#jonlock incorrect quotes

[thegreatmousebafoon]

John: You need to eat.

Sherlock: No.

John: The last person who didn’t fix their eating habits after I told them to, died.

Sherlock: Really?

John: Yeah. He got shot.

Sherlock: … That feels unrelated.

John: I’m the one that Shot him. Do not test me.

[thegreatmousebafoon]

Sherlock: No- don’t you remember? When you where inside me-

John: WOAH- WOAH! I wasn’t- we haven’t-

Sherlock: What? Are you-? Is this embarrassing? Still?! You’ve been inside me a few times at this point-

John: SURGERY. I HAVE HAD TO PREFORM IMPROMPTU SURGERY ON SHERLOCK MULTIPLE TIMES! I’ve been… inside his ABDOMEN. Not his arse!

Sherlock: Yea, that’s what I said. What the hell are you talking about?!

[thegreatmousebafoon]

Jonn: ( on the phone ) YOU DIDNT TELL ME HE WAS GAY!

Mike: YES I DID! WHAT DID YOU THINK I MEANT WHEN I SAID HE WAS QUEER?!

John: I THOUGHT YOU MUST HAVE MEANT PECULIAR- STRANGE?! MACABRE?!

Mike: WELL CLEARLY I MEANT BOTH-

Sherlock: I thought you said it was fine :(((

John: … How long have you been standing there?

Sherlock: Is it not fine? I can repress it if you like-

John: What?! No of course not-

Sherlock: it’s quite alright- I’m very good at that :)

John: You being gay is fine Sherlock!

Sherlock: Oh I thought you meant the weird, macabre thing. But I can repress that too-

[thegreatmousebafoon]

Some dude: RANSOM?! BUT HES MY- HES PRICELESS! Could you imagine having to put a price on your own father-?!

Sherlock: Yes, $2,300,617.

Scotland Yard: …..

John: ……

Sherlock:…. Is that… is that too much? I suppose I could lower it-

John: NO! NO- Sherlock that’s not nearly high enough-

Greg: Let’s rephrase- could you put a price on John?

Sherlock: …. My life. That’s the price.

John: Aw- that’s sweet.

Some dude: IS IT?! WHAT ABOUT MY FATHER?!

Sherlock: You can have mine if you’re really so upset about it- but he’s rather spineless and you’ll have to take his wife and my brother as well.

[thegreatmousebafoon]

John: And where are you going?

Sherlock: To either annoy Lestrade or save the British government. I’ll decide in the cab. You coming?

John: So long as we can pick up a cheesecake on the way.

Sherlock: Cheesecake? What for?

John: Desert and a show, obviously. I doubt you’ll need my help with either of those things, so I might as well enjoy myself.

[thegreatmousebafoon]

John: You’re insufferable.

Sherlock: And yet- here you are. Suffering on. John the long suffering- who insists on hanging out with a dangerous sociopath in his free time.

John: Even in times when I’m not technically free, I would choose to hang out with the bi-polar, autistic man who still insists on calling himself a sociopath despite his official diagnosis.

Sherlock: … But why?

John: … I said you where insufferable, not unlovable.

[thegreatmousebafoon]

Sherlock: ( sitting upside-down in his chair )

Watson: Going insane all by yourself handsome?

Sherlock: No im going catatonic, John. I’ve been stuck like this for 3 hours. And I’ve been insane for years already, but I assumed you already noticed that.

Inspired by this post

[thegreatmousebafoon]

John: What do you think of my glasses? I know I don’t need them but I figured I might look good in them.

Sherlock: What is that lovely expression…? OH! ‘Guys don’t make passes at girls in smart glasses’.

John: Ok fuck you too mate- and by the way ‘Guys don’t make passes at guys with fat asses’ either, so fuck off.

Sherlock: … did you… did you just call my ass ‘fat’?!

John: Yes. Now what do you really think of them?

Sherlock: Please John- you don’t need glasses. You’re eye sight is fine. This is the intellectual equivalent of shoving a sock in your pants. Which you also, definitely, don’t need.

John: … Sorry what was that last bit?

Sherlock: … You’ve been checking out my ass, I’ve been measuring the size of your penis. We all do things we aren’t proud of.