#journal23

[velvetboyette]

ALSO Ghost trick SO FUCKING GOOD UNGH im at the prison escape sequence and 😍😍😍yes pls.

Love bitch who's always dead next time I see her lmao

Also so many dancing characters this mf and that Gay coded guard lmao too wild

[velvetboyette]

Just had to stop cleaning and take a break bc my music fucked up and i lost momentum lmao

I cant find the right bpm?

[velvetboyette]

WHY DO I BRING OUT THE BEAR IN YOU?

TW child abuse, attempted murder, dark themes

Poem by Aspen Smith , 2023

Mother why do I bring out the bear in you

Go for the throat

Hands

Claws on my neck

Breath in face

Eye contact between me and a stranger

Mother

Go ahead

Kill me

And I

Have never ment something i said to you more

I mean it more than every time i told you i loved combined

Kill me mother

Take me back

Let me to return home where you can not folllow

Release me from my chains

You owe me this

Finish what you began

Take back every gift you oushed inide my trembling hands

Relive me of the responsibility to present as though ever part of me is not broken

Take the life I never asked for and you never showed me how to love

Mother

Why do I bring out the bear in you

When you birth my heart racing like a rabbit

Eyes dancing in my socket

My throat hurts from screaming back

Remove it and see dig your hands in

Find evidence I fought nack with everything I had

"No matter how loud you scream nobody will come"

You taught me this first hand

Mother

Mother

..... Mother

Throw me into the snow

Send me back again

My body compacting ice

My body finally

Cold

I dont have many memories from third person

I dont remeber the cold

I remember how high you got me in the air

Suspended just for the moment

Hoping I wouldnt remeber anything ever again

That I wouldnt

Feel it when I hit the ground

My Blood looks best against the snow

My body will last longest in the cold

Mother

Why do I bring out

The worst in you

When you raised me to be so tolerant

So amniable

Swallow acid with a smile

Take the beating quietly

You taught me well

I always scored great marks

You took it it easy on me and never left marks

Its easy to hide when theres nothing really to see

Like you didnt do anything at all

And I would never say anything because nobody would believe me

When i finally speak

And i say

Mother

Kill me

When you finally have permission

Hands around my throat

Back against the stair well

Snarling in my face like an animal

You come back to reality

And look me in my face familar

Reflection clearer than a mirror

Murderer

Your grip releases

And you are gone just as fast as you were upon me

And I am there now just as I was when you left me all those years ago now

With my back against the stairs

Immersed in the white of the ceiling

Like I never saw anything

Part of me never left

House repossed

Stairs still possed by the part of me

That thought you had the guts to do it

[velvetboyette]

Also I'm playing night in the woods and - I like it but mae is a little? Annoying? I only just started investigating ghosts after Halloween but good lord mae. No spoilers pls im going to finish it but I hope mae gets some character development! I'm sure she will that's like the whole game but sometimes I'm like GOD GIRL WHAT R U SAYING STOPP

[velvetboyette]

I have so much trouble making a character that isnt me but buff and who is gods specialest boy

[velvetboyette]

The anxiety that angelica asmr thing is giving me - like I cannot.imagine how bad she's suffering rn - like true fear for her life watching that

[velvetboyette]

Nimoma’s ptsd scene had me really crying like really really crying

This movie is everything to me

[velvetboyette]

My sister locked her bedroom door and now her fucking smoke detector is dying behind the door

Apparently it started dying this morning but it stopped beeping so she ignored it locked the door and left

She literally is so convinced she's smart but continues to be dumb as shit I don't understand