#jonathansimsfictive

[fictionkinfessions]

fronting is. hard now. i dated a fictive of my source partner whose system we'd known for many, many years a while ago. he... disappeared, like i always worried about in source. like we always tried to come back from. except we didn't come back from it this time. i can't think about it without feeling sick. four years ago, and i'm just as hung up over it.

you would think, after knowing all the world's fear for so long, that i'd be better at being afraid. or that i'd be less afraid. of course that can't be the case. i front and i'm just as afraid as i used to be. spiders, my past, the future, whatever it is. it wasn't so difficult to deal with a few years ago. now it's unbearable.

it helps to get my thoughts out. make it like a statement. i used to do that more often. i might pick it back up again.

- jonathan sims (the magnus archives, fictive)

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[fictionkinfessions]

Canon objects:

I have three old tape recorders.

-Jonathan Sims, fictive

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[fictionkinfessions]

Canon takeouts?

I miss being able to just Know the truth of things. I miss Seeing. There's so many uncertainties now and i hate it.

- Jonathan Sims, head archivist of the Magnus Institute, London. (Fictive, if you will, MPC)

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[fictionkinfessions]

Being a fictive is a complicated, alienating experience, even among other systems. I don't like being put in a box and shamed for deviating from my source material. Yes, I may have spiritual beliefs regarding my existence as I am now, but I am also aware that in this life, I am a fragment of someone's mind modeled after a personality that could help it survive. I am my own person, and I have every right to grow beyond who I was. Why aren't people interested in who I am now? If it's not projection, then it's fictives blaming me for their psuedomemories and expecting apologies. I may regret what happened, but you aren't owed anything from me. There needs to be an educational campaign about dissociative disorders, because this is getting out of hand. -Jonathan Sims

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[fictionkinfessions]

Re: canon voices

I'm a Jonathan Sims fictive who not only has the voice Jonny Sims uses for me in The Magnus Archives, I have his singing voice as well. I'm quite proud of it.

🛀

[fictionkinfessions]

(long, tired sigh)

I miss my husbands, Ceaseless Watcher.

I miss them a lot.

I'll be back.

-jonathan sims, magnus archives fictive (#starcrossed)

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[fictionkinfessions]

i don't know if this qualifies for canon cooldowns, but I think it's worth putting out there

whenever I was in an episode of sorts, I'd let my hair grow out. it grew a lot and very quickly, so it'd get long eventually. when I felt like I was feeling better, id cut it short again. like cutting off the bad feelings or something like that.

I don't know. the wording of that feels wrong but I can't be bothered to try to fix it.

I think it was something Nas taught me? or any of the other mechs. I do miss them.

-jonathan sims, magnus archives fictive (#starcrossed)

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[fictionkinfessions]

i miss him. so much. god, i can't believe. and i have the audacity to miss him. i ended the world and i hurt so many people and all i can think about is missing my boyfriend. i can barely front anymore without getting miserably torn up about it.

i was very close for a very long time with a system that had a fictive of him. and i. we were close. i was so happy to have him back. i didn't know what to do with myself. we talked. i told him about. and i told him statements i'd never. and then he left

they all moved on. i don't know if they know i haven't. i lost him twice. i don't like myself very much at all now. it's hard to be anything knowing what's become of me

- jonathan sims (the magnus archives, fictive)

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