#journal 19

[higgsarchive]

Journal #19

Who: Higgs When: Writing year unknown Where: Unknown

Well shit. Sam and Fragile managed to dispose of my nuke before it went off. They weren't smart enough to see through my disguise, but something must've tipped them off. Probably what I wrote on the tag. I know I should've resisted the temptation, but come on— who the hell reads that shit these days?

And now he's halfway to the coast. But he's in my neck of the woods now, and my boys ain't about to let up. We're gonna make him regret ever fucking with me and mine.

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[juda2019]

[[8//21//19]] Journal 19 -

[[ sorry this report is late ! ! ! i dont have a very good excuse, honestly... it happened this way purely because i was just so, so, SO exhausted and sick. i got so tired of everything- so i didnt really talk to anyone or use any electronics for awhile. basically, i self-isolated for awhile. but now im fine-ish so i’ll try to write my report now... once again, sorry for the delay ! ]]

BATS. BATS EVERYWHERE...!? There was a bat all over the place. seriously! im not making this up... and it was flying all over the place [even into the hallways and other areas- and it apparently came from the first floor somehow...] and you’ll never believe this...? i went to the bathroom at one point and the bat flew up into my stall while i was using it!!!!!! it was a horrifying experience... i wanted to grab it so that i could release it and all, but... i didnt want to get rabies so... i just froze up in fear with my arms up in front of my face. what a wild day! i was not expecting to be dealing with bats my last day LOL...

okay so whatd i do on my last day... well... not a whole lot, to be honest. i wish i had been a lot more productive... but i just couldnt. i was distracted by the bad and eager to have everything over with- and i was super sick still! well, that i DID manage to do... i clipped some latex, popped out some new eggs and put together some new ones... added a final layer of latex to some things too. oh, and i cleaned up a tad as per usual... my last day was not very eventful really...  even despite the bat thing haha. it was nice because my instructor and some helpers were there all day... and i guess thats really all i have got to say about it

im so happy its over with, and i feel like i learned and grew thanks to it.

im so thankful... and i cant wait to see the finished results later.

Goodbye, Zoot ! ! ! <3

[thenightlightlife]

Journal 19

July 12, 2018

Today Topic: Coming out to my best friend.

So the topic sort of gives away saying it but I came out to my best friend. It went a lot better than I thought it was going to honestly. All of my fears were sort of for nothing and I feel kind of stupid for ever thinking them in the first place. I was scared that it would change our relationship. That me being into girls as well as guys would make her act differently. But nothing has changed at all. She has actually spent the night at my house all week and it’s been fine. 

So a little bit about how I came out to here. It was actually the very last day and last hours of pride month, the same day that I wrote a journal on here (journal 17) about pride month and wanting to come out to her. I wrote that journal at around lunch time and after I finished it I had to go and spend the day with my family. We watched a movie, got lunch, and then went to see fireworks at a nearby lake. The fireworks didn’t start until dark and around here it doesn’t get fully dark until past 10. I low key regret doing it that way but I came out to her over text. I was way too chicken shit to say it face to face. But yeah the conversation was a little awkward but that could have just been me because I’ve never talked about me being bi with like anyone. So yeah the whole thing was a little anticlimactic. I guess it just never occurred to me that she would just be like “yeah okay” and then we’d move on to talking about random shit like normal. Which is super dumb on my part. She’s always suspected that I was into girls and idk why I thought she would act differently when I confirmed her suspicions.

But we haven’t actually acknowledged it in person at all? I don’t like talking about romantic or physical attraction to anyone no matter the gender. But talking about girls just feels extra weird because it’s like this taboo thing? Like my brain can’t get past the throat closing fear of accidentally outing myself. And the fact that I can’t talk about being attracted to girls brings back the old fear that maybe this is just a phase and maybe I am faking in. Although I heard from someone one time that if you are really that scared of faking it then you probably aren’t faking it. But I don’t want to get into those fears right now, so not what this journal is about and I’ve talked about it before. So yeah my friend and I haven’t acknowledged the fact that I’m bi in person at all. The closest we have gotten is her pointing out a rainbow shirt in a store, laughing, and telling me that I should get it. Her knowing hasn’t changed her behavior at all and that’s good but I thought that my behavior would change a little bit, and it hasn’t really. But I don’t really want it to change because I want her to know that I am still the same person I’ve always been. So yeah I need to just find a happy medium and get over it. Emotions are rough. 

