told him it was okay.
“You-” Carisi cleared his throat. “You thought about it?” he asked, inching closer.
“Well, yeah…” Amaro’s smiled grew as he reminisced. “Since that one time we had to drive upstate together because Liv thought we should talk to that victim from an older case?” He turned the statement into a question as if to ask if Carisi remembered, which, by the look in his eyes, of course he remembered. “Well, at some point in the car, I just thought about it.” Amaro felt his heart beat harder as he neglected to say he tried not to think about it for at least a month or two after that. He suddenly realized how close they were in the small foyer, and his fingers itched to touch Carisi. An inevitable blush stained Amaro’s cheeks as he got closer, his body moving on its own and Amaro following soon after. Without another word, Amaro leaned in and pressed his lips gently to Carisi’s.
For a second, Amaro was afraid Carisi would pull away like he had done, but then Carisi carefully took Amaro’s hands to put them on his bare hips before wrapping his own arms around Amaro’s neck. Amaro’s hands shyly touched Carisi’s skin as the gentle weight of his forearms resting on Amaro’s shoulders calmed him enough to slightly deepen the kiss. Amaro’s hands got a little braver than his heart and they wandered to Carisi’s lower back to pull him closer. Heat radiated off Carisi’s body and Amaro kissed more forcefully, finally feeling like things were right, and already like this would be one of his best Christmases ever.
