Everything happened tonight, was fucking too much for me to handle.
I'm so stressed and drained in all aspects.
It took me 3 hours to go home. Unusual.
Its of the same time, place and manner. It seems like I did our breakup scene once again. This time, alone.
Home doesn't feel like one. Nothing new, actually.
Scolded and shouted several times. Just because I'm being myself again.
I took a really short nap because I thought sleeping would help me.
But no.
I was awaken by a really loud voice. Shouting. Asking why am I sleeping in the middle of the night. Why do I look terribly tired. What took me so long to go home.
"Tumatambay ka lang naman eh! Di ka talaga pumapasok!"
But I'm not affected at all.
A little maybe. But I'm used to it.
Since, they said I'm just slacking off. I prepared myself to do, the things that must be done, to only find out I lost everything.
EVERYTHING. ALL. NOTHING LEFT.
I comforted myself.
"Kaya yan. Makakahanap ka ulit ng kopya nyan."
So I checked everything.
At least I've got copies of some. There's just a little more to mend.
Then I saw him liked my post.
Then he liked her post. With their picture together.
And again, scenes play in my mind endlessly.
Then I saw him post.
No feelings at all. Yeah.
Tonight, I realized some things.
1. All my efforts are not appreciated, then considered wasted.
2. I'm everybody's temporary girl. When people got bored of me and my identity. They will throw me away.
3. Being me. Is a sin.
4. I'm not really the "strong independent woman" I always think I am.
5. I hide. My defense mechanism is my own façade.
There you go.
Sad.
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