But yeah that’s pretty much the extent of what I wanted to write about. I’ve been meaning to write this since I came out to her but I’ve been lazy and I also just wanted to give things some time to see how everything would play out. If anything noteworthy changes I’ll let you guys know, until next time. 

[actorliamwilsonbarnes]

Journal #19

Let’s see how many type o’s I make as I type this out since I can barely see the screen and my hands are shaking

I wasn't supposed to get home for a few more days but I got to leave LA early and I got here and I decided to go see Dill at the office and bring him lunch. But…but when I got there a guy a fucking model was there kissing him. He wasn’t even trying to stop it! I swear I haven’t felt so sick and heartbroken in my entire life! I yelled at him and took my rings off and put them on his desk and ran off to vi and gabis to get away and see my baby girl

And of course he came and I screamed at him…I have yelled at Dill before, I’ve yelled at him and he’s yelled at me when we’ve fought but I’ve never screamed at him…Im just so heartbroken and hurt! I don’t…I don’t know if I can do this.

We have a daughter for Christ sake! We’ve been married for 2 years! I don’t know what to do…I’m staying with Gabi and Vi with Zoey until I figure it out…I’m not putting her in that environment.

I love him I fucking LOVE Dylan that’s why it hurts so fucking bad! I’m devastated. I’m gonna go feed my daughter and then raid Vi and Gabis freezer…maybe they have ice cream.

[scorpipy99-blog]

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Eating instant(Oliver+Silver) noodles and watching cartoon(Blue+Charcoal) are entertainments of my life(White).

[mrdkh]

Journal 19

Sausage Fest was a Sausage Success.

Jason and Ken came over pretty much exactly at 1. We played 2 games of commander and ate a lot of sausage. I wasn't very skilled at handling my sausage so I had to hand over control of my wieners to Ken. Ken knows how to make his make his meat. I then hung out at their place for bit, got Wendy's, and picked up some Popeyes for Ben. It was agreed that there would be another Sausage Fest to be hosted by Ken or Jason next time. Then I wrote this Journal.

Yesterday, Friday, I played in Laws's draft. A lot of people couldn't show (It was just Ben, Sean, Laws, and I) so we ended up doing sealed instead. It was pretty fun. Ben beat me 2/0, otherwise I did well. Laws kept the cards. Things ended at about 11pm. I had picked up a fuck ton of snack for it. I've learned to get sour candies and recesses and less of the everything else.

Thursday I got Canes with Nick. Dakejave was there, which surprised me. Ben and I watched the second rebuild movie of Evangelion. We also started Season 2 of Psycho-Pass. People says it gets bad but episode 1 was good.

Wednesday: I was busy with school readings and did some minor house maintenance. Writing now on Saturday much more maintenance is needed. Ravyn got her late late late Christmas gift. It was a small pillow with a quote from Peter Pan that I felt carried emotional resonance. I'm happy she seemed to like it.

Tuesday: Ben and I finished watching the first Evangelion rebuild. Shawn more came over Tuesday I think. We went to Good Times. Played some commander.

[mrsvioletshepard]

Journal 19

Wow, I think I'm over Terri. She's back with Joe I honestly think she did it to piss me off. "We're just friends" please, when it comes to Joe they're not. It's over I mean it's like official now and I'm not sad about it. I feel like it showed me just how much I do love Gabi. I feel like I'm going to stay here and go to OSU with Dylan and be close to Gabi

[kvngxziz]

Journal #19

Yes, I know, its been a long ass time.  I'm inconsistent alright? I have a life and sometimes I'm too damn tired to write.

SO I figured out the reason why I know I am gay:

I like masculinity.  I just enjoy looking at muscles and touching muscles and seeing that and its just so amazing...

I don't like vaginas.  They are gross.  They bleed, they are squishy and wet and gross and that shit is not for me.

I don't really like boobs either.  There just kinda there and they seem useless and squishy and I don't like squishy things...

I like the way they smell. Like... Its just nice.

I like the heat that comes from their bodies.

That is all.

Anyway, I am currently at Harvard and this week has just been a hot ass mess because my laptop stopped working and its been fucking 93 degrees all week so now I'm black as hell and its really making me upset.  I want my damn natural color back...

Also, I think I'm having a relapse and its making me really upset because it took too fucking long for me to get over this shit the first time and I don't have time for this shit to be happening again.... I just, I can't do this...

Another thing that I want to talk about will be talked about tomorrow morning because if I talk about it now, I will be awake all damn night because of how pissed it makes me.

Night guys!