there's something so intrinsically human about the desire to create. to find purpose in every speck of paint. In every musical note. it's a tangible piece intertwined with your soul. it grows, gradually, into a clear web of her thoughts. it was real, and she didn't even know if she was just yet.
rivka liked to write for that reason alone. she felt closer to herself far more in those moments than any other. she liked to sit with her thoughts that way. it was the only way she knew who she was.
jonathan was there as well. he shouldn't have been, but his general requested he stay back. personal feelings never bode well with work.
"what are you writing about?"
he asks in a tone tinged with fatigue. it was clear he was exhausted, they all were. but this was different. in truth, rivka didn't understand why he made the effort to brighten her day when his own light lit was dimmed.
"journaling. when we land i figured it would be a good idea to document everything. for the future records."
lies lies lies. don't you get tired of lying?
he chuckles. "i always thought doctors hated writing, from all the reports they do. it seems like the least interesting part of their job."
"good thing i'm not a doctor."
it was silent. for one moment, then two. if they were both quiet enough, they could hear each other's breathing. not an ounce of oxygen wasted between them.
he leans against the wall. "how's everything going for you?"
she recited in her head.
my mother was a respected scientist. my father was a commanding astronaut. he liked watching old world sports. my mother liked--
she snapped out of her thoughts, closing her notebook. "it was your brother, wasn't it?"
jonathan sighs, which said more than any words could. rivka heard stories of the major. of his brother's untimely demise. how he was lost in a cosmic abyss, sentenced to live a noble death amongst the stars. he was gone.
he shouldn't be here. he shouldn't be here. he shouldn't be here.
"but he is," she said for her, echoing his own thoughts out loud.
jonathan looked back at her. "yes, he is."
-----
the faint wiring of the machines hummed in the background as the major continued to think. he had a tendency to tap his fingers against the wood, keeping him in line with the internal rhythm.
jonathan liked looking into her eyes. so dark they could be mistaken for two deep abyssal pools. he only saw her smile once, caring for an older patient recounting an old tale they'd never be able to relive. a shame, he could have sworn he saw her eyes glisten as her lips curled upward. a glimpse of something dangerous. yet powerful.
hope.
if he believed in a higher power, he would say that fate ended up working in his favor to satisfy his deep-seated curiosity. she was always in his orbit, but just out of reach. but in that moment, he understood what it felt like to be in the presence of celestial alignment.
at some point, his thoughts took a more selfish turn. his eyebrows furrowed at the sudden impiety that coursed through his veins. but it was a sudden rush. like his body had been thrusted back into the atmosphere.
he wondered what it would be like to savor the taste of her lips. over and over until every fiber of his being was infused with her essence. for his fingers to trail down her smooth skin, as if chiseled out of marble.
in a strange twist of fate, she became his guiding star.
unfinished scraps based on @blood-teeth's this grave calls you home
